Urdu Latife (Urdu Jokes)

[waji]

Re: Urdu Jokes



Bhola was looking for a job. He couldn't find one in Pakistan so started applying to US & Canada. As soon as he applied, he got a reply from a US company.
Bhola was very happy and started giving treat to all his friends...
Dost poochney laggey kay....."Bhai, bataa to kon si company hai, kitni salary haai? vaghera... vaghera...".
Bhola said "English mein letter hai, per mein tumhe translate kar ke sunata hoon"....

"Woh company likhe hai...
"YOU DO NOT MEET"... yaani kay "Tum to milte hi nahin ho...(bahut busy ho)"
"OUR REQUIREMENTS"... yaani kay "Humein to bahut zaroorat hai"
"NO FURTHER CORRESPONDENCE"... yaani kay "Aagey chitthi bhejne ki zarurat nahin hai, (Jaise bhi ho jaldi se aajao)"
"WILL BE ENTERTAINED"... yaani kay "Bahut khatir ki jayegi"
Thank you

 

[waji]

Re: Urdu Jokes




A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.
The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep.

Smart huh!!

 

[waji]

Re: Urdu Jokes



How do you confuse a sardar??
By asking him to fond the corner of a circle.

How does he confuse you??
By finding one.

 

[bint-ul-islam]

Re: Urdu Jokes

aik taleemi mehkamay ka afsar aik school may inspection kay liay jata hai ...chotay bachon ki class may jata hai aur black board per lafz "nature " likhta hai aur aik bachay ko kehta hai kay spell kerain
bacha kehtay hai "natooray "
afsar ko bohat ghusa ata hai ...
teacher ko kehta hai ...app tawaja nahee dain gi to saree zindagi aisay hi perhay ga..
teacher kehte hain ...abhi bacha hai "matooray"(mature) ho ga to seekh jaye ga
afsar aur ghusay hota hai aur seedha principle kay office jata hai aur kehta hai kay app kay unperh teachers bachoon ko kia taleem dain gay ....
principle teacher to bhula ker khoob danta hai aur kehta hai kay app to bachoon ka FATOORAY (future) kharaab kernay pay tuli howi hain

 

[Khayal]

Re: Urdu Jokes

aik taleemi mehkamay ka afsar aik school may inspection kay liay jata hai ...chotay bachon ki class may jata hai aur black board per lafz "nature " likhta hai aur aik bachay ko kehta hai kay spell kerain
bacha kehtay hai "natooray "
afsar ko bohat ghusa ata hai ...
teacher ko kehta hai ...app tawaja nahee dain gi to saree zindagi aisay hi perhay ga..
teacher kehte hain ...abhi bacha hai "matooray"(mature) ho ga to seekh jaye ga
afsar aur ghusay hota hai aur seedha principle kay office jata hai aur kehta hai kay app kay unperh teachers bachoon ko kia taleem dain gay ....
principle teacher to bhula ker khoob danta hai aur kehta hai kay app to bachoon ka FATOORAY (future) kharaab kernay pay tuli howi hain

;D:giggling:

 

[Khayal]

Re: Urdu Jokes



Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and says "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"


A sardar was drawing money from ATM. The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password.
Its 4 asterisks(****).
The first sardar replies, " Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong.
Its 1258.


What is the height of stupidity?
2 sardarjies sitting on a motorcycle & fighting for a window seat


Santa Singh: Will this bus take me to Jalandhar?
Driver: Which part?
Santa Singh: All of me, of course!


Once Santa Singh was riding a cycle and he suddenly hit a girl!
So girl shouted, 'Saala ghanti nahi maar sakta tha??'
And sardarji replied, 'Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se maroon?

.
What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes


Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
.

 

[era]

Re: Urdu Jokes

aik taleemi mehkamay ka afsar aik school may inspection kay liay jata hai ...chotay bachon ki class may jata hai aur black board per lafz "nature " likhta hai aur aik bachay ko kehta hai kay spell kerain
bacha kehtay hai "natooray "
afsar ko bohat ghusa ata hai ...
teacher ko kehta hai ...app tawaja nahee dain gi to saree zindagi aisay hi perhay ga..
teacher kehte hain ...abhi bacha hai "matooray"(mature) ho ga to seekh jaye ga
afsar aur ghusay hota hai aur seedha principle kay office jata hai aur kehta hai kay app kay unperh teachers bachoon ko kia taleem dain gay ....
principle teacher to bhula ker khoob danta hai aur kehta hai kay app to bachoon ka FATOORAY (future) kharaab kernay pay tuli howi hain

v..funnyyy:giggling: :giggling:

A sardar was drawing money from ATM. The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password.
Its 4 asterisks(****).
The first sardar replies, " Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong.
Its 1258.

:giggling:

 

[UmmHasan]

Re: Urdu Jokes


hehe all of these jokes are soooooooo funny...
I was in a bad mood today but this made it go away.
Thanks every1 :lol: :bravo:

your sister in Islam

 

[Khayal]

Re: Urdu Jokes




aik pagal halwaee ki dukan per gaya.us nay aadha kilo doodh
pia aur phir thori see chini khanay ko mangi.chini khanay k
baad wo lait ker daain baain(lef & right) lotnay laga.
dukandar samjha k shaid doodh main zeher tha.us nay doodh gira
dia.paagal uth ker khara ho gaya to dukandar nay deryafet kia:
"tumhain kia huwa tha?" pagal nay jawab dia.

"yaar main to doodh main chini mila raha tha."

 

[PCJS]

Re: Urdu Jokes

Let's change all the Sardar jokes into Mullah jokes....

 

[Khayal]

Re: Urdu Jokes



3 Choro saath mein bethay hotay hain...
1St one" yaar main itni garam chaye(tea) peeta hoon k jaisay hee ketlee say cup say nikalti hai mein peejata hoon"
2Nd one" yeh konsi bari baat hai mein to ketlee mein he tyaar ker k ketlee mein hee peejata hoon "
3Rd one" uhh.. Yeh konsi bari baat hai main to moon(mouth) mein doodh, patee aur cheenee(sugar) daltaa hoon aur choolhay
Gas burner) per beth jaata hoon..."



Santa :I am a proud man, my son is in medical college.
Banta : Really, what is he studying,
Santa : no he is not studying, they are studying him.

​

 

[rozeena]

Re: Urdu Jokes

dat was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo funi im guna tell my dad dat wen i get hm, propa funi

 

[rozeena]

Re: Urdu Jokes

i saw this joke ages back thought id share it wid u. two indian passengers r waiting at the airport.

1st passenger- sir aap chinese hai?
2nd passenger- nehi

he waits a few minutes then says,

1st passenger- sir aap chinese hai? hai na?
2nd passenger- nehi bola na nehi.

the 1st passenger keeps starin at the second passengers n says
nehi sir aap chinese hai?

2nd passenger ( reali angry throws his newspaper n says)- haa haa mey chinese hu tho kya, tho kya?

1ST PASSENGER- PAR lagthe tho nahi,

i told my dad it n he cudnt stop laufin, ws reli funny wen u see it on tv tho,

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Re: Urdu Jokes

^ LoL !!! subhanAllah that really is hilarious lollll

 

[waji]

Re: Urdu Jokes

اپنے دوست کے انتقال پر ایک صاحب تعزیت کے لیے اس کے گھر گئے۔ گھر جا کر انہوں نے دیکھا کہ مرحوم اچھا خاصا دولت مند ہے۔ انھوں نے مرحوم کی بیوہ سے کہا: اگرچہ آپ کے لیے یہ بڑا صدمہ ہے جس کی تلافی ممکن نہیں لیکن اگر آپ مناسب سمجھیں تو میں مرحوم کی جگہ لے سکتا ہوں۔

’’ضرور! اگر دفنانے والے راضی ہوں تو مجھے بھلا کیا اعتراض ہو سکتا ہے۔‘‘ بیوہ نے کہ​

ا

 

[AmarFaisal]

Re: Urdu Jokes

nice jokes

 

[^..sTr!vEr..^]

Re: Urdu Jokes

Eik pagal:Mein is duniya ko mitta dun ga...mitta dun ga...mitta dun ga...
Dosra pagal: Hehhee..mein tumko rubber he nahi dunga!

 

[Khayal]

Re: Urdu Jokes



.


Wife: Jab Tum Nay Pehli Martaba Maira Ghoonghat Uthaya Tha To Kaisa Mehsoos Kiya Tha?

Husband : Khuda Ki Qasam Mai'n Mar Hi Jata Agar Ayatal Kursi Yaad Na Hoti...

:skeleton:







Angry boss: Tumne kabhi Ullu dekha hai?
Executive (sar jhukate hue): Nahin sir.
Boss: Neechay kya dekh rahe ho ? Meri taraf dekho.
:giggling:


Do pagal jarahay hotay hain rastay main aik masjid kay samnay say guzartay hain tu aik pagal kehta hai yaar Allah ka ghar dhoop main hai aoo is ko chaon main lai jatay hain . dono pagal chappal utar kay masjid ki deewar ko dhakka lagany lagtay hain shaam ho jati hai unki chaplain peechay say koi lai jata hai

. dosra pagal kehta hai yaad masjid chaon main agayee hai chalo ab chalailn jab woh murtay hian tu un chapplain nahin hotin hain :haha pehla pagal kehta hai yaar hum kafi agay agaye hain hamari chaplain hi nahin dikh rahi hain

AIK DOCTOR SAHAB KI DUTY LAG JATI HAI PAGAL KHANAY MAI. WOH PAGAL KHANAY MAI JATAY HAIN TO SAB APNAY APNAY KAMON MAI MASROOF HOTAY HAIN.... AIK PAGAL UNN KI SEAT PER BETHA HOTA HAI AUR KISI KO CHECK KAR RAHA HOTA HAI....
DOCTOR SAHAB JA KAR APNA TAARUF KARWATAY HAIN KEH MAIN YAHAN KA NAYA INCHARGE / DOCTOR HOON.... TO PAGAL HASNAY LAGTA HAI AUR PATIENT KI TARAF ISHARA KAR KEY KEHTA HAI.... PEHLAY YEH BHEE AISAY HEE KAHA KARTA THA.....


:giggling: :giggling:


aik pagal khaney se aik mareez sehatyaab ho ke janey laga to donctor ne ussey bill paish kiya aur kaha ke umeed hai ke ab aap theek honey ke baad yeh bill pay kar dein gey.
pagal ne jawab diya kyon nahi , agar ham yeh laakhoo'n ka mamooli bill na bhar paayein to hamein , hamari ra'aaya Akbar Badshah kaise tasleem karey gi ..........:blind:


ek pagal kuch samaan le kar ghar ja raha hota hai raste main uus ko ek aur pagal melta hai

dusra pagal bolta hai ke is tehlli main keya hai tu pehla wala bolta hai agar tum ne ye bata de ke is theli main keya hai tu ye andey (egg) tumhare aur aghar tum ne ye baya ke ye kitne hain tu sare 6 andey tumhare aur agar tum ne ye bataya ke ye kis ke andey hain tu wo murghi bhi tum hari

tu dusra pagal bolta hai yar kuch hints to do ..... :rollseyes

:giggling: :giggling:





Aik akhbari reporter ko bataya jaata haa ka Amritsar station paa train hadsaa ho ghia haa orr 200 bandaa maar ghay hain. Wo bhagam bhag whan ponachtaa haa to pata chaltaa ha 1 saardar G train hadsaa main bach ghay hain

Reporter : Sardar g kia huaa thaa
Sardar G : Na poochoo g bara he ghazab ho ghiaa
Reporter: Station paa ayia hua loogoon main sirf app hee bacha, asa kia hua
Sardar G : Bus g, sub station paa khara thaa ka itnaa main ialaan hua ka Wagha jana wali train Station paa aa rehi haa. Jasa hee loogoon na yia suna ka train station paa aa rehi haa unho na patrion paa chalang laga dee
Reporter : To app kasa bach ghay
Sardar G : Main to janab khudkushi ka lia patri pa hee laata hua tha, jub main na suna ka train station paa aa rehi haa to main bhag ka station paa char ghiaa orr itnaa main train patri paa chali ghee :enough!::enough!:




:giggling: :giggling:

.

 

[Khayal]

Re: Urdu Jokes



2 men searching for thier lost wives

1st: how's ur wife look like?

2nd: beautiful, tall, bold blue eyes ....what about urs?

1st: meri ko maro goli ayo tumhari dhondtey hain....:blind:



Larki valley larkay say: Aap smoking kertay heyn?
Larka: Jee haan
Sharaab peetay hian?
Larka: Jee haan
Drugs laitay hain?
Larka: Jee haan
Jua kheltay hain?
Larka: Jee haan
Sab kuch negative hai kuch positive bhi hai?
Larka: Jee haan, HIV+

:skeleton:





Sardar Jee learnt an essay “ My Best Friend”, but in exam the essay was on ‘Father’. Sardar thought for a while and wrote the essay by replacing ‘Friend’ with ‘Father’, Essay became like this: “ I’m a very fatherly person. I’ve lots of fathers but my neighbor is my best father. He often comes to my home and my mother loves him very much.” In the end he wrote the moral “A father in need is a father in need”. :rollseyes






Compounders And Nurses Nay Aik Patient Ko Stretcher Say Utha Kar Usay Bed Pay Litaya.

Patient Dheeray Say Karahtay Huway Bola " Allah Ka Laakh Laakh Shukar Hai Kay Maira Operation Theek Thaak Ho Gaya "

Baraber Kay Bed Pay Laitay Aik Patient Nay Yeh Sun Kar Kaha: " Ziyadah Khush Fehmi Mai'n Mubtila Matt Ho, Maira Bhi Operation Theek Thaak Huwa Tha Laikin Pait Mai'n Rui Raih Jaanay Ki Wajha Say Dobara Operation Karaana Para...+o(

Sirf Yahi Nahi'n Woh 3 Number Kay Bed Pay Jo Patient So Raha Hai (Isharay Say Dikhatay Huway) Aik Baar To Us Kay Pait Mai'n Qainchi Raih Gai Thi...." :enough!:

Itnay Mai'n Kuch Nurses Dowrtay Huway Stretcher La'aiy Aur Us Patient Say Kaha Jo Abhi Abhi Aaya Tha: " Chalo Chalo Tumhara Dobara Operation Ho Ga, Doctor Gupta Nahi Mil Rahay "

 

[Star]

Re: Urdu Jokes

2


Larki valley larkay say: Aap smoking kertay heyn?
Larka: Jee haan
Sharaab peetay hian?
Larka: Jee haan
Drugs laitay hain?
Larka: Jee haan
Jua kheltay hain?
Larka: Jee haan
Sab kuch negative hai kuch positive bhi hai?
Larka: Jee haan, HIV+

:skeleton:

ha ha classic