What should I do with my son?

  • Thread starter Thread starter SorayaCali
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don't give him up for adoption and don't give him to ur ex husband keep him with you teach him abt islam he'll be a sadaqah jariah for you inshaAllah :)
 
No Ive decided not to teach him about Islam, making this whole thread pointless now, so I apologize.
 
Because I'm confused right now and I don't know what I should do with my life.
 
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AsalamualaAykum warahmatullah wabarakatuhu,
Firstly mental health disorders are surprisingly common in people from all backgrounds. I would advice you to speak to people who can offer you real advice such as an imaam, your GP and so on. Secondly having having a mental health issue does not make you a bad mother. Perhaps the way you feel is a symptom of the condition rather than the way you see it. Don't give up custody of your child to you're ex (who is upon SHIRK?!) or anyone else. Seek help, there will be people that can help you. You are/can and will be a brilliant mother inshaAllah. Allah is the best planner and we seek His aid. I will be making dua for you sister.
 
I am currently talking to my imam but I think he's not so much interested in talking about those things, if you get my drift...

In the end I don't think I'd have the heart to give up my son, though I still need my ex around, when it comes to my son, hes a big help.
 
SorayaCali said:
I am currently talking to my imam but I think he's not so much interested in talking about those things, if you get my drift...

In the end I don't think I'd have the heart to give up my son, though I still need my ex around, when it comes to my son, hes a big help.
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Ofcourse you shouldn't deny him some access as the child the right to his father, what i mean is that you should strive to to keep him from having a unislamic upbringing. Also i am sorry the imaam hasn't been able to help you, where do you live? perhaps there is another mosque you can try?
 
SorayaCali said:
I am currently talking to my imam but I think he's not so much interested in talking about those things, if you get my drift...

In the end I don't think I'd have the heart to give up my son, though I still need my ex around, when it comes to my son, hes a big help.
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Do you think anyone will love your son as much as you? As much as you don't think you measure up; he will always prefer his own mother to some stranger.
Please sister see your gp so he can refer you to get help/treatment for the other issues/problems you're having. Things may seem a lot brighter with the proper support insha'Allah.
 
I read this true story of a woman who physically abused her children to the point that she caused them extreme suffering and pain. One of those children later wrote that they would do anything to please her in the hope of getting a morsel of love from her in return. I just think, how hungry children must be for their mother's love, that despite the suffering she was causing them, they yearned for love from her. It would be so understandable if they'd hated her. But no, they hoped against hope to get her love. That's how children are. They can live without a father. But their mother is the centre of their world. Then imagine the child of a mother who is nothing like that woman? Wouldn't his heart be torn to pieces at losing his mother?
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I totally understand this. My dad forced me to be a prostitute when I was in my teens but I still try to please him, I even look after him (he has cancer).

Please sister see your gp so he can refer you to get help/treatment for the other issues/problems you're having. Things may seem a lot brighter with the proper support insha'Allah.
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Unfortunately my GP is down in Mexico, can't afford US health care, so I can't just see him at a whim. I'll schedule an appointment as soon as I can though.
 
=SorayaCali;1502517]I totally understand this. My dad forced me to be a prostitute when I was in my teens but I still try to please him, I even look after him (he has cancer).
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Subhan Allah that's sick! I'm sorry for what you've been through :( Insha Allah things will get better sis :)


Unfortunately my GP is down in Mexico, can't afford US health care, so I can't just see him at a whim. I'll schedule an appointment as soon as I can though.
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The biggest healer is Allah ukhti. Have you ever heard doctors who can't do anymore for patients to tell relatives that 'it's all up to God now'? The Quran itself is therapy and counselling. But let's take things one at a time insha Allah : )

In the mean time if anyone has anything beneficial to share with sister Soraya, please do so and insha Allah remember her in your duaas.
 
Subhan Allah that's sick! I'm sorry for what you've been through :( Insha Allah things will get better sis :)
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Well my life isn't the worst imaginable, I'm not going to pretend it is.
The biggest healer is Allah ukhti. Have you ever heard doctors who can't do anymore for patients to tell relatives that 'it's all up to God now'? The Quran itself is therapy and counselling. But let's take things one at a time insha Allah : )
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It's alright. Contrary to what most people think, Mexico has just as good health care in many cities there as the United States, and its more accessible. It's something Mexico does better than the US actually.
 
SorayaCali;1502540]Well my life isn't the worst imaginable, I'm not going to pretend it is.
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masha Allah that's true. There's always people worst off than us.

It's alright. Contrary to what most people think, Mexico has just as good health care in many cities there as the United States, and its more accessible. It's something Mexico does better than the US actually.
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Al hamdulillah, that's good to hear.

Talk soon insha Allah x
 
Greetings and peace be with you SorayaCali; there have been lots of good advice so far.

Well, you make good points. I do wonder though if I'll measure up or not
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Failure is only failure when you give up.

It is extremely difficult to bring up kids, even when the husband and wife have a loving relationship together, and it just has to be ten times harder for a single parent. It has to be even harder still for a single parent with health problems.

The word that comes to mind is ‘perseverance’ at the tender age of 62, I am just starting to understand what it is to persevere.
I think this is a helpful short video on the topic, sorry but it does have some background music

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8ZuKF3dxCY

in the spirit of praying to a merciful God

Eric
 
ßlµêßêll said:


Islam is a covenant one makes with God when they are able to reason it isn't a birth right.. Also you yourself aren't sure of your beliefs at the moment so you risk confusing your son rather than passing the torch so to speak. It isn't ideal, and I myself find it difficult to reconcile saying these words with my own personal beliefs (as a woman not as a Muslim) but it is about doing what is best for your son. If you honestly believe you can't handle him at the moment then you must put his well fare ahead of yours and do what is best for him.. and if I had to personally choose between father or adoption I'd obviously choose the father..
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What if the father was abusive, an alcoholic and had a clear bad influence? I'm sure from the rational perspective, the child should go to a good Muslim family for adoption, where they are cared for and treated well and brought up as believers.

Especially if the father's influence is likely to make them become kaafirs, then you would worry about the afterlife wouldn't you?
 

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