What do you think about Polygamy?

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/Peace

..if polygamy is allowed, why ain't polyandry also made legal. .

lol . All 4 husbands will go for DNA test to find out who is the real daddy ..u think it's an honourable job to do ? :heated:

I'ts husband's duty to take care of his pregnant wife . If all husbands deny that it's not my child so I can't spend for her now , how to decide all these ?

Moreover , we must not challange God Almighty . Polygamy is NOT a must ; it's allowed when necessary with fulfilling conditions .

 

[Somaiyah]

:wa:
I know that your post was not directed at me but read what I've written.

Well, it benefited in certain situations. For example, in communities of the past(there are still today) there were 40% man and 60% woman. So , what! those woman who got married are lucky and the rest have to stay single and starve. Especially during the time of warfare. When man died leaving woman for up to six children. Who would support them?

In poor areas, woman don't have time to think about jealousy or to what you're refearing to be "troublesome". Life and death situations, children ,necessities are way more important than our accomodates.
__________________

Yes, I didn't really read everyone else's answers because I didn't have much time by then... But yes I know that before there were more women than men and that they of course couldn't be jealous etc, but at the same time more people in the past married not from love but just from the security and company. How can a person logically be jealous of a man she doesn't even love? It doesn't happen, you're happy and satisfied as long as he cares about you and take care of you in a good way. But if you don't love him, you don't really mind if he's suddenly with the other wife. Instead you might find it relaxing with a night on your own. But a wife who loves her husband, for her I really believe it's hard to know there is a second wife too. Or for the second wife to know there is a first wife too. So I am really amazed of the women who love their husband and still can agree the husband to marry another wife, or a woman who loves a man who already has a husband and can agree to become a second wife still. Because I don't think I would be able to handle it at all. So it's very personal now, that I am just simply amazed of these women.

 

[blazingflames17]

I'm a guy, so easy for me to say.

But I will say this: I have no problem with polygamy in Islam, AS LONG as the man can treat all the wives exactly the same with fairness and respect!

 

[cat eyes]

i know this is quite personal but that justice comes in with pleasing the woman also so isen it important that the man should have a high sex drive? because if not it is going to be hell boring life she will be living waiting to get pleasure:hiding:

 

[Rasema]

Yes, I didn't really read everyone else's answers because I didn't have much time by then... But yes I know that before there were more women than men and that they of course couldn't be jealous etc, but at the same time more people in the past married not from love but just from the security and company. How can a person logically be jealous of a man she doesn't even love? It doesn't happen, you're happy and satisfied as long as he cares about you and take care of you in a good way. But if you don't love him, you don't really mind if he's suddenly with the other wife. Instead you might find it relaxing with a night on your own. But a wife who loves her husband, for her I really believe it's hard to know there is a second wife too. Or for the second wife to know there is a first wife too. So I am really amazed of the women who love their husband and still can agree the husband to marry another wife, or a woman who loves a man who already has a husband and can agree to become a second wife still. Because I don't think I would be able to handle it at all. So it's very personal now, that I am just simply amazed of these women.

The reason I replied to you is because I don't want you to think that woman who have husbands that aren't married only to them are living a dull life. As I've said, the Qur'an doesn't encourage polygamy for our generation rather it restricted it. There are woman who don't dream about romance and to have a happy ever after life. Personally, I would marry someone who I respect and not love because how would you know it that feeling isn't sexual attraction only,which eventually fades. I'm not asking a question. I'm just saying that those who practice poygamy are not miserable. I know an American convert who has a husband with onother wife and they are a very good example,alhamdulillah.

 

[humbleheart]

In this day and age most people forget the true meaning of polygamy and think its all about men satisfying their desires. No this isn't why polygamy is allowed, Its to cater those poor, unfortunate women who cannot cope by themselves

But i think all your justices here are unfair towards the man i want to marry, because, i dont think that he just was about to marry me because of satisfying his sexual desires, we love each other really much and since he is allowed to marry someone else too as his second wife , we chose this way to satisfy our strong love to each other.

 

[humbleheart]

but let me pose a rather crass Q to you.
If a woman takes on four husbands and gets her period, or pregnant or six weeks post pregnancy and one or all four have needs and would like to get amorous, but she isn't in the mood to satisfy one or any, what do you propose then? Also should there be a paternity test for which of them fathered the child with each pregnancy?

Thank you my dear sis, great response Masha Allah

 

[syilla]

ukhtee...you're both in love before marriage? does the wife knows about this? If she doesn't know... i would probably be sad for her

 

[humbleheart]

ukhtee...you're both in love before marriage? does the wife knows about this? If she doesn't know... i would probably be sad for her

yes sister
she doesnt know.

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

lol@akhi Sampharo

Polygamy is a beautiful sunnah and if my imaginary husband wanted to marry another woman, I'd make sure she's a good one and even better a woman who genuinely needs support.

I'm 100% sure. But one day I was thinking how I'd really, really, really feel about it deep down if I loved him like crazy - as it's always easier said than done. I think there'd be the normal fears like would he forget me if he got another wife(s) etc? But my confidence outweighs the fears by miles. Anyhow, before I could actually dissect my feelings just for the sake of it, a thought popped up in my head saying I might as well get used to it as he will have more than one wife in Jannah anyway. :giggling:

Sisters, you can run but you can't hide. It's going to happen one way or another anyway! Make a sister happy. Enjoin polygamy! Lol ;D

I'm with sis Scents on this.

Jealousy would be natural...I mean it's not something that could ever completely go away, no matter how you want to sugarcoat it lol. But what's enough for me is Allah(swt) allowed it. But the guy better have a darn good reason to take one. For the sake of another sister, I'd do it and because Allah(swt) has allowed the man to do it, so who am I to say no? If I'm going to claim to love Allah and this deen...then I sure as heck don't have the authority to deny it. But again, I hope I could handle it lol inshaAllah if it ever came to it.

If you were a sister who had trouble finding a husband and found one married and you could marry him, wouldn't you want to be accepted? Seriously. I'd hate to be rejected...everyone has the right to a spouse. Just for the sake of Allah, I'm ok with it, otherwise I'd have the same feelings just as much as the next woman.

I would surely like to be the only one...but only Allah knows best if it would stay that way. I'd rather he marry than to fall into sin outside of marriage..

 

[Ansariyah]

I'm against it.

I think u shud respect the sister this mans married to n consider her feelings, cause rememba wat rasululah (saw) said about loving for your fellow muslim that which u love for urself.

Polygamy is not to be taken lightly, during the time of rasululah (saw) n the sahabas (ra) they use to marry widowed women to help n protect them. How many Muslims marry widowed women nowadays?

I feel for the sista whos bein kept in the dark, as u two are declaring ur love for one another. I wonder how she'd feel?

 

[convert]

It is permissible.

Don't see why people do it though, considering there are many unmarried, practicing brothers.

 

[Rebel]

she doesnt know.

How disgraceful of you both. How can you live with yourselves?

 

[MSalman]

as-salamu alaykum

not a personal attack on anyone but quite surprised to see lots of comments from sisters something like "I know it is halal and all that but I personally do not want it" --- just subhaanAllah. Keeping aside the issue of mistreatment, etc. how can you not like something or not want it which Allah has made permissible? Do you think Allah revealed it without considering your women nature? Do you think the sahabiyyaat (may Allah be pleased with them) and those who followed their footsteps would say such a thing? Why didn't the mothers of the believers think of this despite the fact they knew the financial position of the Prophet (sal-allahu alayhi wa sallam)? And we find many similar examples when we dig the history of the Salaf. What if you cannot find a righteous single brother or the type of brother you are looking for? Would you then prefer to be alone and may commit sins over marrying a married brother?

To the married sisters, what is big fuss about not sharing your husband with another sister. Why are you so selfish? Is following Islam and the footsteps of the sahabiyyat (may Allah be pleased with them) only a lip service? If you have a nice, loving, caring, righteous husband, why would you not want to share with another sister so that she can also benefit from him? Is the claim that you love your fellow sisters and care about them only a lip service? The Messenger of Allah (sal-allahu alayhi wa sallam) said that chose that for your brother which you like for yourself. So if a sister in your town cannot find a righteous husband and your husband fits that category then why would you not want her to share your husband given that your truly care about her!? What if your husband has strong desires? Would you prefer him to overburden you or worst fall into a sin? What if you are not too good looking and due to huge amount of fitnah outside, specially in the west, the brother falls into sins!? Remember that marriage is earning reward given that followed Islamically; so, why would you not want your husband to please Allah more? And same for your fellow sister in Islam?

Ever wondered, why so many sisters are now days facing the mistreatment etc. issues? Maybe because polygamy among the large Muslims have become some sort of taboo. The lifestyle demands are too high and too much for brothers handle hence the good brothers are stuck to affording only one wife. Remember the story of the sahabi who married a sahabiyah (may Allah be pleased with them both) and gave her surah of the Qur'an as a mahr. The financial part is definitely important but to me we just have made a big deal.

Again, not a personal attack on anyone but I am looking at it from a biger picture: unity, being compassionate and merciful to other believers and pleasing Allah. Obviousally, we all think differently and have personal choice but think about it from a bigger picture and permissiblty of this in Islam and the sunnah of early Muslims.

 

[Rebel]

islamiclife (!),

Do a bit of research before ranting like that next time.

Can a Wife Stipulate that Her Husband Must Not Marry a Second Wife?

^ That shows that Islamically, if a woman isn't willing to be in a polygamous marriage, you can't force her to. Your argument was pathetic.

Who are you to condemn women for their jealousy? Even the sahabiyyat got jealous. You never read about Aisha's (RA) jealousy and what she and the Prophet's other wives sometimes did out of pure jealousy?

If they never got condemned for their jealousy, why should we condemn any other woman for it?

Why are you so selfish? Is following Islam and the footsteps of the sahabiyyat (may Allah be pleased with them) only a lip service?

How can you judge people like that? Have you ever lived with these people or at least known them to assume that they're not following in the footsteps of the sahabiyyat?

Not wanting to share your spouse with another person has nothing to do with selfishness.

Lemme ask you this, do you think the Prophet (PBUH) would react the way you just did? I don't.

Read this:

Aisha (RA) once said to the Prophet: “Messenger of God! If you were to stop at a valley where there are two trees: one has had much of its fruit eaten by others, and one still has its full load: from which would you eat?” The Prophet said that he would eat from the one bearing its full load. She said: “That is me!” (Related by Al-Bukhari). In this she was alluding to the fact that she was the only woman who was a virgin and had not been married to another man before marrying the Prophet.

The Prophet understood her meaning, but did not allow her to go beyond that. Hence, she repeated this, speaking clearly without analogies or figures of speech. She said to him: “Messenger of God! I am unlike your other wives. Each one of them had her former husband, except me.” The Prophet only smiled and did not reply.

...When he heard that Ali wanted to marry another woman, which is perfectly allowed in Islam and common in the Arabian society, the Prophet declared his opposition to this marriage, saying: “Fatimah is a part of me. What hurts her hurts me.” He made it clear that the only way Ali could marry another woman was by first divorcing Fatimah. Ali never entertained any thought of divorcing her. The couple continued to live happily until Fatimah died, six months after her father had passed away. Ali married other women after that.

http://islamonline.com/news/articles/3/The_Darling_of_All_Daughters.html

See the huge difference between your reaction and that of the Prophet's (PBUH)?

And there are many, many similar stories detailing the jealousy of the Prophet's wives and how he (PBUH) dealt with it.

Before you demand that women follow in the footsteps of the sahabiyyat, you might wanna consider following in the footsteps of the Prophet (PBUH) yourself first.

Islam is much easier than you think, mate.

 

[Ansariyah]

as-salamu alaykum

What if you cannot find a righteous single brother or the type of brother you are looking for? Would you then prefer to be alone and may commit sins over marrying a married brother?

no need to if about it there are plenty of righteous bros to go around who btw consider one enuff.

To the married sisters, what is big fuss about not sharing your husband with another sister. Why are you so selfish?

everything is not up for charity.

Is following Islam and the footsteps of the sahabiyyat (may Allah be pleased with them) only a lip service? If you have a nice, loving, caring, righteous husband, why would you not want to share with another sister so that she can also benefit from him?

Look I understand that people dont know wat love is, but someone who believes in it or has experienced it cannot share it. Did the thought ever occur to u that maybe people love each other so much that they dont need a third person in the pic.

Besides there are plenty of men in this world women can choose from, why go after the one that a sister has?

Thats actually real selfishness...not that u dont want to share.

Is the claim that you love your fellow sisters and care about them only a lip service? The Messenger of Allah (sal-allahu alayhi wa sallam) said that chose that for your brother which you like for yourself.

Indeed...Sometimes u have to leave peoples happiness alone, n maybe find ur own...love for u fellow muslim that which u love for urself..right?

So if a sister in your town cannot find a righteous husband and your husband fits that category then why would you not want her to share your husband given that your truly care about her!?

If a woman wants to share her husband thats all fine wit me *mashaAllah*, but if a sister doesnt want to share thats fine too mashaAllah.

What if your husband has strong desires? Would you prefer him to overburden you or worst fall into a sin?

Wat u gettin at?.. That polygamy is an escape route to adultery? It isn't...wat strong desires?...he shud restrain himself n strengthen his imaan. Men are not Animals..!

What if you are not too good looking and due to huge amount of fitnah outside, specially in the west, the brother falls into sins!?

LOL.....some men can have the prettiest wives but still stray! so thats a weak argument!

Remember that marriage is earning reward given that followed Islamically; so, why would you not want your husband to please Allah more? And same for your fellow sister in Islam?

?

Can he not please Allah more in other ways except to find another woman that he can marry?

The lifestyle demands are too high and too much for brothers handle hence the good brothers are stuck to affording only one wife.

I dont blame them..not everythings up for sharing.

Remember the story of the sahabi who married a sahabiyah (may Allah be pleased with them both) and gave her surah of the Qur'an as a mahr. The financial part is definitely important but to me we just have made a big deal.

Again, not a personal attack on anyone but I am looking at it from a biger picture: unity, being compassionate and merciful to other believers and pleasing Allah. Obviousally, we all think differently and have personal choice but think about it from a bigger picture and permissiblty of this in Islam and the sunnah of early Muslims.

jazakAlahkhayr.

 

[Rasema]

I don't know how would I feel. But I do have girlfriends that I would share the rest of my life with.

Sister, I'd say that you meet his wify first. This is a taugh decision. If she doesn't like you then the husband will be pissed at her.

And you, sisters above, need to cool down.

But at the same time, If the brother wishes the sister so much. It would be nice to marry her. Or maybe, he lost interest in his first wife. If he doesn't marry this sister he might look for another one.

Man are man, they're not animals but they're unsensative. And I think sisters believe too much in love. It fades so fast. I can tell from observing married,used to be in love, people.

I think that the solution to this is iman. Would this marrage increase or decrease his, yours and her iman?

We should refear to the Prophet and the Qur'an, simple as that. This is my uneducated judgement: It's all about intention so why do you want to marry him?

Please don't tell me "becasue I love him" it's all about Islam. Something that is more iomportant than yourself and others. Would your family be okay with this?

Would this create disputed between him, your family and others?

I'd say If his wife likes you and you get along,marry him.

 

[cat eyes]

I'm against it.

I think u shud respect the sister this mans married to n consider her feelings, cause rememba wat rasululah (saw) said about loving for your fellow muslim that which u love for urself.

Polygamy is not to be taken lightly, during the time of rasululah (saw) n the sahabas (ra) they use to marry widowed women to help n protect them. How many Muslims marry widowed women nowadays?

I feel for the sista whos bein kept in the dark, as u two are declaring ur love for one another. I wonder how she'd feel?

i agree with this! if the other wife did not know any of this was going on and all these plans were being made on the wifes back before hand its complete and utter evil and ignorance the punishment for adultery is death so that can give you a clear indication talking with a married man is evil in the sight of Allah also and sister i honestly would not know how you cannot feel a bit shame for this lewd behaviour. their is two types of love, haraam love and halal love. don't even consider this man for marriage. hes far from the deen and needs to gain knowledge. doing haraam stuff before marriage you honestly believe you will get your blessings? not thinking of Allah before and making up your own rules! of course polygamy is right if you do everything right according to the scriptures!! speak with a scholar

 

[Rasema]

Sister Rebel, what did you mean when you said"Islam is easier than you think mate"
Do you really think that God created you so life is easy on you??

And after checking yours and Yanooras posts, you two seem to be on the females side always!!!!
I know that one of you is a student of Islam and I have never disrespected a student by intention. I'm just worried about you two.:heated:

I kind of angers me for some reason.

With love

 

[Humbler_359]

yes sister
she doesnt know.

humbleheart,

Excuse me, how long she doesn't know behind you and him? four years? hew