Malaikah
IB Legend
- Messages
- 6,351
- Reaction score
- 907
- Gender
- Female
- Religion
- Islam
Opposite Gender Concerns
- Thread starter Danish
- Start date
- Replies 538
- Views 58K
British Wholesales - Certified Wholesale Linen & Towels | Halal Food Gastronomy | vBulletin 4 php 8.0 patch
hewRe: i dont know what to do
There... now I agree.
You have every right to be Muslim, and you have every right to marry a man of any nationality, Arab, African, Spanish, anything, as long as he respects your & your religion
There... now I agree.
SirZubair
IB Expert
- Messages
- 2,506
- Reaction score
- 568
- Gender
- Male
- Religion
- Islam
Re: i dont know what to do
He treats you like crap infront of his family, right?
Have more Self Respect woman.
Find someone who treats you as he should. Women deserve respect, women should be respected. Any guy who doesn't show respect to women ( regardless of wether she is his Mother, Sister, Sis-in-law, Cousin, Fiance.. ), deserves to live a very lonely and sad life.
He treats you like crap infront of his family, right?
Have more Self Respect woman.
Find someone who treats you as he should. Women deserve respect, women should be respected. Any guy who doesn't show respect to women ( regardless of wether she is his Mother, Sister, Sis-in-law, Cousin, Fiance.. ), deserves to live a very lonely and sad life.
abu abdurrahman
Well-known member
- Messages
- 71
- Reaction score
- 8
Re: i dont know what to do
Just remembered something relevant:
The dua of Umm Salamah at the time of loss
The Dua is as follows:
“Inna lillaahi wa inna Ilayhi raaji’oon. Allaahumma ‘jurnee fee museebatee, wakhluf lee khayrun minh.”
Umm Salamah (Ra) the narrator of this dua, loved her husband, Abu Salamah very much. When he died, she states, “I was firm to say the dua, but I thought to myself, how could I get anything better then Abu Salamah? Allah answered my dua and I married the Messenger of Allah! And he is better then Abu Salamah.”
Just remembered something relevant:
The dua of Umm Salamah at the time of loss
The Dua is as follows:
“Inna lillaahi wa inna Ilayhi raaji’oon. Allaahumma ‘jurnee fee museebatee, wakhluf lee khayrun minh.”
Umm Salamah (Ra) the narrator of this dua, loved her husband, Abu Salamah very much. When he died, she states, “I was firm to say the dua, but I thought to myself, how could I get anything better then Abu Salamah? Allah answered my dua and I married the Messenger of Allah! And he is better then Abu Salamah.”
limitless
Elite Member
- Messages
- 440
- Reaction score
- 52
Everyone i need your honest opinion on this please I am desparetly in need of one. I know this christian girl, that I would like to marry. She does to, and my mom agrees. But, I need to know something. She has leukimia cancer, I didn't tell my parents about that. She gets and is sick currently a lot. Getting cough and cold etc. What should I do, she wants to become muslim for Allah sake not mine and understands islam. What should i do?! My mom doesnt know about this if she does, she will not allow this. I don't know what to do anymore! I am stressed a lot please guide me! I want to pray Ishtrikarah, but not sure if i should or not cause i think i can decide this too! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU ALL for your wise knowledge! Please please!
noodles
Elite Member
- Messages
- 259
- Reaction score
- 76
- Gender
- Male
- Religion
- Islam
Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!
You want to withhold asking Allah for guidance?
He is the most knowledgeable. He knows what was, what is and what will be. So how can you not ask for guidance?
Plus, do look at the translation of the isthakhara dua, it essentially asks Allah SWT to make you sure in your decisions.
If you do want my opinion, tell your mom. If she doesnt agree, then I suggest maybe asking your dad to talk to her about it.
I should tell you though, that I really don't know what kind of a person your mom is, but regardless, she should be informed.
And DO isthakhara as its the best guidance you can think of
You want to withhold asking Allah for guidance?
He is the most knowledgeable. He knows what was, what is and what will be. So how can you not ask for guidance?
Plus, do look at the translation of the isthakhara dua, it essentially asks Allah SWT to make you sure in your decisions.
If you do want my opinion, tell your mom. If she doesnt agree, then I suggest maybe asking your dad to talk to her about it.
I should tell you though, that I really don't know what kind of a person your mom is, but regardless, she should be informed.
And DO isthakhara as its the best guidance you can think of
limitless
Elite Member
- Messages
- 440
- Reaction score
- 52
Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!
Right true, but i just want a opinion too please
my mom is a nice person, but i dont think she will agree with that cuz of cancer.... she might pass away early, but i shouldnt reject her on that cause isn't that bad or allah gets upset on that??? Cancer can happen to anyone, but isnt it bad to do this to some cancer patient?
Right true, but i just want a opinion too please
my mom is a nice person, but i dont think she will agree with that cuz of cancer.... she might pass away early, but i shouldnt reject her on that cause isn't that bad or allah gets upset on that??? Cancer can happen to anyone, but isnt it bad to do this to some cancer patient?Grace Seeker
IB Legend
- Messages
- 5,343
- Reaction score
- 617
- Gender
- Male
- Religion
- Christianity
Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!
Listen my friend. This is very important. She must want to become Muslim because she wants to become Muslim and believes it in her heart that it is true. If it has anything to do with you, it is not good and will bite you later in time. You will note that I am not a Muslim. I am a Christian, a pastor. But I am not telling you that she should not become Muslim. Of course that is what I would pray for. But if she really believes in all the teachings of Islam, then there is no point in her saying that she is Christian when she is not Christian. Rather an honest and faithful Muslim, than a dishonest and faithless Christian, in my opinion.
But, really and truly, I still say that if this conversion has anything to do with her affections for you, then you are asking for trouble.
So start there. You must put your feelings for her totally on hold until she has made this conversion. I am sorry, this is a hard thing to do when you love someone. But you cannot help her as a boyfriend right now. If you try, you will be trading temporary joy for long-term misery. Also, if you do not relate to her as a boyfriend, but only as a brother in Islam, then those who know you and see this will be able to tell your mother truly that you are not in a relationship with her.
Then, also, once she has become a practicing Muslim, (and I don't mean the next day -- give it time, like maybe a year, a whole season of all the various holidays of both religions) then you will be able to relate to her in the normal way that Muslim men and women do with one another. Your mother may still have issues, but if you do all things right, then they will be her problem to deal with, not yours.
Lastly, while the Leukemia is tragic, it really does not change the situation at all. Of course, she will need more support during this time. But you can give that just as much as a brother, without having to be a boyfriend. Be a friend first regardless, it will make any future relationship that much stronger than it would be otherwise.
Listen my friend. This is very important. She must want to become Muslim because she wants to become Muslim and believes it in her heart that it is true. If it has anything to do with you, it is not good and will bite you later in time. You will note that I am not a Muslim. I am a Christian, a pastor. But I am not telling you that she should not become Muslim. Of course that is what I would pray for. But if she really believes in all the teachings of Islam, then there is no point in her saying that she is Christian when she is not Christian. Rather an honest and faithful Muslim, than a dishonest and faithless Christian, in my opinion.
But, really and truly, I still say that if this conversion has anything to do with her affections for you, then you are asking for trouble.
So start there. You must put your feelings for her totally on hold until she has made this conversion. I am sorry, this is a hard thing to do when you love someone. But you cannot help her as a boyfriend right now. If you try, you will be trading temporary joy for long-term misery. Also, if you do not relate to her as a boyfriend, but only as a brother in Islam, then those who know you and see this will be able to tell your mother truly that you are not in a relationship with her.
Then, also, once she has become a practicing Muslim, (and I don't mean the next day -- give it time, like maybe a year, a whole season of all the various holidays of both religions) then you will be able to relate to her in the normal way that Muslim men and women do with one another. Your mother may still have issues, but if you do all things right, then they will be her problem to deal with, not yours.
Lastly, while the Leukemia is tragic, it really does not change the situation at all. Of course, she will need more support during this time. But you can give that just as much as a brother, without having to be a boyfriend. Be a friend first regardless, it will make any future relationship that much stronger than it would be otherwise.
Woodrow
May Allah have mercy on him رحمة الله عليه
- Messages
- 17,217
- Reaction score
- 4,224
- Gender
- Male
- Religion
- Islam
Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!
Many factors to consider. Some questions first. Would you still feel the same way about her if she did not have Leukemia?
Now, after giving that to you to think about, you have been granted an enormous blessing. It is a task, but your first and only goal must be to help her revert to Islam. It must be done with no coecion from your part and it must be something that she would have chosen even if it means never seeing you again.
Work on that first. There is no need to hide the fact she has leukemia from anybody. Her personal choices about marriage will be determined by her own limitations very soon as the disease progreses. She may go into permanent regression and live a long healthy life or she may follow the more common course and be facing her final 3 to 6 months of extreme sickness with no desire to see or be around you as her condition worsens.
As blunt as it sounds, facts are facts. Unless she is one of those who goes into remission a real marriage will become a physical impossibility and a moot point of discussion.
Make Du'a for the Best, but prepare yourself for a great pain. It is all in the hands of Allah(swt) you need to ask for guidance in how to understand what your role is to serve Allah(swt)
Everyone i need your honest opinion on this please I am desparetly in need of one. I know this christian girl, that I would like to marry. She does to, and my mom agrees. But, I need to know something. She has leukimia cancer, I didn't tell my parents about that. She gets and is sick currently a lot. Getting cough and cold etc. What should I do, she wants to become muslim for Allah sake not mine and understands islam. What should i do?! My mom doesnt know about this if she does, she will not allow this. I don't know what to do anymore! I am stressed a lot please guide me! I want to pray Ishtrikarah, but not sure if i should or not cause i think i can decide this too! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU ALL for your wise knowledge! Please please!
Many factors to consider. Some questions first. Would you still feel the same way about her if she did not have Leukemia?
Now, after giving that to you to think about, you have been granted an enormous blessing. It is a task, but your first and only goal must be to help her revert to Islam. It must be done with no coecion from your part and it must be something that she would have chosen even if it means never seeing you again.
Work on that first. There is no need to hide the fact she has leukemia from anybody. Her personal choices about marriage will be determined by her own limitations very soon as the disease progreses. She may go into permanent regression and live a long healthy life or she may follow the more common course and be facing her final 3 to 6 months of extreme sickness with no desire to see or be around you as her condition worsens.
As blunt as it sounds, facts are facts. Unless she is one of those who goes into remission a real marriage will become a physical impossibility and a moot point of discussion.
Make Du'a for the Best, but prepare yourself for a great pain. It is all in the hands of Allah(swt) you need to ask for guidance in how to understand what your role is to serve Allah(swt)
جوري
Soldier Through It!
- Messages
- 27,759
- Reaction score
- 6,095
- Gender
- Female
- Religion
- Islam
Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!
Wow sobhan Allah --I agree with noodles plus I'd like to ask you; what would you do if the situation were reversed? and secondly marriage is about a life together that is full of ups and downs... what happens if G-D forbid you end up in an accident on your first few months of marriage --would you want your bride to desert you ? Marriage isn't about perfection. It is about sharing an entire life with the person you choose as a companion... once you make that decision for marriage you must do the noble thing and not abandon her!
Anyhow I pray that Allah cure your (wife to be) insh'Allah...
what sort of Leukemia does she have? some can go into remission for a very long time and she can have a very normal life with children and ... it doesn't have to spell out a death sentence or a short life span.. Do you know what sort of Leukemia she has? some have a very indolent course!
fi aman illah
Wow sobhan Allah --I agree with noodles plus I'd like to ask you; what would you do if the situation were reversed? and secondly marriage is about a life together that is full of ups and downs... what happens if G-D forbid you end up in an accident on your first few months of marriage --would you want your bride to desert you ? Marriage isn't about perfection. It is about sharing an entire life with the person you choose as a companion... once you make that decision for marriage you must do the noble thing and not abandon her!
Anyhow I pray that Allah cure your (wife to be) insh'Allah...
what sort of Leukemia does she have? some can go into remission for a very long time and she can have a very normal life with children and ... it doesn't have to spell out a death sentence or a short life span.. Do you know what sort of Leukemia she has? some have a very indolent course!
fi aman illah
limitless
Elite Member
- Messages
- 440
- Reaction score
- 52
Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!
Jazakallah to all of you. I really know one thing for sure; she wants to convert just to be with me and says its religion, but in her heart its me she said so. It's for me, and no were not boyfriend, i liked her and she did to, i just told her straight forward. Her leukimeia is the acute one the one that is rapid not chronic and has been really sick this year, she isnt even going to school a lot. She's catching cold and cough and flu very quickly than ever before. she cant even go to college.. what i am asking is that, is itbad to leave her due to her condition would Allah swt be upset or anything? And her intentions to convert o islam is to please my family and be with me thats all and try to practise it....and she is not chaste either (if you know what i mean, not virginity).
Jazakallah to all of you. I really know one thing for sure; she wants to convert just to be with me and says its religion, but in her heart its me she said so. It's for me, and no were not boyfriend, i liked her and she did to, i just told her straight forward. Her leukimeia is the acute one the one that is rapid not chronic and has been really sick this year, she isnt even going to school a lot. She's catching cold and cough and flu very quickly than ever before. she cant even go to college.. what i am asking is that, is itbad to leave her due to her condition would Allah swt be upset or anything? And her intentions to convert o islam is to please my family and be with me thats all and try to practise it....and she is not chaste either (if you know what i mean, not virginity).
noodles
Elite Member
- Messages
- 259
- Reaction score
- 76
- Gender
- Male
- Religion
- Islam
Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!
You're choice is one that is very hard and it will probably leave a scar in your heart.
I know that it is wrong for her to convert to islam for you. The very act itself is useless as it will end up all wrong. Think about it, when she prays, who will be on her mind? will it be you or will it be Allah?
As for being her, if you dont take faith into account, I think what you are doing is down right noble and it makes me feel good to call you a brother in Islam.
But if you do take faith into account, I'm gonna have to warn you to be careful as to what path you choose. Both have their own appeals but which one is the right one, its up to you to decide.
Have some faith in Allah, and ask for his guidance. Us humans can give you all the advice but you will never know if it is right.
Read isthakhara brother
Some may classify it as shirk. I dont know the so I'll leave it to others to say it if it is necessary.
You're choice is one that is very hard and it will probably leave a scar in your heart.
I know that it is wrong for her to convert to islam for you. The very act itself is useless as it will end up all wrong. Think about it, when she prays, who will be on her mind? will it be you or will it be Allah?
As for being her, if you dont take faith into account, I think what you are doing is down right noble and it makes me feel good to call you a brother in Islam.
But if you do take faith into account, I'm gonna have to warn you to be careful as to what path you choose. Both have their own appeals but which one is the right one, its up to you to decide.
Have some faith in Allah, and ask for his guidance. Us humans can give you all the advice but you will never know if it is right.
Read isthakhara brother
Some may classify it as shirk. I dont know the so I'll leave it to others to say it if it is necessary.
جوري
Soldier Through It!
- Messages
- 27,759
- Reaction score
- 6,095
- Gender
- Female
- Religion
- Islam
Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!
well... akhi... I don't know what to say.. but I think (wallah A3lam) it is best to not display people's sins... it is good that even if she displays them that you hide them... if you saw someone naked on the streets would you not offer some cloth for cover?--
Another thing is... we can't really be sure what is in someone's heart... Did she personally tell you she is converting for you-- maybe because she is sick and vulnerable she is a little cloudy and just says whatever she thinks will please you? Maybe she didn't have enough time to search her soul... Maybe she sincerely wants to become Muslim-- and then there is a chance not.. Question is do you really know what is in her heart?
Lastly I am very sorry to hear of her condition.. when I asked I really wanted to know if she has ALL or AML.. young women usually have a tendency to have AML..... and also possible she has CML in which case she can go into remission for a very long time on a drug called Gleevec but I am sure her health care providers are doing all they can------- what I am really trying to tell you and please hear this -- read it! --- a person' mental (psychological) well being has an incredible impact on remission and recovery. If you let her go you might damage more than just her heart. Anyhow that is purely my opinion and May G-D guide you and her all the way...
fi aman illah
well... akhi... I don't know what to say.. but I think (wallah A3lam) it is best to not display people's sins... it is good that even if she displays them that you hide them... if you saw someone naked on the streets would you not offer some cloth for cover?--
Another thing is... we can't really be sure what is in someone's heart... Did she personally tell you she is converting for you-- maybe because she is sick and vulnerable she is a little cloudy and just says whatever she thinks will please you? Maybe she didn't have enough time to search her soul... Maybe she sincerely wants to become Muslim-- and then there is a chance not.. Question is do you really know what is in her heart?
Lastly I am very sorry to hear of her condition.. when I asked I really wanted to know if she has ALL or AML.. young women usually have a tendency to have AML..... and also possible she has CML in which case she can go into remission for a very long time on a drug called Gleevec but I am sure her health care providers are doing all they can------- what I am really trying to tell you and please hear this -- read it! --- a person' mental (psychological) well being has an incredible impact on remission and recovery. If you let her go you might damage more than just her heart. Anyhow that is purely my opinion and May G-D guide you and her all the way...
fi aman illah
limitless
Elite Member
- Messages
- 440
- Reaction score
- 52
Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!
I don't know. She doesn't have CML, it is acute and its the AMl one with the m. And I'm not sure, she justs wants to be with me at all costs and will do anything for it. Thats all that matters to her, is to be with me at any cost. She doesn't really wanna be a muslim, but for me and my family she will do it. I told her, but doesn't listen to me at all. all she does is "i love you" when im trying to tell her about islam. But anyway, thank you very much.
I don't know what to do, i will pray ishtrikharah. I guess, i am not sure.
I don't know. She doesn't have CML, it is acute and its the AMl one with the m. And I'm not sure, she justs wants to be with me at all costs and will do anything for it. Thats all that matters to her, is to be with me at any cost. She doesn't really wanna be a muslim, but for me and my family she will do it. I told her, but doesn't listen to me at all. all she does is "i love you" when im trying to tell her about islam. But anyway, thank you very much.
I don't know what to do, i will pray ishtrikharah. I guess, i am not sure.
Grace Seeker
IB Legend
- Messages
- 5,343
- Reaction score
- 617
- Gender
- Male
- Religion
- Christianity
Re: Help, Now Comment Now!!
Well, again, I'm not Muslim. So, I can't advise you on things regarding your family. But given the situation that you have described, and as I better understand it now. Is it important that she make a declaration of faith one way or another?
Of course it is. Faith is always important. But it is her faith. If she is converting just for you, and not for herself, what is the point in that? If she doesn't convert, does that make it a haraam for you to be with her and support her? Not in my eyes. Of course, it is not me whom you serve.
It seems to me that I recall how Muhammad (pbuh) showed mercy to others that were not Muslims. Even if you have a general guideline that tells you that you cannot be in a relationship with her, might there be some exception to that guideline in unique circumstances? For instance, I understand that Muslims are not to listen to music, but Muhammad (pbuh) himself made an exception at a wedding. I understood the reasoning behind that was because of the value and joy of the celebration. I'm no scholar, but might there be an exception permitted here as well?
Search for the loving thing. But don't make the mistake of letting guilt or sympathy convince you that something is the loving thing, when it is just to assuage your own emotions for the moment. The loving thing may be for you to be the strong one and maintain some lines that she no longer cares about. Ot it may be that she is right and as death approaches she realizes how many of the rules we make are just that-- human rules and not really God's design for us at all, we just think they are. I feel for you, for this is a very difficult thing to figure out, and yet you must really do it. It is not theory, it is life you are talking about.
Of one thing I am certain. At least with the God that I serve, if you seek him and follow the guidance he gives you as best you understand it, and later find that perhaps you were wrong, he is also gracious and filled with forgiveness. I hope that gives you some peace and confidence whatever you end up doing.
Well, again, I'm not Muslim. So, I can't advise you on things regarding your family. But given the situation that you have described, and as I better understand it now. Is it important that she make a declaration of faith one way or another?
Of course it is. Faith is always important. But it is her faith. If she is converting just for you, and not for herself, what is the point in that? If she doesn't convert, does that make it a haraam for you to be with her and support her? Not in my eyes. Of course, it is not me whom you serve.
It seems to me that I recall how Muhammad (pbuh) showed mercy to others that were not Muslims. Even if you have a general guideline that tells you that you cannot be in a relationship with her, might there be some exception to that guideline in unique circumstances? For instance, I understand that Muslims are not to listen to music, but Muhammad (pbuh) himself made an exception at a wedding. I understood the reasoning behind that was because of the value and joy of the celebration. I'm no scholar, but might there be an exception permitted here as well?
Search for the loving thing. But don't make the mistake of letting guilt or sympathy convince you that something is the loving thing, when it is just to assuage your own emotions for the moment. The loving thing may be for you to be the strong one and maintain some lines that she no longer cares about. Ot it may be that she is right and as death approaches she realizes how many of the rules we make are just that-- human rules and not really God's design for us at all, we just think they are. I feel for you, for this is a very difficult thing to figure out, and yet you must really do it. It is not theory, it is life you are talking about.
Of one thing I am certain. At least with the God that I serve, if you seek him and follow the guidance he gives you as best you understand it, and later find that perhaps you were wrong, he is also gracious and filled with forgiveness. I hope that gives you some peace and confidence whatever you end up doing.
Last edited:
AnonymousPoster
Anonymous
- Messages
- 5,732
- Reaction score
- 218
Salam all
This is so frustrating for me. Nikah has been done but not moved in with his family yet. I'm still living with parents till I finish my course. We talk on the phone, my husband and I.
For so many years, living and being brought up the Islamic way, alhamdulillah. But I realise that it has made me very conservative - very conservative values. To the point where it is so hard for me to be 'lovey dovey' or intimate with him. I just feel like I can't! I dread to think what i would be like after moving in with him.
I feel like i cant bring together being 'religious' and myself as a seductress or a temptation for my husband. How can i bring the two together? It feels like it just wouldnt work!
He is getting rather frustrated with me on the phone too. He tries to initiate a conversation, usually loaded with sexual innuendos - and I just go quiet. I am totally gobsmacked. Speechless. Cant get myself to respond in like manner. Its frustrating him and me too - because it feels like i wont beable to give him what he wants.
I've tried explaining my background to him and he knows its easier for men to talk about these things. But I want to change - but dont know how.
Can anyone give me advice on what i can do to help myself?
I know this topic is rather 'out there', but can anyone help me or point me in a certain direction coz i dont know what to do with myself anymore.
Jazakallah.
This is so frustrating for me. Nikah has been done but not moved in with his family yet. I'm still living with parents till I finish my course. We talk on the phone, my husband and I.
For so many years, living and being brought up the Islamic way, alhamdulillah. But I realise that it has made me very conservative - very conservative values. To the point where it is so hard for me to be 'lovey dovey' or intimate with him. I just feel like I can't! I dread to think what i would be like after moving in with him.
I feel like i cant bring together being 'religious' and myself as a seductress or a temptation for my husband. How can i bring the two together? It feels like it just wouldnt work!
He is getting rather frustrated with me on the phone too. He tries to initiate a conversation, usually loaded with sexual innuendos - and I just go quiet. I am totally gobsmacked. Speechless. Cant get myself to respond in like manner. Its frustrating him and me too - because it feels like i wont beable to give him what he wants.
I've tried explaining my background to him and he knows its easier for men to talk about these things. But I want to change - but dont know how.
Can anyone give me advice on what i can do to help myself?
I know this topic is rather 'out there', but can anyone help me or point me in a certain direction coz i dont know what to do with myself anymore.
Jazakallah.
IbnAbdulHakim
IB Addict
- Messages
- 16,476
- Reaction score
- 2,628
- Gender
- Male
- Religion
- Islam
Re: Religious and 'Hot' at the same time?
:salamext:
mg:
laa adree
have you tried asking imam?
www.askimam.org
go ahead, ask him, you know you wanna
:salamext:
mg:laa adree
have you tried asking imam?
www.askimam.org
go ahead, ask him, you know you wanna