Assalaamu alaikum
Shukran jazeelan to all the brothers and sisters who replied to my original posting, it was wonderful to receive the support and advice. With your help I sought guidance and advice from alquran and found many ayat to help me understand the meaning of sabr, or 'patience' in English. A website with helpful guidance and links here:
http://islam.about.com/od/prayer/a/patience.htm
Then I sought to understand the real meaning of thaubah, or 'repentance' in English. I read Surah 9 over and over.
I offered my wife understanding, patience and tried to help her understand what she had done, respectfully and with genuine care. Her answer? 'Everybody does it'.
I cannot help her any more, she must find her own way. She left, of her own accord, about a month ago.
I found Surah 55 Arrahman to be helpful in my struggles to understand what has happened.
'Which then, of the favours of your Lord will you deny?
Thank you again, brothers and sisters.