Not feeling like marrying here, what to do when family pressure comes?

[Simple_Person]

you know the "what a drag" person?

I love being intellectual, etc. Nothing wrong with that. I don't think much of romance. Atm I feel it is a trap. Not something I think of really. It is just a hindrance in my way. Lol. you see. I am not a heartless person.

Romance is not something one should think of when unmarried. I will just have it come naturally anyway.

Before marriage, all I see is business. lol. you see, she is going to the mother of my children. Can't have a prostitute, or a deviant, or an immoral person, ya know.

I don't like romance, atm. I don't even know what that really is lol.

Before marriage: Business.
after marriage: Business but with love."Love" just sounds cheesy to me. If she loves Allah, obv I will love her lol.

What you could do is observe the behavior of others. As we know that only marriage is permissible as boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is forbidden, just observe the behavior of people as if you are observing and writing down animal behavior in the jungle (no offense to my fellow brothers and sister who already are married. You guys make great observation subjects ;D).

A woman is mostly driven by emotion, i just recently thanks to a sister realized that this is also a logical reason why women are mostly driven by emotion instead of us men by logic, rationality and reason.

A uncle of mine as far as i have come to know him, he thinks as long as a man just has to work and bring money the rest will work fine. He is now divorced with 4 children. Still has the same mentality.

A marriage is so much more than just that. Financial aspect, love aspect, respect aspect, ..and more that my fellow married brothers and sisters can fill in that i don't even know myself. That is why choosing the RIGHT job is also essential. You don't want to be away all the time and come home late every day. There is the professional life to earn money and there is the personal life to have a life. No professional life = stress at home which can lead to divorce, no personal life but 100% professional life = divorce . Balance is super important but finding the right spouse is even MORE important. If you have a spouse that only looks at what people have, she will NEVER be satisfied with the amount of money you have. Always want more.

My advice bro, we unmarried brothers have a long way to go before we can wish for a spouse that suits our wishes ;D.

BTW, often you hear people..after marriage than this and that..however before marriage it is wise if we study about at least how things should go or can go. Or be a bit prepared for it. If your spouse says, do you love me..and you responding ..didn't i say last week that i loved you? :giggling:

 

[Serinity]

What you could do is observe the behavior of others. As we know that only marriage is permissible as boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is forbidden, just observe the behavior of people as if you are observing and writing down animal behavior in the jungle (no offense to my fellow brothers and sister who already are married. You guys make great observation subjects ;D).

A woman is mostly driven by emotion, i just recently thanks to a sister realized that this is also a logical reason why women are mostly driven by emotion instead of us men by logic, rationality and reason.

A uncle of mine as far as i have come to know him, he thinks as long as a man just has to work and bring money the rest will work fine. He is now divorced with 4 children. Still has the same mentality.

A marriage is so much more than just that. Financial aspect, love aspect, respect aspect, ..and more that my fellow married brothers and sisters can fill in that i don't even know myself. That is why choosing the RIGHT job is also essential. You don't want to be away all the time and come home late every day. There is the professional life to earn money and there is the personal life to have a life. No professional life = stress at home which can lead to divorce, no personal life but 100% professional life = divorce . Balance is super important but finding the right spouse is even MORE important. If you have a spouse that only looks at what people have, she will NEVER be satisfied with the amount of money you have. Always want more.

My advice bro, we unmarried brothers have a long way to go before we can wish for a spouse that suits our wishes ;D.

BTW, often you hear people..after marriage than this and that..however before marriage it is wise if we study about at least how things should go or can go. Or be a bit prepared for it. If your spouse says, do you love me..and you responding ..didn't i say last week that i loved you? :giggling:

Well. I have been around women quite a while. When I was 6-8-9 years old.

I guess, like life, you have to "deal with it". xD Tho, I don't like these comparisons of men vs. women or women vs. men lol.

Sometimes being completely "logical" is not being completely reasonable.

Men also have emotions but not to the extent of women. When my father could not breathe, and got taken to the hospital. my mom cried for days. I felt sadness too, cried too, once or twice, cuz I wanted him guided. etc. But not to the extent of my mom.

I felt sadness, but didn't cry all the time. Tho, crying is good. It shows one's heart is soft.

Being all mr. "Not crying" guy, who supresses his emotions, etc. That is just stupid. And this whole "Men don't cry" is cultural ignorance. Lol.

But yeah. xD Lol. I want to work max 6 hours a day with good wage. In Shaa' Allah.

 

[M.I.A.]

serenity..

you dont even have a wife yet..

HOW DO YOU KNOW... HOW KIDS WORK?!!!

o_0

they will suprise you god willing.

 

[Indefinable]

I meant when searching. Not when inside marriage.

Like for me business is:

Ask:

Do you smoke? (Deal breaker if yes) if no, continue.

About deen, and Aqeedah. (Beliefs, in other words, do you believe in Allah :swt: and His Oneness? His Angels? Qadr? Qiyamah? His Messengers :as

Shia or Sunni?? If Shia, check whether she really is. If she is, then deal breaker. if Sunni, Imma check that too..

Is this ok? Enough?
@Indefinable

As in how to approach marriage.

Oh definitely have that approach - as in the business approach when seeking a potential. It's better not to have any attachment/emotions involved until after the marriage has taken place imo.

1) Assess the woman to see if you are attracted to her physically

2) Ask her (with wali present of course) questions regarding compatibility

3) Less emotions involved at the pre-stage, the better

4) Observe how she interacts with others

5) Ask others about her regarding her behaviour

Also - you should do well to have a list of questions to determine if she is the right person for you. If for example you want a wife to be a stay at home mother, and not work outside the home, then make this known beforehand, otherwise it will cause endless arguments later on.

Finally - May Allaah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless you with a righteous wife and children who are the coolness of your eyes.

 

[Serinity]

Ok, I am set on going business.

I'll definitely try to not have any emotions in any judgment in the pre-stage.

Because emotions, etc. may lead to infatuation which may lead to preconcieved Judgments, and may affect my views, etc. And I may compromise without knowing, etc. Like I may overlook, etc.

Ultimately, Allah knows best.

 

[Simple_Person]

Oh definitely have that approach - as in the business approach when seeking a potential. It's better not to have any attachment/emotions involved until after the marriage has taken place imo.

1) Assess the woman to see if you are attracted to her physically

2) Ask her (with wali present of course) questions regarding compatibility

3) Less emotions involved at the pre-stage, the better

4) Observe how she interacts with others

5) Ask others about her regarding her behaviour

Also - you should do well to have a list of questions to determine if she is the right person for you. If for example you want a wife to be a stay at home mother, and not work outside the home, then make this known beforehand, otherwise it will cause endless arguments later on.

Finally - May Allaah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless you with a righteous wife and children who are the coolness of your eyes.

Jazakallahu khairan sister. Very valuable information you just have shared .

 

[Indefinable]

Ok, I am set on going business.

I'll definitely try to not have any emotions in any judgment in the pre-stage.

Because emotions, etc. may lead to infatuation which may lead to preconcieved Judgments, and may affect my views, etc. And I may compromise without knowing, etc. Like I may overlook, etc.

Ultimately, Allah knows best.

Always weigh the pros and cons, pray Istikhara and then place your trust in Allaah subhanahu wa ta'ala.