What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?

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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:salamext:


lol nah, i'm just doing it whenever i get the time. insha'Allaah i'll work on some more.
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:sl:

Nice stuff. I feel sorry that Mugheer guy, the slave.:phew
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

jazaak allah khair 4 these nice articles/info bro fi_sab..
keep 'em comin' inshaAllah:)...blieve me smetimes these help wen it's U who feel heart broken :(
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:awesome: It's really good, can't wait for the next part...........!!
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

Don't listen to them! ?


Listen to what?


Look for me! Young, B
Cruisin down the westside - highway
Doing what we like to do - our, way.



.. huh? what's that!? o-l-d-skool.



<< R - E - W - I - N - D <<



When people listen to it, they feel hyper. Like their on top of the world, but it can make you sad too.. What you think, you agree?



Especially when you're in the moment, when you feel like you got the world. When you feel you can break through any barrier. Yet when you're not together it breaks you down, like you're hopeless.. but atleast it understands you, it knows what you're going through?



It hits you most when you hear it again, but this time the situation is different. Last time you were hyper when you listened to it, but this time you're sad.. because you don't have no-one to share it with. You don't have that security you had before, and you don't know who or what to apply your emotions on.

It's like you were hanging onto something before, you even felt secure - but someone just c-u-t that rope which you were clinging onto. Everything went down.. after that.





Yeah, you probably guessed it. The songs you listen to affect you and your emotions ALOT. We discussed earlier that your senses are at an all time high; including your hearing, seeing, smelling, emotions etc. All these are stored up in your mind.


So if you ever do something later on which reflects on the time you had the relationship (like taste, listening to something you heard previosly etc), its likely to confuse you, because inside you still have that desire for that relationship to be there.. but its not, which confuses your mind, it makes your heart skip a beat, almost like it just sunk.




In the Recovery Period of the relationship, the person usually tries to reflect on the moments when they had that relationship, they try to listen to the same songs, or think about the moments because they feel insecure. They want it to be there, but it isn't. They keep asking themselves Why? How? Unsure of whats coming ahead.


The problem is that because the person keeps holding onto the past memories, they don't want to walk forward. So they listen to the same songs, while crying and tiring themselves out. Those moments of happiness you once had are against you - your closest companion is now someone who your jealous of. You don't trust hardly anyone. And you don't want to move on.




This is why its important to keep moving forward with your friend, even though it should be gradual. If they keep listening to these tracks, their sticking onto the past, if they keep doing it - their going to feel insecure, and remain in the past for too long. You have to push them forward lightly. Take them tracks away from them, which are likely to be haraam [Forbidden] anyway because of the music and evil lyrics. Which can lead a person more further astray, especially when their in a weak situation like this...




What's the point of this? Wel.. erm, you just gota try to stop your friend from listening to these tracks because you want them to move on.

That can only happen if you make them move on from this past. And you as the friend have to remove those obstacles out of their way, but it should be done gradually.. don't rush it.




 
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?


The Islamic Wisdom



When a woman gets divorced, or widowed [her husband dies] - she has to go through a waiting period, called the Iddah (in arabic.)


The iddah differs; according to if she's been divorced, or if she's been widowed.


The woman who's been widowed has to wait for 4 months and 10days as a waiting period [unless she's pregnant where she has to wait till she delivers the child], and then after that she is allowed to marry another man. She isn't allowed to marry any man within that iddah period though.



What's the wisdom behind that?


You usually hear alot of people say its because she might be pregnant within that time, so if she was to get married to someone within this period, she wouldn't know who the father is, of the child.


That makes sense right?



Okay, now there was a situation at the time of the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him.) Umar ibn al-Khattaab was the Khalif [leader of the believers] at that time, and the muslim soldiers had gone out.


It is related that one night Umar went on his round in Madina as usual. It was the dead of night, and every where was quiet. From one of the houses in the street, Umar heard a lady lamenting. She said:


"The night is wearisome and keeps me sleepless;

For I have none to keep me company.

I fear Allah, Who keeps watch over our souls,

And would not take another companion,

But who could tell Umar,

That he should not be so cruel,

As to keep my husband away from me,

For such a long period."



Umar knocked at the door, and when the lady came to the door he said:

"I have heard, what you wanted to be conveyed to Umar.

How long has your husband been away."

The lady said, "About a year."

Umar said, "Rest assured your husband would come back to you shortly."


Umar consulted Hafsa (his daughter - the widow of the Messenger of Allaah) as to the maximum period for which a man might remain separate from his wife.

She suggested a period of four months. Umar accordingly issued orders to the effect that unless a man of the armed forces could take his wife with him, he should be allowed a spell of leave after every four months of active service on the front.

http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Articles/companion/17_umar_bin_al_khattab.htm




So from there we see that out of Allaah's wisdom, we see the mother of the believers saying that a woman can wait upto a limit of 4 months till she can't wait no more, and if the husband doesn't return - she has to move on, or atleast the husband has to return home.



And we also know that the waiting period of the widow is 4months and 10 days [Qur'an 2:234] .. maybe this symbolises that a person can get over someone else after about 4months?


Within that waiting period, the person has time to recover [go through the Recovery Period] and gradually get over the past relationship.



Umm Habeebah bint Abi Sufyaan reported that when the news of her father’s death reached her, she called for some perfume and wiped it on her forearms, and said: “I do not need it, but I heard the Prophet
saws-2.gif
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:
‘It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allaah and the Last Day to mourn for any dead person for more than three days, except for a husband, (in which case the period of mourning is) four months and ten days. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4926).




After this period (if she isn't pregnant) she can marry someone else. After this period of 4 months, she's mourned over her husband. She might even be over it now, and if she wants to get married - she can.


Within this iddah period, she might even have friends over who might help her, to make her feel abit more securer. So she can gradually move on.


We discussed the 3 steps to recovery before in another chapter:


The 3 Steps are:


1) Recovery.

2) Confusion.

3) Moving Forward.




Maybe these steps differ according to how attached you two really were?

Maybe your friends helped you walk forward quicker to help you move on?

Or what if everyones just different?




 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:sl:

Jazakallah! Keep them coming akhee!

:w:
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

In the Recovery Period of the relationship, the person usually tries to reflect on the moments when they had that relationship, they try to listen to the same songs, or think about the moments because they feel insecure. They want it to be there, but it isn't. They keep asking themselves Why? How? Unsure of whats coming ahead.
I heard about that :). Its possible to apply when you had a bad day with your husband /wife too. Always when the marriage its down, it helps if the couple thinks back at the nice moments which they had.
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

Aww really enjoyed reading that. Cant wait for the next part... :happy:
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

How well defined is the time: 4 months and 10 days.
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

How well defined is the time: 4 months and 10 days.


I'm not really sure, we might aswell just imagine it around 4 months.. that was just something i thought of but i don't have no proof from scholars or anything, so no-one has to accept it..


Peace.
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?


Life Goes On...




[<]
-
Track 5 - L . . . - [>]



hmm...


You had your headphones on.


You looked out of your bedroom window, it wasraining. The rain was tapping your window, you opened it. I need some air to clear up my mind..


Staring at the ceiling. The past
flashed through your mind; It was sunny and warm, you were sitting in the park, your uncle was walking past so you ran quick .... FAR.

You were laughing.
"Did you see that!? lol hahaa, they nearly busted ya!" "Yeah.. was close init. Phew!"


You were breathless.
"Who was that?" "Lol, someone i know, don't take the mick ayt?!" "lol thats funny.""Wonder what your uncles doing in the park!? "lol!"

Everything seemed bright and colorful. You still remembered the scent of the different colored flowers...




- Suddenly, a cold breeze started blowing in your direction, it gradually grew stronger. Something hit your face, it was cold, wet.. it was a raindrop.



"uh-oh, i think its going to start to rain now."

"Yeah, i think so too. Listen, i gota go now."


"Oh, its okay.. i think i should go too."

"No worries, text me okay?!"

"Yeh will do!! see ya!"


"you too!"


It was cold, the wind was pushing stronger now.. you put your jacket on tighter, and ran back home.




You hugged your pillow tighter, it was cold. A warm drop of water rolled down your eye.. *sigh*


You closed the window, and stared at the ceiling again.



Come downstairs, Your mates here!


You were listening to a track. Atleast someone knows how i feel, you told yourself.


Come down!


The Music was on loud, you couldn't hear anything else except that.



---


You might aswell go to their room.


Oh okay, thanks.



*Knock knock*


You heard someone knock on the your bedroom door, 'i cant be bothered' you told yourself and lay back down again.


They walked through, and sat next to you.



Hey salaamz.


You put the volume down, whats up?


Remember when said we were gona meet up in library? Get ready quick c'mon.


Alright..


We'll be waiting in the car, be quick.



Oh yeah, what did you say to my parents? Will they let me go?


Yeh alhamdulillah, we sorted it out. That mate i found in the masjid helped me to convince them.


lol alhamdulillah, kool! I'll be out inabit.



---


Don't worry, their coming.


Masha'Allaah kool.



Salaamz. Okay c'mon, lets go.





---


make sure no-one see's ya..


why?


they goin to laugh at us..


how come?


we in the library man! lol


nah, we gota live our life init. if we keep runnin after everythin they say, then we'l just be doing whatever they tell us to do and we'l become one of em.


tru.. not like they get upto any good anywayz..



Anyway, what we looking for?


We were looking for some books init, for 'educational purposes' lol.


lol, joker.


...


Don't call each other that..


Call each other what?


What you mean?



...


Nah, iss nothin. my bad.


oh.. kay.



I'm sorry, just me actin krazy.


Lol, alright. Let's get back to work - what book were we looking for?



I t
hink it was...........



Why is everything reminding me of that again? I thought i was getting over it now?


What kinda books you interested in?


What's wrong with your mate?


I'm not sure..



This is messed up..


What is?


Look, you know that couple down there next to the door - one of them's probably going to do the same thing that happened to your mate! thats how messed up it is.. seriosly that's one of the reasons why islaam prohibits this kinda relationship.


What!? You know that person next to the door.. I think it's.. its. They were the one who asked my mate out...


You serios? Your mates ex? Can you actually see that far?


Nah, i'm wearing contacts.. its them, i know.



Shall we tell?


No, don't. Keep your mate distracted.


O okay.. *what shall i do?*



..Listen! i think someone from your family just texted me!



Your friend turned towards you, like they had just woken up in a state of shock.


..what? who?


Wait up, let me check... Oh, it was a miscall from another mate.. sorry.


hm.. k.




"What shall i do?" you whispered.


"Keep them busy!"



Listen, i think its better we go.. c'mon. It's more better than staying here, anything can happen.


Yeah, lets go. We'll take you for a cruise, fresh air and that. What you say?


You got up, along with your other friend. You tapped your friend,who was still focused, tense. You walked off together towards the exit.



Do you think they saw him/her?


Not sure, lets just keep walking fast init.


Yeah, true say.


Where's your friend anyway?


*you look back*


. . . Why they standing there for !?



Uh-oh.. what's he/she doing?



You shouldn't have acted all kool in the first place init! I only went out with you cuz i thought you was safe n dat!


Yeah, whatever. Look, i got someone else now.


So what?! You think your so fit? Listen, this gurl/guy's gna play you. I was with her/him before.


Izi tru? i thote u said we were stickin wiv it 2geda? 4eva? nah, u na playin me no mo. I'm out, u get back wit yo ex now init.


Listen, its na lyk dat.


Nah, u know. I waz playin u along while bak, i got someone else. Laterz.




Should've kept a closer eye on them..


yeh.. too late now though.


Wa do u think ur doin!?


I knew somethin was up.. atleast i know why you was actin all weird lately. I really thought we would work.. but it never did, it couldn't. You changed who i am, and the way i view life.. i've become stronger now.



The wind blew your clothes, the rain hitting the ground forcefully. A raindrop hit your face. Both of you stood still, the wind roared.



It's hard, and I will move forward. I know that, insha'Allaah [God willing.]. I've never been this hurt in my life before, but it was my fault for falling into your trap, into the trap of shaytaan [the devil.]

You can laugh at me as much as you want, but i've placed my trust in Allaah. Allaah loves me for who I am, and i don't need to mess my life up and be something i'm not. He will sort this out for me, He will cure my heart, no-one else can. I put my trust in Him Alone.

I'm out.




"C'mon, lets go!"


"Yeh.. let's go."


er..erm.. I think somethings rolling down your eye..



'..I think i did.. the right thing.'


You wiped your eye with your sleeve.

You grinned at your friends.
"lol. let's get home before we all get another uncle chasing after us!"

 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

I'm not really sure, we might aswell just imagine it around 4 months.. that was just something i thought of but i don't have no proof from scholars or anything, so no-one has to accept it..


Peace.
I don't need evidence but i just thought at the wife which divorced(or even worst than that) from her husband. She needs more time to recover from her marriage. Her last thought would be to marry.Life goes on sometimes very slow. :-[
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

I don't need evidence but i just thought at the wife which divorced(or even worst than that) from her husband. She needs more time to recover from her marriage. Her last thought would be to marry.Life goes on sometimes very slow. :-[


Yeah, i understand. But that time period is when she can't get married, but after that its upto her if she wants to get married or not. So there's no forcing which comes into it.


Peace.
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

Dear Friend..




To you, the friend.


You're doing a good job masha'Allaah. Just keep checking your intention because remember that if you do it to please Allaah, your reward is with him and your help will more likely have an impact.

Keep your mate busy with alot of different activities so their mind gets off their past relationship. Usually they've got the person on their mind all the time, you need to try to make them experience similar situations which brought the same level of excitement they had before. So take them to places they've never been before, places where they will have fresh air, where they can experience the world (obviously not anywhere which is forbidden - like clubs etc.) Try not to take them to places where they went with their 'lover' in the past for quite a while, because this can trigger them emotions again.

If you keep them busy, they'll have new experiences on their mind which might even remove some of the past memories, or if not that - atleast it will keep their mind occupied for a little while.



Introduce new friends, remember that these friends will have a greater impact on what might happen in the future, or who your friend will turn out to be. So make good practising muslim friends, and with that you can study situations of other people who have gone through similar situations, and how they moved forward.

New friends mean that your friend will face new people and have to adjust him/herself to these new people. These friends might ask questions, so the person has to wake up from their past memories or 'day-dream world' to answer back. When they talk to the new friends, they'll learn things about them too, which will also keep their mind occupied insha'Allaah.

The reason why it's good to get new friends is because you learn about someone new, whereas if you just stayed with the old friends - then you already know about each other, and your friend has an excuse to stay quiet because they know what he/she is going through.


By meeting new people, your 'heart-broken' friend will feel abit insecure, but thats what you want - because if they keep themselves secluded (emotionally, and also socially) - then their going to stay depressed this way for quite a while. You don't want that. You want them to move forward.



Anyway, remember to keep praying and don't put alot of pressure on them, just gradually step by step insha'Allaah. Allow them to recover, but don't delay it for too long but keep helping them. Make alot of dua' [supplication] to Allaah because He is the turner of hearts.


A famous dua' [supplication] of the Messenger of Allaah, peace be upon him which was reported by by Umm Salama (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said:

"Ya muqallib al Quloob, thabbit qalbee alaa deenik"

O turner of the hearts, establish my heart upon your deen [way of life.]

Subhan Allah! This is such an easy dua and we should try to recite it as much as possible, for ourselves and our brothers and sisters.




To da Playa.


Hey, sup. Listen, think about your life.. do you remember when you was a kid? Remember the first time you fell for someone? Did you get really hurt when you got turned away? That's exactly the same thing you did to your ex, their going through the same thing you went through.. but it's fun right? Cuz someone did it to you, so you want to take it out on someone else?

You know weneva you look for a guy/gurl, you do it for the fun of it right?.. the first time you really wanted it to work, to be in a serios relationship - but the one you loved never wanted that.. because turns out, they were a player too, they hurt you.. they were just looking for fun and they never wanted a serios relationship. Do you see that in yourself? It's something to be proud of init? Nah, its not..


Listen, you know that you've been workin hard to have a laugh all this time right? Can you actually remember your life since you've been in all these relationships? Or is that the time since you've been forgetting everything? Because you block your emotions out, because you don't want to put your feelings in just incase you fall for that someone.. then you won't be able to breakoff because you'll get too attatched? And get the same emotions like you did for the first time...



The thing is, these quick enjoyments - most you can't even remember.. and all you've really done is harm yourself. You're getting older, your life's wasting away.. just look at yourself. Look again, everything you got is gona end. That's not it though, everything you do is being recorded.. you're na escaping it. Allaah is watching you, and He's giving you more time.. time to turn back to Him before its too late. Ask yourself deep down inside, do you want an easy life.. don't you want to experience the first time you fell in love? Forget that hurt for a second, but just remember that feeling you had on your first time.. it was fun wasn't it? What if you could get that back again? Yeah you can.


You gota turn to Allaah.. if you turn to Him, He will clear your mind and the tightness you feel in your heart.. that weight you feel falling down on you will be lifted. You'll feel happy, that feeling of excitement like you felt for the first time.. it's not that temporary excitement you feel to get a 'buzz' - but its that long lasting one.. Allaah will clear your heart for you so you don't feel heavy from the inside.. and yes - there is such a thing as falling in love again, so don't think it can't happen!

Turn to Allaah, trust me. If you turn to Him for help, He will protect you and make your life in this world easier for you.. thats what you want. Try to turn away from friends who have a bad influence, and get friends that will help you become a better muslim.. that way you can get stronger in faith and experience life like you've never imagined before...


If you obey Allaah and His messenger (peace be upon him) - you will be rewarded with an everlasting reward in this world and the hereafter. If you turn away from Allaah, Allaah will make life harder for you than it already is, the punishment of the hereafter is greater and longer lasting.




To the heart-broken friend.


Patience is one of the best medicines, because even though it might taste horrible - in the long term it will have positive effects on you insha'Allaah.

Having the desire to want to be with them again is natural, but when you can't, then we have to work hard and try to accept that.. say alhamdulillah (praise be to Allaah) that you actually have Allaah on your side, because there are people in life who might have turned away from Allaah, then they have no protector or helper.. so turn to Allaah because He is the only one who can help you through this trial, who else knows what's really inside your heart except Him? He is the turner of hearts, and He will help you if you turn to Him in prayer.. it might take some time, but stay continuous in it because gradually day by day you will become more stronger, more patient.


Follow your good practising muslim friends in the good that they do, get involved in activities which will keep your mind occupied and go new places to refresh your mind.. to get a high level of excitement again, so long as it doesn't go against the laws of Islaam. Because going against the teachings of islaam is what actually makes us feel this bad later on.. this is the only reason why Allaah forbids us from certain things, and He only creates these as a trial to see if we will fall into the temptation or not.

If we fall into it, we should turn to Allaah in repentance and ask for His forgiveness, this will remove our guilt and if we are sincere - Allaah will actually turn our bad deeds into good!

Unless he repents, believes, and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

[Qur'an 25:70]


You might not understand what people mean when they tell you that it will get better with time, but as time progresses you will realise insha'Allaah. Allaah is the All-Wise and He is doing this to make your life easier for you, even though you might not understand how it's good for you. Think about it, could you really keep clinging onto a thread of hope for the rest of your life, not knowing what's going to come ahead of you? Allaah allowed this to occur because out of His Wisdom, He knows that you will become more patient, more stronger and even more wise insha'Allaah.. you'll later on realise that it was better that it's actually over than to keep holding onto nothing.

You have the right to cry, and remember the past.. just don't hold onto it for too long. If you're friend asks you to go with them to keep your mind occupied, do that - because they want what is good for you. Keep constant in your prayers because Allaah is the turner of hearts, and remain patient.. Allaah is with those who are patient and those who place their trust in Him.



Remember
- Allaah is always keeping watch on us. We're responsible for everything we do, and if we disobey Allaah for the sake of the creation - then that person we tried to please instead of Allaah will be the one who will criticize us later on. But if we do anything to gain Allaah's Mercy, He is sufficient for us and He is the best of providers.
 

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