desperate and in complete despair for the first time in my life

**anonymous** · 07-15-2008

i come from a typical, non practising, pakistani family with backward ideas
i am the only one who tries to practise but even thats been put on hold now, because of my deprression.

In a years time or maybe 2 years if the are extremely lenient, i will be shipped to pakistan to marry a cousin, uneductaed, obese, dark (not thats theres anything wrong with being dark), and without a speck of imaan, someone who lies and cheats in the footsteps of his and my wider family.

i am a very cheery member of this forum and have been since it first began. you wud be suprised if i revealed my identity!, for the first time in my life, i have felt complete and utter despair. i have been thru alot in my short life, my childhood was loveless and brutal, i suffered migraines as a child!!, and now i expected things to get better, have waited for so long, just to find this!.

if suicide wasnt harm, i would have long ended my life (as i attempted many times in my childhood)
if drinking wasnt haram, i would drink unitl i wud pass out.

but i can do nothing
nothing.
just sit here and hear the blood pound in my head

plz help

**Faye** · 07-16-2008

I usually use humour to deal with despair. I have a friend in similar circumstances as you (though not quite as bad as yours), and I guess when we feel low, we get together and make fun of our problems, and think up impossibly hilarious solutions. In my mind, while writing the post I was thinking of her. I am extremely sorry to have hurt you by my insensitive comments. Please forgive me.

**glo** · 07-17-2008

Greetings, anonymous

I am sorry to hear about your situation. To me as a Westerner it seems very alien that a young woman should be put in such a situation.

You are right in thinking that I cannot possibly guess what your true identity here in this forum may be. It saddens me even more to think that one of the young members here, who post away cheerfully and happily, should privately be carrying such a heavy burden ... without anybody else realising ...

Do you have anybody in your family or circle of friends, who could share this with? Somebody who can actually help you in your situation?

You are in my thoughts and prayers, sister.

salaam

**chacha_jalebi** · 07-17-2008

salaam ma alaykam sister

may Allah (Swt) sort out your problems

if your forced to marry someone then the marriage is invalidated anyway, so dont worry, also threaten your parents that if they carry on treyin to get you forced marriaged, you'l threaten to tell the police, mention the police to any paki parents and they will be scared for the rest of their lifes, they dont wan you know their apprent "izzat" goin down lol.

and have sabr sister, i know its hard but dont stress over the future too much, your here in the present, live it

enjoy it, when that bridge of marryin a freshy comes then cross that bridge, but right now live your life and be happy, there is no point of bein upset about what has happened or you think will happen, because you dont know if you will be in the future innit! also speak to our father, it seems he is doin this to honour his family, for his own faults, tell him what bigger honour is it for him to be the father of a daughter, and if he brings u up well and takes care of you, that could be a factor for him goin to jannah or not, but talk on level with parents, get it through to them! inshallah sister thins will work out for you!

just remember with every problem their is relief , as Allah (Swt) says in surah al inshirah fa inna ma3l a3usri yusraa! after every hardship theirs relief, so just have sabr and wait for the relief, so keep smilin sister, your in our prayers and even better Allah (Swt) is with you, dont give into your parents, respect them, but dont give into their choice of marriage for you, because if your not happy gettin married to someone, you dont have too and islaam gives you that right, so no parent can argue jack

keep smilin

**Ishbah** · 07-18-2008

Originally Posted by anonymous

i come from a typical, non practising, pakistani family with backward ideas
i am the only one who tries to practise but even thats been put on hold now, because of my deprression.

In a years time or maybe 2 years if the are extremely lenient, i will be shipped to pakistan to marry a cousin, uneductaed, obese, dark (not thats theres anything wrong with being dark), and without a speck of imaan, someone who lies and cheats in the footsteps of his and my wider family.

i am a very cheery member of this forum and have been since it first began. you wud be suprised if i revealed my identity!, for the first time in my life, i have felt complete and utter despair. i have been thru alot in my short life, my childhood was loveless and brutal, i suffered migraines as a child!!, and now i expected things to get better, have waited for so long, just to find this!.

if suicide wasnt harm, i would have long ended my life (as i attempted many times in my childhood)
if drinking wasnt haram, i would drink unitl i wud pass out.

but i can do nothing
nothing.
just sit here and hear the blood pound in my head

plz help

As hard as this may be for you, I think you need to talk to someone outside the family. Is there someone you can trust at your masjid? You need to talk to your parents too and tell them how you feel. You have the right to refuse to marry this person. but if you are scared then talking to someone outside the family might help, especially if that person is respected in your community.

If the worst comes to the worst then there are avenues open to you. Contact your local council or citizens advice, they will have phone numbers of places that can help you.

I will make dua for you that your parents will see that this person is not for you and will not make you happy.

May Allah (swt) give you strength sis.

**AnonymousPoster** · 07-18-2008

JazakAllah for all ur generous replies, duas and consolations, they r greatly appreciated in my time of need, May Allah Bless you all and give u the highest place in Jannah,Ameen!

Its ok sister Faye, i apologise at my outburst, im just so confused right now. My sister and i also joke about it, and i joke along, but as soon as she leaves the room, i cry alone in despair.

I could never involve the authorities, no matter how bad it got

i just cant!, i respect and love them far too much.

I've tried to reason, then protest, then become angry then just loose energy and retreat into myself. I've made my position well known and will continue to do so. I cant believe at one point, i became scared of the threats and accepted my fate.If it werent for all of ur advice and encouragements not to give in, i would probably have given in.

Exactly how, and how strongly im going to protest when the time come(2yrs at the most, maybe 1 and half), i dont have a clue, but InshaAllah, I put my faith completely in Allah to save me. Allah is enough for me.

One problem im having is smiling chacha jelebi ! i try very hard to act happy but i just feel hollow inside, like im just lying to myself.

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 07-18-2008

^ CALL BACK UP!!!!

seriously, any uncles/aunties/grannies/grandpa's/family friends/respected cousins? / respected friends?/ respected imaams or sheikhs?

seek refuge in Allaah, and ask him for a way out

be happy KNOWING everything will only happen for the best when your sincere

SERIOUSLY! Dont you LOVE Qadr? KNowing that its all written and that ALlah knows best and if your sincere to him NO MATTER THE HARDSHIP its for your OWN GOOD !

**adam123** · 07-18-2008

When we face such problems we tend to think that there is nowhere to go...when Allah (saw) says call me and im there to help you....
our imaan should be strong in these circumstances and ask Allah for help, Problems are there to be solved and the true being who solves is Allah so why not beg from him.

Our duas are with you....................

**Brother_Mujahid** · 07-18-2008

im sorry for your dispair sister but after reading much of the posts and replies i think this post by alpha dude really sums up what you can do. And Allah will open his doors of mercy upon you and a way out inshallah.

Originally Posted by Alpha Dude™

It's a sad situation to be in sister, inshaAllah things work out.

I think you should pray two rakah nafil salah and thereafter make sincere dua that you get out of this situation in the most convenient manner possible. Make dua and believe that it has been answered. Make dua knowing that Allah is listening.

Do this every single day, until you feel the issue has been resolved. Seriously, don't underestimate the power of dua. Of course, while making dua, you have to have trust that Allah will not let you down, so keep faith strong.

just one ayah which i sometimes think of when making du'a

Allah makes it clear in Surah 50 Al Qaf, Verse 16 that:

Originally Posted by surah Qaf verse 16

“It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than his jugular vein.”

This verse illustrates and beautifully explains the position of our relationship and the closeness to our Creator which must be realized for our guidance and transformation.

To be closer then the “jugular vein” relates to the core and the nature of ourselves. Let us examine the entities within ourselves to achieve and discover this close proximity to our Creator, the Lord of the heavens and the earth.

have patience sister.

barakallahu feek

**Tania** · 07-18-2008

Try to find out how it looks his type of wife and begin to behave differently - opposite of what he likes - when are people around who could inform him. Like he doesn't like the big mouth women, which acts like the boss of the house, always has right.Play theater. This always helps

.He is not dumb to marry with such a headache.

**Mukafi7** · 07-18-2008

Sister,

One or two years represent a very long period of time. Your option are there for you. However, ther eis no need to rush into anything. Work on your Eman, become more and more devout, and let the situation resolve itself. You never know, your cousin may not want this either! So, think, pray, and choose the best solution for you and the family.

I hioe this helps

**chacha_jalebi** · 07-18-2008

Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

JazakAllah for all ur generous replies, duas and consolations, they r greatly appreciated in my time of need, May Allah Bless you all and give u the highest place in Jannah,Ameen!

Its ok sister Faye, i apologise at my outburst, im just so confused right now. My sister and i also joke about it, and i joke along, but as soon as she leaves the room, i cry alone in despair.

I could never involve the authorities, no matter how bad it got

i just cant!, i respect and love them far too much.

I've tried to reason, then protest, then become angry then just loose energy and retreat into myself. I've made my position well known and will continue to do so. I cant believe at one point, i became scared of the threats and accepted my fate.If it werent for all of ur advice and encouragements not to give in, i would probably have given in.

Exactly how, and how strongly im going to protest when the time come(2yrs at the most, maybe 1 and half), i dont have a clue, but InshaAllah, I put my faith completely in Allah to save me. Allah is enough for me.

One problem im having is smiling chacha jelebi ! i try very hard to act happy but i just feel hollow inside, like im just lying to myself.

as you said Allah (Swt) is enough for you, stick to thaat and watch the blessins fall and your life get better,

also you dont gotta get the authorities involved jus threaten your parents, with them lol

and keep makin it clear you dont wana marry no wannabe bollywood actor, which the shirt tucked in, moustache, oil that can supply a whole family in his hair, you dont want that and we dont want that comin here

the best thin to do with freshys is because they are dyin to come to england, jus bring them here and say to them at the airport wait here, and do a runner! psssssh @ freshys

jus have courage, be strong and let Allah deal with your affairs, he will inshallah sort it all out,

smile for yourself and smile for others do good deeds, help pthers, when you help others, you will be doin charity and also the smile on their faces after you help them, will alsoo bring one on your face!! its easyyy try it NOW! 1, 2, 3 cheese

**mediadave** · 07-19-2008

http://www.fco.gov.uk/en/fco-in-acti...marriage-unit/

**gladTidings** · 07-19-2008

Assalamualikum sis

Im really sorry to hear about your situation...

The members here have given you excellent advice mashAllah. I hope it helps you to build up your imaan inshAllah. I advise you to NEVER ever give in. No matter how far the emotional blackmail goes and how little support you have, you have Allah by your side inshAllah and thats all you need. May Allah swt give you patience and help you in a way you would never have imagined.. Ameen xx

**niler** · 07-19-2008

sis am sorry for ur predicament, i can understand what ur goin through because its rampant where i live, but Allhamdulilah not my family..

Allah has promised to answer the prayers of those who talk to him in the middle of the night. He calls out to His servants to ask Him anything so He may grant it, So sis make use of this opportunity. And Inshaalaah ul b granted ur wish.

I know its hard standing up for urself in such cases, because u thinkin they might disown u, u'v nowhere to go n such stuff But PLIZ and PLIZ... dont compromise ur life and hapines especially knowing that his iman is weak.. but try praying Istikhara coz u never know he might be the best suitor 4u..

If u feela after praying that u stil dont wana marry him, then ask for help from friends or the local masjid.

AND DO NOT DESPAIR FOR ALLAH IS WITH U AND WILL NEVER FORSAKE U!!1

OL D BEST!!! PRAYIN 4U INSHAALAH AND OL THOSE IN SUCH A SITUATION..

**anonymous** · 07-19-2008

Awww sorry to hear about that. How old r ya sis? Its really easy for people on here to advice others to ''TALK'' to their families- trustttttt me, doesnt work. Alhamdulillah I have a very understanding dad hes simply the BESTTTTTTTT I tell ya, but sometimes theres things you dont want to talk to them about simply because you know how hard it is for them to hear it.

But I agree with chacha jalebi- u gta think about the HERE AND NOW- not what wil happen in a cuple of yrs time. Im gettin married in a MONTH

and 1 thing id advise you hun is ENJOY THE SINGLE LIFE WHILE YOU CANNN!!! Lap every oppurtunity up and live ya life man!! As 4 ya future, inshaAllah Allah knows best and whats meant to be will be, just make dua huni xx

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 07-19-2008

Originally Posted by anonymous

Awww sorry to hear about that. How old r ya sis? Its really easy for people on here to advice others to ''TALK'' to their families- trustttttt me, doesnt work. Alhamdulillah I have a very understanding dad hes simply the BESTTTTTTTT I tell ya, but sometimes theres things you dont want to talk to them about simply because you know how hard it is for them to hear it.

But I agree with chacha jalebi- u gta think about the HERE AND NOW- not what wil happen in a cuple of yrs time. Im gettin married in a MONTH

and 1 thing id advise you hun is ENJOY THE SINGLE LIFE WHILE YOU CANNN!!! Lap every oppurtunity up and live ya life man!! As 4 ya future, inshaAllah Allah knows best and whats meant to be will be, just make dua huni xx

beautiful advice

just to clarify, when he/she says enjoy the single life, he/she means it in the halaal way

not the going to ibiza and getting drunk waking up in a random girls bed sorta enjoying life

well thats me stating the obvious

Assalamu Alaikum

**AlbanianMuslim** · 07-19-2008

Pray, make Duas and inshallah Allah will lead you on the right path.
Sometimes, Allah puts us through obstacles to test us, and inshallah you will pass the test sister. Have faith, no matter what dont let anything that happens shake you. Whatever happens, it was written by Allah for it to happen. Have faith and trust in Allah that he is doing this for your own good. It may not make sense now, but it will one day. Ishallah things work out for you, you are in my prayers.

**DaNgErOuS MiNdS** · 07-19-2008

Ameen to all the duas for the sis and you know LI has got your back, anytime, any place the brotherhood and the sisterhood is always here for you in duas, in support, advice and everything else. Hope the sister is doing better.

**highlander** · 07-19-2008

Sis, all my compassion. I dont know what to say except that maybe prayer is a best way. And you know Allah never gives one more than one can bare.

**AnonymousPoster** · 07-20-2008

ur all making me teary now, ur all too sweet. *BIG HUG*

Alhamdulillah, im doing better now, since i started the 2 nafl a day advice yesterday, JazakAllah Khair for that. and im smiling slightly geniuenly too :sunny:.

It was just that one day i guess, when my mum gave up on me, and i thought all hell was let loose, i'd never felt so much despair in my entire life!, i didnt know which way to turn, or what to do or think or feel. But Alhamdulillah, ur all so wonderful!, youve recieved as many Duas as youve given. Im taking it one step at a time,and taking full benifit of Allahs blessings, like my health, my parents, my home, the provisions Allah has given to us, like food and water.

i was reading about the prophet Job recently, and i was so ashamed at myself for despairing so quicky, i was in awe with his patience and faith in Allah, and felt really silly. :rolleyes:, May Allah keep me smiling like this.Ameen!