Mooches!

[mlsh27]

I am really angered by so many other Muslim college students I know, and mainly the ones that are born Muslims. I don't understand why they don't take responsibility for anything except for their school work and occasional cleaning. Most of the born Muslims I know have everything paid for!!! I don't understand why their parents let them get away with it...all it does is delay maturity. It doesn't matter if the parents can pay for everything, they shouldn't! When one is done with high school it is time to grow up and stop depending on mommy and daddy so much. I can understand if parents want to help out, but the child should bear some of the financial burden. I know some that are even Islamically married and the parents still pay for everything! When will they ever grow up if they just keep being babied?:enough!:

 

[Malaikah]

I know some that are even Islamically married and the parents still pay for everything! When will they ever grow up if they just keep being babied?:enough!:

wow cool!

isnt that the females islamic right anyway? that paretns/husband have to provide for her?:rollseyes

cant say much for the guys though.. ^o)

 

[mlsh27]

wow cool!

isnt that the females islamic right anyway? that paretns/husband have to provide for her?:rollseyes

cant say much for the guys though.. ^o)

The husband should provide, but I don't understand how one would go from being fully parent funded to completely self-sufficient and having to support 2, not 1. I think it's useless if the parents pay for everything. I think when one is in college they should have some sort of financial responsibility. It's not hard to handle school and a 10-15 hour a week job!!!!!! It's sad because I feel so much older than the other sisters whose parents pay for everything because they have not had to grow up.

 

[Nawal89]

sometimes seeing those kind of people irritate me too. No sense of responsibility. Even though i still live with my parents, I take my own responsibilities. Like since i work, i buy my own clothing, help with the groceries and all that. My dad sorta bought us up that way. May Allah bless him Ameen.

 

[Vaseline]

My sister's at uni and married. And my mum helps her out nearly everyday [phonecalls, visits on the weekends etc. she has her own house]. I've seen her stressed with both marriage and uni life. It's not as easy as it looks. My mum also said to me that this is a time where it's important to help and support my sister because of what she's going through so she doesn't feel isolated and lonely from the family she used to live with [we have a big household and the sudden move to your own house after marriage with only two people makes one feel pretty lonely...]

I don't think it's being "babied", it's called giving support to your child and showing that they're not alone. Sure the parents shouldn't be helping them out forever, only to start it off to help get their child[ren] on their own feet. After a while, as their income steadily increases, as well as the time they need, then the parents should start to back off but not as soon as the child gets married ^o)

 

[Daffodil]

Asalamulaikum

I personaly have yet to see this.

The parents that do help their children financialy are just supporting them, if theyve got the money why not? I wouldnt call it being babied either, its called being supportive.

If thats what they wanna do, so what, let them, who cares.

Women are meant to be supported by their mehram anyways, be it their fathers or husbands or brothers etc.

U seem to think that if u pay for stuff ur self that means ur "grown up" Thats not how it works sis. When u pay for ur self that just means u pay for ur own stuff n are more independant.

Its natural in asian families for the parents to support their children because they live their lives for their children. n they dnt want to see them struggling.

If the parents can afford to pay for their children, why not, they will get rewarded for it inshallah if they giv it with the intention of charity. So if thats what they wanna do, so be it, let them do what they want with their money.

 

[azim]

I am really angered by so many other Muslim college students I know, and mainly the ones that are born Muslims. I don't understand why they don't take responsibility for anything except for their school work and occasional cleaning. Most of the born Muslims I know have everything paid for!!! I don't understand why their parents let them get away with it...all it does is delay maturity. It doesn't matter if the parents can pay for everything, they shouldn't! When one is done with high school it is time to grow up and stop depending on mommy and daddy so much. I can understand if parents want to help out, but the child should bear some of the financial burden. I know some that are even Islamically married and the parents still pay for everything! When will they ever grow up if they just keep being babied?:enough!:

Why specifically Muslim? Isn't this the case with just rich people in general, whether Muslim, Sikh, Atheist, whatever. The kids usually get pampered and paid for.

 

[afriend]

lol...I've seen some who are 16 and still get spoon fed...literally....just not as far as spoon fed ;D

 

[mlsh27]

Why specifically Muslim? Isn't this the case with just rich people in general, whether Muslim, Sikh, Atheist, whatever. The kids usually get pampered and paid for.

From what I have seen yes, it's the Muslim students who seem the most immature. I know people whose parents try to pay for everything, but the kids won't let them because they understand that it's their responsibility to take care of themselves. The very few that I know whose parents pay for everything still act more mature than the Muslims I know who have the same.

 

[amirah_87]

as salaamu alaykum,

Arrrggh I can't stand it either!!..:heated:
Iqram i've seen a 15-16 yr old being spoon fed..a male aswell!!... it was the most disgusting site that i'd witnesssed..
the mother treated them like kids, so..they'd act like ones....crying for milk...urinatin' on their beds!! :heated:
Na'uudbillah min dhaalik!!
it's too much pampering that's what it is...alhamdulillah my mum's not like that...we're taught our own independence and how to fend for yourselves..although i still live with my mother!!
....actually :X all my family say my mum spoils us...and the truth is she kinda does!! :hiding: :X
not to the spoon feedin' extent though!!

A bit of pampering is not bad though is it :? :hiding:

 

[afriend]

A bit of pampering is not bad though is it

If it was bad.....Children will be turning into robots.....with no feelings....Do you want that huh?

To a certain extent it's ok....

I fail to understand why kids these days are just.....jeez so spoilt...

 

[mlsh27]

My sister's at uni and married. And my mum helps her out nearly everyday [phonecalls, visits on the weekends etc. she has her own house]. I've seen her stressed with both marriage and uni life. It's not as easy as it looks. My mum also said to me that this is a time where it's important to help and support my sister because of what she's going through so she doesn't feel isolated and lonely from the family she used to live with [we have a big household and the sudden move to your own house after marriage with only two people makes one feel pretty lonely...]

I don't think it's being "babied", it's called giving support to your child and showing that they're not alone. Sure the parents shouldn't be helping them out forever, only to start it off to help get their child[ren] on their own feet. After a while, as their income steadily increases, as well as the time they need, then the parents should start to back off but not as soon as the child gets married ^o)

Trust me, I know it's hard to be married and at college at the same time. It's ok to be supportive, but a line needs to be drawn. However, I think it is completely wrong for your mom to financially help your sister since she is married. I know it's hard to make ends meet, but it's definitely possible. How are you supposed to be a mature wife if your mom is still paying for stuff?

 

[afriend]

What kind of mother would desert their child.......sometimes there is no other choice....

 

[amirah_87]

as salaamu alaykum,

If it was bad.....Children will be turning into robots.....with no feelings....Do you want that huh?
To a certain extent it's ok....

I guess some mothers can help it...it's just something they have in them from their nature!!

but yeah there should be limits!!..

Pampering i think beats neglection anyday!!

 

[mlsh27]

What kind of mother would desert their child.......sometimes there is no other choice....

She doesn't have to desert them...that's not what I am saying, but she shouldn't reat them like they are still children. For example, I am married and go to school. Neither my parents nor his help out financially, even though we barely get by... and I am happy they don't! Part of growing up is finding ways to pay bills and generally making ends meet for awhile....but it's better than my parents or his helping out...how would that help us learn how to handle our money when whenever we had a hard time there was always someone to dig us out?!?!?

 

[afriend]

Yeah...I guess.....

 

[amirah_87]

She doesn't have to desert them...that's not what I am saying, but she shouldn't reat them like they are still children. For example, I am married and go to school. Neither my parents nor his help out financially, even though we barely get by... and I am happy they don't! Part of growing up is finding ways to pay bills and generally making ends meet for awhile....but it's better than my parents or his helping out...how would that help us learn how to handle our money when whenever we had a hard time there was always someone to dig us out?!?!?

as salaamu alaykum,

Same here..in our house me and my eldest sister cope on our own!!...we help with bills and all shopping..etc!!
but when we're stuck...... we do ask our mum!!
in your case i guess it's a lil' different, cause your married and your husband's providing for you..what about those who are single!!??
I personally don't see what's wrong with abit of parental support!!

 

[mlsh27]

as salaamu alaykum,

Same here..in our house me and my eldest sister cope on our own!!...we help with bills and all shopping..etc!!
but when we're stuck...... we do ask our mum!!
in your case i guess it's a lil' different, cause your married and your husband's providing for you..what about those who are single!!??

I think when you graduate, it's ok if parents help out financially, as long as they don't pay for everything. It's very important to learn how to handle money and manage time with school and a small job. It's just a way to gradually grow up because what happens if your parents pay for everything and when you get married or graduate college or whatever they stop paying? How will you know what to do? Also why prolong the child's independence and maturity? I know most mothers do not want their kids to grow up, but that doesn't mean they should help hold them back.

 

[DaNgErOuS MiNdS]

Asalamulaikum

I personaly have yet to see this.

The parents that do help their children financialy are just supporting them, if theyve got the money why not? I wouldnt call it being babied either, its called being supportive.

If thats what they wanna do, so what, let them, who cares.

Women are meant to be supported by their mehram anyways, be it their fathers or husbands or brothers etc.

U seem to think that if u pay for stuff ur self that means ur "grown up" Thats not how it works sis. When u pay for ur self that just means u pay for ur own stuff n are more independant.

Its natural in asian families for the parents to support their children because they live their lives for their children. n they dnt want to see them struggling.

If the parents can afford to pay for their children, why not, they will get rewarded for it inshallah if they giv it with the intention of charity. So if thats what they wanna do, so be it, let them do what they want with their money.

Yeah same, I don't see the problem as long as they are willing to help their parents throughout times of need and know their responsibilities. I think it is better for parenst to help ou their kids because it keeps that bond rather then to just kick them out at 18 and make them face the big bad world on their own. There should be limits and you shouldn't let the kids get to spoilt but if the parents choice is to help out then i dont see nothing wrong with it.

 

[Vaseline]

Trust me, I know it's hard to be married and at college at the same time. It's ok to be supportive, but a line needs to be drawn. However, I think it is completely wrong for your mom to financially help your sister since she is married. I know it's hard to make ends meet, but it's definitely possible. How are you supposed to be a mature wife if your mom is still paying for stuff?

Both her husband and herself are at uni so they both have to pay uni fees, which they do not have enough money for [and if they did, they would be saving up money for future use eg. childcare for their future children (which is expensive down here, everything is!)].

One thing you have to realise sis, and Daffodil mentioned it above, maturity is not to do with being married and being able to pay off your financial loans. Ok, maybe the people you have seen are immature but now you're generalising here. What do you define as a mature wife? Just being able to pay for yourself? You're only looking at it from one perspective sis. You can still be a mature wife while your mum is supporting you.