i have a couple of questions for you tigersabre.
the first of which is what Masjid in Seattle is you friend the Imam at?
i'm not so sure that i agree with the advice he gave you. we have a certain "Celeb" type Lecturer who's here from time to time. he always talks about how being a good Muslim means that you have to obey the laws of the country in which you live. in the USofA, you CANNOT have more than 1 wife. there are countries that will let you have the 4, but this isn't one of them.
secondly, are you sure that you can treat your wives equally? how will you ever be able to take any other than the 1st one on Hajj? you must be legally married to be with your wife or wives in Saudi Arabia.
thirdly, we got dozens of single brothers in the Seattle are if you are overpopulated with them.
are you intending on sending your children to public schools?
lastly, imho, having more than 1 wife here would hurt your chances of da'wah. you wouldn't be "obeying the law"; that'll give others the impression that we just pick and choose which laws we'd like to obey, which of course would be correct.
Salaam alaykum YusufNoor,
Jazakallaah khayr for your input akhi. My response is as follows:
1. The laws of the land state that I cannot "marry" more than one wife according to their definition of "marriage". Meaning, I can't come into court, get a second court recognized marriage, and then derive government benefits due to a couple defined as "married" under their law.
However, "marriage" as defined by Islamic law is different. It does not require government recognition or the tax credits
What it requires is that shuroot and arkaan of the marriage contract are present before and during the marriage contract, respectively, and once completed, the marriage is recognized by Allah subhaana wa ta'aala.
Now, if there is a law that states one cannot be involved in more than one marriage recognized by Allah, this might be something, as this cuts into our definition, but as they don't, there's no violation.
To help you understand this practically, if a man were to have a mistress, children with that mistress, was to give her money and a home, is that illegal? It's not, so it's essentially the same thing, except they call it adultery, but we call it marriage.
2. In general, Allah has legislated that we only be equal in the affairs of time and money. If it were not possible, then it would not have been allowed. As it is, it is practiced. Regarding Hajj specifically, I doubt it's that big a deal. My mother just went on Umrah on a business Visa by herself (which is not allowed, I know, but she did it against our advice, as she was traveling without a mahram). Worst case scenario, take one at a time, legally divorce and then legally marry the other, get the paper work done, etc. Each Hajj, you can take a year of prep time.
3. If they are good, practicing brothers, let me know - I know of many sisters in Michigan who are struggling to find solid, practicing husbands. Let me also know if anyone is looking for sisters who are divorced, or divorced with children.
4. The first and most effective daw'ah goes to those closest to you - and that is your family, so by nurturing a tightknit religious family, insha'Allah, that will be way more daw'ah than can be done by most individuals in their lifetime. Secondly, the job of daw'ah is to convey the message, and leave the convincing of hearts to Allah subhaana wa ta'aala. Also, as mentioned in point #1, there is nothing illegal taking place, but there is an erroneous perception and misunderstanding of the law that causes people to think there is something wrong. Seeing as this is the case, we have an additional daw'ah to do for muslims as well. I personally am not an apologist - I'm not ashamed of what Allah has legislated due to it being out of favor with the norms and mores of Western society. I think, in fact, it is better daw'ah when we stand up and show our religion for what it is and not try to duck and dodge what is unpopular. People who stand for their principles, even if unpopular, are better respected than those who bend over backwards to please others. I prefer the former position over the latter.
5. As far as public education goes, I know I'm not putting my children through that. I went through it, and there is much that is gained that is unneeded in such a socially toxic environment. I'd go so far as to say it doesn't represent the world afterwards, so I don't believe any "lessons" gained from such interactions would be relevant later in life.
I'm considering private islamic schooling, but what I've seen has not been promising. Parents expect the schools to raise their children into good Muslims, when they don't realize that parents are responsible for raising good Muslim children, the school is simply there to provide the environment to continue an Islamic atmosphere, provided that's what they have at home. Right now, children watch way too much of our oversexualized TV and take its influences right into the Islamic schooling, so having a better Islamic environment doesn't seem to matter when Muslim parents don't care to raise their children up properly anyway.
The other option we're considering is Homeschooling. Tutors are a bit expensive, but now that "The World is Flat" (Thomas Friedman), it seems that it's neither difficult nor expensive to get top notch tutors across the globe at the time you need it, so I may go that route instead.
Thanks again for your thoughts and insights!
