Serious Help!!!

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noorain

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:sl:
I recently got engaged a couple months ago to a guy that I have hated deep down in my heart for all my life. I agreed to it only b/c of family pressure, (which was wrong on my part but i wasn't strong enough) he was a hafiz and everything great to them, but no one new the truth. I figured he changed and gave in, but i was wrong. Long story short i forced my dad to end the whole thing a month a ago but my life has been hell ever since. B/c the guy was family, everyone is talkin tryin to spread rumors tryin to put a stain on my life includin the guy. I told my family that he wasn't a good guy, ect. but my mom knows there is more. shes on me every day to tell her but i can't i fell so embarrassed, even though i know i didn't do anything wrong, and i feel like its goin to make things worse. My dad on the other hand thinks i'm the one that did something wrong.Everything is getting so out of control, i'm so depressed and i just need advise.
I did istahara before and am doing now but i'm so lost
I'v kept this secret for more 13 years, and i feel like if i tell someone they wont even believe me.
and if they do than that will be the end of the guy... and i cant have that on my head .. no matter how much i hate him i still fear allah more!!!
 
Sis what did he do to u? Sounds very serious, im just taking a wild guess, did he rape you or abuse you in a molesting way?imsad If I am wrong I apologize n will edit my post immediately.
 
im thinking the same...^

we dont want to speculate, its better you tell us.

If your that uncomfortable, quickly tell us, once people have offered advice, just edit your post.
 
then keep the secret, aint like anyones being harmed.

seek refuge in Allaah from any bad temptations
 
:sl: I agree with Mz keep the secret do not dig up the past and cause more damage to yourself and others. Whats gone is gone if he has sinned and you have kept it hidden all this time no good will come from bringing it out now.
Allah is watching, seeing,hearing and if has committed a sin/crime he will be punished accordingly.

You must let this go for the sake of many people including yourself you have chosen not to marry him and if you are from a typical pakistani family they will give you grief and probably never let you forget this. But you now have to stand firm with your decision.

No disrepect to any [IpakistanisI] but this is the norm.............. :w:
 
:sl:

Firstly I think if there are any secrets then they should stay secret.
I hope all that is happening to you will soon stop, and I suggest you pray to Allah s.w.t for help.

:w:
 
noorain said:
:sl:
I recently got engaged a couple months ago to a guy that I have hated deep down in my heart for all my life. I agreed to it only b/c of family pressure, (which was wrong on my part but i wasn't strong enough) he was a hafiz and everything great to them, but no one new the truth. I figured he changed and gave in, but i was wrong. Long story short i forced my dad to end the whole thing a month a ago but my life has been hell ever since. B/c the guy was family, everyone is talkin tryin to spread rumors tryin to put a stain on my life includin the guy. I told my family that he wasn't a good guy, ect. but my mom knows there is more. shes on me every day to tell her but i can't i fell so embarrassed, even though i know i didn't do anything wrong, and i feel like its goin to make things worse. My dad on the other hand thinks i'm the one that did something wrong.Everything is getting so out of control, i'm so depressed and i just need advise.
I did istahara before and am doing now but i'm so lost
I'v kept this secret for more 13 years, and i feel like if i tell someone they wont even believe me.
and if they do than that will be the end of the guy... and i cant have that on my head .. no matter how much i hate him i still fear allah more!!!
Click to expand...

:sl:
Sister, if you dont like him, you dont. Stand firm with your decision. Better that you did break the engagement then got married and then broke it. This is your life and if your parents dont understand, and you cant tell them the reason make sincere Dua and ask Allah Ta'aala for his help. Also, make two Rakats salaah with the intention of Allah Ta'aala granting you guidance and aiding you in your situation. Allah Ta'aal will help you, sister.

:w:
 
thank you for all u'r advise
and yes u guessed right...I can never make my self say it but thats what he has done to me
:(
i was very young when it happened, and was too stupid not to tell anyone and now even though the thought of it tortures me i think no one will believe.
Plz keep me in all u'r duas...
 
I don't understand why the above postas are asking you to keep this secret hidden. Sista, the guy shud be locked up n punished severely for what he has done to u.

Since it's been ages ago I dunno if u have kept any evidence to proof wat he has done? imsad

I'm so sorry sister..imsad May Allah protect u ameen.
 
:sl: I believe very firmly that it will be her word against his......... She has already fallen out with family and if i am guessing right the situation clearly tells me that she will NOT be believed. That is the way it will go against her. She remained silent for THIRTEEN years. How is it going to look now with her present situation.

I do believe in justice and justice will be done but not by you, me or anyone else but Allah. I feel that if she says something now it will only fall against her.............

May Allah give her sabur and patience and guide her......... Ameen.:w:

Yanoorah said:
I don't understand why the above postas are asking you to keep this secret hidden. Sista, the guy shud be locked up n punished severely for what he has done to u.

Since it's been ages ago I dunno if u have kept any evidence to proof wat he has done? imsad

I'm so sorry sister..imsad May Allah protect u ameen.
Click to expand...
 
This guy sounds like a prat. Don't worry you havn't done anything wrong. Maybe confide in your parents or a close friend if not anyone else... It might help you deal with everything instead of bottling it up inside..

Take care..
 
correct me if im wrong , average age of gettin married, maybe 23, so 13 years ago he was 10 years old, bet im wrong , or is he in hs 30's.,

No exuses for him, whatever age, see how hard it is to bring it up,
 
sis jus keep sabr n keep faith in allah inshallah it will be ur word against his if u choose to tell ur family abou it.
 
I agree w/ all of u... those r the exact thoughts i have
i was 6 years old when this whole thing happened and i didn't even know what to think
and once i was old enough to figure it out i figured i would leave it to Allah to get revenge... thats y till this day i didn't tell any one
and No i dont have any evidence only my world on mouth
I just cant help blame my self for everything, I dont know where i went wrong to deserve all this.
Inshallah i'm goin to tell someone before i do something stupid.
thank you all
and may Allah bless u all for your kind hearted support and advise
it trully means alot me
 
:sl: So he would have been about 16 and fully aware of what he was doing.......... Darling my main concerns are that you are not on good terms with your family and if you choose to bring this up now they will not believe you i say this because of the whole marraige business.

However you must talk to someone about this even if you go to some kind of womens help group otherwise you will never free yourself from these thoughts. You have to get rid of what is haunting you in order to gain from your life.

Am sorry for this situation May Allah protect you and guide you little one. You must carry on thinking positive............... and believe that what has happened was not your fault and you are practising so you must keep your faith in Allah. Little one it is he who has committed the crime not you and he will be punished.

Now you have to concentrateon your future and make the best of it.Wish i could give you a hug. Tcxx:w:
 
Sister, lke sister zahida said, you need to go to some sort of womens group, i know it was 13 years ago. but we see it still affects you, so you need to let go of it and come to terms that you are innocent, you were not to blame.

Sister I have nieces around that age, it makes me so angry, kids are so pure at that age, i hope he feels reaaly realy really ashamed of him self
 
i can't help but read u'r posts r cry
thank u
i was actually in very good terms with the family until this whole thing happened... me and mom r best friends, i'v told her everything... and i've always been my dad's girl
but since this whole thing i'v just sheltered my self
i'm not my self, i'v lost focus in every thing
i have actually tried to get help i went a local mosque and talked confidentially to an Islamic counselor.. but he/she just made me feel worse b/c apparently he/she said that what happened to me Islamicly is a result of something i did.
After hearing that i'v become even weaker.
 
sister first of all it was not something you did to make that happen to you because you were only 6 at the time lol so put these things out of your head you are not to blame. And he at 16 would have been totaly awear of what he was doing inshallah affter a cooling off period your parents will calm down make as much du'a as you can and even if you dont tell anyone Allah swt knows what he did and he will have to answer for this act oneday
 

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