Not marrying, is it a big sin?

[AnonymousPoster]

Peace

>>Im from US, im 24 now, and i dont wish to get married, i had chosen a girl, to which i was rejected by her parents(even though me and the girl wanted to get married)... when i was 21. Since then ive had no desire to get married, i fast a lot and it helps me control myself, i believe my deen is strong.

The basis why i dont want to get married is because by getting married to someone, and then not being able to look after the needs of the wife etc, over a period of time becomes a sin. Maybe a BIG sin. I am not in need to get a wife.

>>>So is not marrying a sin ?
>>>which is better, not marrying someone OR marrying someone but not being able to give the love they deserve?

thank you for your replies

Peace

 

[Argamemnon]

The problem with not marrying is that you become more and more isolated because the majority of your relatives and friends are getting married. You won't have much of a social life if you're single, which is terrible. You can't visit busy families with children if you are a single man

 

[AnonymousPoster]

The problem with not marrying is that you become more and more isolated because the majority of your relatives and friends are getting married. You won't have much of a social life if you're single, which is terrible. You can't visit busy families with children if you are a single man

May Allaah make it easy for you,

What is stopping you to join in with your relatives? Do you not have anyone supporting you? (Offline)

 

[Argamemnon]

May Allaah make it easy for you,

What is stopping you to join in with your relatives? Do you not have anyone supporting you? (Offline)

Thank you. Close relatives?? Most of them don't live near me. And the ones that do live here don't visit us often and we don't visit them often either. I see my uncle maybe a few times a year for example! I really don't know why.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Thank you. Close relatives?? Most of them don't live near me. And the ones that do live here don't visit us often and we don't visit them often either. I see my uncle maybe a few times a year for example! I really don't know why.

Argh akhi! May be it is a good idea to see them more often since family ties is a big thing in Islaam, right? And they can be there for you, it's good to talk to someone when it gets tough, else you'll be building up pressure inside of you with no onw to share it with, sometimes it's difficult talking to close people, other times, it is much easier,

Up to you akhi, but it's good to talk! :thumbs_up

 

[Sahabiyaat]

this thread has made me sad

I wont offer advice, i dont know what to say but i shall pray for you akhee, and i praise your resolve in maintaining your deen, Allah will reward you in due time InshaAllah :nervouspst...we never thought a member here, by the name of wak wak, would get married, but miracles happen ay! ) ;D

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Salamu 'Alaikum..

To the OP, "Allahu Alim". Allah knows best.

Although having said that, it is sunnah as shown by the various hadith's to marry (and at a young age?). But I don't think for a second you'll be thrown into jahannam for not marrying. You have your reasons, and if you're good muslim as you appear to be... then inshAllah, Allah will reward you for the good you have done... and not condem you for not marrying.

It's a bit difficult to answer for definite these kinda things. Take care bro.

 

[جوري]

The problem with not marrying is that you become more and more isolated because the majority of your relatives and friends are getting married. You won't have much of a social life if you're single, which is terrible. You can't visit busy families with children if you are a single man

you'd think so..
today we were invited to a young cousin's wedding, he is the first to get married, his two older brothers, one of them a dentist uninterested in marriage right now, the other one had three failed attempts, in fact he is in such bad shape, people in the family try to make him feel bad and isolate him, but everything is 'kismet'

people get what is meant for them.. imagine this poor guy having three failed attempts, and he is really an amazing person, the gentlest amongst his siblings, well educated .. he can lock himself up and think everyone is married including my youngest brother or he can take time to recover and try again insha'Allah with renewed faith...

I really think your main focus right now should be on getting better insha'Allah... when the time is right, there will be some special someone there for you.. you'll get there when you get there....

 

[Argamemnon]

you'd think so..
today we were invited to a young cousin's wedding, he is the first to get married, his two older brothers, one of them a dentist uninterested in marriage right now, the other one had three failed attempts, in fact he is in such bad shape, people in the family try to make him feel bad and isolate him, but everything is 'kismet'

people get what is meant for them.. imagine this poor guy having three failed attempts, and he is really an amazing person, the gentlest amongst his siblings, well educated .. he can lock himself up and think everyone is married including my youngest brother or he can take time to recover and try again insha'Allah with renewed faith...

I really think your main focus right now should be on getting better insha'Allah... when the time is right, there will be some special someone there for you.. you'll get there when you get there....

You are so optimistic, but I appreciate your support

 

[Argamemnon]

It also seems that the older I get the less my desire becomes to marry. It's a shameful to admit, but it seems that I have lost my desire for the opposite sex.

 

[afzalaung]

why must everyone assumed everyone born onto earth is sick and obsessed with sex.
yea, Marriage is Sunna, but i dont see not marrying as sinful.

 

[Argamemnon]

why must everyone assumed everyone born onto earth is sick and obsessed with sex.
yea, Marriage is Sunna, but i dont see not marrying as sinful.

Being obsessed with sex is wrong, but the act is natural and desired by all physically and mentally healthy individuals. It is a little strange though that for some people sex is the first thing that comes to mind when they think about marriage.

When I told a distant relative about my situation (which I regret doing), the first thing he asked was if I didn't want to have sex. I found that really weird. That's not the biggest problem when if you live alone. The loneliness and isolation is a much bigger issue. You will be regarded a freak by your family and relatives.

 

[afzalaung]

Erm..i guess family pressure's a thing.
I'm a desi, but luckily i'm from the family with loads of spinisters and old-bachelors and where marriage age is in 30-s.
My worst nightmare to-date was me getting married

 

[Argamemnon]

What is a desi?

 

[Sahabiyaat]

What is a desi?

oh
my
god

you dont know!

desi, they infest the planet.

someone from back home.(mainly pakistan lol)

 

[جوري]

You are so optimistic, but I appreciate your support

optimistic.. ha...
that made me laugh.. I actually wish I were..imsad
loss of sexual desire has nothing to do with you aging, rather a part of your depression.. apathy and disinterest in even previousely enjoyed hobbies is lost with this illness unfortunately.. depression hurts, physically, mentally and psychologically and sadly it affects those close to you as well!

desire for sex isn't age specific...

 

[Argamemnon]

desire for sex isn't age specific...

Of course it is (I'm speaking for men); after the age of 30 the desire for sex starts to drop like a rock. I'm not saying that it disappears, but it's certainly not the same anymore. I strongly encourage people to marry in their twenties. You won't experience the same pleasure as "normal" people if you marry after the age of 35. It's not even comparable.. I hope I'm not raising issues that embarress people, but it shouldn't. Even the prophet (saw) talked openly about intimacy issues and taught people.

 

[جوري]

Of course it is (I'm speaking for men); after the age of 30 the desire for sex starts to drop like a rock. I'm not saying that it disappears, but it's certainly not the same anymore. I strongly encourage people to marry in their twenties. You won't experience the same pleasure as "normal" people if you marry after the age of 35. It's not even comparable.. I hope I'm not raising issues that embarress people, but it shouldn't. Even the prophet (saw) talked openly about intimacy issues and taught people.

you are wrong!
the ability to have sex is different than the desire to have sex..
the latter is lost under inorganic causes, the first can be lost under both organic and inorganic causes..

you've simply matured from the teenage yrs where you'd be smitten with anything with legs, and that happens to most people with evolution of thought, ambitions, and needs .. desire can be recaptured to the fullest with the right person...

we are social animals, you wouldn't be complaining of this, if one some level it didn't bother you, which in turn tells me you are so very normal.. if you were schizoid or schizotypal this simply wouldn't bother you.. like folks who suffer from Alzheimer, people around them are upset because of their memory loss, but they genuinely don't know of their condition...

your cousin or relative that tells you, you are weird, forgive me for saying (is merely undereducated) passing labels on people is easy.. I can sit here all day and pass labels because I find things in others that aren't in me and to me seem outlandish.. 'everyone loves butterscotch ice cream, so, how can you not?'.. the problem then is really with me not them.. Do you understand? It is a generalization I have made based on my own bias and interests!

I am taking the time to write this to you, because on some level, it seems you are brainwashed with what others say of you.. why? is really beyond me..

are you that weak a person, that you'd fear even the rain should it catch you without an umbrella?

you should take sometime to reflect a little on your own worth as a human being-- your value isn't contingent on what others think of you, or whether or not you are capable of producing offspring before an expiration date (and there actually is no expiration date on men) I think it would be more logical you'd feel a certain biological clock/bang, if you were a woman for obvious physiological reasons!

 

[Argamemnon]

you are wrong!
the ability to have sex is different than the desire to have sex..
the latter is lost under inorganic causes, the first can be lost under both organic and inorganic causes..

you've simply matured from the teenage yrs where you'd be smitten with anything with legs, and that happens to most people with evolution of thought, ambitions, and needs .. desire can be recaptured to the fullest with the right person...

we are social animals, you wouldn't be complaining of this, if one some level it didn't bother you, which in turn tells me you are so very normal.. if you were schizoid or schizotypal this simply wouldn't bother you.. like folks who suffer from Alzheimer, people around them are upset because of their memory loss, but they genuinely don't know of their condition...

your cousin or relative that tells you, you are weird, forgive me for saying (is merely undereducated) passing labels on people is easy.. I can sit here all day and pass labels because I find things in others that aren't in me and to me seem outlandish.. 'everyone loves butterscotch ice cream, so, how can you not?'.. the problem then is really with me not them.. Do you understand? It is a generalization I have made based on my own bias and interests!

I am taking the time to write this to you, because on some level, it seems you are brainwashed with what others say of you.. why? is really beyond me..

are you that weak a person, that you'd fear even the rain should it catch you without an umbrella?

you should take sometime to reflect a little on your own worth as a human being-- your value isn't contingent on what others think of you, or whether or not you are capable of producing offspring before an expiration date (and there actually is no expiration date on men) I think it would be more logical you'd feel a certain biological clock/bang, if you were a woman for obvious physiological reasons!

Well, there are a few things I disagree with and some things I do agree with. Maybe we should leave it here, no need to argue, lol :thankyou:

 

[maryam87]

I guess from what i see the older the guy becomes the more picky he is when it comes to choosing a wife. However it doesnt sound like your case i believe. There should be no reason on holding u back from getting married. U never know if u do get married ur depression might disappear. Marriage is more about companionship ( i think?) I mean do u really want to be by urself for the rest of ur life??? think about it, when ur ready find urself a good girl who will take good care of u inshallah
All the best !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!