What Can I do?
How long has it been now?
2 weeks..
oh ok.. listen, try not to think about it too much then.
what can i do though? that's all i got on my mind.
hm.. what did you used to do, like what do you miss?
It's jus..st that we could talk about anything together. We said we wouldn't end it.. i don't, i don't think i can ever move on..
But, it wasn't even for too long.
Yeah, i know.. but my whole life, it feels worthless now..
No, don't say that!
it is though.. seriosly, everything that happened to me, it feels as if the rest of it's irrelevant, except the time when i was with them.
Can't you try to forget about it though?
no.. i think the reason why its so powerful is because usually.. in our lives, we do things which we don't fully focus on. So we don't use all our senses, maybe use hearing, listening while talking to someone. Or maybe tasting when you're eating.. but the difference is that when you're with that person.. you use all the senses you have, and that makes you remember them memories more.
Like, you use your eyes to stare at them, and your eyes pupils become bigger so you can stare into their eyes.. you hear every word they say carefully, trying to remember it; every word they say, and every moment feels special.
What about the others like smell, taste, and feeling?
All the time you got that person on your mind, so whenever you do anything - it reminds you of that person.. whenever you eat something, that taste remains in your mind, the scents you smell, the things you touch. It all gets stored in your memory.. that's why anything you do after makes you feel hopeless, because all your emotions feel limited, whenever you remember the person, you feel lost, because their not there for you no more...
Oh.. do you feel like moving on though? So that way, you can try to forget the past and try to do new things to keep your mind busy?
Move on to what though? I thought he/she was my future.. we could be together and have a family together. But, it looks like.. it was all false promises, it all just ended so quick..
I'm tired now.. tired of this world. I don't know what to do, where to go.. it's like, like...
It's like what?
.. I don't know what to say. You know like when you hold some ice, even though its freezing cold, you still feel it burning you, just like fire. The one that made me feel so special, they were the one who made me feel the lowest.. it's like they didn't even care. They just ended it.
...
------------------
Patience...
You kept listening, trying to understand what they were going through. They would sometimes get breathless and emotional like before, but they had stopped contacting this person now, they had given up hope in them.. yeah - they desired to be with them again.. but we don't always get what we want in this world. Usually this is a blessing in disguise from Allaah.
Therefore, we can say that the first step for you is is to lookafter the person who's hurt, allow them to explain how they feel, and allow them to let it all out instead of keeping it locked in.
Don't always keep saying to them that
'you will get over it', or
'there are plenty of other fish in the sea' because this hurts the person more. They don't want any other fish apart from the one they were with before.
Every person differs on how long it takes for them to recover, so you will have to be patient.
However, you can tell them to be patient and gradually with time they will be able to move on.
At the same time explain to them that they might feel they can't move on, but Allaah has made us in a way so that we can, but this takes patience. The person will realise this later on in life, and its still worth mentioning because its something positive.
At the same time you can explain that Allaah never overburdens a soul with more than it can bear.
On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns.
(Pray: ) "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith."
[Qur'an 2:286]
Your friend will still feel sad.. they don't really want to move on, they want to be with this person. But they can't.. we know this world is surrounded by hardships, and even though Allaah may take away something/someone we love away from us, it is only for our own good. Allaah knows what is in the future, while we don't.
This person we were in love with may have given us a worser time in this life in the future, maybe made us live a sinful life, or maybe even lead us into the hellfire because of our sins and wrongdoing [we seek refuge in Allaah from this.]
The reason why its a blessing in disguise is because if it wasn't for this reason that stopped them, they would try to cling on even if they had to hold onto a thread. However, by one person ending it - it's actually the only way the person can try to move on [because their not getting any positive response from their ex anyway.] Other situations which force the relationship to end, such as parents, death, moving away etc are all different ways which may break up a relationship.
But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not.
[Qur'an 2:216]
You have to move forward...
As time passes by, your friend will gradually have to move on, whether they like it or not.
What can you do?
The first thing is, you have to make them lift their head up. If their still thinking about the past, it's going to keep them depressed for even longer.
Do this only after a few weeks, or 2/3 months minimum.. otherwise it's going to be rushed. It's also going to be hard to push them forward if you don't allow them the time for rest, or time to get over it.
You need to bring them to a
new group of people. The best thing to do is to bring this person to
practising muslims, maybe in a
new environment.
This is because the person experiences a new place, and different people.
The
new environment is important because your friend will experience new things. Maybe see something new, talk to, and listen to others who have a different mindset, compared to your mates old friends. Your friend will still feel in a daze, however these new people are likely to keep your friends mind more occupied, instead of your friend just staying at home all day [while remaining depressed about everything which occured in their past relationship]
Okay, lets see what we've just said.
1) Allow your friend to feel sad, and explain how they feel for a few weeks. Reassure them that things will get better inshaa'Allaah.
Don't use quotes like 'there are plenty more fish in the sea' or 'get over it' - but show that you feel their pain. And show them that you're a good friend. If you become arrogant and tell them their acting like a baby, their just going to feel more hurt.
Also pray to Allaah for them, because Allaah is the one who changes the hearts.
2) After a few weeks or 2/3months. Bring them to practising muslim friends so these people can benefit them in a good way inshaa'Allaah.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:
"A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend."
[Abu Dawood and at-Tirmidhee]
These people will make the person move on from their sad memories and make them think about new things. Your friend will have more contact with different people [instead of the sinning friends they may have had before.]
Keep this constant and make your friend meet them and go to different environments to keep their mind occupied. These environments can include meeting other good friends, reflecting on the creation of Allaah [i.e. scenery], visiting islamic seminars etc. anything which will make the person feel abit more different, a new experience for them. Their in a weak, timid state - so they need to have a calm place, time where they can feel relaxed. This is usually common in places where there is alot of nature.
Gradually as time passes by, your friend will start thinking less about the past and be occupied with the present inshaa'Allaah.
Remember we discussed in an earlier chapter that your friend's just been pushed off a plane? It's really important that you take them to safety with good practising muslim friends. If you don't, their just going to become harsh, or get influenced by society again to do more wrong.. which may make them hard hearted, and push them further into darkness - which we really don't want.
People differ alot; some move on from the past within a few weeks, months, others it might even take a year or more. However, the same method applies, but the timing differs. You know your friend, and you have to help them - its your responsibility. Don't give up on them, if you work hard enough and place your trust in Allaah - He will help youl; dua' (prayer) and patience - these are of the most powerful weapons which we underestimate.
You keep hearing this statement loads right? You're a baby, and you're going to be affected by those around you. You're the friend, it's your responsibility to help them from not falling astray. It's also your responsibility to be with those who are practising islaam, otherwise you could fall astray too.
So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:
Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.
[Qur'an Inshirah 94:5-6]
A man asked the Prophet
about the Hour (i.e. Day of Judgment) saying, "When will the Hour be?" The Prophet said, "What have you prepared for it?" The man said, "Nothing, except that I love Allah and His Apostle. " The Prophet said, "You will be with those whom you love." We had never been so glad as we were on hearing that saying of the Prophet (i.e., "You will be with those whom you love.") Therefore, I love the Prophet , Abu Bakr and 'Umar, and I hope that I will be with them because of my love for them though my deeds are not similar to theirs. Anas narrated it.
Who do we really love?
Those who follow the way of the dwellers of paradise, or do we love the way of those who are under the wrath of Allaah?
Which group of people do we
really want to be raised up with?
ok ok since well a few weeks now
Remember that you should do your bit as a friend, a listener etc. but you're friend can only be cured by the will of Allaah, this comes through patience like tania said, and also prayer.
