attraction to wife: Qn for the brothers

[idk]

sis your mistaking a "crush" with "infatuation"


infatuation or "love" as mnay people call it, is IMPOSSIBLE without knowing someone properly


crushes can be forgotten... as for infatuations... good luck!

Agreed.

To be honest, thats true.
You know, alot of people claim to 'love' someone when its just a crush, which makes love look so skeazy and cheap.
It really annoys me.

Salams.

 

[GreyKode]

hey convert, assalamu alaikum, this might be out of topic, but may I ask what is your engineering field.

 

[S_87]

heres something that comes to mind:

Jabir heard Allah's Apostle :arabic5: say: When a woman fascinates any one of you and she captivates his heart, he should go to his wife and have an intercourse with her, for it would repel what he feels.
Muslim

 

[convert]

hey convert, assalamu alaikum, this might be out of topic, but may I ask what is your engineering field.

wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullah

computer science

 

[GreyKode]

wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullah

computer science

:thumbs_up, close enough, I am electrical engineering(Communications).

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Seriously bros, if you see someone else that you find attractive, get her walis # and make her your second wife, simple as that!

Before I get a horde of neg reps for that comment, sisters please realize it was only a joke, I am not that shallow, Alhamdullilah. :scared:

I think someone mentioned the hadeeth above about what one should do if they see someone on the road that catches their attention. After all, it's only lust, and once that's taken care of in the proper manner with one's wife, it goes away. That's the Prophetic solution and therefore, complete Alhamdullilah.

My question: even after this, is it ever possible that he'll ever see that "original beauty" in his wife again? or is it once he's seen somethign more attractive, than that's what he'll always find attractive?

Of course he will. There are a thousand super-attractive women out there and believe me men tend to forget easily Alhamdullilah. So even if by chance he sees some supermodel on the street, when he's with his wife, the supermodel will be out of his head, because the bond between the husband and wife, if it's been nurtured properly, is very strong and a small slip of the eye isn't strong enough to change that most of the time. I say most of the time because the hearts are in between the Hands of Allaah and if He wishes he can test people, wallahu 'alam.

And regarding lowering the gaze, sometimes the fitnah's so bad, especially in the summer, that even with lowering the gaze it's just really hard to deal with the fitnah, so something the sisters should remember is what her husband goes through on a daily basis. He's going to work and there are women there who're trying to show as much skin as they can, all the while he's doing his best to lower his gaze, then traveling to and from work, more fitnah and throughout all of that he's working really hard to lower his gaze and guard his eyesight. So imagine when he comes home and finds the one woman he's allowed to look at in her pajamas or something, with messed up hair etc, looking completely unattractive - that'll just turn him off and if it's habitual then it's a problem that needs to be addressed. It may sound trivial, but it isn't. Sisters you ought to make sure that you do dress up for your husband, go all out because he is the one person you're allowed to do it for. Don't take that for granted, there are cases of adultery occurring in our communities - and it's because some need on either side is not being met.

And secondly, please remember that lowering the gaze isn't just for the brothers, it's also for the sisters.

Lastly, a lot of comments in this thread are in my view idealistic, in the sense that they're implying that once one gets married, the fitnah disappears because the guy now has a wife at home. If she's beautiful, he should be happy, and if she isn't too attractive, then after all it's only religion that matters. Brother's wake up - you'll still find other women attractive, sure the fitnah may be to a lesser degree, but it'll still be there, it's in our nature to be attracted to women, wife or no wife. So instead of denying this, we ought to realize it and be on guard. We can't get rid of a problem by pretending it's not there, but by realizing how it comes about and how we can avoid it.

Ps- I once came to know that someone in a local masjid had hung up a sign - it said something like: 'Looking for marriage - Wanted: Salma Hayek in Hijaab'.

 

[Yanal]

My question: even after this, is it ever possible that he'll ever see that "original beauty" in his wife again? or is it once he's seen somethign more attractive, than that's what he'll always find attractive?

Most likely sister he will only find a woman attractive in a few areas not the whole body and probably wont see that woman again for him to stay interested and if a women finds that a husband is looking at other women she should be caution but not over caution because the husband might suspect and start doubting her instead. Trust me i know about this,my aunt had the same problem,she suspected my uncle and then my uncle started to counter attacking her and doubting her. May Allah never put us and our marriages at times like these. Ameen.

 

[mathematician]

Let's make a few things clear shall we? Every man on this earth will feel some "lust" or "sexual attraction" or whatever you want to call it to other women. The test realky comes down to what you do with those feelings. Do you commit zina? The righteous people too go through those feelings but they are less frequent because they are occupied in remembering Allah.

When you think of will a man see original beauty in his wife again, think of food. The first time you ate a really good food. What happens after? Well, some days that same food will taste like the very first day you ate it. At other times it will feel like normal food. Sometimes it will not taste good at all.

 

[coddles76]

If your not content and happy with your wife the way she is and the way you married her and Vice Versa, YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY.
So to me, being content is important. A human being always wants MORE, being content is the key. Don't aim to high and its the content of the character not the material looks of a person that counts.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Nah thats just a girl he saw for a fleeting moment.
Guys tend to have the mind of a goldfish lol, so a girl is probably instantly erased.
And this girl doesnt cook your meals, or help you when your sick, or raise your kids.
Plus, even if he is attracted to his girl, he should love his wife, even if her hair looks dangerously flammable from how dry it is, even if she looks like a cheetah shes breaking out in so many zits.

So men have a fish memory? Hmm

Love is deeper than that, i should hope.

It’s not always about love though, is it? men are naturally attracted to physical beauty. So I mean my qn was more like even if he did find that woman more attractive....wouldn’t his wife be in his eyes not so attractive anymore because he has someone (more attractive) to compare her to...i don’t mean to say that he does this intentionally, but because he’s attracted to physical beauty, wouldn’t he naturally want his wife to look like that.
So im asking, even if he did find that other girl so god-dang attractive, is there anyway by some miracle, that one day he'll turn around and see the beauty that was always there and he was initially attracted to...

Am i just thinking too much or do i have point :?

Seriously bros, if you see someone else that you find attractive, get her walis # and make her your second wife, simple as that!

Seriously brothers, if you wish to be backhanded by your wives so hard that your eyes balls would fall out and/or you’ll fall over backwards, please go right ahead and take this advice.

Before I get a horde of neg reps for that comment, sisters please realize it was only a joke, I am not that shallow, Alhamdullilah. :scared:

I know, i couldn’t help myself.

Ps- I once came to know that someone in a local masjid had hung up a sign - it said something like: 'Looking for marriage - Wanted: Salma Hayek in Hijaab'.

Thats more like what i mean. Because he’s already seen something more attractive, so wouldn’t it stick, right? Even before he’s married, he may have seen other women-maybe he wasn’t really practising for example - so he sort of bases what he wants in his future/wife based on what he’s seen, not intentionally of course....sort of like what i mentioned to the sister above.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Human mind/heart never (mostly never in some abnormal cases) does not long for something impossible. if it is at all possible threres a chance it will have the longing.

(If he is true to himself and not a coward) ....then having this other woman is possible...the longing for... depends on how much the person is willing to lose ....family, wife, respect, dignity, honour,life and perhaps even the success of the hereafter.

If he doesn't want to lose the above...he will no doubt see the beauty in his wife again.

If he is not true to himself and is a coward...he will be causing a great deal of anguish and pain within himself...a rather sorry state to be in....
and which may still eventually end up in him losing the above anyway.

In this case he will be gaining alot to make himself see the beauty in his wife again...and this is not impossible.....mind over matter!

 

[S_87]

Thats more like what i mean. Because he’s already seen something more attractive, so wouldn’t it stick, right? Even before he’s married, he may have seen other women-maybe he wasn’t really practising for example - so he sort of bases what he wants in his future/wife based on what he’s seen, not intentionally of course....sort of like what i mentioned to the sister above.

there are male models and actors too so he soooo should look in the mirror before he sets his standards

 

[Snowflake]

Shaytan may beautify a sinful action between a man and woman
The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said, 'Men are not tempted by anything more than women.' [Agreed upon] For this reason, women are commanded to cover their bodies and men are commanded to lower their gaze. He (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) forbade being alone with a non-mahram woman and said that no man is ever alone with a non-mahram woman but Shaytan is the third one. This is because Shaytan may beautify a sinful action for them and thus, we must try to subdue Shaytan and drive away his deception and act in accordance with the guidelines of Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam), who said, 'The woman comes in the form of a Shaytan and goes in the form of the Shaytan. So if one of you sees a woman that pleases him, he should go to his family and that will get rid of what is in him.' [Saheeh Muslim]

Imam Ibnul-Qayyim said in this context, 'One of his (Shaytan) plots is that he always bewitches people's mind until they are deceived. No one is saved from his sorcery except those whom Allah Wills. He makes attractive to the mind that which will harm it, until a person thinks of something as most beneficial, and he (Shaytan) discourages him from that which is the most beneficial, until he thinks that it will harm him. La ilaaha illAllah, how may people have been tempted by this sorcery!' [Quoted from, ‘Aalam al-Jinn was-Shayateen by Umar S. Al-Ashqar]

http://www.qsep.com/modules.php?name=assunnah&d_op=viewarticle&aid=264

 

[Cabdullahi]

Im not going to post anonymous

If i saw a better woman walking on the street.....i would ofcourse feel affected but id look at my wife and just smile at her and say to myself.....AHMED YOUR WIFE IS BETTER! SHAYTAN GETAWAY FROM ME....Now!

To the thread starter...sister just relax you will find a husband that will only like your uniqueness and beauty.....i dont want to say this but im getting the vibe that you might be feeling self concious and might have insecurities but who hasnt eh!

 

[noorseeker]

Im not attractive, so im sure my future wife will find other men more attractive than me,
but i never really thought about it before, if i will get jealous of other men.

I cant compete looks wise,so its not in my hands,

 

[yusuf18]

Im not attractive, so im sure my future wife will find other men more attractive than me,
but i never really thought about it before, if i will get jealous of other men.

I cant compete looks wise,so its not in my hands,

for that reason man can take up 4 wives alhamdillah all praise is due to allah who gave us the green light so my awnser would be personaly i man can never fully be satisfied with just 1 wife allhu alam

 

[anonymous]

Aslmkm,

To the poster above this one...

can a man be satisfied with 4 then?

what if a better looking woman turned up?

should a man start firing divorces?

wslm

 

[yusuf18]

Aslmkm,

To the poster above this one...

can a man be satisfied with 4 then?

what if a better looking woman turned up?

should a man start firing divorces?

wslm

ofcourse then its not alowed

 

[Intisar]

Comparing women never works, cause you'll always find someone more aesthetically pleasing or appealing and you'll never be satisfied. And looks can be overshadowed by the fact that your spouse makes you a genuinely happy person. If your spouse is highly attractive to you, then maybe you should start reminding yourself of it (''dang, I bagged me a dimepeice'').

All jokes aside, the stuff that your spouse does for you that is beneficial to your eeman will eventually overshadow their downfalls and what the other girl was lookin like will be a mere (clouded) memory.

I think you should always do stuff to keep that alive, like things that you know your spouse loves just to increase the love between the two inshaAllaah. So you can kind of slap yourself whenever these types of things come up.

(And if it's THAT BAD, maybe consider taking another wife.) :X

for that reason man can take up 4 wives alhamdillah all praise is due to allah who gave us the green light so my awnser would be personaly A man can never fully be satisfied with just 1 wife allhu alam

Yes, Allaah does know best because there are many brothers out there who are more than content with just one, so I don't think you can speak for all men when you say that akhee.

 

[Ar-RaYYan]

for that reason man can take up 4 wives alhamdillah all praise is due to allah who gave us the green light so my awnser would be personaly A man can never fully be satisfied with just 1 wife allhu alam[/QUOTE]

Really? what makes you say that since you are not married yourself ? I dont think its fair to generalise something that is entirely your opinion.