Would you move out of parents after marriage?

[Cabdullahi]

Show evidence for what? that it's necessary for her to get separate accomodation where she won't have to be around the brothers-in-law and won't have to be forced to wear hijab all the time? Didn't the Prophet (SAW) say that the brother-in-law is death? stop accusing me of passing my own philosophies as islamic and stop pretending to have islamic knowledge when you don't. you're the one passing your own philosophies as islamic and you don't even have islamic manners.

Ouch! another hijab pin was poked in the eye


Can i say something....if you live in the UK just get another house man!....the houses here are so small and if the wife lived with her in-laws it would be extremely difficult...you have to squeeze through the doors...one bathroom means long queues in the morning....it just isnt gonna work

 

[أحمد]

Yes, its more about the practicality and convenience, including location and culture.

:wa:

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

The reason for separation is justified as a neutral action. This however doesn't mean the action becomes mustahab; mustahab is something which Allah and Rasool :saws1: have specified as being so. If an action seems practically better for certain people within a specific situation and given time; it doesn't mean it has become mustahab. The wife may request separation for her own convenience; that itself isn't something which is encouraged or discouraged in Islam.

:wa:

Generally, yes. But not necessarily all the time, it can change according to the specific situation.

It might be mubah for person X to work someplace, but if that place has fitnah which will hurt the person working there (imaan or otherwise), then I don't think the ruling on that person working there will remain mubah - it will change, either to makrooh or haram for the specific person due to his circumstances. That's what we're talking about, a specific situation during which the ruling can change. That's the thing with Islamic Law - as long as the fundamentals are solid, then there is room for adaptation to individual circumstance in terms of the actual specific application of the ruling.

 

[أحمد]

Generally, yes. But not necessarily all the time, it can change according to the specific situation.

It might be mubah for person X to work someplace, but if that place has fitnah which will hurt the person working there (imaan or otherwise), then I don't think the ruling on that person working there will remain mubah - it will change, either to makrooh or haram for the specific person due to his circumstances. That's what we're talking about, a specific situation during which the ruling can change. That's the thing with Islamic Law - as long as the fundamentals are solid, then there is room for adaptation to individual circumstance in terms of the actual specific application of the ruling.

This is why Islamic law sets limits for certain things, rather than a a thin line to tread.

:wa:

 

[S_87]

tbh it depends on ur wife, some can make this arrangement hell and unbearable.

personally i think its the first year of marriage that a husband and wife need most privacy, talk to your parents and see what they say, maybe they want u to move out? Of course it also depends on their health, when they get sick in old age thenthats different

 

[jimbo123]

tbh it depends on ur wife, some can make this arrangement hell and unbearable.

personally i think its the first year of marriage that a husband and wife need most privacy, talk to your parents and see what they say, maybe they want u to move out? Of course it also depends on their health, when they get sick in old age thenthats different

I haven't spoken too much with mum (dad is dead). But I know she wishes I stay for a year at least. Of course it's my choice and I do want the privacy in the first year. If I have children it might be the only year I get privacy!

I honestly think I'd make a better husband if I lived alone with my wife

 

[أحمد]

Has anyone else been through this and whatever choice you made, did you regret it?

To answer your original question:

I know people who have "regretted" and those who haven't regretted moving out, and some who didn't move out but think they should have done so.

The matter isn't always as simple as "I want, so I do". Its something which involves a family discussion and a decision, where the entire family has a voice towards the decision and knows exactly what you want and your views.

Another factor to consider is if your decision may bring a sense of loneliness to your parent(s). I'm not talking about religious rulings here, but some common things which are seen in today's society. Parent(s) work hard; feed, clothe and nurture their child. Child grows up, dumps parent(s) into a care home and lives "his life". The same repeats for the next generation and the next.

A similar case is where the parents cared for a child throughout his early years. When he grew up and got married; he stopped speaking to his parents. The house was then separated into two sections, the smaller section for the parents, the larger section for the boy and his new family. A day this summer his mother fell ill, had no cool water to drink, nor can her husband move around much without collapsing. The old man wanted some water for his ill wife, so he knocked on his son's door. His daughter-in-law told him to go away, they have no water. The daughter-in-law's eldest child later checked and found plenty of cool water, and wanted to take some for her grand parents.

Even if you don't live with your parent(s), keep in mind that they do exist and they do have their rights over you as you do over them. There are some who live under the same roof, yet they forget to respect the rights of their parents, while others living far away remember and respect those rights. So, do not think that living with or away from your parents will necessarily affect you in the sense of their rights. The example about the woman in need of water is one where they all live in one house.

:wa:

 

[Yanal]

I have no intention in doing so,insha'Allaah but I still have a few years left..

 

[jimbo123]

The matter isn't always as simple as "I want, so I do". Its something which involves a family discussion and a decision, where the entire family has a voice towards the decision and knows exactly what you want and your views.

Another factor to consider is if your decision may bring a sense of loneliness to your parent(s). I'm not talking about religious rulings here, but some common things which are seen in today's society. Parent(s) work hard; feed, clothe and nurture their child. Child grows up, dumps parent(s) into a care home and lives "his life". The same repeats for the next generation and the next.

If I were an only child and my parents had no one to look after them I would NEVER consider moving out. My mum definitely isn't alone as she has son, daughter in law and grandchildren living with her.

I understand what you mean though - it's wrong to break ties with parents. I know of someone who moved out after he got married and keeps no contact with his parents. I despise this kind of person. If I were to move out my intention inshallah is to visit regularly and give financial support.