I'm still hoping my wife will be better

[ardianto]

Currently my wife physical condition does not yet show significant progress. And what I'm doing now is trying to recover her mental condition which is very unstable. Sometime she is eager to be healthy again, sometime she ask me to let her 'go'.

I hope if her mental is more stable she will have stronger motivation to be heal.

 

[~Zaria~]

Currently my wife physical condition does not yet show significant progress. And what I'm doing now is trying to recover her mental condition which is very unstable. Sometime she is eager to be healthy again, sometime she ask me to let her 'go'.

I hope if her mental is more stable she will have stronger motivation to be heal.

dear brother,

I am saddened to hear this...

I just wanted to let you know that sometimes, when people face very great trials/ losses, they may go through different phases of grieving/ sadness. Ultimately, the best state to be in, is one of 'acceptance' of the problem that is being faced.

I sense that perhaps, your wife has reached this state of acceptance with regards to her diagnosis and her current condition - and for this reason, she may sometimes ask to 'let her go'.
However, she also desires to be with you and her kids, and so she is also trying hard to be strong as well.

Akhi, I think the most important aspect to her care at the moment, is to keep her as comfortable and pain-free (if she is experiencing any pain) as possible.
Patients who are suffering any type of cancer, also get very tired easily.
So, I think it may be best to take your cues from her - if she feels like lying in bed the whole day, then this is ok for her. If she feels like going out just for a few minutes, this is ok as well.
Let her take it as easy as she can manage....

And whenever you are together, then bring her focus upon Allah (subhanawataála) and how close He is to the one who is suffering any illness.


You and sister Inna are in the prayers of your IB family, in shaa Allah.

May Allah (subhanawataála) lighten your load and may He make this trial the means for you and your family to enter Jannatul-firdaus together, hand-in-hand.
Ameen

:wasalam:

 

[Periwinkle18]

Currently my wife physical condition does not yet show significant progress. And what I'm doing now is trying to recover her mental condition which is very unstable. Sometime she is eager to be healthy again, sometime she ask me to let her 'go'.

I hope if her mental is more stable she will have stronger motivation to be heal.

Assalam o alikum

Uncle went u go to meet aunty lnna play the Quran the recitation of Quran just melts the heart InshaAllah it'll make her feel better.

I hope she gets well soon may Allah give her a speedy recovery ameen

 

[GuestFellow]

Asslamu Aliakum

Laughing is the cure.

 

[~Zaria~]

Asslamu Aliakum

Laughing is the cure.

:wasalam: brother,


I think this has been mentioned previously to you - that if you are unable to empathize with a persons serious condition and the difficulties that he/ she is experiencing, then it is not appropiate, nor is it of the manners of a muslim to joke or make light of ones burden.

There is a time and place for the above type of response.

But when someone is going through cancer (whether it is in advanced stages or not), then making such statements are actually inconsiderate and shows that you do not really care about what he/ she is going through.

I am asking you kindly to refrain from this.

From reading your other posts, I realize that you have a very light-hearted personality.

While this is good, there needs to be moderation as well.

The prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) once said, "If you knew what I know, you would weep much and laugh little." (Bukhari)



May we always be able to put the feelings and needs of others before our own, and desire for each other that which we desire for ourselves.
And may we never forget the life that awaits us in the Hereafter.
Ameen

:wasalam:

 

[Periwinkle18]

^sis i think he means making someone laugh can help... at times it does help someone who's sick or down buh ur right one shouldnt laugh too much.

 

[~Zaria~]

^ :jz: sis ,


I think if I, or my family member was facing a serious illness, such as cancer (or any other) - and somebody told me to laugh as a cure, then I would feel that this person really does not understand what I/ my loved one is going through.

Indeed, I dont think one should be telling any patient who may be weak/ in pain - to laugh :/ (Can you imagine saying that in a hospital or in a cancer facility? :/ )

However, you are correct in saying that we can try to make the person feel better by trying to be positive in our spirits when we are around them.
(I dont think was implied though).

:jz: ukthi

 

[Periwinkle18]

I remember once my cousin was really sick n was in the hospital n we used to go n visit her we used to talk n crack jokes n she used to love it n laughed so much.She was really sick you would talk to her n while ur talking she would doze off n then suddenly wake up n say u guys r boring u don't say anything at all n she used to make us laugh if we sat quietly. So some ppl just like it if u make them laugh it makes them feel better thats the reason y I said that it reminded me of my cousin...

 

[Periwinkle18]

Lol ur not suppose to tell the patient to laugh u just have to talk abt something that would make them laugh themselves. Sometimes a patient just wants someone to be with them and talk to them

 

[~Zaria~]

^ Lol ukthi

I understand where you are coming from.

It is sunnah to smile ......but everything in moderation.....

Also, brother ardiantos last post speaks of his wife asking him 'to let her go' at times.
So, from this point of view, I think perhaps theres a time and place for jokes.
Also, people respond differently.

e.g. I am generally quite light hearted around people.
But it would seem inappropriate to be telling jokes at some point - esp. when the person may not be in the mood/ feeling unwell (as sister Inna appears at to be at present).

Shukran for bringing to light an important concept though.
MashaAllah.

 

[GuestFellow]

:wasalam: brother,


I think this has been mentioned previously to you - that if you are unable to empathize with a persons serious condition and the difficulties that he/ she is experiencing, then it is not appropiate, nor is it of the manners of a muslim to joke or make light of ones burden.

:wa:

Ah I'm just saying what I would do if I was in that situation. Laughing does help. It makes people feel better. Not joking or whatever you interpreted my posts to be.

There is always the report button if you find some posts offensive instead of confronting members and derailing the topic! :/

 

[GuestFellow]

I remember once my cousin was really sick n was in the hospital n we used to go n visit her we used to talk n crack jokes n she used to love it n laughed so much.She was really sick you would talk to her n while ur talking she would doze off n then suddenly wake up n say u guys r boring u don't say anything at all n she used to make us laugh if we sat quietly. So some ppl just like it if u make them laugh it makes them feel better thats the reason y I said that it reminded me of my cousin...

SEE! Laughing does help. =)

 

[ardianto]

Assalam o alikum

Uncle went u go to meet aunty lnna play the Quran the recitation of Quran just melts the heart InshaAllah it'll make her feel better.I hope she gets well soon may Allah give her a speedy recovery ameen

Wa'alaikumsalam, niece

Last week aunty Inna was angry because I refused her request to recite surah Yaseen. My ignorance made me afraid to recite surah Yaseen.

I live in a place where many Muslims perform tradition of reciting surah Yaseen for dead person, and it cause image of surah Yaseen as surah for dead person. So, when aunty Inna told me to recite surah Yaseen for her, I refused it because I was afraid that's a sign that she would leave me. I offered her other surah but she still wanted to hear surah Yaseen. Then I told her that surah Yaseen usually recited for dead person and she began to angry "who said surah Yaseen only for dead person..?!!".

Finally I recited surah Yaseen. Alhamdulillah, it made her quiet and then slept.

Yes, that's my ignorance as a lay Muslim. Now, In Shaa Allah I will more often recite Qur'an for her.

 

[ardianto]

Asslamu Aliakum

Laughing is the cure.

Wa'alaikumsalam

My wife has lost her desire to laugh, but I still try to create happy atmosphere for her with smile and laugh.

I understand what you meant, bro

 

[GuestFellow]

Wa'alaikumsalam

My wife has lost her desire to laugh, but I still try to create happy atmosphere for her with smile and laugh.

I understand what you meant, bro

:wa:

Make the room colourful. Add flowers, chocolate, vases and stuff like that. I'm no expert but I think it is best to act as though nothing bad happened.

 

[ardianto]

dear brother,

I am saddened to hear this...

I just wanted to let you know that sometimes, when people face very great trials/ losses, they may go through different phases of grieving/ sadness. Ultimately, the best state to be in, is one of 'acceptance' of the problem that is being faced.

I sense that perhaps, your wife has reached this state of acceptance with regards to her diagnosis and her current condition - and for this reason, she may sometimes ask to 'let her go'.
However, she also desires to be with you and her kids, and so she is also trying hard to be strong as well.

Akhi, I think the most important aspect to her care at the moment, is to keep her as comfortable and pain-free (if she is experiencing any pain) as possible.
Patients who are suffering any type of cancer, also get very tired easily.
So, I think it may be best to take your cues from her - if she feels like lying in bed the whole day, then this is ok for her. If she feels like going out just for a few minutes, this is ok as well.
Let her take it as easy as she can manage....

And whenever you are together, then bring her focus upon Allah (subhanawataála) and how close He is to the one who is suffering any illness.


You and sister Inna are in the prayers of your IB family, in shaa Allah.

May Allah (subhanawataála) lighten your load and may He make this trial the means for you and your family to enter Jannatul-firdaus together, hand-in-hand.
Ameen

:wasalam:

Wa'alaikumsalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

My wife Inna was active woman who like cooking, shopping, gathering with other women, etc. But now she's facing a reality that she cannot walk again. It made her spirit down.

Sometime she felt she has lost her life because now she always need my help. She can't bathe herself, but I must bathe her on the bed. She can't go to toilet too, but she must do it on bed and then I clean up her. It's sometime made her felt guilty, and she told me that I would be free if she 'go'.

She experience pain too. Although doctor has given her medicine to relieve her pain, she still feel uncomfortable. It's sometime made her feeling hopeless and wanna 'go'.

But actually the hardest thing for her is, she has lost her ability to do her favorite activities, lost her mobility, lost her beauty.

The last time she she told me that she wanted to 'go' was in Friday night. She asked me why I didn't let her 'go'. I told her that she should not give up and she must appreciate the life that has given to her. She told me again that what happened to her was too hard. And I told her that I knew, and that's why I'm always with her.

Alhamdulillah, it made her quiet.

Also, brother ardiantos last post speaks of his wife asking him 'to let her go' at times.
So, from this point of view, I think perhaps theres a time and place for jokes.
Also, people respond differently.

I know my wife often lost her spirit of life. That's why I usually try to create happy atmosphere for her with smile, laugh and joking. Of course, there's a time when I must stop laugh and joking.

I know she has lost her desire to laugh, but I also know that she knows I'm trying to make her stronger with create a happy atmosphere. Yes, actually I smile, laugh and joking, not to make her laugh, but make her realize that I'm always with her.

Today I laugh when I talked to her, then I smile and called her "my beautiful wife". She looked at me, smile, said "thank you", and began to cry. I still smile and let her cry.

 

[ardianto]

:wa:

Make the room colourful. Add flowers, chocolate, vases and stuff like that. I'm no expert but I think it is best to act as though nothing bad happened.

Good idea. But I hope she is not always in the bedroom.

 

[Periwinkle18]

:wa:

Make the room colourful. Add flowers, chocolate, vases and stuff like that. I'm no expert but I think it is best to act as though nothing bad happened.

that would look great

uncle by roses n tulips she'll love the fragrance.

n make her a card or something

 

[Periwinkle18]

Wa'alaikumsalam, niece

Last week aunty Inna was angry because I refused her request to recite surah Yaseen. My ignorance made me afraid to recite surah Yaseen.

I live in a place where many Muslims perform tradition of reciting surah Yaseen for dead person, and it cause image of surah Yaseen as surah for dead person. So, when aunty Inna told me to recite surah Yaseen for her, I refused it because I was afraid that's a sign that she would leave me. I offered her other surah but she still wanted to hear surah Yaseen. Then I told her that surah Yaseen usually recited for dead person and she began to angry "who said surah Yaseen only for dead person..?!!".

Finally I recited surah Yaseen. Alhamdulillah, it made her quiet and then slept.

Yes, that's my ignorance as a lay Muslim. Now, In Shaa Allah I will more often recite Qur'an for her.

aww mashaAllah thats so sweet of you and uncle its not necessary u recite surah yaseen for dead ppl if she loves it then recite it wenever u meet her recite the surahs she likes it'll make her feel better

 

[Periwinkle18]

Balloons don't forget colourful balloons

uncle ardianto plz give my salam to aunty lnna tell her i love her lots and that she's in my duas.