How NOT to be TOO emotional
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Takumi
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
^Perfect!
You should be able to respond to intelligently to the POST above after pages of tips.
Try it! It's fun!
[remember, be blunt if you want but be careful! CLICK SUBMIT AT YOUR OWN RISK!]
I'm gonna sit this one out.
^Perfect!
You should be able to respond to intelligently to the POST above after pages of tips.
Try it! It's fun!
[remember, be blunt if you want but be careful! CLICK SUBMIT AT YOUR OWN RISK!]
I'm gonna sit this one out.
Shadow
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
me me me me im gonna do this one
we are talking about this as it is the main purpose of the thread, if you feel that we are being idle then thats your opinion, if you feel offended by this thread then dont read it or post on it as no one is forcing you to...
:beard:
^Perfect!
You should be able to respond to intelligently to the POST above after pages of tips.
Try it! It's fun!
[remember, be blunt if you want but be careful! CLICK SUBMIT AT YOUR OWN RISK!]
I'm gonna sit this one out.
me me me me im gonna do this one
Jihad_spun said:
we are talking about this as it is the main purpose of the thread, if you feel that we are being idle then thats your opinion, if you feel offended by this thread then dont read it or post on it as no one is forcing you to...
:beard:
Takumi
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
Practical example
This is one of classic examples of how a response of post is targeted to a persona of a person:
What's wrong with the response:
(1) The member does not address the issue. In fact she/he clearly attacks the personality of the member who post.
(2) She assumed that it's all about the member. It's exactly what br mahdi was talking about. Assumption, assumption, assumption.
(3) She had assumed the member's emotion by the the phrase "furiously racing the keyboard", while by the One Who Holds My Soul, I was relaxed and calm while writing the post.
(4) I sincerely believe that this post was meant to be PM'ed to me. Shadow, what do you think?
Je m'aime tujours = I always love myself. If you don't love yourself, you won't try to save yourself from the hellfire. That's what it meant.
Ibn Al-Atheer mentioned this in his book Jaami'-ul-Usool the saying of the Prophet in the authentic hadeeth: "The bankrupt person from my ummah will come on the Day of Judgement with prayer, fasting and Zakaat. But he also abused this person, slandered that person, took money wrongfully from this person, spilled the blood of that one, and beat this one. So some of his good deeds will be given to this person and some of them to that person. So if his good deeds run out before he makes up for what is against him, he will take from their sins and they will be charged against him. And then he will be flung into the Hellfire." [5]
[5] Saheeh Hadeeth: Reported by Muslim (2581), At-Tirmidhee (2418), Ahmad (2/303), Al-Bayhaqee (6/93) from the path of Al-'Alaa Ibn 'Abdir-Rahmaan from his father from Abu Hurairah in marfoo' form. At-Tirmidhee said it was hasan saheeh.
I did it! I finally followed forum rules on that one! I cut and paste my hadeeth!
Peace.
Practical example
As the scroll down the posts I wish some of the brothers and sisters here were with me atttending the courses on child abuse. It's a mandatory course for prospective foster parents.
I got the impression that when you're rich, your life's will be all gay and dandy. I hope you're right. Of course, you gotta live how you want to live.
I'm glad some of us are living in the real world. Oh ya, one question, for those teenagers, do your parents know that you're online responding to strangers' posts? [you don't have to answer this]
Love and desire. What a laugh.
I'll pray for YOUR kids.
Who knows, when I see them at the welfare office or DHS, they'll tell me, "momma used to be on the computer all day" and "daddy hit momma and yelled at us"
Quoting Ripley: "I hope you're right. I really do"
This is one of classic examples of how a response of post is targeted to a persona of a person:
member's name hidden said:
^^This isnt the first time i realized this but you dear brother love the sound of your own voice, in this case, your fingers furiously racing on the keyboard.
"je m'aime toujours" says it all. Its all about you at the end of the day and everyone else is wrong. There has to be a day you wake up and realize, if everyone is like minded, maybe it isn't them and the problem is ME! How's that for a thought, and pls, spare me the over-used, "this is how you should have responded" drivel.
What's wrong with the response:
(1) The member does not address the issue. In fact she/he clearly attacks the personality of the member who post.
(2) She assumed that it's all about the member. It's exactly what br mahdi was talking about. Assumption, assumption, assumption.
(3) She had assumed the member's emotion by the the phrase "furiously racing the keyboard", while by the One Who Holds My Soul, I was relaxed and calm while writing the post.
(4) I sincerely believe that this post was meant to be PM'ed to me. Shadow, what do you think?
Je m'aime tujours = I always love myself. If you don't love yourself, you won't try to save yourself from the hellfire. That's what it meant.
Ibn Al-Atheer mentioned this in his book Jaami'-ul-Usool the saying of the Prophet in the authentic hadeeth: "The bankrupt person from my ummah will come on the Day of Judgement with prayer, fasting and Zakaat. But he also abused this person, slandered that person, took money wrongfully from this person, spilled the blood of that one, and beat this one. So some of his good deeds will be given to this person and some of them to that person. So if his good deeds run out before he makes up for what is against him, he will take from their sins and they will be charged against him. And then he will be flung into the Hellfire." [5]
[5] Saheeh Hadeeth: Reported by Muslim (2581), At-Tirmidhee (2418), Ahmad (2/303), Al-Bayhaqee (6/93) from the path of Al-'Alaa Ibn 'Abdir-Rahmaan from his father from Abu Hurairah in marfoo' form. At-Tirmidhee said it was hasan saheeh.
I did it! I finally followed forum rules on that one! I cut and paste my hadeeth!
Peace.
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Takumi
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
Yet another practical example
Alhamdulillah, the post actually admitted the intention.
My feelings wasn't hurt or course, because I CHOSE not to be hurt by the post.
Anyway, I'd welcome anyone to reply to this post here. Where would you start?
She claims that we're to debate, but the post doesn't have substance and what is the issue?
Yet another practical example
Member's name removed said:
I like how you've used the whole family argument, all you could have said was it hurt your feelings instead of evoking your invisible wife/mom, etc.
Now if I follow your logic, you should also remember when you demean and talk down to ppl, their parents, friends, etc, may be reading your post and might be hurt by it. Debating and exchanging ideas are what we are here for and my goal was for you to taste your own medicine to better connect with those of us below you. A little respect goes a long way.
Alhamdulillah, the post actually admitted the intention.
My feelings wasn't hurt or course, because I CHOSE not to be hurt by the post.
Anyway, I'd welcome anyone to reply to this post here. Where would you start?
She claims that we're to debate, but the post doesn't have substance and what is the issue?
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
Well my opinion about emoticon is that they can really be useful at times to allow others to know how we are feelings. However emoticon are often used just like this; i mean they are used not to express our real feelings, rather they are used jus to make others feel that we are experiencing some kind of feelings when in fact we are never experiencing such feelings at that time.
Emoticon can be useful at times but i rarely used them coz i feel lazy.... u c wat i mean?!?.
Anyway w'assallam
**By the way i'm waiting for some harsh reply for my post; e.g "Go and voice your opinion somewhere else". I dunno why but I feel that i'm going to get such a reply. Anyway I don't care
Well my opinion about emoticon is that they can really be useful at times to allow others to know how we are feelings. However emoticon are often used just like this; i mean they are used not to express our real feelings, rather they are used jus to make others feel that we are experiencing some kind of feelings when in fact we are never experiencing such feelings at that time.
Emoticon can be useful at times but i rarely used them coz i feel lazy.... u c wat i mean?!?.
Anyway w'assallam
**By the way i'm waiting for some harsh reply for my post; e.g "Go and voice your opinion somewhere else". I dunno why but I feel that i'm going to get such a reply. Anyway I don't care
Takumi
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
Brother,
Thanks for taking the time to write. Your opinion is appreciated.
We WANT your opinion here.
Unless you write:
"Takumi, all this while you are talking about yourself. You gotta take your own medicine. You must respect people."
Now, THAT, I don't have to do anything. The generous mods will take care of it.
Brother,
Thanks for taking the time to write. Your opinion is appreciated.
We WANT your opinion here.
Unless you write:
"Takumi, all this while you are talking about yourself. You gotta take your own medicine. You must respect people."
Now, THAT, I don't have to do anything. The generous mods will take care of it.
Muezzin
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
I think I'll add my own little 'lesson':
How to take a joke
Now, online, I realize it is difficult to communicate things like sarcasm and irony. I understand that smileys help to convey a jokey attitude, and use them regularly. However, many other members on this forum and many others, who are all infinitely funnier than me, sometimes do not use smilies.
When another member then reads one of these smiley-less posts, they think one of four things:
1) Ha, nice sarcasm.
2) I see the joke, but I don't find it funny.
3) I see the joke, but I don't like sarcasm in serious discussion thank you.
4) ASTAGFIRULLAH [or random swear words], I WILL UNLEASH THE FULL CONTENTS OF: HELL, MY TIME OF THE MONTH, A PACK OF ASPIRIN, AND A SMALL POODLE'S BACKSIDE ON YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN
Now, the first three types of people are okay. They can all take a joke, and though they might not all appreciate the levity added to the discussion, they ain't gonna go medieval on your butt. That is how to take a joke.
But see, number 4 is what you'd call an 'unreasonable' reply. Would someone of customary phlegm and fortitude (that's Joe Public in non-legal speak) react like a number 4 person? I don't think so. Even without a smiley in a post, one might politely remonstrate with the other person - i.e. by quoting their post and saying 'I am offended by what you said,' or something along those lines.
This gives the original member a chance to explain himself without the offended member publibly humiliating themselves by trying to publicly humiliate the original member.
Bulls see red. Then they're slaughtered.
I think I'll add my own little 'lesson':
How to take a joke
Now, online, I realize it is difficult to communicate things like sarcasm and irony. I understand that smileys help to convey a jokey attitude, and use them regularly. However, many other members on this forum and many others, who are all infinitely funnier than me, sometimes do not use smilies.
When another member then reads one of these smiley-less posts, they think one of four things:
1) Ha, nice sarcasm.
2) I see the joke, but I don't find it funny.
3) I see the joke, but I don't like sarcasm in serious discussion thank you.
4) ASTAGFIRULLAH [or random swear words], I WILL UNLEASH THE FULL CONTENTS OF: HELL, MY TIME OF THE MONTH, A PACK OF ASPIRIN, AND A SMALL POODLE'S BACKSIDE ON YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN
Now, the first three types of people are okay. They can all take a joke, and though they might not all appreciate the levity added to the discussion, they ain't gonna go medieval on your butt. That is how to take a joke.
But see, number 4 is what you'd call an 'unreasonable' reply. Would someone of customary phlegm and fortitude (that's Joe Public in non-legal speak) react like a number 4 person? I don't think so. Even without a smiley in a post, one might politely remonstrate with the other person - i.e. by quoting their post and saying 'I am offended by what you said,' or something along those lines.
This gives the original member a chance to explain himself without the offended member publibly humiliating themselves by trying to publicly humiliate the original member.
Bulls see red. Then they're slaughtered.
Halima
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
Thank you for the tip of 'how to take a joke' brother. However, it is not good to joke to much. I am saying this in general because if one jokes too much, then other people will start getting into the habit of not taking them serious. Hence when you are serious they will think you are being funny or sarcastic. As for me, I think that I joke from time to time alot but alot of people think I am quite and very reserved and very serious. Honestly, if I were to tell a joke, then it wouldn't come out right thats just how I am. That is why I don't joke at all.
Thank you for the tip of 'how to take a joke' brother. However, it is not good to joke to much. I am saying this in general because if one jokes too much, then other people will start getting into the habit of not taking them serious. Hence when you are serious they will think you are being funny or sarcastic. As for me, I think that I joke from time to time alot but alot of people think I am quite and very reserved and very serious. Honestly, if I were to tell a joke, then it wouldn't come out right thats just how I am. That is why I don't joke at all.
]
Muezzin
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
I know what you're saying, sister Halima, and I agree. Besides, it's better for everyone that people who are naturally serious don't try to joke too much. The 'jokes' can seem a bit er... off.
Somewhat connected to your point of excessive joking: I think that a lot of people on here have this false image of me and other members, who I shall not name, as jokers who take nothing seriously whatever. This is a fatal error, and is tied in with Takumi's points about building an image of someone based on the posts they make in an Internet forum.
I can only speak for myself here, but I only joke on the Internet, particularly in forums, because I know that at the end of the day, what we're talking and arguing about in here really won't amount to much. Seriously. I truly think the only people who give a damn about what we say in this Islamic forum are government agents on the lookout for new terror cells, or hack journalists out to cause a stir and print some out-of-context quotations from Muslims in The Star or some such drivel.
In real life, I and at least a few other of the 'funny guys' of LI are quite serious. Yeah, we tell jokes and wisecrack here and there, but it's not excessive otherwise half of us would be retaking primary school SATs.
People need to understand that everyone comes on here for different reasons. Many come on to gain knowledge, which is fine and is the purpose of the forum - but, really, the first place to look for Islamic knowledge is the masjid, not Google.
Other people, myself included, come on here for a bit of a laugh and a way to relax after a particularly taxing two-hour seminarp). When these people make jokes, which stem from other peoples' posts, they are not ridiculing the poster, and it is not personal. It's the same as friendly banter in real life - you know, the stuff you laugh at and don't take seriously, because if you took it seriously, you would really benefit from Prozac.
Heh, I'm fascinated to know how many members, given my reputation as a joker here, have found the true tone of this post - comic or serious?
Maybe they should think outside the box. Maybe it can be both.
I know what you're saying, sister Halima, and I agree. Besides, it's better for everyone that people who are naturally serious don't try to joke too much. The 'jokes' can seem a bit er... off.
Somewhat connected to your point of excessive joking: I think that a lot of people on here have this false image of me and other members, who I shall not name, as jokers who take nothing seriously whatever. This is a fatal error, and is tied in with Takumi's points about building an image of someone based on the posts they make in an Internet forum.
I can only speak for myself here, but I only joke on the Internet, particularly in forums, because I know that at the end of the day, what we're talking and arguing about in here really won't amount to much. Seriously. I truly think the only people who give a damn about what we say in this Islamic forum are government agents on the lookout for new terror cells, or hack journalists out to cause a stir and print some out-of-context quotations from Muslims in The Star or some such drivel.
In real life, I and at least a few other of the 'funny guys' of LI are quite serious. Yeah, we tell jokes and wisecrack here and there, but it's not excessive otherwise half of us would be retaking primary school SATs.
People need to understand that everyone comes on here for different reasons. Many come on to gain knowledge, which is fine and is the purpose of the forum - but, really, the first place to look for Islamic knowledge is the masjid, not Google.
Other people, myself included, come on here for a bit of a laugh and a way to relax after a particularly taxing two-hour seminar
p). When these people make jokes, which stem from other peoples' posts, they are not ridiculing the poster, and it is not personal. It's the same as friendly banter in real life - you know, the stuff you laugh at and don't take seriously, because if you took it seriously, you would really benefit from Prozac.Heh, I'm fascinated to know how many members, given my reputation as a joker here, have found the true tone of this post - comic or serious?
Maybe they should think outside the box. Maybe it can be both.
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Halima
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
I am not going of topic but I see this point clearly relates to the 'would you marry someone online thread' in the marriage section. One can be talking to someone over the net and you never know if they are truly that person in reality. This is net world. The only thing you see are words written behind the screen. If someone wants to fight you would you be scared of them as naturally one would be in real life? Of course not. We do not see people expressions on the net. We see only certain sides to them and I can truly tell you that we don't see everyones true colors. *thinking out of the box here* in reality I am a lovable funny person. I have many friends and I smile alot. Now you see me on this forum, you clearly do not see that side of me. That is the reality of the people who you talk to on the net unfortunately. You can be chatting with a 15 year old girl and she may be a 60 year old rapist lurking for men as their pray. Talking to someone on the otherside of the computer how do you know to trust them? It is when l you actually meet them and then you will know their truest colors. One can be very easily tricked over the net. You have to be careful.
Somewhat connected to your point of excessive joking: I think that a lot of people on here have this false image of me and other members, who I shall not name, as jokers who take nothing seriously whatever. This is a fatal error, and is tied in with Takumi's points about building an image of someone based on the posts they make in an Internet forum.
I am not going of topic but I see this point clearly relates to the 'would you marry someone online thread' in the marriage section. One can be talking to someone over the net and you never know if they are truly that person in reality. This is net world. The only thing you see are words written behind the screen. If someone wants to fight you would you be scared of them as naturally one would be in real life? Of course not. We do not see people expressions on the net. We see only certain sides to them and I can truly tell you that we don't see everyones true colors. *thinking out of the box here* in reality I am a lovable funny person. I have many friends and I smile alot. Now you see me on this forum, you clearly do not see that side of me. That is the reality of the people who you talk to on the net unfortunately. You can be chatting with a 15 year old girl and she may be a 60 year old rapist lurking for men as their pray. Talking to someone on the otherside of the computer how do you know to trust them? It is when l you actually meet them and then you will know their truest colors. One can be very easily tricked over the net. You have to be careful.
Muezzin
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
That's very, very true.
Of course, I'll just clarify on behalf of sister Halima: that's not to say everyone who is nice and funny and friendly online is a 60 year old rapist
It is true that the only evidence on this forum the average member has of another is their posts. By the same token, as you said, one shouldn't think those posts are an accurate representation of that person as a whole.
Otherwise you get mental images of Minaz and I as court jesters.
That's very, very true.
Of course, I'll just clarify on behalf of sister Halima: that's not to say everyone who is nice and funny and friendly online is a 60 year old rapist
It is true that the only evidence on this forum the average member has of another is their posts. By the same token, as you said, one shouldn't think those posts are an accurate representation of that person as a whole.
Otherwise you get mental images of Minaz and I as court jesters.
swanlake
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
Good points sis Halima and br Muezzin.
I build an image in my head whilst i am reading someone's post. Again my problem as br Takumi might say. But i genuinely think that we as posters dont change personalities over the net dramatically. Our posts shows and reflects how we are in real life. As i said..this could be me who has this way of thinking.
Good points sis Halima and br Muezzin.
I build an image in my head whilst i am reading someone's post. Again my problem as br Takumi might say. But i genuinely think that we as posters dont change personalities over the net dramatically. Our posts shows and reflects how we are in real life. As i said..this could be me who has this way of thinking.
Muezzin
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Muezzin
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
Maybe he will, sister Swanlake. There is not fate but what we make for ourselves.
If there's one thing the Terminator movies taught me, it's that.
If there's two things the Terminator movies taught me, it's never make a third film when the thing it's following up is a flipping masterpiece.
Akhi, the moving picture is part of my signature rather than my post. You can edit your signature in the UserCP area
And on-topic... anyone else building mental images?
Maybe he will, sister Swanlake. There is not fate but what we make for ourselves.
If there's one thing the Terminator movies taught me, it's that.
If there's two things the Terminator movies taught me, it's never make a third film when the thing it's following up is a flipping masterpiece.
Akhi, the moving picture is part of my signature rather than my post. You can edit your signature in the UserCP area
And on-topic... anyone else building mental images?
mizan_aliashraf
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
Salam
Im not directing this at anybody, so i dont want people raving at me, but in general, people (including myself) are far too busy chasing the dunya
Wassalam
Salam
Im not directing this at anybody, so i dont want people raving at me, but in general, people (including myself) are far too busy chasing the dunya
Wassalam
Muezzin
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
How true.
It's kind of like that old cartoon 'Catch the Pigeon'- they never ever caught that foul fowl, but it never stopped 'em from trying.
Similarly, we know that we're not gonna get out of life alive, yet bizarrely, that never stops us from trying to defy God's intentions and live forever.
'Nab him, grab him,
CATCH THAT PIGEON... NOW!'
The relevance of that animated show has moved me.
...about an inch to the left of my seat.
How true.
It's kind of like that old cartoon 'Catch the Pigeon'- they never ever caught that foul fowl, but it never stopped 'em from trying.
Similarly, we know that we're not gonna get out of life alive, yet bizarrely, that never stops us from trying to defy God's intentions and live forever.
'Nab him, grab him,
CATCH THAT PIGEON... NOW!'
The relevance of that animated show has moved me.
...about an inch to the left of my seat.
Muezzin
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Re: How NOT To Be Emotional
Okay, think of it this way. The world's an old steam train, right. There's a driver and there's coal
Now, there's two things on this train - love and money. People disagree as to what is driving the train, and what is fueling it. Me? Money burns great.
Okay, think of it this way. The world's an old steam train, right. There's a driver and there's coal
Now, there's two things on this train - love and money. People disagree as to what is driving the train, and what is fueling it. Me? Money burns great.