The Marriage Thread

[Asiyah3]

Don't fascinate me either - not my rules though, but like I said you don't need a degree to get a job, although it is better. Again not sayin anything wrong with a sister havin a degree, its just that it shouldn't get in the way of marriage

Ok.

you don't need a degree to get a job

What do you mean?

 

[Banu_Hashim]

^^ loool i know :X

I'm not desperate or anything :skeleton:

yh!!!! neither are the rest of us!!!!!....hew

 

[Beardo]

yh!!!! neither are the rest of us!!!!!....hew

Speak for yourself. :exhausted:

So today I asked my teacher what's the right age to get married...

...he said 16.

Then he thought about it and realized the law is 18. So he said 18.

Any comments? :X

he's more of a secular liberal scholar btw, which is why his answer sort of surprised me.

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Speak for yourself. :exhausted:

So today I asked my teacher what's the right age to get married...

...he said 16.

Then he thought about it and realized the law is 18. So he said 18.

looool... law abiding shiekh... sounds like a movie that should be soon coming to a cinema near youuu...:skeleton:

 

[Abdul Qadir]

Re: expensive weddings

how much are you planning to spend on your wedding?;D


Edit by Rashad: Important Note! Excuse my intrusion upon your post, Getoffmyback. Just wanted to make a quick announcement lol. This thread is for anything related to marriage. I will personally strictly moderate this thread to ensure that nothing un-Halaal is being discussed. Keep jokes the minimum and restrict them to the gender appropriate sections. Depending on the results of this thread, we MAY open a MARRIAGE FORUM! *drumroll* ... or shall I say *duff-roll* ?

the dowry ranging from 2k to 5k...the nikah at a local mosque..i think its free? then i will invite my closest relatives to my HOUSE for a SMALL meal...thats the Sunnah...

 

[Beardo]

looool... law abiding shiekh... sounds like a movie that should be soon coming to a cinema near youuu...:skeleton:

The thing I found interesting was my other teacher has a completely different view. He says you only get married when you can afford it.

 

[Banu_Hashim]

The thing I found interesting was my other teacher has a completely different view. He says you only get married when you can afford it.

I am more inclined to agree with your latter sheikhs view:exhausted, however much I'd like to take shortcuts and think otherwise.

 

[Beardo]

I am more inclined to agree with your latter sheikhs view:exhausted, however much I'd like to take shortcuts and think otherwise.

Yeah same. Life is full of decisions, ay?

the dowry ranging from 2k to 5k...the nikah at a local mosque..i think its free? then i will invite my closest relatives to my HOUSE for a SMALL meal...thats the Sunnah...

Hm. Sounds nice and simple. Good luck compromising with your potential wife. :X

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

im going to look like a dork for dragging this on too much, but anyway....

I seem to have trouble figuring out what the argument really is. Forgive me!

i was having trouble grasping one of your comments:

The parents want their daughters to complete their degrees because they see it as a lifeline for her if the marriage should not work out. Meaning that, if they divorce then the girl has her education to fall back on to support herself. And I think it's a very valid concern that has truth to it seeing how high of a divorce rate our communities have. At the same time though, I think it's not smart for them to wait around until past their mid-twenties for the sake of education. That actually turns off guys because they feel that the girl is too educated for them whilst they only have a bachelors and have worked to save up money to get married etc. I think it requires a balance.

so essentially what you are saying here is that a girl should put off her studies simply because a guy will feel that she is too smart for him? now what i want to know, is why she has to give her education up and have the blame dumped on her (i.e you will get too old and no-one will marry you). if the guy doesn't like it, so what? why should she have to change her priorities around? why cant he?

if the guy was so content within himself about himself, then a potential that he may feel is more intelligent then him, shouldn't be a problem for him.
"i dont like you, so give it up" how does that work :$

men and women will out smart one another in one way or another anyway. men and women are good at alot of things, only in different ways and i dont see why/how her having a degree is to be "isolated."

besides, a degree is only one out of hundreds of aspects of being intelligent. a degree is simply acknowledging and recognizing a persons particular area they may excel in. essentially the person is already intelligent in what they do (hence their ability to pass their units and get their degree), its just as i said, they are getting recognized for it.

and maybe im taking it a little too far, but say a your idea was implemented,
how is that going to make a wife feel if she knows her husband wants her to be "dumb."

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

im going to look like a dork for dragging this on too much, but anyway....

i was having trouble grasping one of your comments:

so essentially what you are saying here is that a girl should put off her studies simply because a guy will feel that she is too smart for him? now what i want to know, is why she has to give her education up and have the blame dumped on her (i.e you will get too old and no-one will marry you). if the guy doesn't like it, so what? why should she have to change her priorities around? why cant he?

if the guy was so content within himself about himself, then a potential that he may feel is more intelligent then him, shouldn't be a problem for him.
"i dont like you, so give it up" how does that work :$

men and women will out smart one another in one way or another anyway. men and women are good at alot of things, only in different ways and i dont see why/how her having a degree is to be "isolated."

besides, a degree is only one out of hundreds of aspects of being intelligent. a degree is simply acknowledging and recognizing a persons particular area they may excel in. essentially the person is already intelligent in what they do (hence their ability to pass their units and get their degree), its just as i said, they are getting recognized for it.

and maybe im taking it a little too far, but say a your idea was implemented,
how is that going to make a wife feel if she knows her husband wants her to be "dumb."

I have nothing to argue about - I agree guys shouldn't be turned off or become disinterested if the sister is more educated then them- but my point is that in reality it's not like that. A lot of guys feel that if they marry a woman who is more educated than them, they're going to be overpowered by her later - they feel its a threat to their position of qawwama or caretakers. Regardless of whether this way of thinking is correct or not, my point is that this type of thinking does exist and is common and because of that sisters shouldn't complain that they can't get married if they've put it off for that long.

 

[ژاله]

^but guys with masters and phds do exist lol..i agree with your post by the way. men want to be the upper hand and i have seen couples where the girl was more educated and the husband makes her feel all the time as if she knows nothing, to feed his ego.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

^ Well ego is a problem and it's wrong and needs to be fixed. I'm in no way justifying that. I'm only trying to say what the current reality is like.

 

[ژاله]

exactly, i am also stating what generally happens, not whether its right or wrong.

 

[syilla]

:salamext:

Just asking... do you realised that most people nowadays are so hard to get married? Do you think is because of the fitnah dajjal (well...yeah me and the 'fitnah dajjal' theory).

 

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

:salamext:

Just asking... do you realised that most people nowadays are so hard to get married?

Some people are very choosy . Men are looking for young and beautiful girl , girls are looking for stablished but still young man . Huh hard to find matches .

 

[CosmicPathos]

I have nothing to argue about - I agree guys shouldn't be turned off or become disinterested if the sister is more educated then them- but my point is that in reality it's not like that. A lot of guys feel that if they marry a woman who is more educated than them, they're going to be overpowered by her later - they feel its a threat to their position of qawwama or caretakers. Regardless of whether this way of thinking is correct or not, my point is that this type of thinking does exist and is common and because of that sisters shouldn't complain that they can't get married if they've put it off for that long.

Yes, from biological evolutionary and anthropological perspective, men would not want a wife who outsmarts him. Call it insecurity or one's passion to be always at the top. Its in man's biological nature. And yes, I would want to be more educated than my wife. One way of recognizing one's education is to look at their academic qualifications and success in their areas of specialization. So yea, MD/PhD, LLB, CA, MBA, M.Engineering ... I would like to have all that. I am sure all other guys would too.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

I have nothing to argue about - I agree guys shouldn't be turned off or become disinterested if the sister is more educated then them- but my point is that in reality it's not like that. A lot of guys feel that if they marry a woman who is more educated than them, they're going to be overpowered by her later - they feel its a threat to their position of qawwama or caretakers. Regardless of whether this way of thinking is correct or not, my point is that this type of thinking does exist and is common and because of that sisters shouldn't complain that they can't get married if they've put it off for that long.

but what if she doesn't intend on making him feel that way? what if she genuinely understands that as a guy then he is going to have some extent of pride, etc. what if the only reason she studied was to gain knowledge and to have something to fall back on? what if she studied without the intention of working? whats the big issue then?

also, what about in other ways a wife can compete with her husband, other then in education? what about those women who can do those "handy man" things around the house? what about those types of women who naturally have a strong personality? is it still a threat to him?

and what about Islamic knowledge? does a guy feel threatened if his wife is more knowledgeable then him in that aspect?

 

[★ηαѕιнα★]

^ Well ego is a problem and it's wrong and needs to be fixed. I'm in no way justifying that. I'm only trying to say what the current reality is like.

Well men also like women to be good conversationpartners. They don't want to have the feeling they are talking to a child. When you have a wife with no degree they will not be happy as well. Then what?:hmm:

but what if she doesn't intend on making him feel that way? what if she genuinely understands that as a guy then he is going to have some extent of pride, etc. what if the only reason she studied was to gain knowledge and to have something to fall back on? what if she studied without the intention of working? whats the big issue then?

also, what about in other ways a wife can compete with her husband, other then in education? what about those women who can do those "handy man" things around the house? what about those types of women who naturally have a strong personality? is it still a threat to him?

and what about Islamic knowledge? does a guy feel threatened if his wife is more knowledgeable then him in that aspect?

What if she is educated but has a soft character to compensate for it?? Not that having a degree is a negative thing. Im pro.

 

[CosmicPathos]

Well men also like women to be good conversationpartners. They don't want to have the feeling they are talking to a child. When you have a wife with no degree they will not be happy as well. Then what?:hmm:



What if she is educated but has a soft character to compensate??

what if she has a degree but she does not know how to converse? Not having a degree does not prove that one is not intelligent. A person can be intelligent without having a degree.

 

[★ηαѕιнα★]

what if she has a degree but she does not know how to converse? Not having a degree does not prove that one is not intelligent. A person can be intelligent without having a degree.

Nah dont agree with you here. Doing studies asks a lot of a student. You have to have certain skills like discussing, conversating, presentation and stuff on a certain level. You could have this skills but the level of difficulty is much higher in a University environment. Besides your lacking an area of expertise this way. You dont have the extra luggage you can use in daily life. And what do you think about linguistic usage? Also asks a lot of you in an University environment.