Problems in marriage

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YusufNoor;tell your husband said:
MashaAllah best Advice ive seen so far. Be mindful of your deen and concentrate on ur kids! We go through this dunya forgetting what matters!!. Id also like 2 add that from my experience in life... All the upz and downs i had 2 go through that its always best to mentally prepare yourself for the worst so that if it dose come to divorce its not going to hurt as much! Your going to be stronger but at the same time having hope that it wont end that way but in your mind prepare yourself if worst comes to worst. And do you know sister when we go through hard timez we really see this world for what it really is and the people in it! Allah tests people so that you come closer to him and you will never look back because you will be happier and at peace.
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glo said:
Welcome to the forum, Kam. :)

I am trying to piece your history together.
You have been married for 8 years and have converted to Islam a year ago.

Can I ask if you married a Muslim and then converted to Islam, or whether you married a non-Muslim and you both converted to Islam?
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I married a non practising muslim. I converted to Islam when we were not together and he started practising when we were separted. At this point we were not talking much and didn't know that we were both on our deen. Then some how we were brought back together. Then after awhile my eman began to get weak and so did his. Now I'm on my deen and my eman is stronger. Even those this is happening I still feel so strong. Ahumduliah I'm still being and good mother and wife. And I am closer to Allah than I have ever been.
 
kam said:
I married a non practising muslim. I converted to Islam when we were not together and he started practising when we were separted. At this point we were not talking much and didn't know that we were both on our deen. Then some how we were brought back together. Then after awhile my eman began to get weak and so did his. Now I'm on my deen and my eman is stronger. Even those this is happening I still feel so strong. Ahumduliah I'm still being and good mother and wife. And I am closer to Allah than I have ever been.
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Assalaamu alaikum sister :)

Alhamdulillah it's good to hear that your deen and imaan is strong. That's the main thing. Whilst no one knows what will happen in this situation, and we all hope for the best for you, a strong deen and imaan will carry you through it inshaAllah.

Am remembering you in my duaas sister.

:sl:
 
Insane Insaan said:
Assalaamu alaikum sister :)

Alhamdulillah it's good to hear that your deen and imaan is strong. That's the main thing. Whilst no one knows what will happen in this situation, and we all hope for the best for you, a strong deen and imaan will carry you through it inshaAllah.

Am remembering you in my duaas sister.

:sl:
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Thank you its much appreciated
 
May Allah bless you sister.

If you need any other support/advice or just want to share something or get it off your chest, or want to ask more about this situation, or you want to let us know how you get on, or anything else, please do so. We're all here for you in our small, humble ways. :statisfie

May Allah help you sister. Ameen.

:sl:
 
kam said:
I married a non practising muslim. I converted to Islam when we were not together and he started practising when we were separted. At this point we were not talking much and didn't know that we were both on our deen. Then some how we were brought back together. Then after awhile my eman began to get weak and so did his. Now I'm on my deen and my eman is stronger. Even those this is happening I still feel so strong. Ahumduliah I'm still being and good mother and wife. And I am closer to Allah than I have ever been.
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Thank you for your reply.

The reason I was asking was that I was wondering whether you had marital problems before, and whether you converting to Islam was a way of trying to heal those first rifts.
Clearly that's not the case ...

Do you think you reasons for separation before were similar to your problems now (i.e. your husband not 'feeling in love')
Or is it different this time?

I hope and pray that you will find happiness in your marriage and that you rekindle a good partnership with your husband.
May God keep you and your family safe.
 
glo said:
Thank you for your reply.

The reason I was asking was that I was wondering whether you had marital problems before, and whether you converting to Islam was a way of trying to heal those first rifts.
Clearly that's not the case ...

Do you think you reasons for separation before were similar to your problems now (i.e. your husband not 'feeling in love')
Or is it different this time?

I hope and pray that you will find happiness in your marriage and that you rekindle a good partnership with your husband.
May God keep you and your family safe.
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Yes the reasons are similar. But before it was like he had a breakdown. He was very out of control. It was him who said that he did still love me and that he wanted to get back together. His eman is not as stong as it was when we got back together. We get on okay at home. We talk about other stuff and watch films together. Th only thing that has changed about me is that my eman is now stronger and that I have put on a couple of stones lol. My hairs has been a bit of a mess. That should be sorted by tomorrow. I have to admitt that I have let myself go a bit.
 
^
I hope your husband will notice and appreciate the effort you are making. :statisfie

I'm sure you'll find enough ladies here who can give you advice on how to impress your husband. :)
 
:sl:

Can you remember when things started slipping between you two, was it unavoidable or did something trigger it off?

Would you feel better if you stopped eating foods which are making you put on weight? Would you like to lose weight?

Here's some excerpts from an article which I read today:

True love, love for the sake of Allah, burns like a flame in a woman’s heart, gives ineffable delight and is truly lovely for the woman. It is an intense feeling that also has a powerful effect on the man. It is an enormous pleasure...

A person is loved for the sake of Allah. They are loved as a manifestation of Allah, and there is a great and profound delight in that. It is a force that never ends. Allah has bestowed such a depth on almost all women. In other words, if a woman is given this, meaning passion, love, depth and loyalty, she will turn into an unbelievable entity. That woman will disappear, to be replaced by a superhuman entity. All that beauty, depth and passion in her soul begin coming to the surface....

It will treat her, and her hormones will work fine, and her body will return to normal. Her brain will resume functioning normally. Her skin will improve, her eyes will be brighter and her speech will improve. It will affect her hair. She will become a totally different person. The reason why most women lose their beauty and fade is psychological. Lack of true love inflicts terrible damage on a woman...

Loving for Allah’s approval is something totally different. It is a most profound pleasure. There is a special force in people for this. A feeling rather like a sixth sense...

A woman grows old, for instance, gives birth and loses her figure. It is immoral to then send her back to her parents. Of course, she has given birth and undergone that pain for Allah’s approval, in other words, she has trusted in him. She knew her body would be spoiled. She made a sacrifice. So it would be very wrong to treat her like that. One’s love for such a woman will actually increase. One will have even more affection, compassion and love for her, because she has assumed that form alongside one. She has ended up like that for Allah’s sake. It is therefore no reason to go off her. But such things are quite possible among people with a facile perspective...

But Allah gives believers a small foretaste of paradise in order for them to recognize it. It is a blessing bestowed so they can understand the intensity of the delight they will experience in Paradise. The whole thing can only be fully experienced in Paradise. But a believer has the power to experience it, according to the depth of his faith, in other words to approach the state he will know in Paradise. And that will be most intense and delightful. So he will never think of divorce. Neither will he think of throwing the woman out because she has grown old. Neither will he think of severing relations because her money has come to an end. She will always be loved, no matter what. She may catch a cold or flu or become really ill. Sick people can find themselves in very dire straits. But he will treat her with love, affection and compassion. And he will be with her forever in Paradise....

There is also a very intense love in believers. People are sometimes unable to fathom the wisdom in this...These people are experiencing their sixth sense...

The Concept of Marriage
 
:sl:people do not fall out of love because there partner has let themselves go a bit if that is the case then it was never love in the first place. What type of love is that where you have to keep on slapping on the make up all the time and do your hair and dress in uncomfortable clothes around the home is that love sisters? I don't think so. I think people lost the meaning of love! All a person needs 2do is keep themselves clean and tidy and modest if a man dose not accept u the way you are, its not love. Of course theres nothing wröng making urself up for ur hobby every married couple dose it but that is not the reason y people fall out of love if u do not do it all the time! It goes way more deeper then that.
 
Sameera said:
:sl:

Can you remember when things started slipping between you two, was it unavoidable or did something trigger it off?

Would you feel better if you stopped eating foods which are making you put on weight? Would you like to lose weight?

Here's some excerpts from an article which I read today:

True love, love for the sake of Allah, burns like a flame in a woman’s heart, gives ineffable delight and is truly lovely for the woman. It is an intense feeling that also has a powerful effect on the man. It is an enormous pleasure...

A person is loved for the sake of Allah. They are loved as a manifestation of Allah, and there is a great and profound delight in that. It is a force that never ends. Allah has bestowed such a depth on almost all women. In other words, if a woman is given this, meaning passion, love, depth and loyalty, she will turn into an unbelievable entity. That woman will disappear, to be replaced by a superhuman entity. All that beauty, depth and passion in her soul begin coming to the surface....

It will treat her, and her hormones will work fine, and her body will return to normal. Her brain will resume functioning normally. Her skin will improve, her eyes will be brighter and her speech will improve. It will affect her hair. She will become a totally different person. The reason why most women lose their beauty and fade is psychological. Lack of true love inflicts terrible damage on a woman...

Loving for Allah’s approval is something totally different. It is a most profound pleasure. There is a special force in people for this. A feeling rather like a sixth sense...

A woman grows old, for instance, gives birth and loses her figure. It is immoral to then send her back to her parents. Of course, she has given birth and undergone that pain for Allah’s approval, in other words, she has trusted in him. She knew her body would be spoiled. She made a sacrifice. So it would be very wrong to treat her like that. One’s love for such a woman will actually increase. One will have even more affection, compassion and love for her, because she has assumed that form alongside one. She has ended up like that for Allah’s sake. It is therefore no reason to go off her. But such things are quite possible among people with a facile perspective...

But Allah gives believers a small foretaste of paradise in order for them to recognize it. It is a blessing bestowed so they can understand the intensity of the delight they will experience in Paradise. The whole thing can only be fully experienced in Paradise. But a believer has the power to experience it, according to the depth of his faith, in other words to approach the state he will know in Paradise. And that will be most intense and delightful. So he will never think of divorce. Neither will he think of throwing the woman out because she has grown old. Neither will he think of severing relations because her money has come to an end. She will always be loved, no matter what. She may catch a cold or flu or become really ill. Sick people can find themselves in very dire straits. But he will treat her with love, affection and compassion. And he will be with her forever in Paradise....

There is also a very intense love in believers. People are sometimes unable to fathom the wisdom in this...These people are experiencing their sixth sense...

The Concept of Marriage
Click to expand...

That was really nice to read, where did you get in from?
 
Salam All, Hope you all had a nice Eid. Just to give you guys a update. Got my hair done lol and my husband didnt say a thing. Nothing has really changed. I don't see what more I can do. So I have just been getting on with day to day life.
 
kam said:
Salam All, Hope you all had a nice Eid. Just to give you guys a update. Got my hair done lol and my husband didnt say a thing. Nothing has really changed. I don't see what more I can do. So I have just been getting on with day to day life.
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Wa alaikum assalaam sis,

Belated Eid Mubarak to you as well and hope your Eid was as nice as it could be.

If your husband didn't notice, do you think it would be worth drawing his attention to it yourself, by saying something like, "Hey look, I got my hair done, do you like it? Do you prefer it this way, or how it was before?"

Or something to that effect? And then see what his reaction is (if there is one).

Pray that Allah does what's best for you. I'll remember you in my du'aas too.

Assalaamu alaikum.
 
Salam,
It looks like we are getting divorced. I really don't know where to go from here. I have been in this situation so many times with him. I think I'm ready to move on.
 
I m not a good advicer, Sis. But u r in my dua's... May Allah give u patience and problems can be solved soon.
 
Assalaamu alaikum sis Kam,

I am truly sorry to hear that. imsad

However maybe Allah has decreed that that is best for you and your future.

May Allah make things easy for you, solve your problems, straighten your path and keep you steadfast on the deen, and reward you for your patience and the gracious manner you've dealt with all this. Ameen

Let us know if we can help you with anything. Remebering you in my du'aas inshaAllah.

Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah
 

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