What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?
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IbnAbdulHakim
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?
i think its finished ukhtee
i think its finished ukhtee
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?
:salamext:
lol nah, i'm just doing it whenever i get the time. insha'Allaah i'll work on some more.
:salamext:
lol nah, i'm just doing it whenever i get the time. insha'Allaah i'll work on some more.
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?
coool
coool
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?
Don't listen to them! ?
Listen to what?
Look for me! Young, B
Cruisin down the westside - highway
Doing what we like to do - our, way.
.. huh? what's that!? o-l-d-skool.
<< R - E - W - I - N - D <<
When people listen to it, they feel hyper. Like their on top of the world, but it can make you sad too.. What you think, you agree?
Especially when you're in the moment, when you feel like you got the world. When you feel you can break through any barrier. Yet when you're not together it breaks you down, like you're hopeless.. but atleast it understands you, it knows what you're going through?
It hits you most when you hear it again, but this time the situation is different. Last time you were hyper when you listened to it, but this time you're sad.. because you don't have no-one to share it with. You don't have that security you had before, and you don't know who or what to apply your emotions on.
It's like you were hanging onto something before, you even felt secure - but someone just c-u-t that rope which you were clinging onto. Everything went down.. after that.
Yeah, you probably guessed it. The songs you listen to affect you and your emotions ALOT. We discussed earlier that your senses are at an all time high; including your hearing, seeing, smelling, emotions etc. All these are stored up in your mind.
So if you ever do something later on which reflects on the time you had the relationship (like taste, listening to something you heard previosly etc), its likely to confuse you, because inside you still have that desire for that relationship to be there.. but its not, which confuses your mind, it makes your heart skip a beat, almost like it just sunk.
In the Recovery Period of the relationship, the person usually tries to reflect on the moments when they had that relationship, they try to listen to the same songs, or think about the moments because they feel insecure. They want it to be there, but it isn't. They keep asking themselves Why? How? Unsure of whats coming ahead.
The problem is that because the person keeps holding onto the past memories, they don't want to walk forward. So they listen to the same songs, while crying and tiring themselves out. Those moments of happiness you once had are against you - your closest companion is now someone who your jealous of. You don't trust hardly anyone. And you don't want to move on.
This is why its important to keep moving forward with your friend, even though it should be gradual. If they keep listening to these tracks, their sticking onto the past, if they keep doing it - their going to feel insecure, and remain in the past for too long. You have to push them forward lightly. Take them tracks away from them, which are likely to be haraam [Forbidden] anyway because of the music and evil lyrics. Which can lead a person more further astray, especially when their in a weak situation like this...
What's the point of this? Wel.. erm, you just gota try to stop your friend from listening to these tracks because you want them to move on.
That can only happen if you make them move on from this past. And you as the friend have to remove those obstacles out of their way, but it should be done gradually.. don't rush it.
Listen to what?
Look for me! Young, B
Cruisin down the westside - highway
Doing what we like to do - our, way.
.. huh? what's that!? o-l-d-skool.
<< R - E - W - I - N - D <<
When people listen to it, they feel hyper. Like their on top of the world, but it can make you sad too.. What you think, you agree?
Especially when you're in the moment, when you feel like you got the world. When you feel you can break through any barrier. Yet when you're not together it breaks you down, like you're hopeless.. but atleast it understands you, it knows what you're going through?
It hits you most when you hear it again, but this time the situation is different. Last time you were hyper when you listened to it, but this time you're sad.. because you don't have no-one to share it with. You don't have that security you had before, and you don't know who or what to apply your emotions on.
It's like you were hanging onto something before, you even felt secure - but someone just c-u-t that rope which you were clinging onto. Everything went down.. after that.
Yeah, you probably guessed it. The songs you listen to affect you and your emotions ALOT. We discussed earlier that your senses are at an all time high; including your hearing, seeing, smelling, emotions etc. All these are stored up in your mind.
So if you ever do something later on which reflects on the time you had the relationship (like taste, listening to something you heard previosly etc), its likely to confuse you, because inside you still have that desire for that relationship to be there.. but its not, which confuses your mind, it makes your heart skip a beat, almost like it just sunk.
In the Recovery Period of the relationship, the person usually tries to reflect on the moments when they had that relationship, they try to listen to the same songs, or think about the moments because they feel insecure. They want it to be there, but it isn't. They keep asking themselves Why? How? Unsure of whats coming ahead.
The problem is that because the person keeps holding onto the past memories, they don't want to walk forward. So they listen to the same songs, while crying and tiring themselves out. Those moments of happiness you once had are against you - your closest companion is now someone who your jealous of. You don't trust hardly anyone. And you don't want to move on.
This is why its important to keep moving forward with your friend, even though it should be gradual. If they keep listening to these tracks, their sticking onto the past, if they keep doing it - their going to feel insecure, and remain in the past for too long. You have to push them forward lightly. Take them tracks away from them, which are likely to be haraam [Forbidden] anyway because of the music and evil lyrics. Which can lead a person more further astray, especially when their in a weak situation like this...
What's the point of this? Wel.. erm, you just gota try to stop your friend from listening to these tracks because you want them to move on.
That can only happen if you make them move on from this past. And you as the friend have to remove those obstacles out of their way, but it should be done gradually.. don't rush it.
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?
The Islamic Wisdom
When a woman gets divorced, or widowed [her husband dies] - she has to go through a waiting period, called the Iddah (in arabic.)
The iddah differs; according to if she's been divorced, or if she's been widowed.
The woman who's been widowed has to wait for 4 months and 10days as a waiting period [unless she's pregnant where she has to wait till she delivers the child], and then after that she is allowed to marry another man. She isn't allowed to marry any man within that iddah period though.
What's the wisdom behind that?
You usually hear alot of people say its because she might be pregnant within that time, so if she was to get married to someone within this period, she wouldn't know who the father is, of the child.
That makes sense right?
Okay, now there was a situation at the time of the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him.) Umar ibn al-Khattaab was the Khalif [leader of the believers] at that time, and the muslim soldiers had gone out.
So from there we see that out of Allaah's wisdom, we see the mother of the believers saying that a woman can wait upto a limit of 4 months till she can't wait no more, and if the husband doesn't return - she has to move on, or atleast the husband has to return home.
And we also know that the waiting period of the widow is 4months and 10 days [Qur'an 2:234] .. maybe this symbolises that a person can get over someone else after about 4months?
Within that waiting period, the person has time to recover [go through the Recovery Period] and gradually get over the past relationship.
After this period (if she isn't pregnant) she can marry someone else. After this period of 4 months, she's mourned over her husband. She might even be over it now, and if she wants to get married - she can.
Within this iddah period, she might even have friends over who might help her, to make her feel abit more securer. So she can gradually move on.
We discussed the 3 steps to recovery before in another chapter:
Maybe your friends helped you walk forward quicker to help you move on?
Or what if everyones just different?
When a woman gets divorced, or widowed [her husband dies] - she has to go through a waiting period, called the Iddah (in arabic.)
The iddah differs; according to if she's been divorced, or if she's been widowed.
The woman who's been widowed has to wait for 4 months and 10days as a waiting period [unless she's pregnant where she has to wait till she delivers the child], and then after that she is allowed to marry another man. She isn't allowed to marry any man within that iddah period though.
What's the wisdom behind that?
You usually hear alot of people say its because she might be pregnant within that time, so if she was to get married to someone within this period, she wouldn't know who the father is, of the child.
That makes sense right?
Okay, now there was a situation at the time of the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him.) Umar ibn al-Khattaab was the Khalif [leader of the believers] at that time, and the muslim soldiers had gone out.
It is related that one night Umar went on his round in Madina as usual. It was the dead of night, and every where was quiet. From one of the houses in the street, Umar heard a lady lamenting. She said:
"The night is wearisome and keeps me sleepless;
For I have none to keep me company.
I fear Allah, Who keeps watch over our souls,
And would not take another companion,
But who could tell Umar,
That he should not be so cruel,
As to keep my husband away from me,
For such a long period."
Umar knocked at the door, and when the lady came to the door he said:
"I have heard, what you wanted to be conveyed to Umar.
How long has your husband been away."
The lady said, "About a year."
Umar said, "Rest assured your husband would come back to you shortly."
Umar consulted Hafsa (his daughter - the widow of the Messenger of Allaah) as to the maximum period for which a man might remain separate from his wife.
She suggested a period of four months. Umar accordingly issued orders to the effect that unless a man of the armed forces could take his wife with him, he should be allowed a spell of leave after every four months of active service on the front.
http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Articles/companion/17_umar_bin_al_khattab.htm
"The night is wearisome and keeps me sleepless;
For I have none to keep me company.
I fear Allah, Who keeps watch over our souls,
And would not take another companion,
But who could tell Umar,
That he should not be so cruel,
As to keep my husband away from me,
For such a long period."
Umar knocked at the door, and when the lady came to the door he said:
"I have heard, what you wanted to be conveyed to Umar.
How long has your husband been away."
The lady said, "About a year."
Umar said, "Rest assured your husband would come back to you shortly."
Umar consulted Hafsa (his daughter - the widow of the Messenger of Allaah) as to the maximum period for which a man might remain separate from his wife.
She suggested a period of four months. Umar accordingly issued orders to the effect that unless a man of the armed forces could take his wife with him, he should be allowed a spell of leave after every four months of active service on the front.
http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Articles/companion/17_umar_bin_al_khattab.htm
So from there we see that out of Allaah's wisdom, we see the mother of the believers saying that a woman can wait upto a limit of 4 months till she can't wait no more, and if the husband doesn't return - she has to move on, or atleast the husband has to return home.
And we also know that the waiting period of the widow is 4months and 10 days [Qur'an 2:234] .. maybe this symbolises that a person can get over someone else after about 4months?
Within that waiting period, the person has time to recover [go through the Recovery Period] and gradually get over the past relationship.
Umm Habeebah bint Abi Sufyaan reported that when the news of her father’s death reached her, she called for some perfume and wiped it on her forearms, and said: “I do not need it, but I heard the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allaah and the Last Day to mourn for any dead person for more than three days, except for a husband, (in which case the period of mourning is) four months and ten days. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4926).
After this period (if she isn't pregnant) she can marry someone else. After this period of 4 months, she's mourned over her husband. She might even be over it now, and if she wants to get married - she can.
Within this iddah period, she might even have friends over who might help her, to make her feel abit more securer. So she can gradually move on.
We discussed the 3 steps to recovery before in another chapter:
The 3 Steps are:
1) Recovery.
2) Confusion.
3) Moving Forward.
Maybe these steps differ according to how attached you two really were? 1) Recovery.
2) Confusion.
3) Moving Forward.
Maybe your friends helped you walk forward quicker to help you move on?
Or what if everyones just different?
Tania
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?
. Its possible to apply when you had a bad day with your husband /wife too. Always when the marriage its down, it helps if the couple thinks back at the nice moments which they had.
I heard about that
. Its possible to apply when you had a bad day with your husband /wife too. Always when the marriage its down, it helps if the couple thinks back at the nice moments which they had.
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?
I'm not really sure, we might aswell just imagine it around 4 months.. that was just something i thought of but i don't have no proof from scholars or anything, so no-one has to accept it..
Peace.
I'm not really sure, we might aswell just imagine it around 4 months.. that was just something i thought of but i don't have no proof from scholars or anything, so no-one has to accept it..
Peace.
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?
Life Goes On...
[<] - Track 5 - L . . . - [>]
hmm...
You had your headphones on.
You looked out of your bedroom window, it wasraining. The rain was tapping your window, you opened it. I need some air to clear up my mind..
Staring at the ceiling. The past flashed through your mind; It was sunny and warm, you were sitting in the park, your uncle was walking past so you ran quick .... FAR.
You were laughing. "Did you see that!? lol hahaa, they nearly busted ya!" "Yeah.. was close init. Phew!"
You were breathless. "Who was that?" "Lol, someone i know, don't take the mick ayt?!" "lol thats funny.""Wonder what your uncles doing in the park!? "lol!"
Everything seemed bright and colorful. You still remembered the scent of the different colored flowers...
- Suddenly, a cold breeze started blowing in your direction, it gradually grew stronger. Something hit your face, it was cold, wet.. it was a raindrop.
"uh-oh, i think its going to start to rain now."
"Yeah, i think so too. Listen, i gota go now."
"Oh, its okay.. i think i should go too."
"No worries, text me okay?!"
"Yeh will do!! see ya!"
"you too!"
It was cold, the wind was pushing stronger now.. you put your jacket on tighter, and ran back home.
You hugged your pillow tighter, it was cold. A warm drop of water rolled down your eye.. *sigh*
You closed the window, and stared at the ceiling again.
Come downstairs, Your mates here!
You were listening to a track. Atleast someone knows how i feel, you told yourself.
Come down!
The Music was on loud, you couldn't hear anything else except that.
---
You might aswell go to their room.
Oh okay, thanks.
*Knock knock*
You heard someone knock on the your bedroom door, 'i cant be bothered' you told yourself and lay back down again.
They walked through, and sat next to you.
Hey salaamz.
You put the volume down, whats up?
Remember when said we were gona meet up in library? Get ready quick c'mon.
Alright..
We'll be waiting in the car, be quick.
Oh yeah, what did you say to my parents? Will they let me go?
Yeh alhamdulillah, we sorted it out. That mate i found in the masjid helped me to convince them.
lol alhamdulillah, kool! I'll be out inabit.
---
Don't worry, their coming.
Masha'Allaah kool.
Salaamz. Okay c'mon, lets go.
---
make sure no-one see's ya..
why?
they goin to laugh at us..
how come?
we in the library man! lol
nah, we gota live our life init. if we keep runnin after everythin they say, then we'l just be doing whatever they tell us to do and we'l become one of em.
tru.. not like they get upto any good anywayz..
Anyway, what we looking for?
We were looking for some books init, for 'educational purposes' lol.
lol, joker.
...
Don't call each other that..
Call each other what?
What you mean?
...
Nah, iss nothin. my bad.
oh.. kay.
I'm sorry, just me actin krazy.
Lol, alright. Let's get back to work - what book were we looking for?
I t hink it was...........
Why is everything reminding me of that again? I thought i was getting over it now?
What kinda books you interested in?
What's wrong with your mate?
I'm not sure..
This is messed up..
What is?
Look, you know that couple down there next to the door - one of them's probably going to do the same thing that happened to your mate! thats how messed up it is.. seriosly that's one of the reasons why islaam prohibits this kinda relationship.
What!? You know that person next to the door.. I think it's.. its. They were the one who asked my mate out...
You serios? Your mates ex? Can you actually see that far?
Nah, i'm wearing contacts.. its them, i know.
Shall we tell?
No, don't. Keep your mate distracted.
O okay.. *what shall i do?*
..Listen! i think someone from your family just texted me!
Your friend turned towards you, like they had just woken up in a state of shock.
..what? who?
Wait up, let me check... Oh, it was a miscall from another mate.. sorry.
hm.. k.
"What shall i do?" you whispered.
"Keep them busy!"
Listen, i think its better we go.. c'mon. It's more better than staying here, anything can happen.
Yeah, lets go. We'll take you for a cruise, fresh air and that. What you say?
You got up, along with your other friend. You tapped your friend,who was still focused, tense. You walked off together towards the exit.
Do you think they saw him/her?
Not sure, lets just keep walking fast init.
Yeah, true say.
Where's your friend anyway?
*you look back*
. . . Why they standing there for !?
Uh-oh.. what's he/she doing?
Should've kept a closer eye on them..
yeh.. too late now though.
"Yeh.. let's go."
er..erm.. I think somethings rolling down your eye..
'..I think i did.. the right thing.'
You wiped your eye with your sleeve.
You grinned at your friends. "lol. let's get home before we all get another uncle chasing after us!"
[<] - Track 5 - L . . . - [>]
hmm...
You had your headphones on.
You looked out of your bedroom window, it wasraining. The rain was tapping your window, you opened it. I need some air to clear up my mind..
Staring at the ceiling. The past flashed through your mind; It was sunny and warm, you were sitting in the park, your uncle was walking past so you ran quick .... FAR.
You were laughing. "Did you see that!? lol hahaa, they nearly busted ya!" "Yeah.. was close init. Phew!"
You were breathless. "Who was that?" "Lol, someone i know, don't take the mick ayt?!" "lol thats funny.""Wonder what your uncles doing in the park!? "lol!"
Everything seemed bright and colorful. You still remembered the scent of the different colored flowers...
- Suddenly, a cold breeze started blowing in your direction, it gradually grew stronger. Something hit your face, it was cold, wet.. it was a raindrop.
"uh-oh, i think its going to start to rain now."
"Yeah, i think so too. Listen, i gota go now."
"Oh, its okay.. i think i should go too."
"No worries, text me okay?!"
"Yeh will do!! see ya!"
"you too!"
It was cold, the wind was pushing stronger now.. you put your jacket on tighter, and ran back home.
You hugged your pillow tighter, it was cold. A warm drop of water rolled down your eye.. *sigh*
You closed the window, and stared at the ceiling again.
Come downstairs, Your mates here!
You were listening to a track. Atleast someone knows how i feel, you told yourself.
Come down!
The Music was on loud, you couldn't hear anything else except that.
---
You might aswell go to their room.
Oh okay, thanks.
*Knock knock*
You heard someone knock on the your bedroom door, 'i cant be bothered' you told yourself and lay back down again.
They walked through, and sat next to you.
Hey salaamz.
You put the volume down, whats up?
Remember when said we were gona meet up in library? Get ready quick c'mon.
Alright..
We'll be waiting in the car, be quick.
Oh yeah, what did you say to my parents? Will they let me go?
Yeh alhamdulillah, we sorted it out. That mate i found in the masjid helped me to convince them.
lol alhamdulillah, kool! I'll be out inabit.
---
Don't worry, their coming.
Masha'Allaah kool.
Salaamz. Okay c'mon, lets go.
---
make sure no-one see's ya..
why?
they goin to laugh at us..
how come?
we in the library man! lol
nah, we gota live our life init. if we keep runnin after everythin they say, then we'l just be doing whatever they tell us to do and we'l become one of em.
tru.. not like they get upto any good anywayz..
Anyway, what we looking for?
We were looking for some books init, for 'educational purposes' lol.
lol, joker.
...
Don't call each other that..
Call each other what?
What you mean?
...
Nah, iss nothin. my bad.
oh.. kay.
I'm sorry, just me actin krazy.
Lol, alright. Let's get back to work - what book were we looking for?
I t hink it was...........
Why is everything reminding me of that again? I thought i was getting over it now?
What kinda books you interested in?
What's wrong with your mate?
I'm not sure..
This is messed up..
What is?
Look, you know that couple down there next to the door - one of them's probably going to do the same thing that happened to your mate! thats how messed up it is.. seriosly that's one of the reasons why islaam prohibits this kinda relationship.
What!? You know that person next to the door.. I think it's.. its. They were the one who asked my mate out...
You serios? Your mates ex? Can you actually see that far?
Nah, i'm wearing contacts.. its them, i know.
Shall we tell?
No, don't. Keep your mate distracted.
O okay.. *what shall i do?*
..Listen! i think someone from your family just texted me!
Your friend turned towards you, like they had just woken up in a state of shock.
..what? who?
Wait up, let me check... Oh, it was a miscall from another mate.. sorry.
hm.. k.
"What shall i do?" you whispered.
"Keep them busy!"
Listen, i think its better we go.. c'mon. It's more better than staying here, anything can happen.
Yeah, lets go. We'll take you for a cruise, fresh air and that. What you say?
You got up, along with your other friend. You tapped your friend,who was still focused, tense. You walked off together towards the exit.
Do you think they saw him/her?
Not sure, lets just keep walking fast init.
Yeah, true say.
Where's your friend anyway?
*you look back*
. . . Why they standing there for !?
Uh-oh.. what's he/she doing?
You shouldn't have acted all kool in the first place init! I only went out with you cuz i thought you was safe n dat!
Yeah, whatever. Look, i got someone else now.
So what?! You think your so fit? Listen, this gurl/guy's gna play you. I was with her/him before.
Izi tru? i thote u said we were stickin wiv it 2geda? 4eva? nah, u na playin me no mo. I'm out, u get back wit yo ex now init.
Listen, its na lyk dat.
Nah, u know. I waz playin u along while bak, i got someone else. Laterz.
Yeah, whatever. Look, i got someone else now.
So what?! You think your so fit? Listen, this gurl/guy's gna play you. I was with her/him before.
Izi tru? i thote u said we were stickin wiv it 2geda? 4eva? nah, u na playin me no mo. I'm out, u get back wit yo ex now init.
Listen, its na lyk dat.
Nah, u know. I waz playin u along while bak, i got someone else. Laterz.
Should've kept a closer eye on them..
yeh.. too late now though.
Wa do u think ur doin!?
I knew somethin was up.. atleast i know why you was actin all weird lately. I really thought we would work.. but it never did, it couldn't. You changed who i am, and the way i view life.. i've become stronger now.
The wind blew your clothes, the rain hitting the ground forcefully. A raindrop hit your face. Both of you stood still, the wind roared.
It's hard, and I will move forward. I know that, insha'Allaah [God willing.]. I've never been this hurt in my life before, but it was my fault for falling into your trap, into the trap of shaytaan [the devil.]
You can laugh at me as much as you want, but i've placed my trust in Allaah. Allaah loves me for who I am, and i don't need to mess my life up and be something i'm not. He will sort this out for me, He will cure my heart, no-one else can. I put my trust in Him Alone.
I'm out.
"C'mon, lets go!" I knew somethin was up.. atleast i know why you was actin all weird lately. I really thought we would work.. but it never did, it couldn't. You changed who i am, and the way i view life.. i've become stronger now.
The wind blew your clothes, the rain hitting the ground forcefully. A raindrop hit your face. Both of you stood still, the wind roared.
It's hard, and I will move forward. I know that, insha'Allaah [God willing.]. I've never been this hurt in my life before, but it was my fault for falling into your trap, into the trap of shaytaan [the devil.]
You can laugh at me as much as you want, but i've placed my trust in Allaah. Allaah loves me for who I am, and i don't need to mess my life up and be something i'm not. He will sort this out for me, He will cure my heart, no-one else can. I put my trust in Him Alone.
I'm out.
"Yeh.. let's go."
er..erm.. I think somethings rolling down your eye..
'..I think i did.. the right thing.'
You wiped your eye with your sleeve.
You grinned at your friends. "lol. let's get home before we all get another uncle chasing after us!"
Tania
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?
I don't need evidence but i just thought at the wife which divorced(or even worst than that) from her husband. She needs more time to recover from her marriage. Her last thought would be to marry.Life goes on sometimes very slow. :-[
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?
Yeah, i understand. But that time period is when she can't get married, but after that its upto her if she wants to get married or not. So there's no forcing which comes into it.
Peace.
Yeah, i understand. But that time period is when she can't get married, but after that its upto her if she wants to get married or not. So there's no forcing which comes into it.
Peace.
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?
Dear Friend..