Opposite Gender Concerns

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Please help me

Is having a crush a sin in Islam? I have a huge crush on a girl in the city. I am attracted to her based solely on looks but not much of personality. I understand that in Islam you're supposed to gaze down towards females, but that is literally impossible in a Western society. This girl also seems attracted to me, and I can't control my hormones! What should I do?? :confused:
 
Re: Please help me

R u studying? Working? can u afford a family? propose her to marry u.

if u r studying, think of doing part time job. I agree with getting married at young age, but u hv to think about place to live, how to feed your family
 
Re: Please help me

Selising said:
R u studying? Working? can u afford a family? propose her to marry u.

if u r studying, think of doing part time job. I agree with getting married at young age, but u hv to think about place to live, how to feed your family
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Well, I dont "love her," I'm just attracted to her looks, I had this feeling for girls before. I'm too young for marriage anyways (19). We flirt we each other alot, what can I do to prevent escalation?
 
Re: Please help me

:sl:

oh la la la la la la!!!! Well brother i think that you'll have lower your gaze. Make an effort like many people do when these are obese:okay: , trying to become slim. No it s the better way. Try to avoid her and LOwer your gaze:rant: !!!!!!:D :D . Thats the best solution:shade:
 
Re: Please help me

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabaraktuhu,

I recommend you not to look at her attentively (lower ones gaze) but if you do not like her personality then should you be marrying her or seeing her as a potential spouse in the future?
 
Re: Please help me

Because you have no intentions to make your relation more stable-like providing her a future- i think you should leave her on her own. No one has the right to destry others life. Are enough men outside and among them she will find one which become her husband. :-[
 
Re: Please help me

:salamext:


Trust me bro, its better to back off quick. Just step back and look at the situation, yeah the girl might have the looks - that might be a good thing right? But then the problem comes in, if it's not permissible for you to be close to her except through marriage, then if the girl is like this before marriage, what makes you think she's not gna flirt with other guys after marriage?


You gota ask yourself, if this gurl is really what you desire.. and if she can 'play' right now, this might seem fun to you yet, but once you're married its goin to make things alot worse. She might want to 'play' with other guys later and you won't like that if you're her hubby. It would cause more arguments, and not just that - because she's messing about, she probably won't even want to get married [in a serios relationship] anyway.. the deeper you go, the more harder you're going to fall and get hurt.


It's better to try to be away from her as much as you possibly can. She might hate you for it, but it's better than hurting yourself in the long run. People like this mess about with people, and they might just drop em for someone else.. so if you really want to have a good time, get married. Persuade your parents, there are bros who get married at a younger age than you, and things are better for them cuz you have a serios relationship where you share your ups and downs.. whereas with relationships like the one with the girl, they just go downhill, and she might sooner or later 'disown' you and pick up another guy anyway.



Allaah Almighty knows best.​
 
Re: Please help me

Lol 19 too young?

Anyhow, do you wear anything Islamic? Is she Muslim?

Also think to yourself would you want her to be the mother of your kids?
 
Re: Please help me

IsaAbdullah said:
Lol 19 too young?

Anyhow, do you wear anything Islamic? Is she Muslim?

Also think to yourself would you want her to be the mother of your kids?
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Dont you think 19 is a bit young? I just started college! I dont wear anything Islamic, just jeans and a t-shirt i gues. Yes, she is Muslim, and she is hot! I dont like making relationships, but I just cant stop thinking of her beauty, and she's very flirty over me, maybe it's just a game??
 
Re: Please help me

I see your points about the problem with this girl being flirty, I think its quite a double standard to say that she is inappropriate for marraige.

The original poster clearly is cannot lower his gaze - how do we know he will be able to control himself during marriage? How do we know he will be able to stop looking at other girls when he has a wife? In my opinion the problem has nothing to do with the girl and we should leave her out of it.

Lower your gaze, fast like the prophet advised, and stop contact with her until you are ready to be married (which means you are ready to provide for your family)
 
Re: Please help me

chris4336 said:
I see your points about the problem with this girl being flirty, I think its quite a double standard to say that she is inappropriate for marraige.

The original poster clearly is cannot lower his gaze - how do we know he will be able to control himself during marriage? How do we know he will be able to stop looking at other girls when he has a wife? In my opinion the problem has nothing to do with the girl and we should leave her out of it.

Lower your gaze, fast like the prophet advised, and stop contact with her until you are ready to be married (which means you are ready to provide for your family)
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Mashaa Allah! Nice say brother. Thats right, who knows the brother will not be attracted to another hot woman after he is married. It may happen!
 
Re: Please help me

chris4336 said:
I see your points about the problem with this girl being flirty, I think its quite a double standard to say that she is inappropriate for marraige.

The original poster clearly is cannot lower his gaze - how do we know he will be able to control himself during marriage? How do we know he will be able to stop looking at other girls when he has a wife? In my opinion the problem has nothing to do with the girl and we should leave her out of it.

Lower your gaze, fast like the prophet advised, and stop contact with her until you are ready to be married (which means you are ready to provide for your family)
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I am a teenager, it's natural for my hormones to burst at this age :D Dont you think by ignoring her she will get mad at me? In the West, lowering the gaze is a sign of disrespect. Can you explain how fasting will help??
 
Re: Please help me

Sorry for the confusion, but I'm a female, and not quite a sister yet :embarrass

Yes its completely nature for your hormones to "burst" at this stage but you are responsible to control them. I would say that you should be avoiding things that will cause your hormones to "burst" - this would probably include most TV and music. Avoid places with scantily dressed women - such as the beach. The process is not just in one classroom with one girl - its a way of life.

About being rude - I think being a Muslim in the West you're going to have to get used to being rude. I have not officially converted but I have made some major changes to my life. Yeah I felt very rude telling my best friend I wasn't going to her birthday party because it was in a dance club, but it was the right thing to do. Even in my medical school, people think I'm pretty rude because I constantly turn down invitations to bars and mixers.

I am not really at the stage yet where I feel strong enough to explain the reasons to others - so I don't. Prehaps just telling her "I would prefer to focus on my work during class" would be enough.

I'm sure someone can explain better but I believe the prophet advised fasting to people as a way to control their sexual desires
 
Re: Please help me

:salamext:


Yeah the sisters right:


[FONT=Helvetica, Arial]Hadith - Sahih Bukhari 7.4, Narrated Abdullah, r.a.[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Arial]We were with the Prophet
saawslong-1.gif
while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, [/FONT][FONT=Helvetica, Arial]"O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."[/FONT]​


http://muttaqun.com/gaze.html
 
Re: Please help me

Assalamu aleykum Guys,

Brother 19 is not too young, you just started college thats no problem at all.

Also, if you wore Islamic things than maybe that might give a sign that your religious and she might lose interest in you, because she will understand in some ways where your heart really lies and that you don't want to be bad.


As for marrying might not help, it might not, here are a couple of points though on how marriage might help:

*but since the brother is talking about hormones, and he's intention is to lower his gaze, then for guys when their 'needs' are met then they wont have the physical desire which would help him lower his gaze.
*Having a caring and nice Muslim wife will help him in lowering his gaze since he also would not want to upset her nor betray her
*When one has a wife this will also in many cases help the male realise that he has a definate role to play in the marriage so he will understand that sex or anything of the likes is nothing but regret unless it is done with the right person
*If you have a person who flirts then you have a wife who does not and sticks with you then surely a sane person would prefer the latter instead of the former​

All of the above and other factors would help, insha'Allah.
 
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Re: Please help me

These are all true, it just bugs me that a "flirty guy" is encouraged to find a pious women to marry, but the "flirty girl" is considered bad marriage material. I would imagine that all the things you mentioned would be true for her as well.

I know this is off topic but I know this was a big misconception I had about Islam to begin with, and I think its important to make it clear: Both sexes are required to guard their chasity and lower their gazes, not just women. So flirting is wrong for both sexes - Its not fair to put all the blame on women.
 
Re: Please help me

chris4336 said:
These are all true, it just bugs me that a "flirty guy" is encouraged to find a pious women to marry, but the "flirty girl" is considered bad marriage material. I would imagine that all the things you mentioned would be true for her as well.

I know this is off topic but I know this was a big misconception I had about Islam to begin with, and I think its important to make it clear: Both sexes are required to guard their chasity and lower their gazes, not just women. So flirting is wrong for both sexes - Its not fair to put all the blame on women.
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I agree. It goes both way's.
 
Re: Please help me

chris4336 said:
Sorry for the confusion, but I'm a female, and not quite a sister yet :embarrass

Yes its completely nature for your hormones to "burst" at this stage but you are responsible to control them. I would say that you should be avoiding things that will cause your hormones to "burst" - this would probably include most TV and music. Avoid places with scantily dressed women - such as the beach. The process is not just in one classroom with one girl - its a way of life.

About being rude - I think being a Muslim in the West you're going to have to get used to being rude. I have not officially converted but I have made some major changes to my life. Yeah I felt very rude telling my best friend I wasn't going to her birthday party because it was in a dance club, but it was the right thing to do. Even in my medical school, people think I'm pretty rude because I constantly turn down invitations to bars and mixers.

I am not really at the stage yet where I feel strong enough to explain the reasons to others - so I don't. Prehaps just telling her "I would prefer to focus on my work during class" would be enough.

I'm sure someone can explain better but I believe the prophet advised fasting to people as a way to control their sexual desires
Click to expand...

Sorry 4 having called u as brother Chris:)

where there is indescent things happening, shaitwaan(devils) will definitely make their way.
 

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