The Marriage Thread

[Italianguy]

Because they can and DO. I have personally witnessed this. Its more like Revenge.



I do, but I think your missing my point. I'm trying to establish if under Sharia, the Man has a duty to finance his ex wife. If he does, I wont be getting married.



Divorce is a BIG thing, especially if you have to give up half you wealth

Divorce is an abomanation of marriage. If you go into a marriage with thoughts of revenge and thinking that your wife will leave you, divorce you and or cheat on you, it will probably happen, just because your making it happen by being in defense mode all the time. Marriage is a bond between a man and a woman that cannot be broken or shouldn't be broken by outside influence. Not all women are like what you say and I can give an example.

I am the example:embarrass I was arranged in my first mariage at 16 and married by 19. I was fine, or so I thought for the first 2 years until I found out she had been seeing another man behind my back(darn Greeks:raging:....sorry brother schowhury...yours is different i'm sure) . Trying to save the marriage I tried to forgive her and kept going in marriage for another 4 months until she told me she was leaving me no matter what for this other man. I did everything i could to save the marriage, but...she still wanted to go. As far as being a Christian as I am, what she did was only 1 of about 3 reasons allowed for divorce, our reason being her adaultry. We agreed that I would not help her in her living expenses (of course) and that I would (upon my demand) pay all child support. She was not revengefull nor did she try to take my son away, or limit my time with him. So it's as peacefull as it could be I guess? So eve nthough my wife left me, she still didn't try to do anything crazy....heck even if she tried she couldn't, she was living with this man and was already pregnant out of wedlock with his childmg:^o).

Not all women are like you say.....in fact most all women have no intentions of do anything you say, but put yourself in their position, if you left her or divorced her, why shouldn't she get something? Most of the time from what I notice, it is the man divorcing the woman, so it's us men who need to be taught right! Sorry fellas....but it's true:hmm:

I am sorry you feel this way about women. I hope you find the right woman for you. Also keep in mind that marriage is a partnership,you have to communicate..ALLOT...and make sure each other is happy.....and we men have to work harder to keep them happy because...well...because were menhew:embarrass

I think I would look more into the sharia law on marriage if I were you. I'm sure somewhere in there, there are stipulations about different sittuations on divorce and if she were to leave you, you wouldn't have to do these things? I wouldn't know I am a Christian.....for n**mg:

Plus....I thought Muslims had to get married at some point?? I could be wrong, I usually am, but i thought i read that somewhere?

God be with you!.........and all married couples

 

[Nimboo]

Well Ill have to disagree.

You have the right to

When spending more time at work you have less time to take care of a household. Consequence is you will be putting more energy in work and making good progress and neglect your household or simply dont put in that much effort as at work.

I thought women boasted that they have multitasking capabilities...seems not.

Why, as a mom, you want to have kids to drop them at a daycarecentre afterwards.

To rebut, Would you leave your kids with your parents?

Then you might as well just not have kids then plan the time you have with your child.

See the point above about multitasking. Further, if this is the case for you, learn the methods of effective time management.

I believe if you have a child it has full right over you because as a mom you are the most important caregiver. And besides you as a parent would be accountable for the childs tarbijjah. That means Allah swt WILL question you about the upbringing you gave to your child. What are you gonna say when your child came home from the daycare with some kafir customs such as birthdays and christmas and that kind of stuff??

A Child's upbringing is the responsibility of both the Mother and Father.

I wont talk about how children are influenced (not in this post), thats a different kettle of fish.

Well Ill have to say NOO thanks. Ill bring my own children up according to my beliefs and values thank you very much.

Alhamdulillah.

 

[Italianguy]

if the wife has fear of Allah she would do no such thing. just because you have witnessed people getting divorced so now you will poison other peoples minds towards marriage? that is actually a sin.

I totally agree with you on that! He is forcing his oppinion and may be hurting others feelings saying this stuff......but who am I to sayimsad

 

[Nimboo]

just because you have witnessed people getting divorced so now you will poison other peoples minds towards marriage? that is actually a sin.

Wow. I don't know how you came to that conclusion. Accusing me of such a thing is also sinful.

Since you have not grasped anything that I have wrote, I'll reiterate, in a not so confusing manner;

1) Does Islam protect against Gold Diggers
2) Does the Husband have to finance the wife to live after a divorce?

According to a post made by "S<Chowdhury" it seems so (I hope not though)

 

[S<Chowdhury]

Wow. I don't know how you came to that conclusion. Accusing me of such a thing is also sinful.

Everybody needs to jam on the hype man, firstly Brother its easy to think that your giving a bad impression on marriage from your post, the fact is to be honest from your post you've seen some bad experiences of marriage and divorce and you are basing idea's that all women are gold diggers, that the impression you get at first glance. i think you need to read up on Islamic Marriages (no offence), because like I've stated you see it as very financially oriented.

 

[Nimboo]

Not all women are like you say.....in fact most all women have no intentions of do anything you say, but put yourself in their position, if you left her or divorced her, why shouldn't she get something? Most of the time from what I notice, it is the man divorcing the woman, so it's us men who need to be taught right! Sorry fellas....but it's true

My whole questions "Why" should she get anything.

I think I would look more into the sharia law on marriage if I were you

Will do.

If you go into a marriage with thoughts of revenge and thinking that your wife will leave you, divorce you and or cheat on you, it will probably happen, just because your making it happen by being in defense mode all the time.

There's nothing wrong with having a contingency in place or being in defensive mode all the time.

I totally agree with you on that! He is forcing his oppinion and may be hurting others feelings saying this stuff......but who am I to sayimsad

I don't have a gun to your head and I'm not forcing your opinion. YOU have the freedom of speech, though and expression.

Since posting real progressive questions hurts peoples feeling, I wont post on this thread any more.

Thanks for your replies. :thumbs_up

 

[Nimboo]

You post so quick !! sorry last post on this thread (promise)

firstly Brother its easy to think that your giving a bad impression on marriage from your post

My questions were based on the moral etiquettes of wealth distribution should a marriage end in divorce.

the fact is to be honest from your post you've seen some bad experiences of marriage and divorce and you are basing idea's that all women are gold diggers, that the impression you get at first glance.

I didn't imply that all women are gold diggers. I wanted an honest response, should a muslimah be in the position of divorce, will she take her husband to the cleaners, all the ones I know did.

 

[Italianguy]

My whole questions "Why" should she get anything.




Will do.




There's nothing wrong with having a contingency in place or being in defensive mode all the time.




I don't have a gun to your head and I'm not forcing your opinion. YOU have the freedom of speech, though and expression.

Since posting real progressive questions hurts peoples feeling, I wont post on this thread any more.

Thanks for your replies. :thumbs_up

Well, don't just get up and walk away from the thread. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings bro. Why would you set yourself up like that though? Has somethng happened to you in the past?

God be with you.

 

[S<Chowdhury]

You post so quick !! sorry last post on this thread (promise)



My questions were based on the moral etiquettes of wealth distribution should a marriage end in divorce.



I didn't imply that all women are gold diggers. I wanted an honest response, should a muslimah be in the position of divorce, will she take her husband to the cleaners, all the ones I know did.

No need to apologise i was just saying how it could be perceived , Brother I'd advise you to contact the Shariah Council UK for more information about marrying for wealth etc for a better understanding.

 

[Nimboo]

Well, don't just get up and walk away from the thread.

OK I broke my promise.

I didn't walk away. I gave up.

I cannot believe that me posting REAL questions, questions that actually challenge intellect (Not religion), turned into a conspiracy, I'm not trying to brainwash you. Pathetic.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings bro.

I'm Numb. You cant hurt my feelings

Why would you set yourself up like that though?

I didn't, I asked questions, people didn't like the fact that I asked them, now they throw wild accusations because they cant rebut or don't have the capacity to do so.

Has somethng happened to you in the past?

No, Alhamdulliah.

Zina is one thing I will NEVER EVER do or plan to do.

I'd advise you to contact the Shariah Council UK for more information about marrying for wealth etc for a better understanding.

I'm not marrying for wealth. My concern is the distribution of wealth, should one be in the position of divorce.

 

[Italianguy]

OK I broke my promise.

I didn't walk away. I gave up.

I cannot believe that me posting REAL questions, questions that actually challenge intellect (Not religion), turned into a conspiracy, I'm not trying to brainwash you. Pathetic.

Who said it was a conspiracy? A little tooo far,no?



I'm Numb. You cant hurt my feelings

Nobody is numb to feelings


I didn't, I asked questions, people didn't like the fact that I asked them, now they throw wild accusations because they cant rebut or don't have the capacity to do so.

I don't think you are understanding. Plus, be carefull who's intelect you are challenging my friend.

No, Alhamdulliah.

Zina is one thing I will NEVER EVER do or plan to do.

Who said you are planning to commit zina? Simply implying maybe you were hurt in a previos marriage?




I'm not marrying for wealth. My concern is the distribution of wealth, should one be in the position of divorce.

Depends on the situation.

 

[★ηαѕιнα★]

You have the right to
I thought women boasted that they have multitasking capabilities...seems not.
To rebut, Would you leave your kids with your parents?
See the point above about multitasking. Further, if this is the case for you, learn the methods of effective time management.
A Child's upbringing is the responsibility of both the Mother and Father.
I wont talk about how children are influenced (not in this post), thats a different kettle of fish.

We have multitasking capabilities. i would want to use those fully in a householdsetting and not divide it between work and a househould -> then even multitasking aint gonna save you cos you would actually have to need time to multitask.
I would leave my kids with my parents. But theres a difference between leaving my child there one afternoon or 40 hours a week!! And its a difference whether you leave your child with muslimpeople or kafirpeople,
I do know timemanagement, my school obligates me to keep a tight schedule. Why should you use timemanagement when you get to have ALL the time with your beautiful child. Would you gladly want to miss out on anything and let a stranger do the upbringing according to her beliefs?
A child's upbringing is the responsability of both parents true. But who is gonna do that when mommy and daddy are working 40 hours a week?
Would you let the housecat handle that? ;D

 

[Asiyah3]

I'm trying to figure out why women choose not to have a career even though they fight for the right to study for one.

You're clearly generalizing... Some women work and some not. If you personally want a woman who'll work after marriage I'm sure you'll find plenty of them.

Also it's already been explained in the thread why education is important for girls:

The parents want their daughters to complete their degrees because they see it as a lifeline for her if the marriage should not work out. Meaning that, if they divorce then the girl has her education to fall back on to support herself.

Working mothers don't make bad parents or wives.

I agree except that the mother should take care of the child at least till he's two.

An entirely different conversation but, I agree that the WIFE has rights while married, but none (except to the children) after a divorce.

My point is why should a man finance his ex wife to live?

I undrestand ywhere you're coming from. If she can afford to provide for herself then there's no need for the man's support. But if she isn't capable of working should we throw her out of the window and leave her on the roads?

 

[Asiyah3]

I found these:

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1150542091115

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=12&ID=1710&CATE=118

If the marriage unfortunately came to an end, then the woman will receive this financial support throughout the waiting period (iddah). Once the post marital waiting period comes to an end, the obligation of Nafaqah no longer remains on the husband.

 

[Nimboo]

I found these:

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/...h-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1150542091115

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=12&ID=1710&CATE=118

If the marriage unfortunately came to an end, then the woman will receive this financial support throughout the waiting period (iddah). Once the post marital waiting period comes to an end, the obligation of Nafaqah no longer remains on the husband.

Two Words:

:rock:

And another four;

Thanks for the links

 

[Asiyah3]

^You welcome

 

[-Fallen Angel-]

Salaam

Since there are talks going on, and i may get engaged soon (and married), i was wondering what would make somebody a good husband, and what kind of things would a woman want to see. I know this has probably been asked a lot but how about some feedback from those of you who are married or have experiance...

Jazakallah Khair

 

[S<Chowdhury]

"Men shall take full care of women with the bounties which Allah has bestowed more abundantly on the former than on the latter, and with what they may spend out of their possessions....".
[Qur’an 4:34]​

The husband should be committed to Islam and adheres to all the laws and teachings of Islam in his daily life. Other attributes and characteristics are a matter concerning which people differ (this is for the sister to advise on).

One of the most important things to ask about is the man’s prayer (salaah); the one who neglects the rights of Allaah is more likely to neglect the rights of others. The true believer does not oppress or mistreat his wife; if he loves her, he honours her, and if he does not love her, he does not mistreat or humiliate her. It is very rare to find this attitude among those who are not sincere Muslims. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):

“and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you” [al-Baqarah 2:221]

“Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwaa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]” [al-Hujuraat 49:13]

Every Muslim husband should be so thoughtful, caring and respectful to his wife’s feelings. He is not allowed to treat his wife scornfully or repulsively. He should be just enough to view and appreciate her merits as he views her defects. Mercy and compassion should be the common traits among the husband and wife. Allah Almighty says, (And of His signs is this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect.) (Ar-Rum 30: 21)

A husband should never treat his wife disapprovingly, scornfully, or repulsively. He should be just enough to view and appreciate her merits as he views her defects. Almighty Allah says: (for if ye hate them it may happen that ye hate a thing wherein Allah hath placed much good.) (An-Nisaa’ 4: 19) In addition, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said, “A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her manners, he will be pleased with another.” ( Sheikh `Atiyyah Saqr)

A Muslim husband should keep the secrets of his wife, especially her private affairs which are known to none but him. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The most wicked among the people in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who enjoys his wife and she enjoys him (i.e. by having sexual intercourse), and then he reveals her secret (of their intercourse).” (Reported by Muslim) Moreover, when a righteous man was asked why he wanted to divorce his wife, he said, “A wise man never reveals the secrets of his wife.” Then, when he was asked, after divorcing her, why he did, he said, “Why should I talk about a woman who is not my wife?!”
( Sheikh `Atiyyah Saqr)

The Qur'an and the Sunnah of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, have commanded kindness to women, it is the husband's duty to:

1- Consort with his wife in an equitable and kind manner. Allah Almighty says, "… and consort with them in kindness." (An-Nisa': 19)

2- Have responsibility for the full maintenance of the wife, a duty which he must discharge cheerfully, without reproach, injury, or condescendence. Allah Almighty says: "Let him who hath abundance spend of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah hath given him. Allah asketh naught of any soul save that which He hath given it. Allah will vouchsafe, after hardship, ease.‏" (At-Talaq: 7)

 

[Italianguy]

Salaam

Since there are talks going on, and i may get engaged soon (and married), i was wondering what would make somebody a good husband, and what kind of things would a woman want to see. I know this has probably been asked a lot but how about some feedback from those of you who are married or have experiance...

Jazakallah Khair

I am married

Couple peices of advice.

1.) Keep your marriage centered on God.

2.) Communicate with your spouse...at alllllll times. Always convey what you feel or problems you may have in a peacefull manner.

3.) Treat your spouse how you want to be treated...I hope that would be good?

4.) Pray together.

5.) Spend good quality time together...maybe cooking together or something?

6.) Love and respect your spouse. To many of us think that we are better than our spouse, equal respect. I learn something new about, and or learn something from my wife everyday

just some advice, hope it helps. I didn't just want to google some answer, i figured i would give you something from experience.

Oh yeah!.....Guys, LISTEN to your wife!....we are all guilty of not listening to her:embarrass, even though you might think it is unimportant....it is to her.

 

[-Fallen Angel-]

Oh yeah!.....Guys, LISTEN to your wife!....we are all guilty of not listening to her:embarrass, even though you might think it is unimportant....it is to her.

Hmm... that may be a tough one... she talks a lot sometimes... and i usually block out what people say after about 5 minutes unless its important.. and most of the time she just talks about anything and everythingimsad... but hey, i can improve my listening skills that way
Cookings good though, i like cooking