My wife has gone, back to Allah

[Muhaba]

May Allah give her Jannah and give you and her family patience.

 

[marwen]

Inna Lillah wa Inna Ilayhi raji'oon. La Ilaha Illa Allah.
Brother ardianto I'm sorry for your loss.
May Allah give her mercy and forgiveness. May Allah reward you for your patience.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

:salamext:

Inna lilaahi wa inna ilayhi raajioon

May Allah grant her the highest station in al-jannah, bring you together with her in jannah and may Allah grant you patience and make this easy for you bro.

 

[Taabuu]

Please accept my sympathies and kind thoughts as you go through this sad time. The loss of a loved one is really difficult and I wish you all the best.

 

[ardianto]

A struggle has ended. Allah has determined what the best for my wife.

Cancer attacked my wife in 2009, but she was afraid of surgery and chemotherapy. So I let her to take other treatment. But the cancer that attacked her was too ferocious and started to attack her bones too. She could not walk when finally she went to the hospital.

In 2010 doctor removed her left breast and gave chemotherapy. She could walk again. Doctor said that's a miracle. That was the time when I saw my my was very happy. She told everyone that she's happy because she had an amazing husband.

But in mid of 2012, although regularly she got chemotherapy, her condition was going bad. In October 2012 I brought her to hospital. Doctor called me. He was silent for a moment while looked at my face before he showed my wife rontgen photo. The cancer was irreversible. But I told him to do his best.

Back from hospital, my wife could not walk. So I must bath her on the bed. I did it for more than a half year, everyday.

Tuesday 11 June 2013, after maghrib, I bath her for the last time. But I didn't do it alone, I was with her sister and female officer from an Islamic institution. I tried to make her body clean for her last journey. That was the last thing that I could do for my wife.

Few hours back, at noon. Suddenly I felt I must clean up her face. So I took wet tissue and cleaned up her face. She didn't say anything, just close her eyes, and I saw tears.

I began to see something different on my wife since early of 2013. She often told me that she would go. Sometime she told me about her dreams. She said she saw her father, she saw her mother, she saw my mother. All of them invited her to go with them.

The last time she told me about her dream, she said she saw her father, her mother, and my mother. They were standing on Cikutra cemetery, smile, invited her to come and told her that a space has provided for her.

Now my wife rest in peace in Cikutra Muslim cemetery, beside her father, near her mother, near my mother. Now she is with people who love her.

My Allah reward her for everything she had done for me, for everything she had given to me. She's really a good wife. I'm pleased with her, I'm happy with her, I love her.

 

[ardianto]

Brothers, sisters,

Jazakumullahu Khayran, thank you very much for your support and du'a. May Allah reward you all,

I'm sorry if I can't reply your posts one by one.

 

[ardianto]

I know words are not enough but seriously right now I am thinking of your children,such a tragedy

I have two sons. The oldest (15) is strong enough to be able to accept that his mother has gone. The youngest (9) cried hysterically when he knew it. At the time of the funeral he did not want to go home. But today he has started to accept this.

I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through right now akhi, my condolences.

It's hard to accept that I have lost a wife who I love so much, it's make me feel lonely. But actually my life as male widower is still better than life of female widows, at least in financial matter.

You and your family are in my thoughts and (if you will allow me) prayers.
I believe that your wife is in a peaceful and painfree rest now.

Of course I allow you to pray for me and my family. I very appreciate it.

and now you are a husband no more

I'm no longer a husband of a woman who ever been my wife for almost 19 years. But I still the father of her children. I still have a responsibility to raise our children as good as I can. I still keep a love for her.

I am reminded of the fact that in the last week, she used to often mention to 'let her go'.
To me, it feels that in the same way that Allah Taa'la desired her return......she too, desired to meet her Rabb - Allahu alim.

To be honest, sis, I realized it since few days before she's gone. But my guilty feeling made me hard to let her go. I tried to convince her that she would live longer, I made du'a wish Allah give her more time, so I could take care her better. I felt I was not good enough in take care my wife. I blamed myself when her condition gone bad.

And when she really left me I could not control myself. I scream, cried hysterically. I hugged her and I kept saying "I'm sorry!...I'm sorry!". I felt very guilty because I could not save her.

I still felt very guilty until I perform salat janazah for her. Until I realized that what happened to my wife is destiny which I didn't have power to prevent it.

I think everyone is right, I should not blame myself. They said I have done so much for my wife. But Allah has determined what the best for her. I must accept it.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

how are the kids?

 

[ardianto]

how are the kids?

I hope they can accept this destiny. Now the oldest son is reading a book while the youngest play with his cousins. They don't look sad today.

 

['Abd Al-Maajid]

A struggle has ended. Allah has determined what the best for my wife.

Cancer attacked my wife in 2009, but she was afraid of surgery and chemotherapy. So I let her to take other treatment. But the cancer that attacked her was too ferocious and started to attack her bones too. She could not walk when finally she went to the hospital.

In 2010 doctor removed her left breast and gave chemotherapy. She could walk again. Doctor said that's a miracle. That was the time when I saw my my was very happy. She told everyone that she's happy because she had an amazing husband.

But in mid of 2012, although regularly she got chemotherapy, her condition was going bad. In October 2012 I brought her to hospital. Doctor called me. He was silent for a moment while looked at my face before he showed my wife rontgen photo. The cancer was irreversible. But I told him to do his best.

Back from hospital, my wife could not walk. So I must bath her on the bed. I did it for more than a half year, everyday.

Tuesday 11 June 2012, after maghrib, I bath her for the last time. But I didn't do it alone, I was with her sister and female officer from an Islamic institution. I tried to make her body clean for her last journey. That was the last thing that I could do for my wife.

Few hours back, at noon. Suddenly I felt I must clean up her face. So I took wet tissue and cleaned up her face. She didn't say anything, just close her eyes, and I saw tears.

I began to see something different on my wife since early of 2013. She often told me that she would go. Sometime she told me about her dreams. She said she saw her father, she saw her mother, she saw my mother. All of them invited her to go with them.

The last time she told me about her dream, she said she saw her father, her mother, and my mother. They were standing on Cikutra cemetery, smile, invited her to come and told her that a space has provided for her.

Now my wife rest in peace in Cikutra Muslim cemetery, beside her father, near her mother, near my mother. Now she is with people who love her.

My Allah reward her for everything she had done for me, for everything she had given to me. She's really a good wife. I'm pleased with her, I'm happy with her, I love her.

brother,

I feel your pain and I am really sorry for your loss. This is a kind of test for you and your family. iamsad

My mother was diagnosed with cancer in 2008, but she believes that cancer might have attacked her 4 years before we performed the tests because when it was diagnosed it had just entered it's second stage. But Alhamdulillah my mother was very swift in foreseeing the danger as she worked in radiation department in a cancer hospital. And we immediately started the treatment, the surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. As the cancer had affected her left breast it was amputated. This is the 5th year after the treatment and Alhamdulillah all her regular tests shows that the cancer hasn't spread anywhere else. But she is weak now...

Keep her in your duas in sha allah.

Thanks in advance.

 

[ardianto]

brother,

I feel your pain and I am really sorry for your loss. This is a kind of test for you and your family. iamsad

My mother was diagnosed with cancer in 2008, but she believes that cancer might have attacked her 4 years before we performed the tests because when it was diagnosed it had just entered it's second stage. But Alhamdulillah my mother was very swift in foreseeing the danger as she worked in radiation department in a cancer hospital. And we immediately started the treatment, the surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. As the cancer had affected her left breast it was amputated. This is the 5th year after the treatment and Alhamdulillah all her regular tests shows that the cancer hasn't spread anywhere else. But she is weak now...

Keep her in your duas in sha allah.

Thanks in advance.

Wa'alaikumsalam, my brother.

If your mother is weak, ..... make her strong

Make her strong with your du'a and support. There are enough much people who survive from beast cancer. Don't ever lose the hope.

In Shaa Allah, I will make du'a for your mother after salah.

 

[جوري]

Akhi how are your kids holding up?
Did she have dreams of heaven too or just the grave?

 

[ardianto]

Akhi how are your kids holding up?
Did she have dreams of heaven too or just the grave?

My kids don't look sad today. I don't know in next days, but I hope they can accept this destiny.

My wife didn't dream of heaven, just grave. But I remember this hadith

"If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter into Paradise."
(Ibn Majah and Tirmidhi)

I'm pleased with her. This is what I always say when I make dua for her.

 

[Periwinkle18]

Made this pic this morn it rained, was praying for aunty lnna...

working on another one tht may take some time.

 

[Muhammad]

:salamext: dear brother,

Until I realized that what happened to my wife is destiny which I didn't have power to prevent it.

I think everyone is right, I should not blame myself. They said I have done so much for my wife. But Allah has determined what the best for her. I must accept it.

Belief in Qadr is a very powerful thing, and a beautiful thing in Islam. A Muslim's recognition of Allaah's :swt: control and decree over everything, gives us much strength and acceptance for things which we otherwise might not have come to terms with. You are completely right that Allaah :swt: determined what was the best for your wife. And you already gave her what she truly needed - your love, support and du'as. Her affairs were always in Allaah's :swt: Hands, and no matter how much treatment or care she received, the time of her last moments could not have changed. And remember that the things that can continue to help her have not come to an end. The du'as of her family and children, and all of her family here, are what she needs now. Knowing this also gives a person much comfort.

The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: Sadaqah Jariyah (ceaseless charity); knowledge which is beneficial; or a virtuous descendant who prays for him (the deceased).” [Sahih Muslim]


It is natural for you and your family to feel sad in the coming days. But :ia: with time, it will become easier to accept. Even the Prophets, who endured so much loss, grief and sadness, cried:

And he turned away from them and said: "Alas, my grief for Yusuf (Joseph)!" And he lost his sight because of the sorrow that he was suppressing.
They said: "By Allah! You will never cease remembering Yusuf (Joseph) until you become weak with old age, or until you be of the dead."
He said: "I only complain of my grief and sorrow to Allah, and I know from Allah that which you know not.
"O my sons! Go you and enquire about Yusuf (Joseph) and his brother, and never give up hope of Allah's Mercy. Certainly no one despairs of Allah's Mercy, except the people who disbelieve."
[Yusuf: 84-87]

Narrated Anas bin Malik:
We went with Allah's Messenger :saws: to the blacksmith Abu Saif, and he was the husband of the wet-nurse of Ibrahim (the son of the Prophet). Allah's Messenger :saws: took Ibrahim and kissed him and smelled him and later we entered Abu Saif's house and at that time Ibrahim was in his last breaths, and the eyes of Allah's Messenger :saws: started shedding tears. `Abdur Rahman bin `Auf said, "O Allah's Apostle, even you are weeping!" He said, "O Ibn `Auf, this is mercy." Then he wept more and said, "The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim ! Indeed we are grieved by your separation."
[Sahih al-Bukhari 1303]


Remembering this helps us to come to terms with our own losses. The greatest loss to our Ummah was the loss of the Prophet :saws: himself:

The ‎day of his death was the darkest and saddest day that the Muslims have ‎ever witnessed, just as the day of his birth was the happiest day ever on earth.‎Anas

said, “On the day the Messenger of Allaah

reached Madeenah, everything in it became illuminated. On the day he ‎died, everything in it became dark.”[At-Tirmithi]

http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index.php?page=articles&id=160607


Take each day at a time, and all help, strength and patience is from Allaah :swt:.

 

[White Rose]

brother,

You and your wife are certainly an inspiration for us. :jz: for sharing with us. Your words mean a lot and if you need us, we are here for you.
May Allah SWT ease your family's affairs.

 

[جوري]

Her dreams about them letting her know there's room for her in the cemetery was very upsetting for me and I imagine it was very hard for you to hear as well.
It is martyrdom I believe to die battling a disease, I can't find the hadith in English right now..:ia: she's in a far better place and not alone but with loved ones.

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

Verily, from Allah we come and to Allah we return.

Rejoice, ya akhi, your wife has now finished her tour of duty in this dunia. Remember that a person takes only three things to the other realm. One is his personal amal. Another is sadaqah jariah. The third is pious children. The first two is beyond you. Only your wife can do the first two fully. You can add a bit to the second, sadaqah jariah, by making sadaqah in her name. The third is still very much within your means. Bring up your children to be practicing Muslims. Remind them that every amal they do is attributed to their beloved mother.

 

[ardianto]

Her dreams about them letting her know there's room for her in the cemetery was very upsetting for me and I imagine it was very hard for you to hear as well.
It is martyrdom I believe to die battling a disease, I can't find the hadith in English right now..:ia: she's in a far better place and not alone but with loved ones.

When she told me about her dream I convinced myself that was just a dream of hopeless. So I told her she must strong, have a hope, and don't think about her dream.

Her mother passed away in 2000, her father in 2007. They loved her so much. Her father often stayed in my home after my wife mother passed away.

All of my wife siblings are still alive.

 

[ardianto]

Verily, from Allah we come and to Allah we return.

Rejoice, ya akhi, your wife has now finished her tour of duty in this dunia. Remember that a person takes only three things to the other realm. One is his personal amal. Another is sadaqah jariah. The third is pious children. The first two is beyond you. Only your wife can do the first two fully. You can add a bit to the second, sadaqah jariah, by making sadaqah in her name. The third is still very much within your means. Bring up your children to be practicing Muslims. Remind them that every amal they do is attributed to their beloved mother.

Jazak Allah Khayr, akhee

I have started give sadaqah jariah in her name. I hope it will be reward for her. In Shaa Allah, I will try to raise our children as best as I can.