Searching for a spouse

[Revert alYunani]

Even men from poorer countries if given the opportunity will marry a richer woman from the west to improve their socio economic status. The son of Adam is greedy.

Did prophet saws not marry khadija? There is nothing wrong in wanting to improve your socio economic status.It is only wrong if that is the only reason you marry.If I were to choose between two women who are the same,i would choose the one who is richer,and that does not mean that im greedy i dont care for this world,but i dont know how much time i will be here and i have to think of my future and children.
Now imagine a woman who is dependent on her husband,she wants security,smn who can provide for her and her children,so ofc she would want someone who is wealthy and can give her more opportunities.I see nothing wrong with it if that is not the only reason to marry,and if it is the only reason,then that girl is such a weak muslim that is not worth marrying.

And you said that men and women are already releasing their sexual desires,and ''We copy the non muslims, that's the norm for most muslims''.That is the norm for most muslims who dont pray,who i dont know how i can even call them muslim.And i dont know who is We,but whoever that We is,if they do zinnah they are not ready at all for marriage.A person who cant control himself cant control a family.And this We is far worst than a chaste gold digger.

Fearing Allah is the reason why I am virgin.

No offense brother.I am not trying to bring you down or smth.But what if you continue being a virgin and you die as a virgin? Would that be fearing Allah? dieing without completing the deen? as we know that marriage is half of the deen.You say you are 40 years and virgin,in all these years if you really wanted a very pious girl who would have with you a marriage that follows sharia law,you would have found her.That is the easiest thing you can find,a very pious muslim woman.This forum here is full of pious women for example,why dont you try,but you exaggerate things,you search for the right person in the wrong place and you have these ideas lol that prevents you seeing the good in people.And if she has all the good qualities,who cares if she is a little ''gold digger'' and wants to escape her situation.She has to benefit too.Marriage should be a win-win for both.We want women to understand us and our needs but we dont understand women.I also see hijabis always who behave in such a way that i wish i could spit on their face,but i also see good ones,its not so exaggerated as you make it.
Anyway i am sorry if i prejudged you or if i am wrong,just stating my opinion from what i could understand.

 

[kingfisher1]

[MENTION=24165]revert[/MENTION] al yunani if you see nothing wrong in women marrying for money (which is prostitution, eating a mans money in return for sex) then men should only pay for very attractive feminine size 8 virgin women who will make them very happy, at least that way a man is getting his moneys worth. This is your logic of defending gold diggers. As women ages her beauty fades so why should a man keep paying for a woman who has less to offer as time goes by, he might aswell trade her in for a younger more beautiful model.

By your logic if women want security, which is another way of saying lots of money then we men want beautiful untouched young women to enjoy. Any woman who needs to put on makeup, need not apply, only naturally good looking women.

The reality is that a lot of men are not rich, neither are most women very beautiful. If we went by your reasoning in choosing marriage partners, most of humanity would end up alone and falling into sins.

In a poor country like bangladesh in which most people are poor, what solution do you offer for men? these men are too poor for marriage so how should they fulfil their needs?

Prophet peace be upon him married lots of women, old and young. Your modern woman does not accept polygamy so we can't equate these women with Khadija. Back in them days men had multiple women, some as wives and others as slaves, so a mans and womans needs were taken care of. Today men get screwed over by corrupt women and the corrupt system that empowers these women, through no fault divorce, child custody given to women, forcing the man to pay child support for a his kids who were taken away from him by his wife and she also takes a good portion of his material assets through divorce.

Now if you want to still be the Mr nice guy for these corrupt women and let them use and abuse you, then go ahead. For those men who are intelligent, and have self respect and integrity, we don't worship women and become their poodles.

 

[kingfisher1]

[MENTION=24165]revert[/MENTION] al yunani the Prophet peace be upon him was a poor man, but he still was able to marry lots of women. So if we really wanna follow his example then todays women should seek out poor pious men and become co wives and keep the sunnah alive

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

@revert al yunani the Prophet peace be upon him was a poor man, but he still was able to marry lots of women. So if we really wanna follow his example then todays women should seek out poor pious men and become co wives and keep the sunnah alive

Khadija r.a. was Muhammad's (phub) only wife.. Until she died. So he was married to only her, and he enjoyed the marriage. You can still be following the sunnah while marrying 1 older woman. Or having co-wives.. Either way, it is following the sunnah.

You say only rational men will not marry older women unless she has co-wives for the man.. Last time I recall.. Muhammad pbuh is a very rational person.. Maybe you should change your mind now...

 

[kingfisher1]

[MENTION=28222]Islami[/MENTION] Mu'mina why would a man who has never been married before and doesn't have children marry an old woman? especially in a feminist society which does not accept polygamy.

Its a big loss for a man who marries a woman who is past her prime years, he will not really be attracted to her because her beauty has faded, he will struggle to have many kids from her because her fertility has declined considerably. We men like young attractive fertile women, this is why younger women get more male attention. A woman's peak years are her late teens and up to mid 20's. If a man wants to enjoy a womans beauty and wants to have lots of children then 18 to 25 years of age is the best for him. After 30 a woman is past her prime years. If you asked 1000's of men of different ages which age range of women they would prefer to marry, I can guarantee you that most of them will want a woman between 18 to late 20's. If you think I'm lying, then please go and ask 1000 men this question.

 

[Revert alYunani]

[MENTION=24165]revert[/MENTION] al yunani the Prophet peace be upon him was a poor man, but he still was able to marry lots of women. So if we really wanna follow his example then todays women should seek out poor pious men and become co wives and keep the sunnah alive

He wasnt a prophet yet when he married khadija as far as i know.She married him cuz she loved him. And the sahabas were poor but by today standarts they were rich,or middle class.I mean idk about you but i dont own a house.They had houses, camels, land,were able to travel etc.We are more poor than them.
I am in the same shoes as you, im also looking to get married but i have no connections, or was rejected before because i wasnt rich without even having a chance to intruduce myself.But i understand them, times are hard and everybody wants security.If we expect them to seek to marry pious poor men then we should expect ourselves to seek to marry poor divorcees and widows.

 

[kingfisher1]

[MENTION=24165]revert[/MENTION] these women have their own jobs and are financially independent. They don't need a man to provide for them, they are greedy. It's got nothing to do with security, that is a code word they use to hide their lust for a man's wealth. Use your logic, she is single and surviving without a man providing for her, so if she can survive financially without the support of a husband, then why does she still insist on having more money?
If these women were religious they would place their trust upon Allah and marry a good man because she would know that Allah is the provider/sustainer but most of them have little to no faith, most don't even pray. A lot of muslim women today prefer having a boyfriend rather than marrying a religious man because the boyfriend takes her out on dates and in return she is happy to sleep with him.

 

[kingfisher1]

The modern woman does not love you, she only loves what you can do for her. These women just manipulate weak men just so they can devour his resources. They don't care about you at all, they have little to no humanity, they are selfish self centered, egotistic women. I'll be honest with you, realistically speaking the only women who will accept you for marriage are single mothers with lots of kids for you to help provide for them, women who are out of shape and very unattractive that no guy even looks at them or a cougar. A cougar is a much older woman who has a lust for young hot men.

All of these options are a massive loss for you and a big gain for the women. That in a nutshell is modern marriage for most men.

 

[Revert alYunani]

A lot of muslim women today prefer having a boyfriend rather than marrying a religious man because the boyfriend takes her out on dates and in return she is happy to sleep with him.

I agree,we were talking about diff women but this is true,i see that a lot.But i dont think it is because he takes her on dates because a religious man would take her wife on dates too and give her romance etc.I think it is because they want to feel desired and wanted,they want to fill their ego,and all this comes from lack of faith.You are right.

In my opinion these women want a rich man because society today sees poor men as worthless,unintelligent,uncapable men etc while the rich is seen as the alpha male because of his success.So she thinks look how successful i am,he is nowhere near me,thats a big turn off,they are too blinded to see that that maybe that guy is poor because he has been through tests where she would break the first second.Battling shaytan is harder than studying engenieering.

realistically speaking the only women who will accept you for marriage are single mothers with lots of kids for you to help provide for them, women who are out of shape and very unattractive that no guy even looks at them or a cougar.

I dont think so,many young women in good shape are attracted to me,and i am sure there are marry attracted to you too and would accept you.You shouldnt exaggerate so much and go with this mindset.I have two friends 30 and 36 years old,they are not richer than me nor more good looking than me,and they got married to a 18 and 25 year old,really good looking,who study in uni.So the reality is not like this,and im sure if we keep searching and try to assume the best then we will find really good ones in shaa Allah.

 

[xboxisdead]

Did prophet saws not marry khadija? There is nothing wrong in wanting to improve your socio economic status.It is only wrong if that is the only reason you marry.If I were to choose between two women who are the same,i would choose the one who is richer,and that does not mean that im greedy i dont care for this world,but i dont know how much time i will be here and i have to think of my future and children.
Now imagine a woman who is dependent on her husband,she wants security,smn who can provide for her and her children,so ofc she would want someone who is wealthy and can give her more opportunities.I see nothing wrong with it if that is not the only reason to marry,and if it is the only reason,then that girl is such a weak muslim that is not worth marrying.

And you said that men and women are already releasing their sexual desires,and ''We copy the non muslims, that's the norm for most muslims''.That is the norm for most muslims who dont pray,who i dont know how i can even call them muslim.And i dont know who is We,but whoever that We is,if they do zinnah they are not ready at all for marriage.A person who cant control himself cant control a family.And this We is far worst than a chaste gold digger.


No offense brother.I am not trying to bring you down or smth.But what if you continue being a virgin and you die as a virgin? Would that be fearing Allah? dieing without completing the deen? as we know that marriage is half of the deen.You say you are 40 years and virgin,in all these years if you really wanted a very pious girl who would have with you a marriage that follows sharia law,you would have found her.That is the easiest thing you can find,a very pious muslim woman.This forum here is full of pious women for example,why dont you try,but you exaggerate things,you search for the right person in the wrong place and you have these ideas lol that prevents you seeing the good in people.And if she has all the good qualities,who cares if she is a little ''gold digger'' and wants to escape her situation.She has to benefit too.Marriage should be a win-win for both.We want women to understand us and our needs but we dont understand women.I also see hijabis always who behave in such a way that i wish i could spit on their face,but i also see good ones,its not so exaggerated as you make it.
Anyway i am sorry if i prejudged you or if i am wrong,just stating my opinion from what i could understand.

That is ok brother I am happy Besides I need to first finish improving my English and Math classes in high school, then take courses in technical institution and that takes me a good two years worse case three years. Then I need to build some experience, couple of years at least (make money) if not more, say worse case four years. Then I need to open my own business and that may take at least two to three years to be successful. Then I need to save up enough money which could take another five years.

So, let us see do the math here: three years plus four years plus three years then plus five years, so ...so far I need to wait at least fifteen years. That should make me fifty-five years. Then I need to find that partner, I need at least one to two years of knowing that person that should make it...till age fifty-seven years old before I can get married. Yeah!!! I aint in a hurry LOL!! ;D;D;D

 

[Studentofdeed]

Marriage is just blessing from Allah. If you are married. You are blessed. If you sre getting proposals, you are blessed. Some people have no way of getting married.

My example, I get so few proposals, and they always reject me. It's so easy to get a girlfriend and all that but that is haram and it would destroy one spiritually. The sad thing is, my family would rather me have a gf or study in college 24/7. I just graduated with a near perfect g.p.a. and a top 2 percent on my admission exam. I even got a job now Alhamdullah.

My despecicable family breaking all their promises are now literally making excuses. Telling me to go back to school for no stupid reason. Telling me I will fail medical school or no girl wouldn't marry me. Even with a job, I still can't provide for her. I fulfilled all my promises, and they still lied and insist on me not getting married.

They called me names and hurled abuses and say my brother is better than me because he didn't bother getting married and is focused on school. My stupid grandmother always says, your crazy for wanting to get married. Only a crazy family and crazy girl would want to marry you.

My father calls me a psycho nonstop, and he called me a psycho because now I refuse to eat with them...
Why you ask?

Because I prefer sitting alone in my room then hearing abuse and swear words or how I am horrible som and the most useless hungry mouth.

I hope they burn in the deepest part of hell and they choke on those words

- - - Updated - - -

I'm still trying to seek marriage...yet sadly no girl wants to marry me....not sure what to do anymore ...

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

@Islami Mu'mina why would a man who has never been married before and doesn't have children marry an old woman? especially in a feminist society which does not accept polygamy.

Its a big loss for a man who marries a woman who is past her prime years, he will not really be attracted to her because her beauty has faded, he will struggle to have many kids from her because her fertility has declined considerably. We men like young attractive fertile women, this is why younger women get more male attention. A woman's peak years are her late teens and up to mid 20's. If a man wants to enjoy a womans beauty and wants to have lots of children then 18 to 25 years of age is the best for him. After 30 a woman is past her prime years. If you asked 1000's of men of different ages which age range of women they would prefer to marry, I can guarantee you that most of them will want a woman between 18 to late 20's. If you think I'm lying, then please go and ask 1000 men this question.

So why did Muhammad pbuh do it? He never married multiple wives UNTIL khadija died.

Look, I gave you advice, you've been looking for marraige for a long time.

The answer is simple: some people like marrying older women, while others do not.

There are some men who feel attracted to a particular woman who is older. Some don't. Some older women can look very young. While others may not

Is it really that hard to get the concept in your head? I never said men didn't prefer to marry younger women. In fact, it is biologically part of men to prefer younger women. But that doesn't mean all men don't prefer older women. It's called *preference*. Most men nowadays care for women as long as they are good people and they still look good in the man's eyes. And as long as she isn't extremely old, she can still have kids.

I'm sure most men would rather marry an older woman who they are ATTRACTED to, rather than having to worry about being single for the rest of their lives. There are some men who notice that they keep getting reject by younger women... What do they do? They look for older ones. At this point, if you keep looking for younger women... for years.. And you notice that you keep getting rejected.. Maybe you should understand there is a pattern so you can compromise..

I'm trying to give you advice but you keep saying the same things over and over again as some kind of refutation which is not relevant to what I said and the situation we are talking about over here.

 

[xboxisdead]

So why did Muhammad pbuh do it? He never married multiple wives UNTIL khadija died.

Look, I gave you advice, you've been looking for marraige for a long time.

The answer is simple: some people like marrying older women, while others do not.

There are some men who feel attracted to a particular woman who is older. Some don't. Some older women can look very young. While others may not

Is it really that hard to get the concept in your head? I never said men didn't prefer to marry younger women

I'm sure most men would rather marry an older woman who they are ATTRACTED to, rather than having to worry about being single for the rest of their lives. There are some men who notice that they keep getting reject by younger women... What do they do? They look for older ones. At this point, if you keep looking for younger women... for years.. And you notice that you keep getting rejected.. Maybe you should understand there is a pattern so you can compromise..

I'm trying to give you advice but you keep saying the same things over and over again as some kind of refutation which is not relevant to what I said and the situation we are talking about over here.

He doesn't have to compromise his principles and marry an older women. I am sure if he fixes his imaan and his relationship with Allah, he will get his younger woman and still give him his rights in full. There are teachings that prophet peace be upon him did for us to show us, it is ok to marry an older women, as long as she have good characters, etc. But he also told us to marry younger women so we have healthy children and have many of them. Women could conspire to work together to force a man to marry an older women, but that is haraam and no woman have right to do that. That being said, his situation can be fixed if he improves his relationship with Allah first.

 

[kingfisher1]

[MENTION=24165]revert[/MENTION] this is the reality for most men unless a man learns game and spends 100's of hours hustling women, he has very little chance of attracting a young attractive woman. Weather he ends up marrying her, that's a different story. Todays women are corrupt so it's very hard attracting them by just being a simple humble religious guy. Women today love confident, bold men who can look at them straight in the eye.

And if you want to strictly find a woman in accordance with Islam, then you need to ask for a miracle from Allah because that's like climbing mount Everest.

I'm speaking from life experience as a mature guy who has interacted with probably hundreds if not over 1000's of women.

You really have to be a bit of a devil to attract modern women.

You say so many young women in good shape are attracted to you, then what has stopped you from marrying these women?
[MENTION=11636]student[/MENTION] well to start off with don't curse your family or make supplications against them. Pray something good for them. Finding a wife in the west in the halal way is extremely difficult especially if you're a young guy in his early 20's because women in their 20's are too busy building careers, travelling, having fun, they don't have time to be a wife and mother, that's old fashioned and backwards. You can try networking and reaching out to religious people in your area, to Imams of local masjids. See if you find someone that way. Long term it's probably best to move away to a more religious and conservative traditional society in which people still value and respect marriage and family.

You just gotta keep trying and whatever is written for you, will reach you.

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

Marriage is just blessing from Allah. If you are married. You are blessed. If you sre getting proposals, you are blessed. Some people have no way of getting married.

My example, I get so few proposals, and they always reject me. It's so easy to get a girlfriend and all that but that is haram and it would destroy one spiritually. The sad thing is, my family would rather me have a gf or study in college 24/7. I just graduated with a near perfect g.p.a. and a top 2 percent on my admission exam. I even got a job now Alhamdullah.

My despecicable family breaking all their promises are now literally making excuses. Telling me to go back to school for no stupid reason. Telling me I will fail medical school or no girl wouldn't marry me. Even with a job, I still can't provide for her. I fulfilled all my promises, and they still lied and insist on me not getting married.

They called me names and hurled abuses and say my brother is better than me because he didn't bother getting married and is focused on school. My stupid grandmother always says, your crazy for wanting to get married. Only a crazy family and crazy girl would want to marry you.

My father calls me a psycho nonstop, and he called me a psycho because now I refuse to eat with them...
Why you ask?

Because I prefer sitting alone in my room then hearing abuse and swear words or how I am horrible som and the most useless hungry mouth.

I hope they burn in the deepest part of hell and they choke on those words

- - - Updated - - -

I'm still trying to seek marriage...yet sadly no girl wants to marry me....not sure what to do anymore ...

Brother, try not to curse your family like that. I know it's hard but we need to hold in anger because I'm pretty sure I heard something bad about cursing family.

Also, try to focus on your mental health and improve yourself in the meantime. Many people try getting married thinking it'll help their depression issues. This is not entirely true. Of course it will help, but you need to work on helping yourself first inshaAllah so that you will be more stable and happy.

Keep looking and inshaAllah you will find someone. It seems like you've been searching for long as well, where are you finding women? Is it just through connections and the masjid? Have you tried online websites?

 

[kingfisher1]

Islami Mu'mina is it hard for you to understand that I'm not interested in old women. You should learn to stop when someone disagrees with you. I live my life on my own terms.

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

Islami Mu'mina is it hard for you to understand that I'm not interested in old women. You should learn to stop when someone disagrees with you. I live my life on my own terms.

See, you could have said that from the start. Thats literally all I needed to hear rather than you starting to make a claim about men irrational for making their own choice

 

[xboxisdead]

See, you could have said that from the start. Thats literally all I needed to hear rather than you starting to make a claim about men irrational for making their own choice

- slaps forehead - He already said that ten times lol

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

- slaps forehead - He already said that ten times lol

Yeah which is why I was replying to his other claim. I never kept repeating that he should go marry an older woman

 

[Studentofdeed]

Brother, try not to curse your family like that. I know it's hard but we need to hold in anger because I'm pretty sure I heard something bad about cursing family.

Also, try to focus on your mental health and improve yourself in the meantime. Many people try getting married thinking it'll help their depression issues. This is not entirely true. Of course it will help, but you need to work on helping yourself first inshaAllah so that you will be more stable and happy.

Keep looking and inshaAllah you will find someone. It seems like you've been searching for long as well, where are you finding women? Is it just through connections and the masjid? Have you tried online websites?

Online the people are greedy and looking for money. Connections have failed. I just my family to be held accountable. I have lost patience.