:salamext:
lol nah, i'm just doing it whenever i get the time. insha'Allaah i'll work on some more.
I heard about thatIn the Recovery Period of the relationship, the person usually tries to reflect on the moments when they had that relationship, they try to listen to the same songs, or think about the moments because they feel insecure. They want it to be there, but it isn't. They keep asking themselves Why? How? Unsure of whats coming ahead.
How well defined is the time: 4 months and 10 days.
I don't need evidence but i just thought at the wife which divorced(or even worst than that) from her husband. She needs more time to recover from her marriage. Her last thought would be to marry.Life goes on sometimes very slow. :-[I'm not really sure, we might aswell just imagine it around 4 months.. that was just something i thought of but i don't have no proof from scholars or anything, so no-one has to accept it..
Peace.
I don't need evidence but i just thought at the wife which divorced(or even worst than that) from her husband. She needs more time to recover from her marriage. Her last thought would be to marry.Life goes on sometimes very slow. :-[
To you, the friend.
You're doing a good job masha'Allaah. Just keep checking your intention because remember that if you do it to please Allaah, your reward is with him and your help will more likely have an impact.
Keep your mate busy with alot of different activities so their mind gets off their past relationship. Usually they've got the person on their mind all the time, you need to try to make them experience similar situations which brought the same level of excitement they had before. So take them to places they've never been before, places where they will have fresh air, where they can experience the world (obviously not anywhere which is forbidden - like clubs etc.) Try not to take them to places where they went with their 'lover' in the past for quite a while, because this can trigger them emotions again.
If you keep them busy, they'll have new experiences on their mind which might even remove some of the past memories, or if not that - atleast it will keep their mind occupied for a little while.
Introduce new friends, remember that these friends will have a greater impact on what might happen in the future, or who your friend will turn out to be. So make good practising muslim friends, and with that you can study situations of other people who have gone through similar situations, and how they moved forward.
New friends mean that your friend will face new people and have to adjust him/herself to these new people. These friends might ask questions, so the person has to wake up from their past memories or 'day-dream world' to answer back. When they talk to the new friends, they'll learn things about them too, which will also keep their mind occupied insha'Allaah.
The reason why it's good to get new friends is because you learn about someone new, whereas if you just stayed with the old friends - then you already know about each other, and your friend has an excuse to stay quiet because they know what he/she is going through.
By meeting new people, your 'heart-broken' friend will feel abit insecure, but thats what you want - because if they keep themselves secluded (emotionally, and also socially) - then their going to stay depressed this way for quite a while. You don't want that. You want them to move forward.
Anyway, remember to keep praying and don't put alot of pressure on them, just gradually step by step insha'Allaah. Allow them to recover, but don't delay it for too long but keep helping them. Make alot of dua' [supplication] to Allaah because He is the turner of hearts.
A famous dua' [supplication] of the Messenger of Allaah, peace be upon him which was reported by by Umm Salama (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said:
"Ya muqallib al Quloob, thabbit qalbee alaa deenik"Subhan Allah! This is such an easy dua and we should try to recite it as much as possible, for ourselves and our brothers and sisters.
O turner of the hearts, establish my heart upon your deen [way of life.]
To da Playa.
Hey, sup. Listen, think about your life.. do you remember when you was a kid? Remember the first time you fell for someone? Did you get really hurt when you got turned away? That's exactly the same thing you did to your ex, their going through the same thing you went through.. but it's fun right? Cuz someone did it to you, so you want to take it out on someone else?
You know weneva you look for a guy/gurl, you do it for the fun of it right?.. the first time you really wanted it to work, to be in a serios relationship - but the one you loved never wanted that.. because turns out, they were a player too, they hurt you.. they were just looking for fun and they never wanted a serios relationship. Do you see that in yourself? It's something to be proud of init? Nah, its not..
Listen, you know that you've been workin hard to have a laugh all this time right? Can you actually remember your life since you've been in all these relationships? Or is that the time since you've been forgetting everything? Because you block your emotions out, because you don't want to put your feelings in just incase you fall for that someone.. then you won't be able to breakoff because you'll get too attatched? And get the same emotions like you did for the first time...
The thing is, these quick enjoyments - most you can't even remember.. and all you've really done is harm yourself. You're getting older, your life's wasting away.. just look at yourself. Look again, everything you got is gona end. That's not it though, everything you do is being recorded.. you're na escaping it. Allaah is watching you, and He's giving you more time.. time to turn back to Him before its too late. Ask yourself deep down inside, do you want an easy life.. don't you want to experience the first time you fell in love? Forget that hurt for a second, but just remember that feeling you had on your first time.. it was fun wasn't it? What if you could get that back again? Yeah you can.
You gota turn to Allaah.. if you turn to Him, He will clear your mind and the tightness you feel in your heart.. that weight you feel falling down on you will be lifted. You'll feel happy, that feeling of excitement like you felt for the first time.. it's not that temporary excitement you feel to get a 'buzz' - but its that long lasting one.. Allaah will clear your heart for you so you don't feel heavy from the inside.. and yes - there is such a thing as falling in love again, so don't think it can't happen!
Turn to Allaah, trust me. If you turn to Him for help, He will protect you and make your life in this world easier for you.. thats what you want. Try to turn away from friends who have a bad influence, and get friends that will help you become a better muslim.. that way you can get stronger in faith and experience life like you've never imagined before...
If you obey Allaah and His messenger (peace be upon him) - you will be rewarded with an everlasting reward in this world and the hereafter. If you turn away from Allaah, Allaah will make life harder for you than it already is, the punishment of the hereafter is greater and longer lasting.
To the heart-broken friend.
Patience is one of the best medicines, because even though it might taste horrible - in the long term it will have positive effects on you insha'Allaah.
Having the desire to want to be with them again is natural, but when you can't, then we have to work hard and try to accept that.. say alhamdulillah (praise be to Allaah) that you actually have Allaah on your side, because there are people in life who might have turned away from Allaah, then they have no protector or helper.. so turn to Allaah because He is the only one who can help you through this trial, who else knows what's really inside your heart except Him? He is the turner of hearts, and He will help you if you turn to Him in prayer.. it might take some time, but stay continuous in it because gradually day by day you will become more stronger, more patient.
Follow your good practising muslim friends in the good that they do, get involved in activities which will keep your mind occupied and go new places to refresh your mind.. to get a high level of excitement again, so long as it doesn't go against the laws of Islaam. Because going against the teachings of islaam is what actually makes us feel this bad later on.. this is the only reason why Allaah forbids us from certain things, and He only creates these as a trial to see if we will fall into the temptation or not.
If we fall into it, we should turn to Allaah in repentance and ask for His forgiveness, this will remove our guilt and if we are sincere - Allaah will actually turn our bad deeds into good!
Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.You might not understand what people mean when they tell you that it will get better with time, but as time progresses you will realise insha'Allaah. Allaah is the All-Wise and He is doing this to make your life easier for you, even though you might not understand how it's good for you. Think about it, could you really keep clinging onto a thread of hope for the rest of your life, not knowing what's going to come ahead of you? Allaah allowed this to occur because out of His Wisdom, He knows that you will become more patient, more stronger and even more wise insha'Allaah.. you'll later on realise that it was better that it's actually over than to keep holding onto nothing.
[Qur'an 25:70]
You have the right to cry, and remember the past.. just don't hold onto it for too long. If you're friend asks you to go with them to keep your mind occupied, do that - because they want what is good for you. Keep constant in your prayers because Allaah is the turner of hearts, and remain patient.. Allaah is with those who are patient and those who place their trust in Him.
Remember - Allaah is always keeping watch on us. We're responsible for everything we do, and if we disobey Allaah for the sake of the creation - then that person we tried to please instead of Allaah will be the one who will criticize us later on. But if we do anything to gain Allaah's Mercy, He is sufficient for us and He is the best of providers.
Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.