Polygamy?

[AhmadibnNasroon]

I urge the brothers to have some sentiments towards the sisters regarding this subject matter when posting.

Having said that, I urge the sisters to fear Allah regarding this subject matter when posting.

 

[Mohamed_Sadiq]

I urge the brothers to have some sentiments towards the sisters regarding this subject matter when posting.

Having said that, I urge the sisters to fear Allah regarding this subject matter when posting.

Yes indeed, as polygamy is a hot topic for an inividual.
-So everyone please be careful for what you say regarding this topic.

 

[Predator]

mad_scientist- *rolls eyes* and yes, until someone finds who they're compatible for life with what's wrong with them having several girlfriends during their lifetime rather than at the same time. I could reply in kind to your comment but I have more respect.

So you thinks its even ok for you have a dozen illegitimate children and you wouldnt even know who the father of your child is ?

 

[LauraS]

So you thinks its even ok for you have a dozen illegitimate children and you wouldnt even know who the father of your child is ?

Please tell me where I stated that in my post.

 

[Asiyah3]

Muslimah- I would say it was more the other way around, if a man was sleeping around with different women at the same time people would call him a plyer, but if he marries them he's just a family man.

It's perceived differently in different societies, in some as in my country it's as you've described and some others are more of what-they-call 'liberty', . From what I've seen most westerners seem to dislike polygamy, but people having several partners isn't condemned in the same manner at all.

I don't really like the argument that some men want to be with more than one woman in their lifetime because it's just....like they can't control themselves and just want more instead of dedicating themselves to being with one woman.

That's not restrained to men only though, specifically in the West where women are becoming like men in their 'courting' life.

Aside from the impracticalities of a woman having more than one husband, if she desired more than one man, wouldn't she be thought of as a woman of "ill repute" we'll just say.

Women aren't like men in this aspect al-hamdulillah. Women would get divorced and start a life with the person they desire.

I think marriage is much more special if the man isn't sharing himself around.

Like I said I just think there is no need for a man to have more than one wife.

I agree, but this is the 'ideal' world only.

 

[جوري]

So what are the reasons for polygamy in the modern world?

According to 'western studies' men aren't monogamous by nature..
so instead of this:

http://harrypottering.com/gossip/Dumbledore-has-second-child-with-mistress-at-age-68-528693.html

where you end up with a b astard child with no rights to inheritance or identity. You'd have a proper identity, rights to inheritance etc. etc.
and with any wife having a right to a divorce...

but to answer the OP. no I personally wouldn't be a wife to a man with more than one wife, this is ok for some but not for all!

 

[PouringRain]

I think that polygamy can have many benefits to both genders within a marriage. The biggest problem I have seen is that few men and women seem able to go about it in a proper manner, which causes problems for all. Most men these days seem unable to be a proper husband to one wife, so how could they even consider multiples? I am not intending this to be a put down on men in general, nor do I blame men for this entirely. I think the shift in gender roles in society has, in part, left men unsure about what it means to be a man and unsure about what their own role is in society. That is an entirely different topic, so I won't go into it any further. I just wanted it to be clear that I am not attacking men here, nor picking on them. With women the main problem that always comes up is that of jealousy, but with men the problems are many. In short, I do not have a problem with polygamy, but I believe that very few individuals are able to properly handle such a marriage. I once knew a Christian man who was in a polygamous marriage and the way his worked is one of the best and most ideal I have seen.

 

[M.I.A.]

so women a some type of pawn in some silly fantasy you've got going. it seems like you need a crash course in dealing with and understanding women. if you dont know that, don't even consider marrying 1, let alone 3.

makes me think that the whole mindset of people has changed within 1400 years, the concept of relationships to the very understanding of what marriage is.

 

[LauraS]

According to 'western studies' men aren't monogamous by nature..
so instead of this:

http://harrypottering.com/gossip/Dumbledore-has-second-child-with-mistress-at-age-68-528693.html

where you end up with a b astard child with no rights to inheritance or identity. You'd have a proper identity, rights to inheritance etc. etc.
and with any wife having a right to a divorce...

Oh my life, does he think he's Henry the eighth or something. Mind you it is an article from The Sun, you can take what they say with a piece of salt. I still don't think men being able to do it legally makes it morally wife, just survive with one wife. The best argument against it I read was, and I don't know if it was on here or not was "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve, Betty and Sarah."

It's perceived differently in different societies, in some as in my country it's as you've described and some others are more of what-they-call 'liberty', . From what I've seen most westerners seem to dislike polygamy, but people having several partners isn't condemned in the same manner at all.


That's not restrained to men only though, specifically in the West where women are becoming like men in their 'courting' life.




Women aren't like men in this aspect al-hamdulillah. Women would get divorced and start a life with the person they desire.



I agree, but this is the 'ideal' world only.

Believe me in the west having different unmarried partners at the same time is not approved of! There was much fuss made of a man who lived with a wife and mistress and most people were not impressed at all. Of course they may have one partner, split up with them and then go out with someone else, but that's different because it's not at the same time. I'm don't agree with people just going around having sex with everybody as if it's nothing.

 

[جوري]

Oh my life, does he think he's Henry the eighth or something. Mind you it is an article from The Sun, you can take what they say with a piece of salt.

here is another source:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbi...y-Sir-Michael-Gambon-68-father--mistress.html

I don't know much about which of your news papers is more factual than others, what matters is, he is a prototype for what happens in the west.. men go on cheating because they can't have a second wife.. The one who created men knows better their nature.. for some one is sufficient for others a ton hence Islam limited the amount and made conditions to every party's satisfaction. As stated divorce is always an option.. having a dozen or so kids out of wedlock even if your wife knows about it or not isn't not an option~!

I still don't think men being able to do it legally makes it morally wife,

I don't understand what this means?

just survive with one wife.

Seems unfair to all parties involved especially the wife?

The best argument against it I read was, and I don't know if it was on here or not was "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve, Betty and Sarah."

I don't see any argument there? having more than one wife isn't an injunction it is a privilege!

all the best

 

[LauraS]

here is another source:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbi...y-Sir-Michael-Gambon-68-father--mistress.html

I don't know much about which of your news papers is more factual than others, what matters is, he is a prototype for what happens in the west.. men go on cheating because they can't have a second wife.. The one who created men knows better their nature.. for some one is sufficient for others a ton hence Islam limited the amount and made conditions to every party's satisfaction. As stated divorce is always an option.. having a dozen or so kids out of wedlock even if your wife knows about it or not isn't not an option~!

So because men can't remain faithful we should just let them have more than one wife to satisfy their "needs"? This situation with Michael Gamdon isn't exactly something that happens in the west all over. We shouldn't make excuses for these men.

I don't understand what this means?

I meant "morally right" as you could probably guess.

Seems unfair to all parties involved especially the wife?

I think devoting yourself to one wife is much fairer than spreading your time amongst several, if a man can't control himself and has an affair it shouldn't be excused as "his nature". One again what if the wife didn't want to just sleep with one man in her life and so slept with someone else?

I don't see any argument there? having more than one wife isn't an injunction it is a privilege!

The argument is God created one woman for Adam, not several. He obviously felt Adam could cope with just the one woman.

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

So because men can't remain faithful we should just let them have more than one wife to satisfy their "needs"? This situation with Michael Gamdon isn't exactly something that happens in the west all over. We shouldn't make excuses for these men.

In Islaam the reason to Men having more than 1 Wife is not to satisfy their "Needs" as you put it!
Nobody in this thread spoke of having more than 1 wife in Islaam is for satisfying ones needs. And seriously why bring some other person into the topic? such as Michael Garndon? Whatever he does , let him do it, but here this thread is about Marriage of 4 Wives according to Islaam not what the Western Society believes in or does.

I think you should study in this area first and then justify your claim indeed. If you dont know, please ask and some knowledgeable Brothers and Sisters can answer you regarding this topic!
Hence Allaah is our Creator, therefore he knows what is best for us, and its not a MUST to have 4 wives.

I apologise if i sound harsh, forgive me for my bad words ,sorry just thought i would clear a misconception, hope i helped a lil bit InshaAllaah

P.e.a.c.e

 

[جوري]

So because men can't remain faithful we should just let them have more than one wife to satisfy their "needs"?

who is 'we' and who said having multiple wives is about satisfying a 'need' is marriage all about sex in your opinion? if that were the case then it would be easier indeed to simple have a concubine on the side a dozen illegitimate children!

This situation with Michael Gamdon isn't exactly something that happens in the west all over. We shouldn't make excuses for these men.

actually it is a little over half!
And yet, according to the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, approximately 50 percent married women and 60 percent of married men will have an extramarital affair at some time in their marriage.

http://www.catalogs.com/info/relationships/percentage-of-married-couples-who-cheat-on-each-ot.html

I meant "morally right" as you could probably guess.

I still have no idea what you mean or how you personally define 'moral'

I think devoting yourself to one wife is much fairer than spreading your time amongst several, if a man can't control himself and has an affair it shouldn't be excused as "his nature". One again what if the wife didn't want to just sleep with one man in her life and so slept with someone else?

Then she should make that clear as a condition in her marriage contract and grounds for divorce.. you are so funny.. it is like you are incapable of an abstract thought and feel your angry tantrums will benefit entire societies!

The argument is God created one woman for Adam, not several. He obviously felt Adam could cope with just the one woman.

Like I stated there is no argument since having more than one wife isn't an injunction but a privilege, trying to clarify your earlier statement won't change the fact of the matter.. we did get your meaning the first time around, question is why the response isn't registering with you?

all the best

 

[cat eyes]

laura you have to think about many things. god made it allowed for a man to take more then one wife because lets say what if a divorced woman or widowed woman could not find a husband? so she is feeling alone so a man whom is already married is willing to take her as a second wife. there is many situations like that believe me.

the second thing is its entirely up to the woman, everybody is different. some muslimahs agrees to it. more don't. in islaam, all these wives are not forced to live in the same house of course. each wife is entilted to her own private apartment. scholars have agreed that the man should be fairly wealthy if he wants to take on more then one wife because its a big responsibility because there has been cases where the man could not do justice with all of them and when you cannot to justice with all your wives, its a major sin. of course this is in every matter not just financial one.

yes there is men who just marry another woman just for sex. this is a sin in islam of course. Allah even speaks about these men. inshallah i will try and find evidence for u on that.

 

[Snowflake]

The best argument against it I read was, and I don't know if it was on here or not was "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam, Eve, Betty and Sarah."

Well God never made Adam, Eve plus baby either. That didn't make it wrong to have children did it?

 

[cat eyes]

Q: Why can't women have more than one husband?

A: polyandry (more than one husband) is prohibited in Islam. The Qur'an,Chapter 4 verses 22 to 24 gives the list of women with who a man can not marry. It includes (prohibited from marrying) women already married".


The physiologically and psychologically reasons are:
If a man has more than one wife, the parents of the children born of such marriages can easily be identified. The father as well as the mother can easily be identified. In case of a woman marrying more than one husband, only the mother of the children born of such marriages will be identified and not the father. Islam gives tremendous importance to the identification of both parents, mother and father. Psychologists tell us that children who do not know their parents, especially their father undergo severe mental trauma and disturbances. Often they have an unhappy childhood. It is for this reason that the children of prostitutes do not have a healthy childhood. If a child born of such wedlock is admitted in school, and when the mother is asked the name of the father, she would have to give two or more names! I am aware that recent advances in science have made it possible for both the mother and father to be identified with the help of genetic testing. Thus this point which was applicable for the past may not be applicable for the present.

Man is more polygamous by nature as compared to a woman.
Biologically, it is easier for a man to perform his duties as a husband despite having several wives. A woman, in a similar position, having several husbands, will not find it possible to perform her duties as a wife. A woman undergoes several psychological and behavioral changes due to different phases of the menstrual cycle.
A woman who has more than one husband will have several sexual partners at the same time and has a high chance of acquiring venereal or sexually transmitted diseases which can also be transmitted back to her husband even if all of them have no extra-marital sex. This is not the case in a man having more than one wife, and none of them having extra-marital sex.

 

[dew of paradise]

its dificult to understand 1wife hw u can manage 2!

 

[Mohamed_Sadiq]

its dificult to understand 1wife hw u can manage 2!

So i guees polygamy is not for you maybe.

 

[LauraS]

Muslimah 4 life- it was not me that brought Michael Gambon up.

The Vale's Lilly- by using him as an example you seem to suggest men need a second wife to satisfy their needs. That they cheat because they can't have more than one wife and that it is in their nature to do so. Re-read your own post. What I mean by it being morally wrong is exactly what I say, it really isn't hard, for me it is morally wrong to have more than one wife. While I believe there may be genuine reasons for it I also firmly believe that many men would/do take advantage. I watched a programme called "tribal wives" tonight where a woman spent two months living with a nomadic tribe in Turkey. There was a man in the family with two wives, the first wife talked of how it hurts her everyday that he took a second wife (although she's very kind to the other wife) and I notice how the second wife is much much younger....

cat eyes- thanks for the post, I understand those reasons! I still don't think I could ever agree with polygamy though. If people are happy then it's up to them, but I'm still sceptical. :\

 

[جوري]

So i guees polygamy is not for you maybe.

It isn't for many people.. I think you need to look at the entire package you are getting, not just a one rose tinted aspect of it..
I think it i admirable under certain circumstances and completely faulty and improper in others..obviously of men today aren't akin to those who have taken down 300 year old empires in a matter of 19 days.. something to consider when one gets that sense of entitlement.. to assess oneself, the situation and be completely in keeping with God's commandments!

as of right now men outnumber women globally:
http://www.poodwaddle.com/clocks2.htm

all the best