My wife don't want to wear the hijab. Divorce?

[talibilm]

I've read fatwas on this we should marry a Muslim over a kafir if we have the option but we are allowed but men are allowed to marry kafirs I would just consider it mukrooh and also a sheikh I was listening to on a podcast and also I just looked it up and according to this website https://www.thoughtco.com/prophet-nuh-noah-in-islam-2004537 his wife was also a disbeliever and also most prophets had wives many of them will come to allah with no followers so that means there wife if they had one was a desbliever

Thanks for your ref but its not a fatwa but a history whose citation or proof is not given from hadith or Noble Quran , but Its a misunderstanding imo . it says they were disbelievers and were destroyed. Its not a proof they lived together after Noah AS had received prophethood as many Prophet may have received Prophethood after they had married already . As per the Noble Quran (the last law which Muslims ought to follow unless you do not find any ref even from sahabas, Tabieens to our issue we can refer the earlier prophets histories ) once you know your spouse is a kafir the marriage itself becomes void imo. Prophet :saws: took divorce of one of his daughter whose husband did not revert to Islam.

The Noble Quran is clear cut not to Marry a Kafir ie an idolator . If you are talking about Kafir in the sense of People of the Book like Jews , Christians ( & may be followers of Zoraster or Magians Whom Umar RA classified them as People of the Book ) there are allowances as in this fatwa https://islamqa.info/en/21380

But IMO its best to marry a Pious Muslim or a Revert who enters Islam will fully FOR ISLAM & FOR HER ALLAH , since they are one who will make your happy family with understanding the value of her husband and the necessity to follow Islam.

 

[Muslim89]

Thank you all for the understanding and nice support. May Allah s.w.t forgive all your sins in this beautiful month of the Ramadan. I will check the videos in sha Allah. Please make some dua for my marriage.

 

[piXie]

There seems to be a lot of emotional and judgemental comments on this thread, plus assumptions based upon individual experiences.

The Husband has a genuine concern and is worried about his responsibilities as the head of the home. This is a matter relating directly to the deen and therefore, he needs to see his situation and how he can handle it. If the husband wishes to keep trying and remain patient with his wife, then this is his choice. If he feels that he has tried enough & cannot be patient any longer and prefers to divorce her and find someone who is on a similar level to him, then this is also his choice. He knows his situation and what he can/can't handle. Both husband and wife need to understand the importance of obedience to Allaah. Our relationships are protected and blessed when we obey the commandments of Allaah; whereas when we don't, then we bring upon ourselves difficulties, and calamities and a decrease in our blessings . May Allah guide and help them both. Aameen.

To the OP, regarding your responsibility towards protecting yourself & your spouse from the hell-fire, the following may help ;

Praise be to Allaah.

Strong faith must have effects which can be seen in a person's appearance and conduct. If a person persists in sin, this is a sign of weak faith.

What you have to do is try to plant the seeds of faith in her heart and help it to grow strong. What is meant by that is the kind of faith that will motivate a person to behave in accordance with the sharee’ah. Then try to instill in her a love of the hijaab and of righteous deeds, such as explaining the benefits of hijaab and how good it is, and giving her books and audio tapes, if these are available, which speak about that. One of the most important means which will help to achieve this is to put her in touch – in an indirect manner – with righteous women who wear the hijaab and try to have frequent family gatherings with righteous relatives.

If you do this, you will have tried various means of convincing her. Then you will have to oblige her in an appropriate fashion and not allow her to go out to public places without hijaab. (It is important to explain to your daughter that hijaab is obligatory and tell her about Allaah’s ruling on hijaab, even if she realizes that her mother is falling short. You have to explain it to her at a level that she can understand so that she will see that there is a difference between the rulings of sharee’ah and the way her mother is behaving. Who knows – perhaps she will advise her mother, in the moving and innocent manner of children – to wear hijaab).

With regard to the second question, there is no doubt that fathers are responsible if their wives and daughters do not wear hijaab and do not adhere to the rulings of sharee’ah, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones” [al-Tahreem 66:6]

And as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock… the man is a shepherd over the members of his household and is responsible for his flock…”

But if a person does all that he can and strives his utmost, but does not achieve any results, Allaah will excuse him and will not punish him; on the contrary, He will reward him for his efforts, and Allaah does not cause the reward for any good deed to be lost.

 

[Muslim89]

There seems to be a lot of emotional and judgemental comments on this thread. The Husband has a genuine concern and is worried about his responsibilities as the head of the home. This is a matter relating directly to the deen and therefore, he needs to see his situation and how he can handle it. If the husband wishes to keep trying and remain patient with his wife, then this is his choice. If he feels that he has tried enough & cannot be patient any longer and prefers to divorce her and find someone who is on a similar level to him, then this is also his choice. He knows his situation and what he can/can't handle. Both husband and wife need to understand the importance of obedience to Allaah. Our relationships are protected and blessed when we obey the commandments of Allaah; whereas when we don't, then we bring upon ourselves difficulties, and calamities and a decrease in our blessings . May Allah guide and help them both. Aameen.

To the OP, regarding your responsibility towards protecting yourself & your spouse from the hell-fire, the following may help ;

I cannot thank you enough for understanding my point of view. Thank you for your clear answer. Like i said before i am just worried about myself. But of course i try my best to make her a good muslim.

 

[piXie]

I cannot thank you enough for understanding my point of view. Thank you for your clear answer. Like i said before i am just worried about myself.But of course i try my best to make her a good muslim.

Brother, so long as the husband continues working towards helping his wife's Emaan, praying for her and enjoins the right and forbids the wrong understanding it's conditions, then he will not be held accountable if the wife still does not listen. Some husbands still prefer to remain married to their wives and keep trying because they cannot leave them. Others leave because they are not able to stay in a constant -battle - with - spouse relationship. This depends on the individual and their Eemaan, and Islam does not compel anyone beyond their endurance or capacity. But one should constantly seek guidance from Allaah and check themselves that their approach is correct and wise, and not one that is turning their spouse away. A certain amount of understanding, toleration, and patience is needed too.

 

[Umm♥Layth]

I could say that some Muslims do so. Or do you think that it´s not allowed in Islam to marry with person you love (have feeling of love before marriage, no physical contacts of course)?

Well you see, love takes time to develop. What people develop first and confuse as love is actually lust. True love develops with time as you get to know a person. You HAVE to get to know somebody to develop love, so this would cross lines from an islamic perspective. A couple would have to talk alot by themselves to develop this kind of love. Ask a couple who has been married for 60 years what love means and then ask a young couple who recently married... you'll get very different answers.

People simply don't get "love struck", they become infatuated and full of lust, which is what is needed to start a relationship and this can only be explored freely in marriage. The modern western ideal of love focuses on this phase and this phase only lol. We can marry somebody we appreciate and like, sure, but I wouldn't call it love.

When people marry based on the lusty version of "love", which is what most people do today, it gives the marriage a very shaky foundations. It quickly wears off within a couple of years when the real struggles of marriage begin. That initial attraction ceases and it is normal, but people interpret this as "falling out of love" or "I no longer have feelings for my spouse" or "I don't feel the same way about him/her as I did" and really, it is a transition. In Islam we recognize this, or we are supposed to anyway.

I feel like this post is all over the place.... I hope I made sense lol.

 

[azc]

Dear brothers and sisters,

My wife converted to the Islam 2 years ago and is originally from Peru. Lately I am facing some serious problems with my wife. My wife refuse to wear a hijab, is temperament and is sometimes really stubborn with me. I explained her that wearing hijab is really important in the Islam, she know this also. But she told me that for her is difficult and she will never wear a scarf or hijab. I told her that I want to see her in the paradise and we have to work together to achieve it. But, I cannot do this by myself. Also I told her that I am responsible for her and she need to obey me instead to be stubborn.

My wife she pray her 5 daily prayers and she also doing the Ramadan.

I cannot force my wife to wear the hijab, but I am also tired to repeat and to fight for this. I think my wife will not change her mind set. We still don’t have children, is it for me acceptable to stay in this relationship or do I need to divorce her? Or follow and do this for Allah?

Thank you for advising.

Divorce isn't a good idea. Give her some more time.
Keep patience.

 

[AbdurRahman.]

Brother just be patient for with her no matter how long it may take for her to wear hijab

you married a convert right?, so you should expect that she may have difficulties adjusting fully to this way of life so all the more reason to be patient!

 

[Bobbyflay23]

Thanks for your ref but its not a fatwa but a history whose citation or proof is not given from hadith or Noble Quran , but Its a misunderstanding imo . it says they were disbelievers and were destroyed. Its not a proof they lived together after Noah AS had received prophethood as many Prophet may have received Prophethood after they had married already . As per the Noble Quran (the last law which Muslims ought to follow unless you do not find any ref even from sahabas, Tabieens to our issue we can refer the earlier prophets histories ) once you know your spouse is a kafir the marriage itself becomes void imo. Prophet :saws: took divorce of one of his daughter whose husband did not revert to Islam.

The Noble Quran is clear cut not to Marry a Kafir ie an idolator . If you are talking about Kafir in the sense of People of the Book like Jews , Christians ( & may be followers of Zoraster or Magians Whom Umar RA classified them as People of the Book ) there are allowances as in this fatwa https://islamqa.info/en/21380

But IMO its best to marry a Pious Muslim or a Revert who enters Islam will fully FOR ISLAM & FOR HER ALLAH , since they are one who will make your happy family with understanding the value of her husband and the necessity to follow Islam.

I ment fatwas on man marrying a kuffar not Noah marrying kuffar yes that's definitely not a fatwa but if you go on the internet and look up man marrying non Muslim you'll find those fatwas

 

[Bobbyflay23]

I cannot thank you enough for understanding my point of view. Thank you for your clear answer. Like i said before i am just worried about myself. But of course i try my best to make her a good muslim.

This is a trial for you though for you to give up on her just because she's a new practicing Muslim is failing the test but for you to stay with her and make her a good Muslim and basically give her dawah then you pass the test so hey you may divorce her if that's really how you view it but allah hates divorce and you'd be making Sheyton happy and it's all over a headscarf and for you to stay married to her you'd get good deeds for passing the test

 

[Sakina'141]

Thank you all for the understanding and nice support. May Allah s.w.t forgive all your sins in this beautiful month of the Ramadan. I will check the videos in sha Allah. Please make some dua for my marriage.

dear brother Muslim89,

May Allah swt put right all your affairs and grant you a very beautiful marraige full of increased love and understanding, Ameen.

It's Ramadan, try not to think about divorcing/seperating from you wife right now. Instead spend your time in this Holy month getting closer to Allah with your wife. Some things you can do together that will increase the love & understanding between your wife and you and bring you both closer to Allah swt:

- Pray together: Be the Imam, the leader of the Prayers in your house...you can pray normal daily prayers or taraweeh etc. together.
- Read Quran together - Its beutiful to read Quran together & to teach her how to read the Quran, remember to be patient - correct her gently and read, practice, learn Quran together. Its beautiful to memorise and practice together.
- Read Hadiths/Islamic books together - its beautiful to read, learn and teach your family.
- Take her to the mosque to pray taraweeh and other prayers, it will be good for her to be in the mosque and she can meet some good practising sisters there
- Listen to Islamic lectures/talks/Quran with meaning together - its soothing experience
- Spend time helping her prepare Iftar/suhoor in the kitchen - it can be fun experience!! You don't have to be a masterchief...you can cut the fruits and make the salad which requires no cooking experience...the point is that you spend time with your wife in the kitchen being helpful and enjoying each others company.
- There are many other good you can do together inshaAllah.

Focus on doing some good acts of worship with your wife on regular basis and the natural need to wear hijab will come to her eventually InshaAllah. Don't overburden her with everything at once, take one step at a time, no one is perfect. Little steps over time goes a long way. Hijab will be a natural process that comes with increase in understanding and connection with Allah swt. Help her and yourself to get closer to Allah and it will come and be easy for her to wear it and obey you (as husband) in worshipping/doing good for the sake of Allah swt. :alhamd:

Truly, wish you & your wife the Best of this world and hereafter. May Allah swt grant you and your wife deep understanding and love, Ameen.
May Allah swt guide us in the right path that earns His pleasure always, Ameen.

:jz:

 

[Bhabha]

You knew what you were getting into marrying a South American lady.

She doesn't want to wear the scarf and it's understandable because of where we come from (I'm south American too) and so I can sympathize with her. If you force her or tell her that you will divorce her because she doesn't wear the scarf, you will be turning her away from Islam and causing more harm. For South Americans, women who wear the "scarf" on their heads are older women, widows, grandmothers, etc.. We see the scarf as that kind of representation and for her to wear the scarf is to find herself being part of that.

May I ask your background?

So that I know the differences in culture, since Latin American women might seem temperamental to some cultures.

 

[xa_xa_ft]

Divorce her because she doesnt want to wear a hijab???? didnt you think about this or talk about it before marrying her??


Please dont force religion on her and get counselling on how to support her and give her the love she needs not argue with her because your mindset is different.

Accept her for who she is.

AND PLEASE WHEN DIVORCING HER DONT TIHNK THIS IS SOMETHING ALLAH WILL AGREE WITH BECAUSE MARRIAGE IS COMPROMISE - NOT SHE WONT WEAR HIJAB SO DIVORCE.

THATS like saying oh he lost his job and so cant suport me DIVORCE

:hmm:

 

[STN]

^I agree with sister above.

SubhanAllah, she prays 5 times and fasts on ramadan. If she doesn't wear hijab, act like a human and ask her why. Maybe she feels shy or singled out in which case find a way to remedy that.

Allah is Well-Aware of the conditions of heart so if you want to divorce her because you found some other woman you're interested in, know that it's a big sin and you will be asked for it. No human is perfect and we have to be understanding and you want to divorce over such a small issue as hijab?.

She is not walking naked is she like the Kafir girls? I don't think she will if she prays 5 times.

Go and migrate to a Muslim country where she will not feel weird wearing hijab but will feel weird when NOT wearing hijab. You are a man so this is on you and you will be asked because she's dependent on you, if she can't practice Islam because of the culture there, go and migrate.

Why did you even marry her then if you can't handle one small thing.

Also i know the thread is old but had to reply.

 

[Scimitar]

Even if she slips into those things they are valid reasons for divorce but that's like only if he wants a divorce if he still loves her and she slips into kuffar or shirk he could just stay married to her because as I said even Noah (as) was married to a kuffar but like if he doesn't like his wife and she's doing major things like riba or stealing than he should divorce her so like I mean don't base is by her sins and don't base it by your feelings for her combine it if she's a awful Muslim with a horrible character that hasn't been willing to change and you can't bear her then sure divorce is fine but if it's purley because she sins or it's purley because you don't like her personality you shouldn't divorce her because both of those are things that can change

whoa there hoarsy who made you a scholar? coz you aint!!!

 

[jameelash]

She prays and fast .think of it isnt it a blessing .Dont force her on wearing hijab . Instead give her time . The more u force the more irrtated she willbe. Dont u have religious friends as well as family

Take her to such places .let her bcome close to them.gradually she will understand the beauty of hijab.since she is new muslim forcing will only make her iritate she prays and fast which is more important .covering comes gradually . She believed u and married u . When i got married to a religious man i prayed nd fasted except covering. But he never commented on that .gradually i learned the importance of hijabe nd started covering my head . May Allah grand u and ur wilfe long lasting happiness Aameen

 

['Abd-al Latif]

Dear brothers and sisters,

My wife converted to the Islam 2 years ago and is originally from Peru. Lately I am facing some serious problems with my wife. My wife refuse to wear a hijab, is temperament and is sometimes really stubborn with me. I explained her that wearing hijab is really important in the Islam, she know this also. But she told me that for her is difficult and she will never wear a scarf or hijab. I told her that I want to see her in the paradise and we have to work together to achieve it. But, I cannot do this by myself. Also I told her that I am responsible for her and she need to obey me instead to be stubborn.

My wife she pray her 5 daily prayers and she also doing the Ramadan.

I cannot force my wife to wear the hijab, but I am also tired to repeat and to fight for this. I think my wife will not change her mind set. We still don’t have children, is it for me acceptable to stay in this relationship or do I need to divorce her? Or follow and do this for Allah?

Thank you for advising.

:salamext:

I'm closing this thread because this issue needs to be discussed in a Sharia council. For future reference, you should not ask random people to guide you to such an important decision in your personal life. It's inappropriate.

I will send you a private message about this to discuss some matters that need to remain private.

To all those who participated on this thread: unless you have experience working in a Sharia Council or other related family organisation please refrain from advising others in such a sensitive and personal matter.

:threadclo