What would you ask a potential partner?

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:wasalamex

Oh and what kind of body language am i really looking for?

nothing in particular. but you know sometimes when someone is forced to shut up. you can tell that the person who "shuts them up," is really demanding, etc and that makes the person look a bit uncomfortable, irritated, etc another thing to realize is when someone is doing aaaaall the talking, eg answering aaaall the questions, heck, overtaking the conversation...you hear almost nothing from the person that's being addressed....just things like that.

Generally the family would, however, they also tend to overstate their character, which is really annoying imsad And what really annoys me is that, sometimes brothers feel as if they arent' just marrying the sister, but they are marrying the whole family:uuh: Because so much time, is spent on knowing the family, and their realtives, and the whole generation etc, people seem to forget its all about the two spouses to be :-[

true say akhee. but at the same time, that's marriage i guess. your spouse is going to come from a family, and you have to get to know them *as daunting as it maybe*. im sure she would want you to, right? and also they would want to know who their girl/relative is marrying (as long as it doesn't involve intermingling btw). and also, if she sees your're being patient and putting up all for her sake, she'll appreciate it. heaps...

dont think that marriage is all "happy days," etc, its also has its downsides, and i guess this is one of them. especially if your're dealing with elders (old habits die hard, as they say) and from someone who comes from a huge family. they all want to get to know you. just bare patience with it, it all comes with the package.

and also try being a sister! were the ones who leave our families. its sooo much harder for us. put your self in her shoes, and just think for even a second what she is going through when she leaves her family etc. not only is she leaving her family (btw, not literally leave, but leave none the less) she is meeting and joining another one, that chances are she may barely know. speaking as a sister the hardest thing for me when i get married, will be leaving my family imsad

Yep, uhkti, you make a lot of sense, what other alternatives do you suggest?

Because brothers do get detered, and give up and find someone else. As a sidenote, it must be hard on the sister, if she gets continually rejected, because of simply brothers are not willing to go ahead due to this cultural issue? <<< Did that make sense? :-[

Also "make-do" with this does involved risk later on, what if the sister doesnt turn out to be the character everyone said? :-[

that's definatley a risk. but you know what, you know who the good ones are because everybody has something good to say about them. wallahi, whether its their own family, the people they go to the masjid with (and the fact they go to masjid alone tells you what the type of person they are innit), heck even the non-muslim may have something good to say.
and also, don't forget istikhara.

JazakiAllah For your post, excellent, and note taken :statisfie

wa iyyak.

 

[sevgi]

I have no idea what I would ask exactly. But I know that it wont be easy for him to answer any of my questions. I'm gna ignore the more religious based questions. Marriage is about practicality for me.

I will definitely ask him if he reads. Not if he likes it or watever...but if it is a part of his life to read.

If he likes Twilight or Harry Potter...he's gone.

If he is a huge gamer (not the hobby type of gamer, but the 'I NEED THIS TO UNWIND' gamer)...he's gone.

I'll ask him what car he drives. I love stereotypes. If it's a Subaru of any sort...he's gone.

I'll ask him if he is lazy and/ or messy.

I'll ask him if he brushes his teeth every morning and night.

I'll ask him how much money he makes and how much charity he gives. If he is too wealthy...he's gone.

I'll ask him if he does youth work/ student mentoring or takes on a role in any dawah organisation. Very very picky with that stuff I am...

If he smokes...

If he prays when he goes out...

If touching me will break his wudu (according to some sha'fai's)

If he will mind if I support my dad financially.

If he will mind my dad, lil bro, lil sis staying at our place every now and then.

If he can screw on a light bulb without getting electricuted.

If he wants to buy or rent a house.

If he minds going out in mixed (male and female) crowds.

If he minds the way I dress.

And...I'd crack a joke..if he doesn't get my sense of humour...my gawwddd is he gone..

If he cracks a joke...and I'm like.."aha..ha..ha?" ...he is so gone...

And, I have to eat something with him. If he eats in a ugly way...I just...can't..live with that. Only I know what ugly eating is...i cant explain it...its just something that four people ive met have...its just..yeah.

ANYWHOO..you catch my drift.

 

[sevgi]

:? Umm gain knowledge? Why should anyone mind?

OH sis! There are plenty of men who dont want their wives to work or study.

I dont know why...they are just...paranoid freaks.

 

[Banu_Hashim]

^^Good practical questions!

If he cracks a joke...and I'm like.."aha..ha..ha?" ...he is so gone...

Haha... I like the confused laugh..;D

 

[Güven]

I'll ask him what car he drives. I love stereotypes. If it's a Subaru of any sort...he's gone.
.

I dont care about the other questions but SUBARU!?

so this :

is a big NO !? :muddlehea

 

[sevgi]

^^Good practical questions!



Haha... I like the confused laugh..;D

Haha..thanks..

Yeah, my bestfriend was inquired for by a brother. We went to meet him in an appropriate setting etc.

He cracked a "I'll be back" Arnold joke.....he was cracking up and my bestfriend and I just stared at eachother...at which point I said "aha ha...ha...God bless your humour" and my friend and I started cracking up.

It never worked between them. tsk.

 

[sevgi]

I dont care about the other questions but SUBARU!?

so this :

is a big NO !? :muddlehea

OK...maybe just the WRX's.

1. Too many of my older brothers bestfriends have died in them.

2. Guys who drive them just think they are hot, or "fully sick". I hate that.

3. If he has Turbo on it...zomg..he is gone.

I'd prefer a guy who goes for a more 'classy', down to earth economical car...like a Honda Accord Euro.

 

[AhlaamBella]

I don't mind slight differences in terms of personality but I purely focus on how close his deen is to his heart, not just his head

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Haha..thanks..

Yeah, my bestfriend was inquired for by a brother. We went to meet him in an appropriate setting etc.

He cracked a "I'll be back" Arnold joke.....he was cracking up and my bestfriend and I just stared at eachother...at which point I said "aha ha...ha...God bless your humour" and my friend and I started cracking up.

It never worked between them. tsk.

Oh Dear... not an Arnie Joke... I guess the joke was that he thought it was a joke?

When you say "inquired" did he ask someone else to ask her?

 

[Güven]

OK...maybe just the WRX's.

1. Too many of my older brothers bestfriends have died in them.

2. Guys who drive them just think they are hot, or "fully sick". I hate that.

3. If he has Turbo on it...zomg..he is gone.

I'd prefer a guy who goes for a more 'classy', down to earth economical car...like a Honda Accord Euro.

hmm I agree , I hate those types too.

btw An Honda Accord Euro ? lol

im sorry Im kinda into cars right now I have an driving theory exam day after tomorrow InshaAllah I Need to start revising :exhausted

 

[sevgi]

Oh Dear... not an Arnie Joke... I guess the joke was that he thought it was a joke?

When you say "inquired" did he ask someone else to ask her?

I work with him in an interfaith organisation. He asked me if she would be interested...I asked her...she said "he's too skinny"..I slapped her with my evil gaze...then she said "ok, I'll meet him"

That was just one of the many jokes, bro...my gawd...

 

[sevgi]

hmm I agree , I hate those types too.

btw An Honda Accord Euro ? lol

im sorry Im kinda into cars right now I have an driving theory exam day after tomorrow InshaAllah I Need to start revising :exhausted

Hey man, dnt diss the Accord Euro. You will lose your x-factor if you do.

Inshallah you will pass!

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

If he can screw on a light bulb without getting electricuted.

Of all the possible questions you posted, I can somehow understand the logic or reasoning behind them..but this one..after turning it over in my head for the past half hour..I still don't get..

 

[youngsister]

I have no idea what I would ask exactly. But I know that it wont be easy for him to answer any of my questions. I'm gna ignore the more religious based questions. Marriage is about practicality for me.

I will definitely ask him if he reads. Not if he likes it or watever...but if it is a part of his life to read.

If he likes Twilight or Harry Potter...he's gone.

If he is a huge gamer (not the hobby type of gamer, but the 'I NEED THIS TO UNWIND' gamer)...he's gone.

I'll ask him what car he drives. I love stereotypes. If it's a Subaru of any sort...he's gone.

I'll ask him if he is lazy and/ or messy.

I'll ask him if he brushes his teeth every morning and night.

I'll ask him how much money he makes and how much charity he gives. If he is too wealthy...he's gone.

I'll ask him if he does youth work/ student mentoring or takes on a role in any dawah organisation. Very very picky with that stuff I am...

If he smokes...

If he prays when he goes out...

If touching me will break his wudu (according to some sha'fai's)
If he will mind if I support my dad financially.

If he will mind my dad, lil bro, lil sis staying at our place every now and then.

If he can screw on a light bulb without getting electricuted.

If he wants to buy or rent a house.

If he minds going out in mixed (male and female) crowds.

If he minds the way I dress.

And...I'd crack a joke..if he doesn't get my sense of humour...my gawwddd is he gone..

If he cracks a joke...and I'm like.."aha..ha..ha?" ...he is so gone...

And, I have to eat something with him. If he eats in a ugly way...I just...can't..live with that. Only I know what ugly eating is...i cant explain it...its just something that four people ive met have...its just..yeah.

ANYWHOO..you catch my drift.

I hate ugly eaters!

By the way I never heard that, I mean when he is your husband i am sure he can touch your arm for example without breaking his wudu
:muddlehea

Doesnt that only apply to non mahrams? Same with the the woman.

 

[sevgi]

Of all the possible questions you posted, I can somehow understand the logic or reasoning behind them..but this one..after turning it over in my head for the past half hour..I still don't get..

Well, If I am going to have to call a handy man or my dad or my older brother every time something small needs fixing in the house (the lightbulb was a cliche example), then I'm sure I will start fighting with him about it one day...It'd be cute at first...but as time passes:

1. I'll feel like crap calling my dad to help with the broken stuff.

2. I'll get sick of waiting around for handy men to come to the house.

3. I dont want handy men in the house

4. I'll start picking on his inability to do stuff around the house and that will slowly start to annoy him...I'll start calling him lazy coz "I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND THE HOUSE" (i dno if i will ever say that...i doubt it now..but please not that I am writing in regards to the future and years and years of spending time with him) coz men really dont do much around the house anyway.

5. We may not always have the financial stability to call handy men and replace broken furniture


I dno..it makes sense in my head.

ps: dnt think abt my questions too much. i know that i wont care about hardly any of them when Allah makes me feel the right way about the person that I meet. but i care about them now! Lucky i didnt go into the religious stuff...or the kids stuff, or the study/work stuff!!!

 

[sevgi]

I hate ugly eaters!

By the way I never heard that, I mean when he is your husband i am sure he can touch your arm for example without breaking his wudu
:muddlehea

Doesnt that only apply to non mahrams? Same with the the woman.

I dont mind your general ugly eater...there is just this thing with me and some people..:uuh:

Someone islamic website reaserch savvy can find you a link, but according to some shafais, a wife is not a full mahram so everytime their wife touches them, they lose wudu.

According to other shafais, this is not a problem and only if bad thoughts enter their minds when they touch their wife does their wudu break.

I have friends who fall into both categories..their fights are fun to watch but yes, i read up on it in a book a frend gave me and this was what I found.

 

[~Taalibah~]

I have no idea what I would ask exactly. But I know that it wont be easy for him to answer any of my questions. I'm gna ignore the more religious based questions. Marriage is about practicality for me.

I will definitely ask him if he reads. Not if he likes it or watever...but if it is a part of his life to read.

If he likes Twilight or Harry Potter...he's gone.

If he is a huge gamer (not the hobby type of gamer, but the 'I NEED THIS TO UNWIND' gamer)...he's gone.

I'll ask him what car he drives. I love stereotypes. If it's a Subaru of any sort...he's gone.

I'll ask him if he is lazy and/ or messy.

I'll ask him if he brushes his teeth every morning and night.

I'll ask him how much money he makes and how much charity he gives. If he is too wealthy...he's gone.

I'll ask him if he does youth work/ student mentoring or takes on a role in any dawah organisation. Very very picky with that stuff I am...

If he smokes...

If he prays when he goes out...

If touching me will break his wudu (according to some sha'fai's)

If he will mind if I support my dad financially.

If he will mind my dad, lil bro, lil sis staying at our place every now and then.

If he can screw on a light bulb without getting electricuted.

If he wants to buy or rent a house.

If he minds going out in mixed (male and female) crowds.

If he minds the way I dress.

And...I'd crack a joke..if he doesn't get my sense of humour...my gawwddd is he gone..

If he cracks a joke...and I'm like.."aha..ha..ha?" ...he is so gone...

And, I have to eat something with him. If he eats in a ugly way...I just...can't..live with that. Only I know what ugly eating is...i cant explain it...its just something that four people ive met have...its just..yeah.

ANYWHOO..you catch my drift.

:muddlehea Your q's are amazing!

 

[Mujahidah4Allah]

wow sum big long Q'sone of my mains are

DO YOU SNORE?

wa/salam

 

[bewildred]

I think that Sevgi is my alter ego. She worded out exactly what I asked my hubby. I still remember his looks when I started asking. I should have brought with me my cam.

 

[sevgi]

I think that Sevgi is my alter ego. She worded out exactly what I asked my hubby. I still remember his looks when I started asking. I should have brought with me my cam.

I'll make sure to have a hidden cam on me. That way, I can bribe him with it in the future and I can call my female posse over for luncheon and we can watch him suffer whilst laughing and munching on the pasties I made my husband make for us.