Re: Sense of Gheerah (protectiveness or jealous)
I'm pretty much okay with putting up with anything my father and brothers expect of us since it's based on the Shariah. I'm for a girl not wearing make up outside her home unless she's a niqaabi, or not watching TV shows / being with friends that affect her imaan, etc.
However, it's
how it's introduced to the person that matters. If a girl does something her brothers / husband dislikes, then there is no need to make her feel inadequate about herself, but rather talk it out and explain what they expects from her is really what Allah expects of her and that's why he wants it for her, for
her own good. That why she'll appreciate his gheerah towards her and she'll love him more for it. Women tend to be emotional and want their family's, especially their husband's, love, so explaining it in a manner that shows you're doing because you love her will soften her heart.
For example, with the phone calls things, rather than not letting her answer the phone since she may not get some of her friends calls, just simply reach a compromise of getting caller ID and an answering machine. (I presume people should have that anyway tho, so I don't get why a husband would do that.) I think it's excessive though when husbands prevent their wives from maintaining friendships they had from before marriage. If there is a valid reason, like those friends are harmful to her imaan, I support it. But in any case,
give that reason and explain it to her rather than coming off as dogmatic by just cutting the friendship and not sharing the bed or using the "a wife should be obedient to her husband" line.
Using threats doesn't really build an intrinsic fear of Allah, it just creates fear of the brother / husband which naturally is pointless and sorta makes the person begin to hide stuff so they're told off again. There
is a place for that too naturally, but to resort to it in the beginning is harmful. If she doesn't listen, then yeah, I fully agree with a tougher stance. But don't start off with tough love, that can just hurt. Basically the balance is in to create love within her for whatever it is that the matter is, treating her like a human being, and explaining the reasoning behind whatever he wants.
Oh and, my brothers and father have a lot of gheerah, and I guess that's why I'm also okay with what some girls may perceive as "strictness", but mainly cuz they've been cool about the way they've done things for the most part. And I don't think I could handle a person without gheerah, it comes off as a bit uncaring...
Sorry for the long post and if I repeated stuff. :hiding:
but if you look too much then pow wow
