Question for teh boys!..!..

[Rhubarb Tart]

Wa alaykum salam,

Allah has given men the duty of carer, protector, leader.

I am hypothetising based on what I have read, seen and heard. There's hardly going to be a survey out there with full statistics that somehow show that women are wearing the trousers hence divorce.

The fact remains, due to what we see in the west, the joint command method is highly encouraged by just about everything. This approach goes against Islam. If you go against Allah's command then obviously you'll fall into wrong.

Okay, I thought so.

Yes I know Allah (swt) made men the leader, carer and protector. I didnt say Allah (swt) didnt.

 

[Cabdullahi]

Better than giving painful birth to his child whilst you cook, clean and slave over your husband. After all that he get to tell you what to do?

no thanks, been through it. Btw I wont be lonely at all. I would encourage other sisters but marriage is definitely not for me.

to me i think you have a problem with the system Allah has set...you dont want to give birth no problem.. you have two options... do a sex change or get sterilization and then sign up for some tango lessons

you know what marriage is also not for me...i just want to live a life that revolves around my advancement as a lone person forget about everyone else...and forget the ummah....i just want to enjoy life...who wants a nagging wife and silly kids they're just an obstruction

I'm absolutely shocked at what you've just said Audhbillah may Allah guide us

 

[purple]

Better than giving painful birth to his child whilst you cook, clean and slave over your husband. After all that he get to tell you what to do?

no thanks, been through it. Btw I wont be lonely at all. I would encourage other sisters but marriage is definitely not for me.

I think you’re underrating marriage. Provided that you find the right person, marriage is a beautiful thing.
Have some faith in Allah (swt). Please have some faith sister.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

@ bedioun:
Your reply in regards to my post is very strange and misunderstood, i seriously don’t know where/what to begin with.

You should make your position and stance clear ahkee and not when someone opposes your idea holdup the victim card and cry “wait a minute that’s not what i said.” And you’d be right, that isn’t what you said, but the way you constructed your post, you can’t blame anyone for taking it the way they did.

Everything you mentioned in your post practically implied that the emotional needs for women ought to be disregarded and that a good husband is a man who fears Allah ONLY whilst being disregarded to her emotional needs. Not to mention that a woman who wants a kind and considerate husband, is irrational and is walking all over her husband (that’s where the quote about the ansaar, etc was relevant).

what peeves me off, is that you “mask” your whole argument on “as long as he is all deen, then stuff the rest.” “hey is is only looking out for you”

Please akhee, don’t insult my intelligence. I am not stupid.

If you don’t want people to take it the wrong way, make your stance clear.

I know, I’m so emotional. but guess what? Im so proud of it. *awaits the “woah, I didn’t say that was an issue.” please, what planet do you think I’m on?

and for the record, we all know you men behind closed doors cry like a girl. as if men are anymore emotionally stable then women. You guys are just as worse (actually, in some cases you’re alot worse)...



seriously though, i get where you're coming from when you say the man is the head of the house, etc and that he cares about his "subjects."

the problem is, i feel this is just a mask for something deeper and a deeper argument that you dont want to directly say, knowingly or unknowingly.

this seems to stemmed from and fueled by a sense of dominance (not directed at you, but speaking generally) and not so much caring for the wife and children per se. you seem to be using the importance of marrying a pious man, to get your point across about obedience to the husband and that women are controlling men by wanting a sensitive man.

these 2 just seem to be a justification to support his exercise of power. if it is part of the sunnah that the man is in charge, fine no worries wallahi, but again i don't feel this has anything do with what the sunnah says, but rather a husband being in authority and his sense of dominance in that respect.


i dislike for my sisters to be unaware and mislead that their husbands should be only praying,etc and this is the be all and end all in a husband....rasoolullah sallaahu aleyhi wa sallam was both a pious and affectionate man...I've seen brothers use the exact same excuse that you have used (i.e authority) when in reality it is nothing to do with the crowd she maybe with, but rather about that he is the man and this deeply annoy's me. i dislike deceit and i will not settle for my sisters to be mislead.





And just skimming over the reply to someone else

Surprise suprise, divorce happens cos the guy's fed up.

The guy is fed up because she is not adhering to her deen, or he is fed up because she is not listening to him. There is a difference.

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

to me i think you have a problem with the system Allah has set...you dont want to give birth no problem.. you have two options... do a sex change or get sterilization and then sign up for some tango lessons

you know what marriage is also not for me...i just want to live a life that revolves around my advancement as a lone person forget about everyone else...and forget the ummah....i just want to enjoy life...who wants a nagging wife and silly kids they're just an obstruction

I'm absolutely shocked at what you've just said Audhbillah may Allah guide us

Salam

You like to jump the gun don’t you? I was hoping you would not reply back. Instead you happen to reply back with assumptions.

Fortunately I don’t even want to have a sex change thank you very much. If you think I am a selfish person then good for you. I certainly not going to lose my sleep over it.

 

[Soulja Girl]

Now any Allah fearing woman WOULD take on board what is said. But what you have nowadays, is the typical stupid 'oohh how DARE he talk to me in that voice!!, just who does he think he is?! He's not my father. ^o)'.

THIS is the problem. Women usually can't fathom a guy telling him what to do. THEIR EGO gets the better of them, despite the guy being right in what he says, they don't want to hear any of it. She'll run off to her parents house crying he's so mean to me and blah blah blah, I want divorce!!! She can't handle it.

^rofl... But not all women are like that... Some wouldn't say a word!

:wa:

 

[Alpha Dude]

Better than giving painful birth to his child whilst you cook, clean and slave over your husband. After all that he get to tell you what to do?

no thanks, been through it. Btw I wont be lonely at all. I would encourage other sisters but marriage is definitely not for me.

DEAR sister. I say this with the best of intentions. Life is not MEANT to be easy.

What you say is above is problematic from a religious perspective. Getting married to fulfil half your deen, having kids and raising them pious is WORSHIP.

Just like any other worship, it is going to be a struggle and difficult at times. Do you complain when you fast all day? Do you complain when you pray salah as you can't seem to find the time? Do you complain when giving zakat thinking you could use the money to yourself for other stuff? No, I don't think you would. Likewise, think of marriage as worship and approach it with that mentality.

Look at the bigger picture and aim to revolve your life around Allah first and foremost. Everything else is incidental. If you find marriage difficult, you strive to be patient. It is THIS kind of patience and sacrifice that both parts in a couple must display that Allah will reward on the day of judgement. Marriage is not easy and that's why it is half the deen. Get married and you are in the running to gain a lot of reward if your intentions are correct. Remain single and you really miss out.

 

[Cabdullahi]

Salam

You like to jump the gun don’t you? I was hoping you would not reply back. Instead you happen to reply back with assumptions.

Fortunately I don’t even want to have a sex change thank you very much. If you think I am a selfish person then good for you. I certainly not going to lose my sleep over it.

oki doki have a wonderful ramadan

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

I think you’re underrating marriage. Provided that you find the right person, marriage is a beautiful thing.
Have some faith in Allah (swt). Please have some faith sister.

Thank you for your concern. Dont worry yourself too much as I do have faith and choose not to marry ever again. Marriage is indeed beautiful for most people.

 

[Alpha Dude]

^rofl... But not all women are like that... Some wouldn't say a word!

:wa:

Wa alaykum salam,

I know, sister. It was merely a hypo scenario as clearly stated. I.e. what would you do in such a case.

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

DEAR sister. I say this with the best of intentions. Life is not MEANT to be easy.

What you say is above is problematic from a religious perspective. Getting married to fulfil half your deen, having kids and raising them pious is WORSHIP.

Just like any other worship, it is going to be a struggle and difficult at times. Do you complain when you fast all day? Do you complain when you pray salah as you can't seem to find the time? Do you complain when giving zakat thinking you could use the money to yourself for other stuff? No, I don't think you would. Likewise, think of marriage as worship and approach it with that mentality.

Look at the bigger picture and aim to revolve your life around Allah first and foremost. Everything else is incidental. If you find marriage difficult, you strive to be patient. It is THIS kind of patience and sacrifice that both parts in a couple must display that Allah will reward on the day of judgement. Marriage is not easy and that's why it is half the deen. Get married and you are in the running to gain a lot of reward if your intentions are correct. Remain single and you really miss out.

I already fulfiled marriage once. I dont have to do it again. I already done my part for the ummah. I dont think the religion said I have to do it again now did it?

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

oki doki have a wonderful ramadan

ramadan kareem

 

[Soulja Girl]

I know, sister. It was merely a hypo scenario as clearly stated. I.e. what would you do in such a case.

^No, you're right... That's where the problem lies cuz that's exactly what a typical childish woman these days would do... She can't comprise wiv her husband and takes small petty things seriously thus divorces take place. If she has good manners, then stuff like this won't happen, it's obvious.

:wa:

 

[purple]

Thank you for your concern. Dont worry yourself too much as I do have faith and choose not to marry ever again. Marriage is indeed beautiful for most people.

:wa:

Subhallah!
Sister, I have been through hell with my current marriage. It is falling apart but that wouldn’t stop me from getting married. Marriage is the most beautiful thing in this world. Do you have children? If you don’t then you haven’t fulfilled the duty you owe to Allah (swt). I'm shocked at someone that gives up on life like you. I dont mean to offend.

 

[Danah]

OMG!!! did you even sleep guys?
This thread is going crazy.....It went off topic...it started to be an innocent questions to brothers and now it became a flaming war! subhanAllah!!
by the way, just in case you forgot>>>>>>>>>> *Ramadan Mubarak* :hmm: you are all fasting if I am not mistaken <_<

This thread should be closed if you "still" want to maintain the brotherhood/sisterhood between you.

has there ever been a discussion thread that didnt turn into a fight?

No!
LI became a crazy place recently, this is a very sad thing indeed...inna lillah wa inna ilayhi raji3oon!

 

[Alpha Dude]

Umm sufyaan, I feel no desire to respond to you. You just want to argue for the sake of it. I have said what I wished and so have you, let's leave it at that.

Sweet106, I'm not compelling you to get married. Simply advising that if you were to get married, look at it from the perspective that I mentioned.

 

[purple]

sweet106 May Allah guide you. Ameen

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Umm sufyaan, I feel no desire to respond to you.You just want to argue for the sake of it. I have said what I wished and so have you, let's leave it at that.

no i dont. maybe the truth hurts? but what would i know, im just the ignorant woman. yay, go me.

but whatever...

 

[Cabdullahi]

sweet106 May Allah guide you. Ameen

May Allah guide us all Ameen.










.......

 

[Vigno]

^rofl... But not all women are like that... Some wouldn't say a word!

:wa:

Lol that's quite right, there are really wonderful women in this world, but many men just judge according to "some" cases. Grow up men and don't forget that many of us are treating their wives like they are their slaves and they play with the word "divorce", oh you don't want to do this, ok you are divorced and then yes they go home later and cry like babies( I mean the men) then they go after that woman again and act like they love them and then when they remarry its back again.
Sorry but am straight, no offence.