cynic...

[sevgi]

coooool

i want an awesome friend to fight in my place too !! see how blessed you are :O

ur extra hypo positivo tone is refreshing...yet i know ur just trying to boost my spirits.

she went to the police. tried to force me to get an AVO..i refused. but i promised to take other measures....but im scared. she is lovely...and passionate...but ive seen her kind before...and im still scared.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

wats an AVO?

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

she went to the police. tried to force me to get an AVO..i refused.

im glad you refused that
hes still ur dad...probs not the best advice after what youve been thro...but its the most islamic i can think of

 

[sevgi]

Apprehended Violence Order.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Injunction

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ ooh,

u dnt need that right? u can just stay away from him coz u dont live with him?

 

[sevgi]

^ ooh,

u dnt need that right? u can just stay away from him coz u dont live with him?

He is coming back from where he moved....dno if i explained that bit..a year ago, he left us,saying that i was killing him and he needed space.so i have been looking after my family while still living away from home.

his torture is psychological. he calls like ten times a day just to scream and swear and put me down. he is on a mission to hurt me. he threatens me insanely. the other day he told me he dreamed of locking me up and tying me down so that i could go absolutely nowhere and see noone...

with an AVO, he cannot contact me. period.

but i have always been all for embracing this as my test from Allah....even if it kills me.

 

[Al-Zaara]

Why didn't you do it?


To me Sevgi, to be completely honest with you, he is just part of the reason you got born and nothing more valuable than that. I'd say get an restraining order or whatever, cut him out of your life. Make him for once become a man and survive on his own, if not incompetance will lead him to disaster than so will waswasa. He is not OK and you should stay away from him. The test is, you to finally break free and realize, you don't have to do it..


What has he ever done to deserve an value in you, such a beautiful person who strives so hard to please Allah and the people she loves? Where did he get the right to destroy a child's life the way he did? Where did your mother get that right? They gave birth to you, but that's about it. You owe them nothing at all. Allah subhana we ta'ala brought you to life, this slave, another strong slave to fight in His way and inshaAllah be granted Jannah. That's all. You owe them, those so called parents, nothing. Love them as much as you can, yes do that if you feel you should, but don't care if they don't love you back, Sevgi. They have no love to give. For what have they ever done to deserve your love?


They knew how to make a life but not how to maintain it. They never deserved you and you deserve so so so much better.


Sorry, just can't say anything more now and I'm sorry if I offended you but darn it, I'm boiling. Astagfirullah.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

He is coming back from where he moved....dno if i explained that bit..a year ago, he left us,saying that i was killing him and he needed space.so i have been looking after my family while still living away from home.

his torture is psychological. he calls like ten times a day just to scream and swear and put me down. he is on a mission to hurt me. he threatens me insanely. the other day he told me he dreamed of locking me up and tying me down so that i could go absolutely nowhere and see noone...

with an AVO, he cannot contact me. period.

but i have always been all for embracing this as my test from Allah....even if it kills me.

well in islam we aint suppose to take oppression. so i wud make him stop the abuse, but i wudnt cut him out.

try help him?


if i was u i wud eiva distance myself from him or weneva he needs me show i dont like him coz of the way he is


wat u rekon?

 

[sevgi]

Why didn't you do it?


To me Sevgi, to be completely honest with you, he is just part of the reason you got born and nothing more valuable than that. I'd say get an restraining order or whatever, cut him out of your life. Make him for once become a man and survive on his own, if not incompetance will lead him to disaster than so will waswasa. He is not OK and you should stay away from him. The test is, you to finally break free and realize, you don't have to do it..


What has he ever done to deserve an value in you, such a beautiful person who strives so hard to please Allah and the people she loves? Where did he get the right to destroy a child's life the way he did? Where did your mother get that right? They gave birth to you, but that's about it. You owe them nothing at all. Allah subhana we ta'ala brought you to life, this slave, another strong slave to fight in His way and inshaAllah be granted Jannah. That's all. You owe them, those so called parents, nothing. Love them as much as you can, yes do that if you feel you should, but don't care if they don't love you back, Sevgi. They have no love to give. For what have they ever done to deserve your love?


They knew how to make a life but not how to maintain it. They never deserved you and you deserve so so so much better.


Sorry, just can't say anything more now and I'm sorry if I offended you but darn it, I'm boiling. Astagfirullah.

you know me.

i cant do that.

my dad is nothing without me. he needs me. my family needs me.

i dno what to say..ur right hun..

 

[sevgi]

well in islam we aint suppose to take oppression. so i wud make him stop the abuse, but i wudnt cut him out.

try help him?


if i was u i wud eiva distance myself from him or weneva he needs me show i dont like him coz of the way he is


wat u rekon?

he hurts me.so i dont call him.thats how i can distance myself from him.when i dnt call him..he builds up such hatred..i only harm myslef in the end.

when i miss a phone call of his, or pick up after more than say 5 rings......i dnt even want to explain.......he calls me everything under the sun.

this is a man who thinks i am a terrorist coz i burnt the food once....cpz aparently one cannot burn food by accident. it must be intentional to be so stupid. and any intentinal act of harm is terrorism..urghh..

how does one distance themself from such a man?

he knows i hate him..thats why he attacks me..so that there is no room for me to attack him.he must be the victim of my wrath in order to ignore and justify all the bad he does.

 

[sevgi]

why am i telling you guys all of this.........urgghh....u all think im weird now.

i really am fine.really.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ i know people who put up with stuff like that 30+ years n counting


and everytime i see em they cherish the moments we have


its up to you, you can eiva cut him out, or put up wiv it WHILST mainly concentrating on whats good

if u aint got much good, ask Allaah to grant more good, and try search for more good times


i hope this advice is slightly practical for you

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

why am i telling you guys all of this.........urgghh....u all think im weird now.

i really am fine.really.

nah i think the rest of this forum is weird n ur normal

no joke

 

[Al-Zaara]

you know me.

i cant do that.

my dad is nothing without me. he needs me. my family needs me.

i dno what to say..ur right hun..

And that's why I'd like to shake you from top to toe!

What can I say? I admire your strength and great heart and constant compassion, Sevgi, I can't help but admire that, knowingly in your situation, I wouldn't have been as patient as you are. I would have turned the world upside down. I wouldn't have taken it. I pray that Allah subhana we ta'ala will reward you for everything you've done, every little tear and sad day... For you definitely deserve it, hun.

But I know I might sound rebellious and bad and whatever, but what if you did try to make him live on his own? He has never lived without haunting you and how do you know he actually needs you? What he needs, is MUCH proffessional help and Allah's guidance. I mean seriously, you know I am right. You just find it hard to make this into a practical thing, I can sense that. You're so scared, it shows through miles and miles away.

You know why you can't help him Sevgi? Because you yourself are still broken. You are still hurt and weak, shaken inside. Although slowly you get stronger and stronger by the will of Allah subhana we ta'ala, you cannot help him. He isn't just like an little kid's nightmare which they have to face at night, he is a nightmare reality. A little kid fears the dark because it's unkown and its imagination is playing. You on the other hand, see reality in the eye, have to hear its voice and threats, have to put up with an person who has lost touch with this dunya and his mind. You can never help him, except for one only little thing. Dua. Nothing else, for the more you spend your time on him, the more you loose yourself.

This is just my opinion but Ihope you take it into consideration.

 

[sevgi]

^ i know people who put up with stuff like that 30+ years n counting


and everytime i see em they cherish the moments we have


its up to you, you can eiva cut him out, or put up wiv it WHILST mainly concentrating on whats good

if u aint got much good, ask Allaah to grant more good, and try search for more good times


i hope this advice is slightly practical for you

the latter...and ive been trying for 20 years to see the good. sometimes i need a shove..and you guys seemed to do a good job this time.

thanks for opting for logical and practical advice. as i said, ur a smart cookie.

nah i think the rest of this forum is weird n ur normal

no joke

thanks. i just dnt like being coupled with those who are traumatised etc etc...im doing fine.im functioning.im managing.unbelievably well. i just get tired. very much so.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ sounds normal

hope u make the right choises, inshaAllaah

 

[sevgi]

And that's why I'd like to shake you from top to toe!

What can I say? I admire your strength and great heart and constant compassion, Sevgi, I can't help but admire that, knowingly in your situation, I wouldn't have been as patient as you are. I would have turned the world upside down. I wouldn't have taken it. I pray that Allah subhana we ta'ala will reward you for everything you've done, every little tear and sad day... For you definitely deserve it, hun.

But I know I might sound rebellious and bad and whatever, but what if you did try to make him live on his own? He has never lived without haunting you and how do you know he actually needs you? What he needs, is MUCH proffessional help and Allah's guidance. I mean seriously, you know I am right. You just find it hard to make this into a practical thing, I can sense that. You're so scared, it shows through miles and miles away.

You know why you can't help him Sevgi? Because you yourself are still broken. You are still hurt and weak, shaken inside. Although slowly you get stronger and stronger by the will of Allah subhana we ta'ala, you cannot help him. He isn't just like an little kid's nightmare which they have to face at night, he is a nightmare reality. A little kid fears the dark because it's unkown and its imagination is playing. You on the other hand, see reality in the eye, have to hear its voice and threats, have to put up with an person who has lost touch with this dunya and his mind. You can never help him, except for one only little thing. Dua. Nothing else, for the more you spend your time on him, the more you loose yourself.

This is just my opinion but Ihope you take it into consideration.

everything ur sayn is right.and i know it. i agree.

my only wish:

to, regardless of his potent wrath, became such a strong woman.become a self reliant woman who respects herself and needs noone but Allah.

i do not want to get married and become dependent on a man again. a woman must depend on her husband yes, but not the way i will with all my flaws and weaknesses.

i have found me. i just cant live me.he wont let me.my husband will allow me to live me without trembling from the fear of my father.

inshallah.

 

[Zahida]

You know what i think i just glimpsed a reflection of myself........... I know why i am like this though, everything ,every good, every effort i have made has just been turned and put back in my face so i have adopted a attitude to i don't care anymore. Why bother people bring up the bad but forget that there is also a good side to everyone. But i must warn you before it becomes too late and you become bitter you must practise 'zikr' and get back your peace of mind. I hope things improve. Take care:statisfieQUOTE=sevgi;991507]salams...

im not big on writing in anon...i have nothing to hide...and even tho you guys know my name..im very much an anon either way...noone knows me...

ive lived a lot in my life...and i cant be bothered explaining any of it...the things i have lived have hurt and harmed me to the point where my social and emotional functioning is affected immensely....but noone really knows.

what is getting to me lately is the fact that i am becoming a cynic...one which noone can bother putting up with.

i dont want to be a cynic...it hurts me to not trust people..but i really cant help it...but regardless, i need people so much....so i continue to trust-ish, and yet i dont believe they can help me. yeh im a cynic...a pretty bad one..and im not two faced, so when i think someone is being selfish, or they are stupid or untrustworthy, i sort of just say it...thats what ive been doing lately...and although people know that i have problems, and try to be understanding, i know that they are getting sick of me and i am pushing all their buttons...i dont want to be labelled a "b-word"....but i am being one.

i cant trust people. no way.even while writing this, i am like "why are u even bothering...theyre all just gonna write back really general things, they dont know the extent to which you are hurt etc etc..." but i cant help asking for advice either way, coz atm, my own judgement is corrupt....

any takers? what can you say to me?

(please refrain from telling me to not trust anyone but Allah...i know that)[/QUOTE]

 

[Zahida]

I am a mother. Reading your story made me cry ....... I made dua/prayers for you........

no i have no issues with sharing my story. its just too complex.

basically..i cant help but 'expect' from people...coz its inate...the people i expect things from are my parents etc..it hurts me to live knowing that they havent played their roles...and continue to ruin my life.

i was born two months premo coz my parents couldnt stop fighting. they wanted to get divorced but they found out i was on the way. they stayed togetehr coz of me.

my mum locked herself in a room since i can remember.never mothered me.never hugged.never cried. never put me to sleep. never spoke. never stood up for me.never will.she has and does tell me she hates me.

my dad bashed me when i was still one month premo. never stopped. i became his toy. he became obsessed with controlling me. i was the only thing that was scared of him. i still am the only thing he has. the only one left beside him coz i am the only one both weak and strong enuf to stay beside him.

i left home aged 16. i had to.i worked so hard not to hate people. to smile every morning. to tell myself there were worse situations.but my dad continued to exert his authority in ways which please his evil disposition. i try to understand him. i try to love him. i try to love everyone.and i do...i guess.

but it hurts.like...to struggle through life.all alone.sometimes ur Imaan just isnt strong enuf to hold to the hope that Allah is with you.im still young.sometimes i wish i could complain about the trivial things which girls my age complain about.i i wish i could just kick back one day and be free. but its impossible. the moment i am alone...my past haunts me. i have to struggle thru life, trying to fix and forget and forgive all that has been done to me. but it is still happening........so i am trying t undo things which are begin done at the same time. as i climb that ladder of hope...they knock me down.i cant explain...its too complex. everyone has always used me. my dad against my mum and everyone else.

i dnt wana care anymore.i want to be carefree...for just a day maybe.to laugh like nothing is wrong.like i am exactly the same as anyone else. im sick of trembling thru life....shaking at the thought of my father....shuddering at the idea of him seeing me being normal....cringing every time he calls. im sick of lying to him coz even the most benial of things transform into fuel for his hate fests.he vomits hate on me every morning...every night...and in between, when he cant catch me....i try to grow.

when i come home to visit my mum and siblings...i just want to feel accepted. but all i get is a blank stare from her...and a laboured "when are you going back?" my housemates call their mums..get recipies, advice, share jokes and laughs....ive been away from home for 5 years and my mum has never once called me.i dont exist for her.i taught myself to cook nd clean.my housemates teased "didnt ur mum teach you anything?!" i was 16...and no she didnt.i'd get sick...and all i wanted was someone to care...i dno...ur just so vulnerable wen ur sick...

these are little things...which are just on my mind now. if i told you the serious stuff..i'd have to kill u all.its just my dad. his abuse is potent.and i hate everyone coz of him...coz he hates me with such passion.i try to convince myself that im not disgusting...but i am.i know i am.i know that all that he says is true.but i try so hard to be a good person. i never wanted to be the way i am. i wish i was smart and hard working and all.and i think i am...but he doesnt. he denies me of any good attribute i just mite have....and he says he knows me better than i know myself...perhaps he is right.

im gna shut the hell up now.i have an essay due in a few hours...havent started. i cant...the moment im alone with a blank page...it all comes flying back...i'll never forget the little sevgi.i was so lonely you guys.i was so small.tiny.trembling.i'd walk slanted on rainy days so that the puddled water wouldnt seep through th eholes in my shoes.futile...i'll never forget my sore toes from wearing shoes i'd outgrown. my older bro left wen he was 10.i was so alone.

he is so gna burn in hell.

 

[barney]

Cynicism when taken to extreme is harmful, just like anything in life.

Having a healthy cynicism simply means not being gullible or naive. If people have hurt you in the past you can use these lessons to ajust your interactions in future situations. There is nothing wrong with giving people the benifit of the doubt, but caution in this is a wise move.
It is a natural human response to be self serving, if someone or something is demanding respect in your life, have they earned the entitlement to that respect?