What would you ask a potential partner?

[Faseeha]

I would definitely want to test his sense of humor as well as see his reaction to certain situations.

I'd ask him to tell me a joke, or something that he found funny, and by that I'd get an idea of his sense of humor.

as for his other traits, I'd give different scenario's and ask what his reaction would be to each one.

 

[Banu_Hashim]

If yes then I'll go to my parents to ask her hand for marriage.

Wouldn't you go to her parents to ask for her hand in marriage... and obviously discuss it with your parents before hand.

I have a question relating this factor,Are Muslims allowed to go on a honeymoon?

If two people are married... I guess it's OK to go on whatever trip they want. It's just this negative connotation with the word "honeymoon" isn't it? Go for hajj together... that's the best "honeymoon" you can do.

 

[Re.TiReD]

If by the end of meeting (s) I'm sure that I wanna marry her, I'll be like:

You've agreed to me, and I've agreed to you, what do you say we do the nikah right now?

:wasalamex

I'd wish for the ground to swallow me up. But then he'd probably wish for it to spit me back out again so...meh. LOL imagine somebody actually saying that ;D

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Yeah..it's more of a joke. I'd say it to her making well sure that her dad doesn't hear me..lol.

but wouldn't that be like your're conversing privately with her. i mean i know there would be other people there, hence you wont be alone. but the fact that you say it for only her to hear, would it fall under the same thing as conversing alone? and also akhee, with some girls (perhaps even most), if she is to pick up that your're trying to avoid her dad hearing that, she may consider you dis-respective to him...

First of all, from my post I didn't intend that brothers tend to joke around with non-mahram women, or more likely to have had past relationships etc. So sorry if that's how it was perceived. But women are naturally more shy than men in these cases, hence the term, as shy as virgin girl.

I understand where you're coming from, as a sense of humour is a trait thats often desired by sisters too. But a sister may not be comfortable enough to joke back in the first muqaabalah. In fact, I often hear sisters saying that they were so shy they didn't get a chance to look at the brother. But of course, a brother should be able to see how comfortable a sister is, and therefore would probably be able to determine what the best way to break the ice would be.

Anyway, all the best to the single brothers and sisters. I hope you get what you're looking for.

:salamext:

agreed...a sense of humor in a girl wouldn't come out right away. probably to even in a guy... you would definatley need to give it some time. i do understand that your allowed abit of "freedom" in the meetings, etc, but still, i wouldnt advice anyone to expect it right away....
i mean she may laugh at your jokes or something, but it'll take guts for her to reply....

 

[crayon]

I'd ask him to tell me a joke, or something that he found funny, and by that I'd get an idea of his sense of humor.

Why did the chicken cross the road?.....:happy:

 

[~Taalibah~]

agreed...a sense of humor in a girl wouldn't come out right away. probably to even in a guy... you would definatley need to give it some time. i do understand that your allowed abit of "freedom" in the meetings, etc, but still, i wouldnt advice anyone to expect it right away....
i mean she may laugh at your jokes or something, but it'll take guts for her to reply....

I suppose if the guy just says something light that is funny it can bring a smile or a small laugh from a shy girl?
A open joke would definitely make a girl be else where and disapprove of the guy.

 

[~Taalibah~]

Yeah..it's more of a joke. I'd say it to her making well sure that her dad doesn't hear me..lol.

Dad aint the only one who can be there as mahram.

I think theres nothing really wrong with this providing you'l do seem to like one another and it doesnt sound er, forward.
I know of guys who just spoke nonsense and cracked jokes with their meetings and the girls could take it.:heated:It would depend on the person i guess.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

I would also ask:
what do you think a girls relationship should be with her family once she is married?
do you think a husband has a role in teaching what he knows (of knowledge) to his wife? and do you mind if your wife gains knowledge?

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

I know of guys who just spoke nonsense and cracked jokes with their meetings and the girls could take it.:heated:It would depend on the person i guess.

yh agreed...i dno, for me personally at least the whole joking around my scare me. but i also think it'll depend when he started to be funny lol. i mean if its right away or something, or his every second word is a joke *ugh* then yh that'll scare me off...
for me, itll be suffient for the guy to look and be relax. you know the whole body langue not necessarily speech would make me feel more at ease...altho a joke or two wouldnt go astray either...

and also, itll depend on the joke. i mean the guy doesn't have to crack a joke to make me laugh...just something in general thats funny. even if he says something to my brothers/dad lol

 

[~Taalibah~]

and do you mind if your wife gains knowledge?

:? Umm gain knowledge? Why should anyone mind?

 

[S_87]

If by the end of meeting (s) I'm sure that I wanna marry her, I'll be like:

You've agreed to me, and I've agreed to you, what do you say we do the nikah right now?

if its meetingS then that idea wouldnt be so bad

 

[Faseeha]

Why did the chicken cross the road?.....:happy:

If that's the joke he made, that would send me running!

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

but wouldn't that be like your're conversing privately with her. i mean i know there would be other people there, hence you wont be alone. but the fact that you say it for only her to hear, would it fall under the same thing as conversing alone? and also akhee, with some girls (perhaps even most), if she is to pick up that your're trying to avoid her dad hearing that, she may consider you dis-respective to him...

I've learned that the mahram of the sister doesn't have to be sitting right there with you two listening to everything you two are talking about. They can be sitting at a distance, as long as they can see you. Like if you're having the meeting at a restaurant (for example) the mahram can be a couple of tables down.

And honestly, I don't think I'll be comfortable talking to her openly with her dad sitting right there with her, nor would the sister I guess. I'd be too worried thinking about what he's thinking about me lol.

if its meetingS then that idea wouldnt be so bad

Yeah or if you already know whether she's a relaxed kinda person through your sister or something.

Dad aint the only one who can be there as mahram.

I think theres nothing really wrong with this providing you'l do seem to like one another and it doesnt sound er, forward.
I know of guys who just spoke nonsense and cracked jokes with their meetings and the girls could take it.:heated:It would depend on the person i guess.

Yeah true. I'd rather it be her brother if she has one. And to clarify, by joking I don't mean spending the entire time doing that. It's more like if you see something funny about something, then just saying it to lighten up the conversation. After all, you're there to get to know the person and this is one part of that process.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:? Umm gain knowledge? Why should anyone mind?

im not sure lol...i just would wanna hear what he has to say i guess...

oh and i would also ask if he is willing to be a Mujahid :-[ and if he likes archery and sword fighting
oh and what he thinks of the niqaab....

on second thought, it looks like he's in for an interrogation after all ....

I've learned that the mahram of the sister doesn't have to be sitting right there with you two listening to everything you two are talking about. They can be sitting at a distance, as long as they can see you. Like if you're having the meeting at a restaurant (for example) the mahram can be a couple of tables down.

ok, i see...barakallahu feek....

I'd be too worried thinking about what he's thinking about me lol.

and i dont get that bit? he has every right to worry about the guy he's giving his daughter to, no?

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

and i dont get that bit? he has every right to worry about the guy he's giving his daughter to, no?

Of course. I mean that, usually brothers are quite..intimidated by the girl's father..and therefore would be somewhat scared to speak completely openly in front of him things he'd want to discuss with the girl.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa laykum us-Salaam...

Of course. I mean that, usually brothers are quite..intimidated by the girl's father..and therefore would be somewhat scared to speak completely openly in front of him things he'd want to discuss with the girl.

ummm....okay that's quite interesting. i know that men fear men, etc but i would have thought the brother would be able to still hold his nerve, no?
so could you expand a little on what you mean by intimidated. in which way, and why? you don't have to answer, but i would like a brothers perspective, because if i felt that a prospect was trying to "dodge" my dad, i would have considered him disrespectful...even perhaps to the extent that he would have something to hide from him... but if its something normal and legitimate, then i need to know...

 

[Najm]

If by the end of meeting (s) I'm sure that I wanna marry her, I'll be like:

You've agreed to me, and I've agreed to you, what do you say we do the nikah right now?

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

I've been thinking about this post alot:embarrass I know you meant it as a joke etc, but im sure it can be done. Lets just say that you and your family have decided this is the perfect girl for you. Then it'll be really kool to do the nikah right away!!

Cause like if you decided, the next step would be to go home and call them up and tell them you agree, and then have to arrange another meeting to sort out the legal and how ceremonies going to work and have to come around again etc.

Save the sister and her family from going through headache and do the nikah there and then :embarrass

FiAmaaniAllah

 

[Najm]

I've learned that the mahram of the sister doesn't have to be sitting right there with you two listening to everything you two are talking about. They can be sitting at a distance, as long as they can see you. Like if you're having the meeting at a restaurant (for example) the mahram can be a couple of tables down.

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

So i was wondering where is it possible to have a meeting?

I take it formal meetings takes place in sister's house right?

Where else can they meet informally? :uuh:cafe, restaurant etc

Where would the sisters feel comfortable?

p.s from my own experience sisters, dont ( or are not allowed to say much) directly to the brothers, and tend to look down( or away).....because they are ment to be shy etc, how does one deal with that ?

And how you deal with the parents, who like to do the talking, and leave the sister/brother on the side silently?:embarrass

FiAmaaniAllah

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:wasalamex

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Where would the sisters feel comfortable?

most sisters would probably feel comfortable in their parents home...

p.s from my own experience sisters, dont ( or are not allowed to say much) directly to the brothers, and tend to look down( or away).....because they are ment to be shy etc, how does one deal with that

what do you mean "meant to be shy?" you mean like put on an act, or :?

My advice: if it seems that the sister isn't allowed to speak up, (this may be due to family/culture pressure, etc)... and you notice that, then try to see past that, for now. sit and talk with her, even if her family reply back :rollseyes. sometimes it is possible to tell what type of personality one has simply by their body language.

as i said, look past that for now...I think the next best thing is to ask around about her through other people, and see what they have to say about her. I mean that in the sense that they would know what type of person she is, eg her likes/dislikes, if shes sociable, etc. So, try to figure out the type of person she is through them, because if her family/culture is, I guess harsh, in that respect then i don't think she will say much-she wouldn't be allowed to.

In reality she could be a real gem. so brothers, try not to let that deter you away from a sister and try to find other alternatives of getting to know her.

abit excessive, i know. but i guess its best in these situations to work around with what you have

And how you deal with the parents, who like to do the talking, and leave the sister/brother on the side silently?

same thing as above. i guess they'll act themselves after marriage, so just "make-do" with what you've got...


i hope that makes sense...

 

[Najm]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

I agree with most of your points.

:wasalamex

most sisters would probably feel comfortable in their parents home...

what do you mean "meant to be shy?" you mean like put on an act, or :?

I mean like they have to put on an act, because parents expects them to be shy and all. Some see it as bad manners if they dont act shy etc:raging:

:wasalamex


My advice: if it seems that the sister isn't allowed to speak up, (this may be due to family/culture pressure, etc)... and you notice that, then try to see past that, for now. sit and talk with her, even if her family reply back :rollseyes. sometimes it is possible to tell what type of personality one has simply by their body language.

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Good advice, it is due to family/culture pressure etc. The sister's side of the family tend to be sure, that this is the guy etc, without really considering what the sister really thinks. Oh and what kind of body language am i really looking for?

:wasalamex

as i said, look past that for now...I think the next best thing is to ask around about her through other people, and see what they have to say about her. I mean that in the sense that they would know what type of person she is, eg her likes/dislikes, if shes sociable, etc. So, try to figure out the type of person she is through them, because if her family/culture is, I guess harsh, in that respect then i don't think she will say much-she wouldn't be allowed to.

Generally the family would, however, they also tend to overstate their character, which is really annoying imsad And what really annoys me is that, sometimes brothers feel as if they arent' just marrying the sister, but they are marrying the whole family:uuh: Because so much time, is spent on knowing the family, and their realtives, and the whole generation etc, people seem to forget its all about the two spouses to be :-[

:wasalamex

In reality she could be a real gem. so brothers, try not to let that deter you away from a sister and try to find other alternatives of getting to know her.

abit excessive, i know. but i guess its best in these situations to work around with what you have


same thing as above. i guess they'll act themselves after marriage, so just "make-do" with what you've got...

i hope that makes sense...

Yep, uhkti, you make a lot of sense, what other alternatives do you suggest?

Because brothers do get detered, and give up and find someone else. As a sidenote, it must be hard on the sister, if she gets continually rejected, because of simply brothers are not willing to go ahead due to this cultural issue? <<< Did that make sense? :-[

Also "make-do" with this does involved risk later on, what if the sister doesnt turn out to be the character everyone said? :-[

JazakiAllah For your post, excellent, and note taken :statisfie

FiAmaaniAllah