Re: Im so depressed 
:salamext: Tanya,
From what you have written, it seems that you are telling yourself the wrong things. You don't know whether Allaah (swt) hates you and you don't know that He doesn't want to help you; these are just things you are saying out of despair, and despairing like this is not going to solve anything. You don't need any of us to tell you this isn't true.
People have given excellent advice in this thread, advice such as reading the Qur'an and finding out what it is that Allaah (swt) is asking you and telling you to do; advice such as praying to Allaah and making du'a to him. And Alhamdulillah it seems that you are taking the right steps when you say that you have prayed to Allaah, but I think it is important that we look at this a bit more closely. Have a look at these links which explain how to do du'a properly:
Etiquette of making du’aa’
Why doesnt Allaah answer our duaas?
From these links, I've picked out some key points:
2 – Sincerity towards Allaah alone in making du’aa’. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And they were commanded not, but that they should worship Allaah, and worship none but Him Alone (abstaining from ascribing partners to Him)”
[al-Bayyinah 98:5]
Du’aa’ is worship, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, so sincerity (ikhlaas) is a condition of its being accepted.
8 – Having certain faith that Allaah will respond, and focusing with proper presence of mind, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Call upon Allaah when you are certain of a response, and remember that Allaah will not answer a du’aa’ that comes from a negligent and heedless heart.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3479; classed as hasan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 2766.
10. He should be firm in his du’aa’, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one of you should say, ‘O Allaah, forgive me if You wish, O Allaah, have mercy on me if You wish’; he should be firm in his asking, for Allaah cannot be compelled.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6339; Muslim, 2679.
13 – Ensuring that one’s food and clothing are good (i.e., halaal). Muslim (1015) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O people, Allaah is Good and does not accept anything but that which is good. Allaah enjoins upon the believers the same as He enjoined upon the Messengers. He says (interpretation of the meaning):
‘O (you) Messengers! Eat of the Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables, fruits)] and do righteous deeds. Verily, I am Well‑Acquainted with what you do’
[al-Mu’minoon 23:51]
‘O you who believe (in the Oneness of Allaah — Islamic Monotheism)! Eat of the lawful things that We have provided you with’
[al-Baqarah 2:172]
Then he mentioned a man who travels for a long distance and is disheveled and dusty, and he stretches forth his hands towards heaven saying, ‘O Lord, O Lord,’ but his food is haraam, his drink is haraam, his clothing is haraam, he has been nourished with haraam, so how can he be responded to?
Ibn Rajab (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Ensuring that one’s food, drink and clothing are halaal, and that one is nourished with halaal, is a means of having one’s du’aa’ answered. End quote.
2. Repentance and turning back to Allaah. Sin is one of the main reasons why du’aa’s are not answered, so the person who is making du’aa’ should hasten to repent and seek forgiveness before he makes du’aa’. Allaah tells us that Nooh (peace be upon him) said:
“I said (to them): ‘Ask forgiveness from your Lord, verily, He is Oft-Forgiving; He will send rain to you in abundance, And give you increase in wealth and children, and bestow on you gardens and bestow on you rivers.’ ” [Nooh 71:10-12]
3. Beseeching, humbling oneself, hoping for Allaah’s reward and fearing His punishment. This is the spirit, essence and purpose of du’aa’. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Invoke your Lord with humility and in secret. He likes not the aggressors” [al-A’raaf 7:55].
Things which may prevent du’aa’ from being answered include:
5. Trying to hasten the response. Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The du’aa’ of any one of you will be answered so long as he is not impatient and says, ‘I made du’aa’ but it was not answered.’” Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim.
Another important point is to realize that the response to the du’aa’ may take different forms: either Allaah will respond and fulfil the desire of the person who made the du’aa’, or He will ward off some evil from him because of the du’aa’, or He will make something good easy for him to attain because of it, or He will save it with Him for him on the Day of Resurrection when he will be most in need of it. And Allaah knows best.
So we can see that trying to hasten a response and despairing of Allaah's help are things which prevent a du'a from being answered.
I am being punished for mistakes that other people get rewarded for, they don't pray, they go out with boys, they go clubbing, they drink and they get rewards in return and so much happiness.
If somebody is punished
in this life for a sin they commited, then that is far better than being punished for it in the hereafter. The pain of hellfire is far beyond what anyone can imagine or bear, yet the pain of this life is something far more tolerable. And people doing those things you mention are not being rewarded; Allaah (swt) is not pleased with them at all, for He says:
And strain not your eyes in longing for the things We have given for enjoyment to various groups of them (polytheists and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allâh), the splendour of the life of this world that We may test them thereby. But the provision (good reward in the Hereafter) of your Lord is better and more lasting.
And enjoin As-Salât (the prayer) on your family, and be patient in offering them [i.e. the Salât (prayers)]. We ask not of you a provision (i.e. to give Us something: money, etc.); We provide for you. And the good end (i.e. Paradise) is for the Muttaqûn (pious ). [Ta-Ha: 131-132]
Beautified for men is the love of things they covet; women, children, much of gold and silver (wealth), branded beautiful horses, cattle and well-tilled land. This is the pleasure of the present world's life; but Allâh has the excellent return (Paradise with flowing rivers, etc.) with Him.
Say: "Shall I inform you of things far better than those? For Al-Muttaqûn (the pious) there are Gardens (Paradise) with their Lord, underneath which rivers flow. Therein (is their) eternal (home) and Azwâjun Mutahharatun (purified mates or wives) [i.e. they will have no menses, urine, or stool, etc.], And Allâh will be pleased with them. And Allâh is All-Seer of the (His) slaves".
Those who say: "Our Lord! We have indeed believed, so forgive us our sins and save us from the punishment of the Fire." (They are) those who are patient ones, those who are true (in Faith, words, and deeds), and obedient with sincere devotion in worship to Allâh. Those who spend [give the Zakât and alms in the Way of Allâh] and those who pray and beg Allâh's Pardon in the last hours of the night. [Aal-'Imraan: 14-17]
Let not the free disposal (and affluence) of the disbelievers throughout the land deceive you.
A brief enjoyment; then, their ultimate abode is Hell; and worst indeed is that place for rest.[Aal-'Imraan: 196-197]
So even though your life might be at an all time low, there are thousands of people who are so much worse off than you, and if that is not of any comfort, then think of our role models in Islam who also lived in great hardship and suffering yet dealt with this with the greatest display of trust and love for Allaah. Think of our Prophet Muhammad :arabic5: who slept on a rough mat that left marks on his back; who never got to eat fully for more than three days continuously throughout his life and who subsisted on merely dates and water. Think of the wife of Prophet Ibraheem (as) who was left in the desert with nothing except her son, yet she trusted Allaah and Allaah gave her provision. So have faith sister, because it is the only way out of the darkness that comes into our lives.
On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear. [Qur'an, 2:286]
^ Why do people commit suicide? Because the burden on them is greater than their soul can bear.
No, that is not true. It is because they have chosen not to face the trial that has come their way; they have chosen an "easy" way out; they have not fought their battle but have rather retreated from it. We must remember to ask Allaah for help and strength to pass through all trials that Allaah has decreed for us and that He keeps us strong in faith.
Also know that shaytaan cannot
make you do anything. He whispers evil to everyone and tries his best, yet he is powerless when we remember Allaah and ward him off with the weapons that Allaah has given us, such as seeking refuge with Allaah from him.
To finish, everybody here has given you advice and encouragement in what to do. Yet none can take those steps except you. This thread can go on for 100 pages but all of it is useless if you never try to change. You must hold on to your faith and keep up your duties of prayer, Qur'an and supplication to Allaah - you may not be able to do everything in one go, but start slowly and maintain what you can. Over time you will forget about this person
if you allow yourself to do so. You must allow Allaah to help you by putting in effort yourself and never givng up hope in Allaah. And whoever gives up a thing for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better Insha'Allaah.
