My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,

[xboxisdead]

Unsure what you're disagreeing with as you just reiterated everything I said :/

At all. My disagreement is him going through mountain and up to have contact with her. My disagreement is going and fighting to have access or shared or custodial right to his daughter. That is a big mistake men do a lot. He should focus on saving his money and trying to use any technological means of contacting her by asking the permission of the mother. If the mother disapprove she holds full responsibility in the day of judgement. If the mother poison or cause cutting ties that is at the hand of the mother not the father. His real responsibility and Allah will ask him even above having any relationship with his children is...did he pay them financially and supported them financially first? Did he give them money until they mature into adulthood? Did he make sure they inherited from him correctly? Those he should truly focus on. As a man he does not get pregnant so he can have more children with other woman...and EVEN BETTER than his daughter ten times over. Who knows how his daughter could end up...for all he knows she could lead him to hellfire. You don't know. Men make mistake with his children act like mothers and that is a big mistake men make. Children are risq and wealth of this world...there are better than them in the afterlife...he should focus on shaping himself and don't even give her the power by manipulating him through the children. A mistake men makes. But if you are saying he should move on, take care of himself, try to form some sort of communication with his daughter and don't fret and be thankful then in that part I agree. The part I disagree is him jumping hoop to have access to his daughter or contacting her physically. It is up to the mother to make sure there are ties between child and father and as such she will be questioned in the day of judgement and punished if she cut ties. She is the ameer of the children and she have authority if he have relationship with his children and she have to give father permission to accessing the children.

 

[*charisma*]

At all. My disagreement is him going through mountain and up to have contact with her. My disagreement is going and fighting to have access or shared or custodial right to his daughter. That is a big mistake men do a lot. He should focus on saving his money and trying to use any technological means of contacting her by asking the permission of the mother.

With all due respect, it's none of your business how willing he is to try to remain in his daughter's life. If he has the means to do it, he should do so and he should be encouraged to do so. The success of it is in Allah's hands, but we need to put the effort. Fatherhood is not simply financial sponsorship. You having grown up without a father should know that best.

You're also proving to disagree for the sake of being disagreeable and argumentative even when there is nothing to argue against. This is not a good trait. May Allah guide you.

 

[xboxisdead]

With all due respect, it's none of your business how willing he is to try to remain in his daughter's life. If he has the means to do it, he should do so and he should be encouraged to do so. The success of it is in Allah's hands, but we need to put the effort. Fatherhood is not simply financial sponsorship. You having grown up without a father should know that best.

You're also proving to disagree for the sake of being disagreeable and argumentative even when there is nothing to argue against. This is not a good trait. May Allah guide you.

I agree it is none of my business and by all means I am not offended that you said that. Also I appreciate you where respectful and said "with all due respect" to that I am sincerely thankful. Now what you said there I also agree. You said "if he has the means to do it" which to this I do not deny or disagree. However, if he is not it is not his fault, he should not feel bad or think he is a deadbeat dad. Because he is not. He should not get depressed or feel suicidal at all. I worry about men who are in this situation because women usually use the children to hurt him in hopes he commit suicide. That is what majority of women love to see. When he does kill himself she act innocently and does not know why he killed himself. So I am just scared he does not be part of that statistic. So i worry for him and any man who are in his situation. I also agree 100% that any success is in the Allah's hands so for that reason alone I am telling him if she cut ties between him and his daughter not to fret. Allah is seeing and watching and commanding the angels to write the deeds of the evil woman who do this. Don't fret if your ex-wife cut ties between you and your daughter take this opportunity to know that Allah is raising you high, high, high level in Jannah and you will be the one who will have the last laugh (even though she is laughing at this world) and she will be the one who will taste the crackling fire of hellfire.

Fatherhood is not simply financial sponsorship is what you said, right? But I am sorry to say, you are wrong. He is nothing more than a bank machine or human wallet. Want proof?

Ok.

if a divorce happens what is the first thing the world demand from him?

---------CHILD SUPPORT---------

Not is he a good dad? Does he play with his children? Is he compassionate to them? Is he loving to them? Does he see them everyday to make sure there is strong bond between them? etc....

The answer is NO. What is the main focus? Child support.

If he is the best father on Earth but he does not pay child support what do people label him? A DEADBEAT DAD! he is a loser.

Ok...let us reverse it.

He barely communicate or talk to them or have almost zero contact with them...but he pays them child support and not never fail ones...do people call him A DEADBEAT DAD? NOPE!

Does the court enforce that the father have contact with his children? Nope.

....I am sorry...i cannot help but show proof to your statement the he is nothing more than money bank...but in truth he is. We accept mother cutting ties and denying father visitation to his children and we are living in a society that is going to run in single mother world....in USA majority of children are raised by single mothers.......may I ask why is there no million march rally against the laws that make it happen? May I ask why women not carrying their children and bringing the sign and saying "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! WE NEED FATHERS! WE NEED FATHERS! WE NEED FATHERS!!"?

I want to see people throwing stones at the police and government demanding change in the law that makes it easy to separate children from father, before I start to believe that fathers are nothing more than financial sponsorship.

 

[Imraan]

Just for the record. I have to pay the maintenance, I don't have a choice. It is the law here in the UK. The government knows how much we earn (those if us in tax paying jobs) and a percentage is calculated from that.

The contact custody application is a must. The kid has rights over me just as well I have rights over the kid. If the mother is refusing to co operate, I at least have to get the law involved. The same way the mother got the law involved over maintenance.

For my own sake and the same of the court (should i be questioned about my concerns) I do ask the mother via text about the kid every 3 or 4 days and request the current pictures. I do get somewhat response 90% of the time although how consistent it will be I don't know.

Hiring lawyers is very expensive. My current financial situation won't allow it so I will try my best to represent myself.

I will be asking for a weekend every 3 weeks. Video audio call every three days via the mother's phone. A prohibited steps order, a interim contact order as these cases can take ages to finish and also to be kept in the loop of all aspects of my daughter's life. Let's see how it goes.

I accept whatever is decreed for me. Its not going to be easy.

 

[xboxisdead]

Just for the record. I have to pay the maintenance, I don't have a choice. It is the law here in the UK. The government knows how much we earn (those if us in tax paying jobs) and a percentage is calculated from that.

The contact custody application is a must. The kid has rights over me just as well I have rights over the kid. If the mother is refusing to co operate, I at least have to get the law involved. The same way the mother got the law involved over maintenance.

For my own sake and the same of the court (should i be questioned about my concerns) I do ask the mother via text about the kid every 3 or 4 days and request the current pictures. I do get somewhat response 90% of the time although how consistent it will be I don't know.

Hiring lawyers is very expensive. My current financial situation won't allow it so I will try my best to represent myself.

I will be asking for a weekend every 3 weeks. Video audio call every three days via the mother's phone. A prohibited steps order, a interim contact order as these cases can take ages to finish and also to be kept in the loop of all aspects of my daughter's life. Let's see how it goes.

I accept whatever is decreed for me. Its not going to be easy.

As long as you have contact relationship somehow you have not cut ties. Even if you never see her physically at all (that is not a problem), but you can talk to her ones in a while like she is talking to a relative or uncle that is not considered cutting ties. She then will not have anything against you in the afterlife. You pay child support, contact her ones a while...ask how she is doing, is everything ok, etc listen to her and do your duty at a distance it is great. Make sure you record all sessions electronically. You want to avoid any open door of false allegation happening to you. Ask the permission of the mother before contacting her that she agrees that the conversation is going to be recorded. If she refuses then do not talk to her until she agrees. You want to protect yourself from any lawsuit, sexual false allegation, etc. The mother could go vindictive and decide she does not want you to have any relation with the child period and my even put you in prison just to hurt you. You have to protect yourself completely. Women in UK are the property of the government. The government is her father and protector and the government owns her and she is part of the state (if only women knew). As such you need to protect yourself completely from any potential harm against the state.

But don't forget...that your ex-wife could make it harder and harder for you to even contact her through skype, email or any form of communication. She might say oh she is sleeping right now. Or she might say ohh..she is sick. Or she might say ooh she is with her friends and you have to go through the process of fighting again through the court to enforce the law for you to see your kids and the cycle of insanity will continue. She might go droplets and droplets like tiny water drops from the sink to formulate some type of parental alienation where the mother comes out innocent but the daughter decided on her free will she wants nothing to do with you. The mother might slip that you are bad. The mother might slip that you may have touched her somehow....etc. Whatever the case base this is not a battle that will be over and you come out the winner. Do you plan to exhaust your emotional bar, physical bar, financial bar, spiritual bar for something that you will end up coming a loser and society will not applaud you. Society will not feel sorry for you. Society will still blame you as a deadbeat dad at the end. If you don't do anything you are a deadbeat dad, if you do everything in your wake you are a deadbeat dad. So don't think you are going to come out a hero here. Many men come out insane, commit suicide, end up in the street and as you can see their names are not mentioned in the media or talked about and there are no social revolution from people to fight against this. It is normalized and accepted.

My advice to you..is to do everything in your wake to please Allah alone and no one else. You are doing this for Allah and not for your daughter and not for society. You are going to go through the process so that in the day of judgement when your daughter comes in front of the court of Allah and says to Allah, "MY FATHER FAILED ME! HE ABANDONED ME! HE HATES ME! HE NEGLECTED IN HIS DUTY! ALLAH GIVE ME HIS PARADISE! GIVE ME ALL HIS GOOD DEEDS!" You will have proof in that day that it is not true...that you actually went through the effort and climbed for her, but you had obstacles that prevented you. Her mother and the laws are set against you and you had no power over forces you cannot handle. Even if the daughter are the day of judgement will scream "IT IS NOT ENOUGH! HE FAILED! HE SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE!" Allah is all knowing and Just and knows your limit and he is all merciful. HUMAN BEINGS ARE HEARTLESS and UNMERCIFUL....except for the prophets (of course) and his friends...but Allah is the one and only true God and merciful to his creations and he knows your capability and circumstances. He will reward you for your efforts and punish the ones who oppressed you. Even if that oppressor is a woman.

Just don't feel it is the end of your life and move on! Seriously...move on. Whether your children love you or hate you...move on..it doesn't matter

 

[Imraan]

As long as you have contact relationship somehow you have not cut ties. Even if you never see her physically at all (that is not a problem), but you can talk to her ones in a while like she is talking to a relative or uncle that is not considered cutting ties. She then will not have anything against you in the afterlife. You pay child support, contact her ones a while...ask how she is doing, is everything ok, etc listen to her and do your duty at a distance it is great. Make sure you record all sessions electronically. You want to avoid any open door of false allegation happening to you. Ask the permission of the mother before contacting her that she agrees that the conversation is going to be recorded. If she refuses then do not talk to her until she agrees. You want to protect yourself from any lawsuit, sexual false allegation, etc. The mother could go vindictive and decide she does not want you to have any relation with the child period and my even put you in prison just to hurt you. You have to protect yourself completely. Women in UK are the property of the government. The government is her father and protector and the government owns her and she is part of the state (if only women knew). As such you need to protect yourself completely from any potential harm against the state.

But don't forget...that your ex-wife could make it harder and harder for you to even contact her through skype, email or any form of communication. She might say oh she is sleeping right now. Or she might say ohh..she is sick. Or she might say ooh she is with her friends and you have to go through the process of fighting again through the court to enforce the law for you to see your kids and the cycle of insanity will continue. She might go droplets and droplets like tiny water drops from the sink to formulate some type of parental alienation where the mother comes out innocent but the daughter decided on her free will she wants nothing to do with you. The mother might slip that you are bad. The mother might slip that you may have touched her somehow....etc. Whatever the case base this is not a battle that will be over and you come out the winner. Do you plan to exhaust your emotional bar, physical bar, financial bar, spiritual bar for something that you will end up coming a loser and society will not applaud you. Society will not feel sorry for you. Society will still blame you as a deadbeat dad at the end. If you don't do anything you are a deadbeat dad, if you do everything in your wake you are a deadbeat dad. So don't think you are going to come out a hero here. Many men come out insane, commit suicide, end up in the street and as you can see their names are not mentioned in the media or talked about and there are no social revolution from people to fight against this. It is normalized and accepted.

My advice to you..is to do everything in your wake to please Allah alone and no one else. You are doing this for Allah and not for your daughter and not for society. You are going to go through the process so that in the day of judgement when your daughter comes in front of the court of Allah and says to Allah, "MY FATHER FAILED ME! HE ABANDONED ME! HE HATES ME! HE NEGLECTED IN HIS DUTY! ALLAH GIVE ME HIS PARADISE! GIVE ME ALL HIS GOOD DEEDS!" You will have proof in that day that it is not true...that you actually went through the effort and climbed for her, but you had obstacles that prevented you. Her mother and the laws are set against you and you had no power over forces you cannot handle. Even if the daughter are the day of judgement will scream "IT IS NOT ENOUGH! HE FAILED! HE SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE!" Allah is all knowing and Just and knows your limit and he is all merciful. HUMAN BEINGS ARE HEARTLESS and UNMERCIFUL....except for the prophets (of course) and his friends...but Allah is the one and only true God and merciful to his creations and he knows your capability and circumstances. He will reward you for your efforts and punish the ones who oppressed you. Even if that oppressor is a woman.

Just don't feel it is the end of your life and move on! Seriously...move on. Whether your children love you or hate you...move on..it doesn't matter

Jazak Allah.

FYI
Court date for the first hearing in London family court is end of Jan 2019. Everyone, Please remember me and my family in your prayers and may Allah swt make it easy for us, forgive us for all of our sins and reward us for our calamities insha Allah.

 

[Imraan]

Everyone in this forum reading this, please, I humbly request duas from everyone. May Allah swt make it easy for and and everyone struggling with calamities in this life.

My initial first court hearing regarding child access is this Monday 28th january. After which there will be subsequent hearings until I get the court order. Despite getting the order if allah wills i don't know what's round the corner anymore. May ALLAH swt prevent us from facing further calamities and pray he makes it easy for me and everyone.

I will be representing myself in court and I have been trying my best to prepare paperwork and procedural research and tryjng to build up the courage to go to court in london. I keep telling myself.... whatever happens whether i succeed or not.. whether good or bad...... it is all from Allah swt. Ya Allah, he will look after me insh Allah.

It's not an easy life. Nor am I the worst off, there are so many others with calamities which are much much worse. Yet I strive for recompense and justice. Want my life to be worry free. I have been patient. It can get frustrating sometimes. Innallaha ma'as swaabireen.....

Jazak Allah.

 

[xboxisdead]

Everyone in this forum reading this, please, I humbly request duas from everyone. May Allah swt make it easy for and and everyone struggling with calamities in this life.

My initial first court hearing regarding child access is this Monday 28th january. After which there will be subsequent hearings until I get the court order. Despite getting the order if allah wills i don't know what's round the corner anymore. May ALLAH swt prevent us from facing further calamities and pray he makes it easy for me and everyone.

I will be representing myself in court and I have been trying my best to prepare paperwork and procedural research and tryjng to build up the courage to go to court in london. I keep telling myself.... whatever happens whether i succeed or not.. whether good or bad...... it is all from Allah swt. Ya Allah, he will look after me insh Allah.

It's not an easy life. Nor am I the worst off, there are so many others with calamities which are much much worse. Yet I strive for recompense and justice. Want my life to be worry free. I have been patient. It can get frustrating sometimes. Innallaha ma'as swaabireen.....

Jazak Allah.

I am happy and I am proud you put your trust completely on Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa). I am going to say this one more time....put all your best...if after all your best you still have no right to that child and the mother of the child successfully used the court to cut ties between you and that child.....it is not your...fault. Don't cry. Don't fret and don't give up. Make sure you have money for your daughter's education and make sure you save up for her inheritance. You are a good dad. You are a good person and Allah knows what is in your heart. All I ask...is that you be patient. All I ask is that you simply make dua and move on.

 

[*charisma*]

Everyone in this forum reading this, please, I humbly request duas from everyone. May Allah swt make it easy for and and everyone struggling with calamities in this life.

My initial first court hearing regarding child access is this Monday 28th january. After which there will be subsequent hearings until I get the court order. Despite getting the order if allah wills i don't know what's round the corner anymore. May ALLAH swt prevent us from facing further calamities and pray he makes it easy for me and everyone.

I will be representing myself in court and I have been trying my best to prepare paperwork and procedural research and tryjng to build up the courage to go to court in london. I keep telling myself.... whatever happens whether i succeed or not.. whether good or bad...... it is all from Allah swt. Ya Allah, he will look after me insh Allah.

It's not an easy life. Nor am I the worst off, there are so many others with calamities which are much much worse. Yet I strive for recompense and justice. Want my life to be worry free. I have been patient. It can get frustrating sometimes. Innallaha ma'as swaabireen.....

Jazak Allah.

May Allah ease your affairs, grant you rights to see your daughter, and allow you to raise her under your protection as a god fearing father ameen. May you also be granted a wife better than the one you have lost whether in this world or the afterlife. Continue with your efforts and patience, indeed allah loves those who are patient.

 

[IslamLife00]

Everyone in this forum reading this, please, I humbly request duas from everyone. May Allah swt make it easy for and and everyone struggling with calamities in this life.

My initial first court hearing regarding child access is this Monday 28th january. After which there will be subsequent hearings until I get the court order. Despite getting the order if allah wills i don't know what's round the corner anymore. May ALLAH swt prevent us from facing further calamities and pray he makes it easy for me and everyone.

I will be representing myself in court and I have been trying my best to prepare paperwork and procedural research and tryjng to build up the courage to go to court in london. I keep telling myself.... whatever happens whether i succeed or not.. whether good or bad...... it is all from Allah swt. Ya Allah, he will look after me insh Allah.

It's not an easy life. Nor am I the worst off, there are so many others with calamities which are much much worse. Yet I strive for recompense and justice. Want my life to be worry free. I have been patient. It can get frustrating sometimes. Innallaha ma'as swaabireen.....

Jazak Allah.

Do your best and leave the rest to Allah. I will make dua for you.

 

[Imraan]

Update: unfortunately due to the severity of the allegations (falsified and twisted) which the mother has put forward to the court and social workers (cafcass) the court decided not to even give me supervised access until they do more investigation despite no police records or incidents. May ALLAH guide us all and protect us from oppressors. I pray the oppression stop or at least slows down. The next hearing is end of April. Tough times brothers and sisters.

 

[xboxisdead]

Update: unfortunately due to the severity of the allegations (falsified and twisted) which the mother has put forward to the court and social workers (cafcass) the court decided not to even give me supervised access until they do more investigation despite no police records or incidents. May ALLAH guide us all and protect us from oppressors. I pray the oppression stop or at least slows down. The next hearing is end of April. Tough times brothers and sisters.

I envy you imsadimsadimsad In ways, I wish I was in your shoes! Muslim and got oppressed combination! What better treasure than this!

WHAT BETTER HONOR to be a Muslim and oppressed! I seriously envy you! Here is what you do. Do Dua, clean the dust from your body, stand up and smile. You are one of those men who are oppressed in this world and in the afterlife you will have such reward, such great treasure waiting for you that when you see it...you will cry and wish I was oppressed more in this life. You are THAT MAN BROTHER! YOU ARE THAT MAN and I envy you deeply! I seriously do!! :heated::heated:

Look at it this way...if she turn your daughter against you and make your daughter your oppressor and she ruin your reputation and made the entire community look down at you and oppress you....that means SOMETHING UNIMAGINABLE is waiting for you in the afterlife. Quickly...run and pray and do istigfar and ask Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) for forgiveness and know something great is waiting for you. Take my advice...do dua to Allah (Subhananu Wa talaa) that you die Muslim...the dua of the oppressed is answered and there is no "curtain" between you and Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) and your dua is answered in this world before the afterlife. DO DUA THAT YOU DIE MUSLIM and that Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) make your imaan strong and steady fast and that you pass the exam of agony death when you die and the shaitaan tries to cause you disbelief. Do dua to Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) that you pass that exam and in the afterlife you have weapon...the ammunition...the ball in your court to take all the good deeds of your wife. You brother WON! You brother are the winner!!

 

[IslamLife00]

Update: unfortunately due to the severity of the allegations (falsified and twisted) which the mother has put forward to the court and social workers (cafcass) the court decided not to even give me supervised access until they do more investigation despite no police records or incidents. May ALLAH guide us all and protect us from oppressors. I pray the oppression stop or at least slows down. The next hearing is end of April. Tough times brothers and sisters.

May Allah grant you patience and strength.

Narrated `Aisha: (the wife of the Prophet) Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn." (Sahih al Bukhari)

There is a dua you can say :

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying, "When a person suffers from a calamity and utters: 'Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un. Allahumma ujurni fi musibati, wakhluf li khairan minha (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return. O Allah! Compensate me in my affliction, recompense my loss and give me something better in exchange for it), then Allah surely compensates him with reward and better substitute." Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said: When Abu Salamah (May Allah be pleased with him) died, I repeated the same supplication as the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) had commanded me (to do). So Allah bestowed upon me a better substitute than him (I was married to Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)). (Sahih Muslim)

 

[MazharShafiq]

May Allah grant you patience and strength.

 

[Imraan]

I envy you imsadimsadimsad In ways, I wish I was in your shoes! Muslim and got oppressed combination! What better treasure than this!

WHAT BETTER HONOR to be a Muslim and oppressed! I seriously envy you! Here is what you do. Do Dua, clean the dust from your body, stand up and smile. You are one of those men who are oppressed in this world and in the afterlife you will have such reward, such great treasure waiting for you that when you see it...you will cry and wish I was oppressed more in this life. You are THAT MAN BROTHER! YOU ARE THAT MAN and I envy you deeply! I seriously do!! :heated::heated:

Look at it this way...if she turn your daughter against you and make your daughter your oppressor and she ruin your reputation and made the entire community look down at you and oppress you....that means SOMETHING UNIMAGINABLE is waiting for you in the afterlife. Quickly...run and pray and do istigfar and ask Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) for forgiveness and know something great is waiting for you. Take my advice...do dua to Allah (Subhananu Wa talaa) that you die Muslim...the dua of the oppressed is answered and there is no "curtain" between you and Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) and your dua is answered in this world before the afterlife. DO DUA THAT YOU DIE MUSLIM and that Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) make your imaan strong and steady fast and that you pass the exam of agony death when you die and the shaitaan tries to cause you disbelief. Do dua to Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) that you pass that exam and in the afterlife you have weapon...the ammunition...the ball in your court to take all the good deeds of your wife. You brother WON! You brother are the winner!!

Jzk brother. I never really looked at life from that perspective. Naturally I've always wanted the best of both worlds... and I know deep down inside me I will always want the best of both worlds no matter how much I turn away from blessings that can be received in this world. I've strived for a wife and kids (a family of my own, who doesn't) for a long time. I've strived for a luxury car for a long time. I've strived for other things for a long time. Don't know if I'm going to get it. But I'm grateful for all other achievements to date although sometimes I do feel I took it for granted or did not show enough gratitude to our creator. May ALLAH swt guide us all Insh Allah.

 

[Imraan]

May Allah grant you patience and strength.

Narrated `Aisha: (the wife of the Prophet) Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn." (Sahih al Bukhari)

There is a dua you can say :

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying, "When a person suffers from a calamity and utters: 'Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un. Allahumma ujurni fi musibati, wakhluf li khairan minha (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return. O Allah! Compensate me in my affliction, recompense my loss and give me something better in exchange for it), then Allah surely compensates him with reward and better substitute." Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said: When Abu Salamah (May Allah be pleased with him) died, I repeated the same supplication as the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) had commanded me (to do). So Allah bestowed upon me a better substitute than him (I was married to Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)). (Sahih Muslim)

Assalam walaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

I deeply appreciate everyone's support and suggestions, Jazak Allahu Khayran. Everyone is included in my daily prayers.

I had my second hearing at the family court on Friday 26th April and I thought it would be good if i gave you all an update.

Prior to the hearing a Cafcass officer came to my house and interviewed me for about 2 and half hours (my daughters mother was interviewed as well). They later produced a report which worked more in favour of my application for contact despite concluding residency should be with mother. We all knew this would happen anyway right? During the interview I was able to point out any concerns I had on the safety of my child and prove misleading statements made by the respondent mother. All was either proven or justified by me and also included in the report which is presented to judges and clerks. Basically the mother was caught lying, she basically exposed herself to taking part in perverting the course of justice. Which is a crime in the UK. Anyway the report outlined a recommendation, like a contact plan for the kid to see her father I.e. progressional contact to develop bond in certain settings I.e. direct supervised, direct supported, direct in the community and eventually leading to direct contact with over night stays. Alhamdulillah you don't know how relieved I was, me and my kid will eventually get to see each other soon insh Allah. Hope i can teach her to be God fearing and wise insh Allah.

So I went into the court room and I think the judges decided theres not enough info or evidence for them to dig any deeper into the allegations as they rendered them conflict between two parents Then the opposition side wanted to negotiate contact, they felt they have too much legal costs. They knew they didn't have legs to stand on, their allegations lacked evidence and clarity. Some of it not even related to my contact application. Their legal position was very weak. The respondents solicitor then went onto saying they wanted to negotiate the contact on their terms, i.e. instead of it eventually being 8 hours they wanted it to be 6, nitty gritty stuff like that and more. I wouldn't give in. I decided that the bare minimum contact I should be entitled to is as recommended by the cafcass social worker. Unfortunately we couldn't agree and the courts ran out of time (despite the judges and court staying behind an extra hour to get this sorted) so the hearing was adjourned to a final hearing in September, where if both parties cant agree the judges set the agreement. On one hand I came back empty handed, Allah swt knows best. On the other hand I came back knowing they couldn't delay the contact any later than September this year insh Allah, especially by using lies and domestic violence or abuse as an excuse anymore. In any case Shukr Alhamdulillah.
However it didn't go the way I planned on Friday. My plan was to initially get contact in the interim (they have to at least grant supervised contact even if abuse or violence cannot be proved beyond any reasonable doubt at that point in time), while we battle the allegations out in detail and I seek the finalised order at a later date. It didn't go to plan for whatever reason and the judges decided to see if we can agree a final order on the day. As a consequence due to running out of time and not being able to agree the contact schedule it had to be concluded to another day. Allah knows best.

Whenever I would read the allegations it used to dishearten me deeply. Due to the character of the mother, some of the allegations were very outragous and very low. I am deeply embarrassed being on the receiving end of such allegations. On top of that the act of misleading the courts like that is atrocious! I hope the courts realise that the origins of these allegations are speaking volumes about ones character. Why do people do it? Don't they know their victims earn their rewards in the hereafter? Ramadan is literally round the corner, her keeping my daughter from me all this time will benefit me somewhat because I'll get her rewards for whatever ibadah she does (if she does), doesn't she know?

Once again I want my journey to be an example to others so maybe it deters them from making mistakes. The reason why I've got this far is because I have faith that Allah is always with me no matter what and the fact that I also have to fulfill a little girls basic rights has made me perservere using what I have, she needs her father too. Whether her attitude towards me will change in her adolescent years I don't know, especially when her upbringing will be in a very typical family in the heart of east London, under the care of a mother who shows no compassion, no moral responsibilities or any mercy to me. Will she turn out like her mum? Hope not.

All your duas and support helped so far insh Allah. May Allah swt guide us all and tighten the hearts of the oppressors insh Allah so that they may be guided on a more righteous path.

Jazak Allah

Imran.

 

[Imraan]

Assalam walaikum

Lots and lots of Prayers requested please, I have a final court hearing next week concerning contact for my daughter. I haven't seen her for over one year.

I'm just preparing and refreshing my mind and going over the files and paperwork. Everytime I read the statements given by the mothers solicitor it makes me sick and nauseated, nothing but allegations and all falsehood to achieve full custody of child and to oppress me of my child.

There are some evil people out there, I hate her with a passion. The more I think about it the worse it gets. As I prepare for the final hearing and memorize what I'm going to say what I'm going to ask for, i cant help but think I am where I am now because of her.

This life is full of #@€p!!!

Apologies, I humbly request for your prayers even though I've been losing for a long time and who knows what else I will lose later.....

I hope and pray Allah swt makes life easy for me..

 

[Studentofdeed]

Brother may Allah make it easy for you. Honestly my heart bleeds for you...what you went through is something I never wish on anyone. May Allah bless you and give you the best of the both worlds. May he give you jannah al firdaous al ala. I'm still in shock about this...I know recovering from an abusive relationship is hard but I know the fact that you had it really bad means you can recover from this. Allah loves you for sure brother. I was in a abusive relationship like you too and it has destroyed me. I lost all my happiness and joy and become bitter and depressed. DONT let that happen to you. YOU are a far better man and stronger man that most of us. Please keep fighting brother and dont become like me

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And do not worry my brother, I will make dua for you!

 

[xboxisdead]

Look at it in the positive side. She toke your role and her role and now she have to be a mother and a father. She have double responsibility over her shoulders now. She have the responsibility of a mother on her shoulder and responsibility of a father on her shoulder. If she fails in raising her daughter (which she will because she cannot be a man and a father but NOW SHE have the responsibility of a man and a father which she cannot be) she will have the punishment of a mother and the punishment of a father and if the law prevents you from access to your children and you have zero power...Allah will not punish you for failing to raise your daughter because your wife toke that role out of your hands. She wants to show the world that she is a super woman and she cannot do it without a man and man are unnecessary, will let her have her cake. Not like you have say on this matter.

Now here is a good advice I can give you. Record everything you do to indicate your daughter you have done everything in your wake to reach her. Record your conversation with the lawyers, record your conversation with her mother, record conversation with the court law...keep records and buy gifts and cards and send them to her birthday. Record all your actions, send emails to your daughter, make recording voices and sing to your daughter as if you are holding her with your hands. Show your daughter that you did not forget her and that you love her and you have attempted every mean to reach her and show your love to her.

Don't waste your money in court fee or fighting for your daughter...it is waste of money. Instead...take this money and invest it on her education, her healthcare, her inheritance, everything. Make sure you have doubled if not tripled the amount of for your daughter. if your daughter hates you, want nothing to do with you, that is fine...don't take it personally, everything you logged and recorded put them in a box and with the money you prepared for her. When your daughter have reached adulthood and she is no more accessed by your mother, send to her address that box (make a copy of the recordings in case your ex-wife attempts to destroy it) ...have the envelope information about her wealth you saved...so she..herself picks them up and wait for her to come.

 

[Imraan]

Brother may Allah make it easy for you. Honestly my heart bleeds for you...what you went through is something I never wish on anyone. May Allah bless you and give you the best of the both worlds. May he give you jannah al firdaous al ala. I'm still in shock about this...I know recovering from an abusive relationship is hard but I know the fact that you had it really bad means you can recover from this. Allah loves you for sure brother. I was in a abusive relationship like you too and it has destroyed me. I lost all my happiness and joy and become bitter and depressed. DONT let that happen to you. YOU are a far better man and stronger man that most of us. Please keep fighting brother and dont become like me

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And do not worry my brother, I will make dua for you!

JazakAllah brother, hope Allah swt makes it easy for you too, in either of our cases, it could have been worse, its just im struggling to come to terms with this ongoing oppression, when does this end?... the child maintenance payments, the uncertainty to whether i will always see my kid on time. whether i will receive something better than what i have lost from this marriage. I need to just go to Makkah and cry for help, maybe my prayers will be answered then..... I only hope for a little light at the end of the tunnel now, then at least that'll be something.

To survive these struggles sometimes i have to just go into a introvert mode and just stay quiet and shut myself off from this world. Then that isnt healthy either.

Love to get remarried to somone with a caring character, that itself is another challenge alone, where to find, who do you trust? and how many rejections can we actually handle.

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Look at it in the positive side. She toke your role and her role and now she have to be a mother and a father. She have double responsibility over her shoulders now. She have the responsibility of a mother on her shoulder and responsibility of a father on her shoulder. If she fails in raising her daughter (which she will because she cannot be a man and a father but NOW SHE have the responsibility of a man and a father which she cannot be) she will have the punishment of a mother and the punishment of a father and if the law prevents you from access to your children and you have zero power...Allah will not punish you for failing to raise your daughter because your wife toke that role out of your hands. She wants to show the world that she is a super woman and she cannot do it without a man and man are unnecessary, will let her have her cake. Not like you have say on this matter.

Now here is a good advice I can give you. Record everything you do to indicate your daughter you have done everything in your wake to reach her. Record your conversation with the lawyers, record your conversation with her mother, record conversation with the court law...keep records and buy gifts and cards and send them to her birthday. Record all your actions, send emails to your daughter, make recording voices and sing to your daughter as if you are holding her with your hands. Show your daughter that you did not forget her and that you love her and you have attempted every mean to reach her and show your love to her.

Don't waste your money in court fee or fighting for your daughter...it is waste of money. Instead...take this money and invest it on her education, her healthcare, her inheritance, everything. Make sure you have doubled if not tripled the amount of for your daughter. if your daughter hates you, want nothing to do with you, that is fine...don't take it personally, everything you logged and recorded put them in a box and with the money you prepared for her. When your daughter have reached adulthood and she is no more accessed by your mother, send to her address that box (make a copy of the recordings in case your ex-wife attempts to destroy it) ...have the envelope information about her wealth you saved...so she..herself picks them up and wait for her to come.

there is no positive side right now, theres only negative, she holds all the cards
what kind of life would that be anwyay xboxisdead, living everyday knowing you got a daughter living breathing growing up somewhere while you struggle and the mother has had a upper hand the whole time. All this evil doesnt happen without Allah's will. its like theres no right answer apart from "be patient", the same as the expression 'how long is a piece of string....?'

just remember us in your prayers bro. whatever calamity awaits me, just have to take it.