What should I do with my son?

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SorayaCali

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Hello there, I'm wondering, I have a son through my previous marriage, as I've mentioned before, and I wasn't muslim then, but of course now I am, but my ex still wants to be part of my sons life, and I'm not exactly a good mother, I have mental disorders and I have outburst at times, so I'm thinking I should either give him custody or just put him up for adoption. What do you think?
 
Maybe u should talk to imam bout this, he might give u more better advice then us. I don't know Wots like to struggle with illness like that but I strongly advice u to think this hard cos one day ur son might come back to u want answers. Maybe u could hire nanny to help u out? I hope someone can help u babe ((hugzz))
 
:sl:
i wish i have some words for u but cant suggest anything...its seems more dependent on ur willing. just to add i feel a child lucky who recieve his mother love in childhood.
 
I think I'll keep him but I do have doubts about my motherly abilities I must admit.
 
a friend of mine had an abortion when she was 16 she didn't give it a second thought.. when she got married she tried for years to have a child and couldn't.. underwent treatments the works and I won't describe to you her guilt and pain it goes without saying.. not everyone's life is so dramatic to come up with what ifs.. some really have a desire to have a child and can't-- I can't impress upon anyone just how valuable and really miraculous life is.. it is a gift and that's how it is described in the Quran. 'We gifted him with' because that's truly what it is.. think in your heart of hearts if a few years from now when things are smoother for you or even not if you'd be ok with such a life altering decision or even from your child's perspective.
Your child doesn't care if you're imbalanced or if you stink or a wailing banshee..God knows what person isn't prone to a little craziness? we all have days like that, it is human it is part of the human condition.
Your child wasn't born in one day from conception, and Islam isn't a one day from conversion.. everything is born small and grows and deepens with time..
I think you know the answer to your query you don't need anyone here to tell you what is right and wrong.. perhaps you can see a counselor and talk about your problems in a constructive manner.. take your child to the playground make friends with other mothers see how they're pulling through.. life is a challenge for everyone..


best,
 
Thanks for the detailed response, but no I don't know the answer. I think I am going to keep him, but honestly, is it best? I mean I'm a completely nervous wreck. I do want to know what I should islamically do.
 
[h=3]QUR'AN CHAPTER 65:
AT-TALAQ (DIVORCE)
Verse 6[/h]
c65_6-1.gif
65:6 askinuuhun-na min Haythu sakantum miw wujdikum wa laa tuDaar-ruuhun-na li tuDay-yiquu 'Alayhinn* wa in kun-na ulaati Hamlin fa anfiquu 'Alayhin-na Hat-taa yaDa'Åna Hamlahunn* fain arDa'Åna lakum fa aatuuhun-na ujuurahunn* wa'tamiruu baynakum bi ma'Åruuf* wa in ta'AAsartum fa sa turDi'U lahuu ukhraa
Click here to play the verse


Ahmed Raza Khan: Mohammed Aqib Qadri:
Accommodate them where you also reside, according to your means, and do not harass them to make it difficult upon them; and if they are pregnant, give them the provision till they deliver their burden; then if they suckle the child for you, pay them its due; and consult with each other in a reasonable manner; and if you create hardship for one another, the child will get another breast feeding nurse.

Yusuf Ali:
Let the women live (in 'iddat) in the same style as ye live, according to your means: Annoy them not, so as to restrict them. And if they carry (life in their wombs), then spend (your substance) on them until they deliver their burden: and if they suckle your (offspring), give them their recompense: and take mutual counsel together, according to what is just and reasonable. And if ye find yourselves in difficulties, let another woman suckle (the child) on the (father's) behalf.
Pickthal:
Lodge them where ye dwell, according to your wealth, and harass them not so as to straiten life for them. And if they are with child, then spend for them till they bring forth their burden. Then, if they give suck for you, give them their due payment and consult together in kindness; but if ye make difficulties for one another, then let some other woman give suck for him (the father of the child).

Courtesy of:
webmastr-1.gif
(PrayerWare)

http://www.multimediaquran.com/quran/065/065-006.htm
 
Talk it out with your childn's father and he has an obligation if you can't bear the responsbility. That should hold true even if he isn't a Muslim under the country's laws if he doesn't subscribe to Islamic law..


 
Every country has its laws and it maybe hard to believe with all the negative press but a good 80% of American law is remarkably similar to Islamic jurisprudence. For instance the financial responsibility..
 
Okay cool I guess, but that's not what I'm asking about. Is it okay in Islamic law, if need be, I give my son to my ex?
 
SorayaCali said:
But wouldn't that risk making my son not a muslim?
Click to expand...

Islam is a covenant one makes with God when they are able to reason it isn't a birth right.. Also you yourself aren't sure of your beliefs at the moment so you risk confusing your son rather than passing the torch so to speak. It isn't ideal, and I myself find it difficult to reconcile saying these words with my own personal beliefs (as a woman not as a Muslim) but it is about doing what is best for your son. If you honestly believe you can't handle him at the moment then you must put his well fare ahead of yours and do what is best for him.. and if I had to personally choose between father or adoption I'd obviously choose the father..
 
True true, in fact I've stopped telling my son about Islam and he's already forgetting the stuff I told him.
 

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