My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,

[xboxisdead]

JazakAllah brother, hope Allah swt makes it easy for you too, in either of our cases, it could have been worse, its just im struggling to come to terms with this ongoing oppression, when does this end?... the child maintenance payments, the uncertainty to whether i will always see my kid on time. whether i will receive something better than what i have lost from this marriage. I need to just go to Makkah and cry for help, maybe my prayers will be answered then..... I only hope for a little light at the end of the tunnel now, then at least that'll be something.

To survive these struggles sometimes i have to just go into a introvert mode and just stay quiet and shut myself off from this world. Then that isnt healthy either.

Love to get remarried to somone with a caring character, that itself is another challenge alone, where to find, who do you trust? and how many rejections can we actually handle.

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there is no positive side right now, theres only negative, she holds all the cards
what kind of life would that be anwyay xboxisdead, living everyday knowing you got a daughter living breathing growing up somewhere while you struggle and the mother has had a upper hand the whole time. All this evil doesnt happen without Allah's will. its like theres no right answer apart from "be patient", the same as the expression 'how long is a piece of string....?'

just remember us in your prayers bro. whatever calamity awaits me, just have to take it.

You need to stop looking at things from right in front of your face dunaya perspective for a second. Let me ask you a question, suppose for a split second all this didn't happen. You have a sane good wife and you hold your daughter with your bare hands now and you form some bound together, right? Grreeeat...suppose your wife doesn't nag you (almost impossible), doesn't attempt to take your throne so she leads instead, she is actually a good, chaste woman that the Qura'an talks about. You tried your best to raise your daughter but eventually dunaya toke her from your hands, not the ex-wife, but dunaya toke her from your hands and you fear your environment now is unsafe to continue your religion...you have to pack your bags and leave to protect your afterlife....you tell your wife we must go...but her love and attachment to her daughter is stronger than her love for akhira she wants to stay. She say convincing things about how we as parents must stick together to save our daughter, Allah will question us for our deeeds, we cannot leave our daughter her alone by herself, etc. You love your wife also as much as your daughter. But you know that what she is saying is commendable however it is not possible....if you stay in this evil place you know you will lose the afterlife and there is no returning back, your wife does not want to go...even if she will lose her afterlife, your daughter already lost hers. What will you do? Stay? Or save your skin? I would save my skin. I would pack my bags, ride that airplane and go to a mountain far away from evil where my religion is protected. Because my love...my supreme love to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) should supersede my love to my mother, father, brother, sister, wife, daughter, son, grandmother, ....materialistic objects, etc.

Would you do the same yourself? You need to ponder and ask yourself and look deep into your soul and ask...will you be willing to sacrifice your daughter and family and your loved ones for Allah (Subhanau Wa Talaa)? Would pick your baby girl and put her in front of prophet (peace be upon him) as the snake lounges to his chest as a sacrifice to your love for the prophet (peace be upon him) if he was still alive? Or sacrifice yourself?

Ask these questions yourself. What does this have to do with this scenario? Simple, Allah is testing you with a difficult trail. But he knows this is not beyond your limits, you need to return back to him and remember the verse in the Qura'an that tells people if you love something it could be evil for you and you hate something it could be good for you. He wants something better for you than this world. Maybe if this didn't happen, you will sacrifice your afterlife for your daughter and wife. Maybe your wife will be a controlling psychopath and your daughter will follow her mom's footstep and you have two women whom you cannot control and you have to..."bring peace in this house".....so you become a "cuckold" which means you need to do the ..."leave to the mountain" road so you protect yourself and you are too weak to do that. Your afraid in future she will take half or more of your wealth, she will say like she did now, "you raped her, you did this to her" and your daughter might "join forces with the mother" and you may end up in prison. Ever thought..that could happen? I need you to look at things from..beyond your eyes..from the eagle eyes...there are wisdom as to why Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) have put you in this situation.

Take my advice..do the recording, show your daughter you love her, show her you are the supreme ultra dad but her mother prevented you from achieving bond with her. When she reaches adult show her the proof and form bound that way. Remember in Islam, custody goes to the mother anyways and you do visitation once a week or twice a week to contact your daughter then you go home and she return back to her mother...in this case however, she doesn't mind jumping to the pit of hellfire by doing something haraam which is cutting ties. Put it in your head..the majority of women are in hellfire...they need to do something to earn the ticket to go through..your ex-wife is part of those people who bought a ticket to hellfire..unfortunately you married that person without knowing. Take this as form of sin cleansing and elevate you to the highest level of Jannah. Put your trust on Allah alone. He plans everything and you are just his slave.

 

[xboxisdead]

there is no positive side right now, theres only negative, she holds all the cards

That is an enormous misconception men and women make all the time. We think she is hold all the cards, she is holding stone from fire that came from hellfire. She is putting in her stomach coal from hellfire. Anyone who do, they are holding hellfire food and they are chewing it and eating into their belly. Your wife does not fear Allah, or even believe of afterlife. You may have married a hypocrite and do you seriously expect any good from such evil heart?

 

[Imraan]

Had my final hearing today. They had a barrister (instead of their usual solicitor) who stooped to some low levels and against his work ethics. The barrister made even more requests to put me at disadvantage, however my faith in the judges and social worker today paid off, they both were able to maintain a fair stance at most of the unfair requests coming from this barrister. However unfortunately due to slow processing and procedural delays etc we couldn't finish it today given that we had a whole day.

Anyway the magistrates made a decision but didn't have enough time to finalise it. I'm back there next week to hear the final decision and to pick up a final order. I will soon meet my daughter insh Allah. Hopefully the final order is in my favour in the long term, otherwise il be back there again requesting changes in a new application and have to go up against who ever they bring with them to represent them. The mothers side have so much money so they can hire these hot shot legal counsellors, all I have is my faith and my will power.

I want to thank everyone for their dua's thus far. Still I pray things get easier for me and my daughter, hope you all will do too.

 

[xboxisdead]

Had my final hearing today. They had a barrister (instead of their usual solicitor) who stooped to some low levels and against his work ethics. The barrister made even more requests to put me at disadvantage, however my faith in the judges and social worker today paid off, they both were able to maintain a fair stance at most of the unfair requests coming from this barrister. However unfortunately due to slow processing and procedural delays etc we couldn't finish it today given that we had a whole day.

Anyway the magistrates made a decision but didn't have enough time to finalise it. I'm back there next week to hear the final decision and to pick up a final order. I will soon meet my daughter insh Allah. Hopefully the final order is in my favour in the long term, otherwise il be back there again requesting changes in a new application and have to go up against who ever they bring with them to represent them. The mothers side have so much money so they can hire these hot shot legal counsellors, all I have is my faith and my will power.

I want to thank everyone for their dua's thus far. Still I pray things get easier for me and my daughter, hope you all will do too.

May Allah make it easy for you and have a good bound with your daughter. Remember and make sure your heart is 100% for the afterlife and not for this world...then this world and it's issues become insignificant and irrelevant

 

[Ahmed.]

InshAllah everything will turn out in your favour. Allah will help you I am sure

 

[Imraan]

Assalam Walaikum brothers and sisters,

Hmm, the court order has been issued, not everything i wanted but its a start and the whole court thing has been a 10 month journey. i will get to see my kid before the end of next month and a plan is set out for the next 2 years by order of the court.

whilst this is a positive note, i also have a negative.

my nieces car was set on fire one week ago, we knew it was arson we just didnt know who. the night before the final hearing, some of my relatives houses are called from a withheld number by a bengali lady, where they bad mouthed my family really badly and also claimed credit for the arson attack and ended the call saying something along the lines of "there's more to come". i suspect it is the ex as we don't have any other enemies and given the timing that a court case is in progress and about to finish. Police have been notified but there's only so much they can do. without any proof we cant really say its the ex. unseen evil forces is even more frustrating because you don't know from where or when it will come next.

just when i thought i was making progress i'm slapped with other issues.

what else is round the corner, its times like these i wish i had might, however whats the point of having might if you are a law abiding citizen?.

i think about what myself and my family are now going through, the oppression, difficulties and terror and then i think about the people in the war zones i.e. Palestine, Syria etc. their oppression and terror is amplified and continuous and for some since the beginning of their life, they pray do they not?, when does it end for them if it ends?, and if it doesn't end for them, what chances are it ending for me?

i used to think people who do bad things get their just desserts eventually, now im thinking bad people prosper in this world only it enables them to continue to do bad things without any consequences...

very hard living a life, working, sustaining a house, whilst worrying about close ones and any threats and potential trauma... the thought of my poor niece suffering at the hands of my ex saddens me deeply.

 

[xboxisdead]

Assalam Walaikum brothers and sisters,

Hmm, the court order has been issued, not everything i wanted but its a start and the whole court thing has been a 10 month journey. i will get to see my kid before the end of next month and a plan is set out for the next 2 years by order of the court.

whilst this is a positive note, i also have a negative.

my nieces car was set on fire one week ago, we knew it was arson we just didnt know who. the night before the final hearing, some of my relatives houses are called from a withheld number by a bengali lady, where they bad mouthed my family really badly and also claimed credit for the arson attack and ended the call saying something along the lines of "there's more to come". i suspect it is the ex as we don't have any other enemies and given the timing that a court case is in progress and about to finish. Police have been notified but there's only so much they can do. without any proof we cant really say its the ex. unseen evil forces is even more frustrating because you don't know from where or when it will come next.

just when i thought i was making progress i'm slapped with other issues.

what else is round the corner, its times like these i wish i had might, however whats the point of having might if you are a law abiding citizen?.

i think about what myself and my family are now going through, the oppression, difficulties and terror and then i think about the people in the war zones i.e. Palestine, Syria etc. their oppression and terror is amplified and continuous and for some since the beginning of their life, they pray do they not?, when does it end for them if it ends?, and if it doesn't end for them, what chances are it ending for me?

i used to think people who do bad things get their just desserts eventually, now im thinking bad people prosper in this world only it enables them to continue to do bad things without any consequences...

very hard living a life, working, sustaining a house, whilst worrying about close ones and any threats and potential trauma... the thought of my poor niece suffering at the hands of my ex saddens me deeply.

What you said in bold black not only confirms it but proofs for the people who disbelieve that Allah is real and Allah is watching and Allah is all knowing. If you read the ahadeeth and you read at the minor signs of Qiyama, the end of time ...there is a part there you read but I want to read it again and ponder on it....who leaves the world and who remains in this world?


...
...
...

That is right!! ALL THE MUSLIMS AND PEOPLE WITH LESS THAN AN ATOM OF IMAAN in their hearts/good THOSE LEAVE THIS WORLD and who remain on the Earth? That is right...THE WORST OF ALL CREATIONS EVER...THOSE who live in this world. Not only do they live in this world...they eat the most delicious food, fornicate like animals, listen to music, dance, party, sing, HAVE GREAT POWER, intelligence, wealth, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ..live like animals......and worse...THOSE who have the best of health and mind and live happily ever after in this world....UNTIL of course Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) destroys them. Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) is giving them false happiness and false illusion and hope.......

Yes...this is Dunaya.....the love of Dunaya means you are an evil person...simple put. You need to put love of akhira, strive in Dunaya, yes, not saying not too...but your love should be for the afterlife. Your ex have her heart for Dunaya, she only sees what is in front of her...she cannot see beyond that and the system plant seed into heart to confirm she is right and you are wrong. The system is designed to destroy family, remove fathers from homes and cause social problems and women...sadly are the majority of this contribution to the evil system. Not saying all, but saying majority and only the women who really fear Allah and believe in the afterlife and unseen are the ones who will not fall pray into the system. But women of weak character, weak faith, weak ikhlas, evil in their hearts are the ones who fall pray to the evil system and manipulate it for their own good. They will bring convincing arguments to justify their actions too!!

Brother...put your faith in Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) whatever happens to you is a test...don't despair. Keep fighting. But should you lose the battle it is for your good and not for your bad. Don't let this become a toxic to your vein, don't let it effect your health and heart...follow my advise should you lose the battle. Do it for Allah's pleasure over anything else...even over yourself desires and interest.

Here is something i need you to be careful....never..ever fight for full custody....beside it being against Islam and against Allah's law...he decreed that women have full custody of children not men...beside that major important factor....if you win for full custody 99% of the cases the mother WILL KILL YOUR CHILD SO NOT TO LET YOU HAVE THE CHILD.......I mean it....99% of the time the mother WILL KILL YOUR CHILD AND SHOW video of her killing the child to you...TO HURT you.

For the protection of your daughter DO NOT FIGHT FOR FULL CUSTODY......fight for visitation right and right to see and raise the child.

 

[Studentofdeed]

Brother I'm so sorry and upset to hear about this. This is just ridiculous. Even in islam divorce is worst case scenario but when it does it occur, they say release your spouse with kindness and ease. This women has no fear of Allah? It disgusts me...Make allah reward you for your patience. All I can say is say the same dua ibrahim said. For allah loves you and is with you. Allah is with the oppressed and his indeed with you brother. Say hasbiallah wanemal wakil

 

[Imraan]

You know people say whatever bad anyone does to you, you gain lots of reward for the hereafter, your sins are expiated etc etc.

Here I am facing potential arson attacks, terrorism and threats from my ex or her family. We are told to exercise patience. But by not acting or retaliating Doesnt that make me come across as weak? Surely we were not told to wait with our hands behind our backs. Anyway the least I could do was report it to the authorities.

I think I need to do more but I csnt without breaking the law

 

[xboxisdead]

You know people say whatever bad anyone does to you, you gain lots of reward for the hereafter, your sins are expiated etc etc.

Here I am facing potential arson attacks, terrorism and threats from my ex or her family. We are told to exercise patience. But by not acting or retaliating Doesnt that make me come across as weak? Surely we were not told to wait with our hands behind our backs. Anyway the least I could do was report it to the authorities.

I think I need to do more but I csnt without breaking the law

Man is created weak. We human beings are weak. Allah is with the weak and the oppressed. You my friend follow the two criteria, so put your trust 100% on him! Let her be superior over you and let her fluck her feathers, let her contradict the Qura'an and Allah's law, she is the one who is losing not you. Even if she comes out winner in this world.

Exercise patience brother, exercise patience.

 

[Studentofdeed]

Honestly brother, if you want it to stop or want justice, make dua against her and them. Let Allah sort it out. His justice is more stronger than whatever small minded revenge we can think of. It may take time but inshallah it will be worth it. A day will come where you will be victorious . No you are not weak st all. A strong man isnt someone who can break bones or destroy others but a strong one is someone who drinks his anger and resists

 

[Imraan]

Been praying to be free from this oppression for quite some time now. It's only a matter of time and a question of when, a question I ask Allah everyday. Il never give up the prayer and will never understand people that are persistent in making life difficult for others now.

So all this time it was me seeking justice in the courts. Now I'm seeking justice in both via the court and in the world. A very pessimistic view and I fear that my patience may soon run out. May Allah swt guide us all.

 

['Abdullah]

Been praying to be free from this oppression for quite some time now. It's only a matter of time and a question of when, a question I ask Allah everyday. Il never give up the prayer and will never understand people that are persistent in making life difficult for others now.

So all this time it was me seeking justice in the courts. Now I'm seeking justice in both via the court and in the world. A very pessimistic view and I fear that my patience may soon run out. May Allah swt guide us all.

Assalam O Alaikum Brother,

Keep your trust in Allah and know that He knows what is best for you. Sometime our prayers are answered and we do get reward for patience in this world and sometimes our prayers are not answered and we don't get any reward of good deeds in our life either. Sometimes bad people live a very good life and don't suffer in this worldly life even after all the bad things they do to other human beings. But that does not mean we loose hope and faith in Allah. As I said earlier that put your trust in Allah that He knows what is best for you and just be content with whatever happens.

Look at the life of prophets. Do you think Prophet Noah PBUH never made dua for his son and his wife? He surely did but Allah did not accept it. Did Prophet Noah questioned Allah? No, I knew it was best for him to be happy with what Allah has decreed for him. Prophet Muhammad PBUH would have prayed days and night for his uncles Abu Talib and Abu Lahab to accept Islam but Allah had other plans. Point I am trying to make is that don't expect that because you are praying all prayers, your enemy will be humiliated. May be this is your test. Keep your patience and faith in Allah and don't put any condition to it. Faith and love should be un-conditional. You may not get the decision in your favor and you may not see people who wronged you being punished in their life. Remember that this world is temporary and it is better if our prayers and all good deeds are rewarded in Hereafter which is a permanent abode. May Allah keep you steadfast and reward you for your patience in both worlds.

I have not read your entire story but even if my wife has wronged me and asked for divorce, I would have given her custody of my children. Why? Because Islam teaches us to be kind when we get divorced or give divorce to our spouses. It will be a war of ego now to see who wins and who looses. But you can still turn this around and call your ex-wife. Give her custody of your kid for the sake of Allah and trust me this will give you pleasure you can't imagine. This is just my personal opinion and I probably would have done this without any second thought. Again I am sorry that I don't know your situation and leave it up to you to decide what's best for you. In either case, keep your hope, love and faith unconditional. Love and worship Allah because He is the only one who deserved to be loved and worshipped.

W/Salam

 

[xboxisdead]

Assalam O Alaikum Brother,

Keep your trust in Allah and know that He knows what is best for you. Sometime our prayers are answered and we do get reward for patience in this world and sometimes our prayers are not answered and we don't get any reward of good deeds in our life either. Sometimes bad people live a very good life and don't suffer in this worldly life even after all the bad things they do to other human beings. But that does not mean we loose hope and faith in Allah. As I said earlier that put your trust in
Allah that He knows what is best for you and just be content with whatever happens.
Look at the life of prophets. Do you think Prophet Noah PBUH never made dua for his son and his wife? He surely did but Allah did not accept it. Did Prophet Noah questioned Allah? No, I knew it was best for him to be happy with what Allah has decreed for him. Prophet Muhammad PBUH would have prayed days and night for his uncles Abu Talib and Abu Lahab to accept Islam but Allah had other plans. Point I am trying to make is that don't expect that because you are praying all prayers, your enemy will be humiliated. May be this is your test. Keep your patience and faith in Allah and don't put any condition to it. Faith and love should be un-conditional. You may not get the decision in your favor and you may not see people who wronged you being punished in their life. Remember that this world is temporary and it is better if our prayers and all good deeds are rewarded in Hereafter which is a permanent abode. May Allah keep you steadfast and reward you for your patience in both worlds.

I have not read your entire story but even if my wife has wronged me and asked for divorce, I would have given her custody of my children. Why? Because Islam teaches us to be kind when we get divorced or give divorce to our spouses. It will be a war of ego now to see who wins and who looses. But you can still turn this around and call your ex-wife. Give her custody of your kid for the sake of Allah and trust me this will give you pleasure you can't imagine. This is just my personal opinion and I probably would have done this without any second thought. Again I am sorry that I don't know your situation and leave it up to you to decide what's best for you. In either case, keep your hope, love and faith unconditional. Love and worship Allah because He is the only one who deserved to be loved and worshipped.

W/Salam

Sir, you act like you had choice on this matter @_@ Custody is the RIGHT OF THE MOTHER by Allah's law. It is not like you are doing her a favor or coming out a hero or good guy on this subject. One of the gender differences that Allah decreed that favored one over the other is that female have custodial rights of children. In Islam..IT IS THE RIGHT of the mother to have custody of the children..not a favor by the father to the mother...It is her right because she is a mother, she is a woman...much like Islam decreed men get more wealth than women, just because he is born a male. Just like Allah decreed that the wife obeys the husband if he is of sound mind, again because he is a male and he is head of the household. Islam is showing us gender roles and gender difference right in front of your face...NOT HIDING it or been political correct. ALLAH is clearly teaching you...THAT MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT THE SAME with all the difference rulings.

The second you remove this boundaries and difference and have women have equal to men in terms of wealth distribution and gender role, the second you have the Western world right in front of you...and as you can see this society is entering into fire and destruction and this you cannot deny.

Sorry for this ramble....but when you said you WOULD give her custody (as if you have a choice) because you want to be nice...I am sorry that made me go :heated: You should have said I would hand the child to the mother because Allah decreed it and it is for the benefit of mankind and that I am a poor slave, weak and ignorant and I do not know what Allah knows and I submit and obey! Then that would made me go ;D instead.

 

['Abdullah]

In Islam if the mother (who is the first choice for custody over minor children) remarries then her right of custody is thereafter passed on to her mother, children's maternal grandmother then to her mother in-law then to the husband. Anyways thanks for correcting my words. I meant exactly what you said. I hope that makes you go ​

 

[Imraan]

If only everybody was on the same page. I have to deal with an ex and her family who are hell bent on oppressing me and my family with their inhumane acts. I knew islam gives mothers more rights over children, even the courts and social work give more rights to the mother so what's the point in fighting that argument or battle us fathers are going to lose anyway, shame the court cant deal with evil people who take their privileges for granted, there is no justice, it's not fair but we still have to be the chumps and live with it.

 

[xboxisdead]

If only everybody was on the same page. I have to deal with an ex and her family who are hell bent on oppressing me and my family with their inhumane acts. I knew islam gives mothers more rights over children, even the courts and social work give more rights to the mother so what's the point in fighting that argument or battle us fathers are going to lose anyway, shame the court cant deal with evil people who take their privileges for granted, there is no justice, it's not fair but we still have to be the chumps and live with it.

Fathers only rents their children and he only have access to them during marriage. Ones the marriage contract is over the rent is over. The father have no right directly to raise the children and can only raise them through the mother (and that can only work only if the wife gives the husband his right by obeying him). So once marriage is over that link to your children is done and now raising the children is exclusive on the mother. Meaning only she will be accounted for the children outcome in the afterlife (after all...how could you be accounted when you have no right? That will be unjust and Allah is NOT UNJUST...Allah is JUST), your obligation only is exclusive is financial even if you could raise your daughter better than her mother. My recommendation is do what I told you to do above and save your skin in the afterlife.

If you really need to build family it have to be outside British, USA, Canada, Australia and any feminist country or any country that believe in gender equality and give women right for divorce and equal treatment as a man....If you live in such a country then don't build a family in it. It will never be successful. Only marry a woman who believe in gender difference, that man and woman are not the same and are NOT EQUAL and don't get equal treatment or punishment and on top of it..believe that no woman should have the right to divorce the husband and only the husband have the right to divorce her. If you found a woman who believe this and fears Allah and understand the husband's right and take the warning that Allah have put on the woman about cutting ties between father and children then that woman is for you to marry and build a family. if she wears head scarf but wear the tightest pants and leave nothing to the imagination (much like what I saw today) those are the woman you need to avoid like the plaque. Once you find that saleh woman...(move on) build your new home and build your new family and make new children with that woman. Allahu Allam...maybe this is the healing process you need. Your daughter have her mother now! She may end up JUST LIKE THE MOTHER and she may hurt men much like your ex have hurt you. How do you know that she will grow up to be good person?

Statistics have shown that children raised by single mothers with no input from the biological father end up screwed up, both boys and girls. Your daughter living in this Western world, with a single mother and a society who literally worship woman...you may have lost her already without you knowing it. She maybe a baby and she may have your blood in her veins, but in the end...when she grows older in such a toxic atmosphere...I am afraid she does not belong to you.

Don't feel bad..yesterday I talked to a poor man, he have prostate cancer, two broken knee joint that will never heal and problem with his heart. He have three sons and a daughter. He is from philistine. He is not well educated (nor his wife), he came to Canada only shortly, right after he came to Canada, his wife called the police on him for domestic violence, kicked him out of his home....toke the money from him that he gets from the government, disability money, prevents him from seeing his children and he now lives in an apartment unable to pay rent and cannot return back home. She figured the government will give her more money than her husband would and she is free from all obligations to her husband and she can raise the children the way she wants. She also did false allegation about his treatment to his children and the family is broken. And that is suppose to be a Muslim woman. Now he doesn't know what to do. Your situation is no different than millions of men who go through what you have went through.

 

['Abdullah]

If only everybody was on the same page. I have to deal with an ex and her family who are hell bent on oppressing me and my family with their inhumane acts. I knew islam gives mothers more rights over children, even the courts and social work give more rights to the mother so what's the point in fighting that argument or battle us fathers are going to lose anyway, shame the court cant deal with evil people who take their privileges for granted, there is no justice, it's not fair but we still have to be the chumps and live with it.

I understand your situation but do you think if you get the custody of your daugter, you can give her the love of her mother? Are you not taking away the right of your own daughter by taking her away from her mother?

When your daughter grows up, she may side with her mother as its natural and consider you as the one who oppressed her mother. ​

Her mother may have been evil to you but she is a mother and will do what is best for her daughter. If you get married then this daughter could be a source of contention between you and your new wife and you may end up divorcing another woman or treat your daughter unjustly. You can't work and raise your daughter at the same time and will depend constantly on someone else to raise your daughter.

Just obey what Allah has decreed for us and inshallah you will find its reward both in this world and hereafter. Let go the egos, be kind to your ex and to your daughter and leave your matters with Allah.

Sorry if anything I said hurt you and your feelings. I know it is very sensitive topic for you and I am sincerely advising you as a brother and hope the best for you and your family.

 

[Imraan]

I understand your situation but do you think if you get the custody of your daugter, you can give her the love of her mother? Are you not taking away the right of your own daughter by taking her away from her mother?

When your daughter grows up, she may side with her mother as its natural and consider you as the one who oppressed her mother. ​

Her mother may have been evil to you but she is a mother and will do what is best for her daughter. If you get married then this daughter could be a source of contention between you and your new wife and you may end up divorcing another woman or treat your daughter unjustly. You can't work and raise your daughter at the same time and will depend constantly on someone else to raise your daughter.

Just obey what Allah has decreed for us and inshallah you will find its reward both in this world and hereafter. Let go the egos, be kind to your ex and to your daughter and leave your matters with Allah.

Sorry if anything I said hurt you and your feelings. I know it is very sensitive topic for you and I am sincerely advising you as a brother and hope the best for you and your family.

Jazak Allah for your prayers. Let us hope that there comes a stop to even the basic non excusable rights from being violated.

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Fathers only rents their children and he only have access to them during marriage. Ones the marriage contract is over the rent is over. The father have no right directly to raise the children and can only raise them through the mother (and that can only work only if the wife gives the husband his right by obeying him). So once marriage is over that link to your children is done and now raising the children is exclusive on the mother. Meaning only she will be accounted for the children outcome in the afterlife (after all...how could you be accounted when you have no right? That will be unjust and Allah is NOT UNJUST...Allah is JUST), your obligation only is exclusive is financial even if you could raise your daughter better than her mother. My recommendation is do what I told you to do above and save your skin in the afterlife.

If you really need to build family it have to be outside British, USA, Canada, Australia and any feminist country or any country that believe in gender equality and give women right for divorce and equal treatment as a man....If you live in such a country then don't build a family in it. It will never be successful. Only marry a woman who believe in gender difference, that man and woman are not the same and are NOT EQUAL and don't get equal treatment or punishment and on top of it..believe that no woman should have the right to divorce the husband and only the husband have the right to divorce her. If you found a woman who believe this and fears Allah and understand the husband's right and take the warning that Allah have put on the woman about cutting ties between father and children then that woman is for you to marry and build a family. if she wears head scarf but wear the tightest pants and leave nothing to the imagination (much like what I saw today) those are the woman you need to avoid like the plaque. Once you find that saleh woman...(move on) build your new home and build your new family and make new children with that woman. Allahu Allam...maybe this is the healing process you need. Your daughter have her mother now! She may end up JUST LIKE THE MOTHER and she may hurt men much like your ex have hurt you. How do you know that she will grow up to be good person?

Statistics have shown that children raised by single mothers with no input from the biological father end up screwed up, both boys and girls. Your daughter living in this Western world, with a single mother and a society who literally worship woman...you may have lost her already without you knowing it. She maybe a baby and she may have your blood in her veins, but in the end...when she grows older in such a toxic atmosphere...I am afraid she does not belong to you.

Don't feel bad..yesterday I talked to a poor man, he have prostate cancer, two broken knee joint that will never heal and problem with his heart. He have three sons and a daughter. He is from philistine. He is not well educated (nor his wife), he came to Canada only shortly, right after he came to Canada, his wife called the police on him for domestic violence, kicked him out of his home....toke the money from him that he gets from the government, disability money, prevents him from seeing his children and he now lives in an apartment unable to pay rent and cannot return back home. She figured the government will give her more money than her husband would and she is free from all obligations to her husband and she can raise the children the way she wants. She also did false allegation about his treatment to his children and the family is broken. And that is suppose to be a Muslim woman. Now he doesn't know what to do. Your situation is no different than millions of men who go through what you have went through.

Off course. I could have been in a position far worse than the one I am now. Still I pray everyday and I feel I am sinking to the bottom of the ocean.... this despair is hard to get rid of. Its latched on to me, not a day goes by I dont think about it. But I'm sorry I cant just forget a little innocent girl just like that, shes still a little toddler.. innocent soul who doesnt even know what is going on..... I think I'm more worried how I will be accountable in the hereafter if I do give up on her. So many fathers have given up and just abandoned their kids. U till I have no choice i have to keep trying I think... the more I try the more I get beat down is the way I'm feeling. Still I feel I must perservere for Allahs sake..

 

[Studentofdeed]

Brother do worry, know that you have done all you can and make dua. Do not worry and make dua for allah knows best. Allah can guide even the ignorant amongst the ignorant. Specific case I give you is the story of Salman Al Farai RA. He was a Persian and his family was fire worshipers. Allah guided him all his life to finally accept islam. Allah guides those who have good in them...so many nonmuslims in nonmuslim countries become Muslim...so have hope and make dua that allah guides her. At the end of the day , you did all you could and save yourself. May Allah make it easy for you brother