Assalamu alaikum sister,
I am so sorry that you had to experience this situation. I know very well what you have been through and are going through at this moment, and it is hard but it will get easier insha Allah.
when I was new to Islam a brother that a I thought was so pious asked me to marry him, it was arranged to be secret, and he would make his parents understand and accept it after we graduated (so naive I was). For years I believed him, and when I became pregnant he began to show who he really was and the lies started to unravel. He told me to have an abortion or he would kill himself, the whole time I was pregnant he was never there for me, I barely saw him, and he never even helped me get anything for the baby. His parents found out when I was 8 months pregnant, they said that I was not culturally compatible and that our marriage was against Islam because they did not agree...and that my son would never know his father, and then his rare visits and half-hearted promises to be there when our son was born and be with us after stopped. I called the sheikh, who said he should be there, and I called him and asked him to come while I was in labor. I begged him to be part of our sons life, and couldn't understand how when they are so cultural and come from a culture that valued family so much could just ignore my son and I. He never showed and I gave birth alone and attempted to say the adhan in my sons ear in English. My son was born early due to the stress I was under and when I brought him home from the hospital it was so sad, I didn't have clothes or anything. To this day he doesn't support or see my son. He came around a few times and said he loved us and tried to get back with me, I soon learned that he was engaged to his cousin and had been for the whole 3 years that this was going on. He saw our son and I and said he loved us etc and promised me he wouldn't marry her and then flew off to get married in the home country of his parents. Of course he married her and my son and I meant nothing to him, we never did, it just took getting slapped in the face like that for me to realize it.
I know sooo many women, converts and non converts, that this has happened to and for awhile I was so angry and so far from Islam. But this is not Islam, and there are some very good Muslim brothers out there. I eventually found my way back and my iman increased and I was closer to my deen alhumdulilah. I met a good man through my wali and when I accepted his proposal last week there was nothing kept secret, his family is not happy but they know, and insha Allah they will be happier about it in the future. The best advice I can give you is when your ready to get married follow the guidelines of Islam and you cant go wrong. You will find a good man who will make you happy insha Allah.
I know its really hard to accept and impossible to understand, for a long time I kept saying why would he marry her when he loves me, how can this be happening, the concept was so foreign to me. Your sitting there helpless and he is getting married across the sea. He told me that same things that Anis told you, that it didn't mean that he didn't love me and that he would never love another woman like he loved me, etc. Eventually I just had to accept it for what it was, he didn't love me and his intention was not to please Allah but himself. I hope that you will accept it and move on faster than I did insha Allah, its really the best thing you can do. Its different when he is a Muslim man that lives to please Allah, and is guided by Islam, when he is a true example for you, and wants to make sure that you are given the rights that Islam has granted you, I promise. If you ever need to talk I would be happy to listen, and I'm moving to Canada in a few weeks insha Allah so we will have lots to talk about!
