What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?

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What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?
​





Remember when you and your friend were always close and you could tell each other anything? You were the closest to each other and nobody else came between you two?

After some time, you noticed that this friend was acting abit strange, and they wasn't giving you the attention you usually had.. wasup with him/her? you asked yourself. This friend gradually started hanging out with you less and you never spoke to each other that much. They started acting abit more 'kool' and they felt that you was oldskool..



What if it's a guy, or a gyal? you thought to yourself.. i've never seen them act this strange before.




Turns out, what you thought was right. They wanted to join the scene too and you was left behind, you're still a kid in their eyes but they've grown up. I'm hangin with the bad boyz now, or the 'thuggetez.'





You either had two options; you could do the same, or you could stay quiet and be a good practisin muslim right? Yeah man, you're bare shareef, thats what they all say... you felt uncomfortable with that, but you was scared about what the rentz [parents] would say, so you decided to stay on the back rowz for abit.



Turns out, this mate that you had - they wasn't interested in knowing you no more, they were with their crew and had their gyal/kuri or their thug with them. Man, why did this have to happen to me for.. you thought to yourself. Deep down inside, you was kinda jealous - how come this person got all the popularity, even though you was the 'good one.'?





A little time passed, a while later.. this friend came back to you. They were sad, but still you saw they was dressed the same way as their crew. Hoodie on, and rockiez.. or was it the big hoops and foundation?



"What's up?" you mumbled..

"Nothin much, u?" they said.



You was still kinda sad, confused and not sure what was goin on. You wanted to talk to them like the times before, but you knew that loads of things had changed now. What if things could get better? You wasn't practisin full time, but you knew that dating was wrong, you knew that because you wasn't allowed to talk to that gyal/guy on parents evenings when your parents came over to check up on your progress at school..



"I got sutin to tell you yeah.."




You was confused, not knowing what to do or how to respond..




"Yeah?" you asked.. not knowing what tone of voice to use.


"It's about this person i got to know a little while back..."






To be continued insha'Allah..







​
 
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:sl:

Did you write this bro? It very interesting, it actually kinda happened to me before too!
 
:salamext:

bro you and your to be continued, man get on MSN and tell me the rest !!!! :p

mashaAllah its good. but seriously, i think everyone who practises islam goes through this :) mashaAllah (well almost everyone).
 
What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?



You had noticed that your 'friend' had been hangin out with different people for quite a while now.. most weren't upto any good.



"Yeah, well it was this gurl/guy that i knew.." he/she said.




You didn't expect your friend to be like this just two years ago, subhan Allaah things really had changed alot.


What am i supposed to say? you asked yourself..



"er..yeah? what about them?"




"I got to know this person some weeks back, that's what you gota do init to get known. When you got a guy/gurl you get popular.. it was more like a dare if you get meh."



"Oh, ok.. b..but erm, you know its haraam right?"



"Look, i came to you for advice, so hear me out.. they don't understand what i'm goin thru man."


"Yeah..?"



You had noticed that your friend had been effected by these people alot, the personality was much harsher than before and they swore alot now too.



"They don't want to talk to me no more.. it wasn't even my fault..."


Their face seems sad now, you can see it. Your heart sinks down..



"Who? who doesn't talk to you no more?"

You still care, you don't want your friend to get hurt. Was it the people your friend hung out with, or was it someone else? You had forgot about the time they turned away from you, because deep down inside you wanted them to come back to talk to you, so you could be friends again.. like before.



Your friend didn't respond, you could see in their face that they actually wanted to control themselves.. trying to control the tears from coming out. You knew what had happened, you didn't need to ask any more. Your friend was crying, you could feel their pain..





The heart beats faster.. a big lump in the throat, it hurts... You can't control the tears, they flood out no matter how hard you try to hold them in. Your head hurts. Whether you're a guy or a gurl, its the same.. if it's your first time - you're going to feel this pain. This is what your friend was experiencing.. the cold wind whipped the face, a harsh wind.


It doesn't matter what the people think now.. "I tried..i swear.. i really tried.. how can people..d-do this..?" they said.



You can't do nothing, all you can do is watch and make them feel that things will get better with time insha'Allaah. You have to reassure them, you're there for them.. You pass them a tissue, come closer to them.. and give them a hug.






To be continued insha'Allaah...



​
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:salamext:

mashaAllah.....and TabarakAllah......bro. Keep up the good work.
It seems so real......

You can't do nothing, all you can do is watch and make them feel that things will get better with time insha'Allaah. You have to reassure them, you're there for them.. You pass them a tissue, come closer to them.. and give them a hug.
Click to expand...

I remember a friend of mine went through something like this. And she was literally crying in the uni , and i could not do anything to comfort her but to give her my shoulder to cry on. I felt weird as everybody was looking at us........but then, she is much better now, Alhumdulillah.Much better than before.



:wasalamex
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

Love which Harms and Love that Benefits
​



When a person experiences love, their whole life changes and they feel two extremes:


1) a sense of joy which can get so extreme where you feel that you can accomplish anything.

2) the second extreme is feeling hopeless, exhausted and sad because the 'other half' isn't there.


​
The person usually experiences no.1 when they're with the person that they love or after they've met with them, and the person experiences no.2 if they havn't contacted them for a while, or if it had ended..



When a person really has fallen for a person, they feel that their whole life is surrounded around them. They may even obey that person in matters which contradict islaam, which obviously isn't the right thing to do.




There are 4 types of love in islaam:

1) Divine Love - which is specifically for Allaah alone. And none should be loved divinely more than Allaah.


2) Love for the sake of Allaah, which is love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the companions and the righteous etc.


3a) Love of the permissible: wives/husband, children etc.

b) Love of food, water, clothing etc.


4) Love of any other deity besides Allaah, such as something which contradicts what Allah has ordered us to do etc. which isn't permitted.




1) The person has to have divine love for Allaah only, which is compulsary in islaam. It isn't permitted that a person's love for anything else goes against the commandments of Allaah.


2) We also have to love the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) more than we love ourselves - this is needed in order to perfect faith. [check tafsir ibn kathir Qur'an 9:24]


3) The 3rd love is a permissible love but it can either lead to sin [if the person disobeys Allah in order to please the creation] or it can lead to reward if the believer has the intention of pleasing Allah.


4) The 4th love is what stops a disbeliever from coming closer to Allah, it may be something else worshipped instead of Allah, such as an idol, a person, the persons desires etc. We should seek refuge in Allah from this.

​



Most people who fall into haraam love usually don't understand islaam properly. They might start off with desire, and gradually be played into falling in love with the person. However, one has to realise that no love is real, no love is really lasting - unless it is done for the sake of Allah. This is why love which is done while disobeying Allah is usually broken, ends up in hurt, and both people usually end up as enemies, or go down other evil after this, unless Allah saves them and blesses them hidaayah (guidance.)





There was a lecture i heard last year, and in this lecture the brother discussed good and bad endings of people.


There was a man who was waiting to go on a date with his girlfriend, i think he was muslim. He was waiting for her somewhere, but for some reason - she was taking a really long time. He was so desperate to meet her, why was she taking so long? After a while, she came. He was WELL HAPPY! He got so happy, he fell down and.. prostrated to her. What? Yeah, he did that.. but guess what? He never got up after that again. He died in that state. May Allaah protect us. You know what's shocking? We will be raised on the day of judgement on the last position we were in.



Here's a good one though.

There was a woman who was getting prepared on her wedding day. The people were putting her makeup on her, her gel and all that women wear on one of their most special days of their life. She finds out its maghrib salaah (prayer.)


"I need to do my wudhu.."

"You've got your makeup on now, you can't do that now.."

"I have to pray salaah!"



She got up and ran to do her wudhu. She washed off her gel, her makeup. Starts praying maghrib salaah.


What's the last thing she does?


She moves her head to the side to finish her prayer; "Asalaamu 'alykum warahmatulah..." the angel takes away her soul.. thats the last words that come out from her mouth..





What will happen on the day of ressurection? We'll be raised up on our last physical action that we did.



Ask yourself - What death do I want? Where do I want to die? How do I want to die?







​
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

If my friend was heart broken i'll take him out enjoy ourself :D not in a bad way...

Maybe i'll whooop his A** 2 :D
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:sl:

Is that wedding story true?! :'( Really nice post mashaallah
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:wasalamex


Yeah, its true.. the guy one is aswell.


:salamext:
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

There is a saying that.....

If you want your relationship with others to remain forever you got to compromise....
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

The first time experience...



The first time is always the most emotional. It's like you're re-born, and you're that baby who got the attention its always wanted. Someone cares for you, and wants to be there for you, they there to help.. they understand, you understand them too. They don't want anything in return except you..


You feel happy, nah its not just happiness - its not even like getting that toy you always wanted when you were small.. but its deeper than that, the whole feeling runs through your body.

Joy, excitement, you smile when you're together, and you just want to shout out to all the world.. your emotions are at an all time high. The first time is the most special, you've never felt this before..




Love is special, its a blessing from Allaah.

“And among His signs is this,
that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts.
Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.”

(Qur’an 30:21)


​
Anyone who's ever been in love can nod their head to that, that verse has to have the greatest description of love. When in love, you feel a sense of calmness.. a sense of ease in your heart. You even feel a physical change, and you sigh more often, deeper breaths which makes you feel even more calm and tranquil. This breathing gets affected tremendously if this relationship breaks, which we may discuss later inshaa'Allaah.



Ibn Katheer says something really interesting to explain this verse:


Tafsir of Surah al-Rum [30] : 21

If Allah had made all of Adam's progeny male, and created the females from another kind, such as from Jinn or animals, there would never have been harmony between them and their spouses. There would have been revulsion if the spouses had been from a different kind. Out of Allah's perfect mercy He made their wives from their own kind, and created love and kindness between them. For a man stays with a woman because he loves her, or because he feels compassion towards her if they have a child together, or because she needs him to take care of her, etc.



​
Stay Pure


The best way to enjoy this love is by staying away from dating even if others around you are getting involved in this. The reason for this is because when you're married, you both have agreed on a contract to live with each other and not cheat on each other.


You've agreed that you will work together so you can channel your feelings in a halaal or even rewarding way instead of doing the same in an immoral and haraam (forbidden) way. Islaam doesn't forbid you from all things, rather it forbids the harmful and it balances your desires, so instead of turning to haraam - you have a halaal method instead.


For instance some food is made haraam for you, yet other food is made permissible. Riba (interest) is forbidden, yet business transactions are permitted. The same way having boyfriends/girlfriends is forbidden, but marriage is permitted and can even be rewarded for if the person has the sincere intention of pleasing Allaah in the process.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said "And one will be performing an act of charity when he has sexual intercourse (with his wife)."

The companions said, "O Messenger of Allah! Will one be satisfying his desire and still gain a reward?"


He said, "Do you see that if he satisfies this desire with Haraam (illegal sexual intercourse), will he carry the weight of this evil act?

Likewise, if he satisfies it with Halal (permissible means, with the wife), he will gain a reward."


[Muslim & Ahmad]


​
When you fall in love, all that was worrying to you before - lifts off your shoulders. You might use these troubles to gain sympathy off your lover and to gain their attention. When you do this, they understand you and that makes the sad feelings go away. Their there for you, thats all that matters..


Remember when we said before that they put a smile on your face? It's because you can't control it, it just comes out. Sometimes your cheeks even get tired because you're smiling soooo much. It even happens if their not there, and can happen if you remember the good memories you had together.




Next time, try seeing a pair of lovers. Maybe not your mom and dad, don't want the shoe hitting your face now do we? lol don't stare at non mahrams either, but if you can see a pair of lovers. Try looking at them, they'll try to play games with each other. One of them will say something, and even though the other one agrees - they'll become 'cheeky' and try to say the exact opposite. Why? Because opposites attract, and you need some playful opposition to keep things alive. If you both were to simply agree on a point, and not disagree on anything whatsoever - where would the fun be?





Advantages of the first experience:



The advantages of the first time include some of the following:

* It happens gradually, so you experience it step by step which makes it more rememberable, this is probably why most people don't forget their first time experience.


* You fall into it whole heartedly, without holding back. You've never experienced it before so you can't control yourself and your emotions. This is why it's of the most powerful experiences within your life.


* You're the most jealous within the first time, because you're in it whole heartedly, you don't want anyone else going close to your lover. You want all the attention, and you don't want anyone to take your place in their eyes, so you do as much as possible to become closer. You're a baby, who wants the attention off the one who cares for you, before their eyes turn towards someone else.
​



 The first experience is the most special.. anyone who's been there knows. Make your first time special, do it for the sake of Allaah, and He will bless you in it more and more inshaa'Allaah. Don't waste your time with other stranger guys or gurlz, because you're just harming yourself - you're harming the innocence of your heart. And the only time you can really experience the love is when your heart is innocent.


Your whole life will change after you experience your first lover - everything you've ever felt in life will seem insignificant uptill that point, let that person be worth it.


Do it the halaal way, Allaah will bless you inshaa'Allaah.
​
 
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Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:sl:

Mashaallah that was nice. :thumbs_up

Are you going to finish the story... or was that just to grab out attention? The story was good lol
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:salamext:


I'll try putting it in throughout the different parts because the only reason i put it there was to make a situation, so you understand where it all starts off from, and how it can end up etc.

Jazak Allaah khayr for the idea, and i'll keep that in mind inshaa'Allaah.
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

Very nice Mash-Allah... Im waiting for the sequel..LOL
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

Good tactics!
You got my attention. And I couldn't agree more with some of the points mentioned.
 
Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

The [Un]Hidden Enemy?



Some days pass by, and you feel that your friend still needs your help. You decide to go to their place. You feel sad that their hurt, but you know that it's better for them.. its for their own good. The people they were with before were harmful for them, and instead of allowing them to fall deeper into the darkness of sin, you have a chance of bringing them closer to Allah's Love and Mercy.



The stage their in right now, is a proper emotional stage and a life changing event. It's like someone’s just pushed them off a plane, they got no parachute, so you gota stand at the bottom with a massive safety net ready to catch em and then quickly divert them towards the hospital for safety.


The hospital is islaam.. because this is a proper critical & emotional time for the person, they can be pushed to one of two extremes [depending on who their friends are]: either towards the guidance and light of islaam, or they can be pushed to the side of evil where they hurt others because of the pain that they experienced them self, which then leads them to the darkness, and once a person falls into that zone - it's really hard to climb back out.



If the person was hurt for the first time, they will get different responses depending on who their friends are. The one who experienced the hurt will be affected by this, because like its been mentioned many times before - you're a baby, and you're going to get affected by everyone around you. These people will affect your future outlook on things, because when you've lost your lover - you feel alone, timid, distressed, weak, and your friends are the one's who will look after you at a social level, which alters the way you think and react.


The same way a mother nurtures her child when it's weak, and the child is affected by the people around it; in the way it thinks, reacts, imagines etc.





Let's look at what would happen if your friend still hung out with the bad boyz or thuggetez:


Your friend would usually go to the person who they felt most comfortable with from the crew. They wouldn't tell everyone in public because that would be a loss of respect infront of the people init? Or maybe something they felt shy about.

Bro, lisen.. remember that gurl i was with a few weeks back?


Yeah? What about her bro?


*the person thinks twice before saying this, their scared - not sure of what the response would be*


...I..m-miss her man..


Nah. no worries bro, this gurlz with some nex man now, y'knw. That's the life init, she thinks she's some pimpress or sutin. You gota get used to it.


..How come she got over it so.. q-quick tho? (the person works hard to control their emotions and their voice becomes quite shakey.)


Bruv, did you really think you two would stik 2geva get married, hav kidz n dat? lol this iz da game man!



- Time Out -
​



(Deep down inside, thats what your friend felt. He would love it if that could happen, thats what everyone wants. That's the fitrah [natural inclination] Allaah has placed in man, where love and mercy is in the hearts of the people, and this is what keeps them working together, staying together even when hardships come in their way..as a team.)


Your friend knows that you feel this way, but the friend doesn't want to talk about it. They don't want to discuss how you're feeling, because its not kool to do that. This society is surrounded by sin and promotes the idea of a hardened heart, which is the consequence of sins. The friend probably doesn’t even feel sad for the fact that your hurt, rather they would be more happy if you got over it and moved on because you gota be stronger. In other words, have a more harsher, hardened heart, because obviously, the intention is bad.




[خَتَمَ اللَّهُ عَلَى قُلُوبِهِمْ]


(Allah has set a seal on their hearts), "A stamp. It occurs when sin resides in the heart and surrounds it from all sides, and this submersion of the heart in sin constitutes a stamp, meaning a seal.'' Ibn Jurayj also said that the seal is placed on the heart and the hearing.

In addition.. "The stain is not as bad as the stamp, the stamp is not as bad as the lock which is the worst type.''

Al-A`mash said, "Mujahid demonstrated with his hand while saying, `They used to say that the heart is just like this - meaning the open palm. When the servant commits a sin, a part of the heart will be rolled up - and he rolled up his index finger. When the servant commits another sin, a part of the heart will be rolled up' - and he rolled up another finger, until he rolled up all of his fingers.

Then he said, `Then, the heart will be sealed.' Mujahid also said that this is the description of the Ran (refer to 83:14).''


كَلاَّ بَلْ رَانَ عَلَى قُلُوبِهِمْ مَّا كَانُواْ يَكْسِبُونَ

(Nay! But on their hearts is the Ran (stain) which they used to earn)'' (83:14).


[ At-Tirmidhi, An-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah recorded this Hadith, and At-Tirmidhi said that it is Hasan Sahih.]
​



 By the way, I’m not saying that moving on from a previous love is bad – rather, trying to move on from a previously commited sin and not be regretful of it, then go onto other sins is bad. Because the aim of bad friends is to tell you to ‘get over’ the past lover, in order to become a ‘player’ or to become more harsher against others.






Subhan Allaah, surprisingly, females, who are usually known for their emotions even more, give a similar reaction. The irony is that they were also like this at their first time; they were exactly like your friend. In a state of worry, confusion, sadness...


It occurs when your friend might have gone out with a 'player' because he was popular, something which your friends promoted. They pushed you into it, so you went along because you wanted to be accepted, to be known, to be popular. It seemed exciting too, going out with the most popular guy who you could never have imagined to speak to before. Was it because I had started wearing more makeup? because i had removed my hijaab?





Shaytaans clever, he's had more experience than anyone on this earth put together.

Too bad though; because he's inviting us to harm, to sadness and to hell, but for some reason - we chase after it.

Hell's surrounded by desires right?




Your friend probably experienced all that's been mentioned in the previous chapter, love's like getting high without sniffing nothing but the perfume/aftershave your lover wears.

Or is it really love? Love's a two way thing right? Seem's like it wasn't real, or true from the receiving end of the playa or pimpress. Was it just a fake? Why do they do this? Don't they care how people feel?




These are the exact questions your friend asks when you meet them. Why did this happen?


People who have become used to playing others like picking on innocents. Someone who's doing it for his or her first time. You know why? Because they can control and limit their emotions, at least the emotions they have remaining. Whereas the innocent doesn’t know what’s going on, they don’t know the plans – they fall in it more emotionally than using their logic.





Remember we were saying in the earlier chapter that the only one who can't control their emotions are those that are experiencing it for the first time?

That's true, and the players are usually those who can limit their emotions, control them, manipulate them in a way so they don't feel hurt and if they've got bad friends, they will actually promote it and the more they cheat, the more they get rated.

It's a sign of respect infront of the people - yet its a sign of dishonor, and anger in the sight of Allaah.



The playa thinks he/she is getting away with it, they feel proud - yet because their locking their emotions up [in order to not get hurt], they harming themselves and falling deeper down the ladder, the deeper into darkness, and if they don't repent - deeper into the wrath and punishment of Allaah.


Why do these people lock up their emotions? Because they want to have fun and they really don't want to get hurt, so they don't place their emotions in, but use their past experiences and trial and error methods to play the person. To pretend to the other that they love them, while using deceit.

Some gyalz even call themselves 'Gold Diggers' because they use guys for their money, same can be said about some guys doing it to women.


The deeper one falls into this, the further they are turning away from Allaah. They are harming themselves, while feeling proud of who they are - not realising what Allaah has prepared for those who are rebellious.




Hurting someone on purpose is a bad thing. People are so used to it today, where some people say 'once a playa, always a playa' and they feel proud of that. These people don't desire a secure, honest relationship. Their heart becomes darker, their emotions are lost. Because they have no emotions, they don't understand, don't feel a sense of right and wrong. The consequences of this are enjoying, desiring evil and hating/detesting what is good [which is going against the fitrah which Allaah has originally programmed us with.]



Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Messenger of Allah said,


«إِنَّ الْمُؤمِنَ إِذَا أَذْنَبَ ذَنْبًا كَانَتْ نُكْتَةً سَوْدَاءَ فِي قَلْبِهِ، فَإِنْ تَابَ وَنَزَعَ وَاسْتَعْتَبَ صَقِلَ قَلْبُهُ وَإِنْ زَادَ زَادَتْ حَتَّى تَعْلُوَ قَلْبَهُ، فَذلِكَ الرَّانُ الَّذِي قَالَ اللهُ تَعَالى:
[كَلاَّ بَلْ رَانَ عَلَى قُلُوبِهِمْ مَّا كَانُواْ يَكْسِبُونَ

(When the believer commits a sin, a black dot will be engraved on his heart. If he repents, refrains and regrets, his heart will be polished again. If he commits more errors, the dots will increase until they cover his heart. This is the Ran (stain) that Allah described,


كَلاَّ بَلْ رَانَ عَلَى قُلُوبِهِمْ مَّا كَانُواْ يَكْسِبُونَ

(Nay! But on their hearts is the Ran (stain) which they used to earn)'' (83:14).
​




The ironic thing is that these 'players / pimpresses' were just like your innocent friend once upon a time. They fell into love, and got hurt also. They had two choices; either turn towards Allaah and His guidance, or hurt others because you experienced this hurt.

They chose the wrong path, and this is what lead them to harm their own self, and the others who may have fallen astray in the process.


However, Allaah is so Merciful that He is prepared to forgive us for our wrongdoings, even if these sins cover all of the earth. But we have to turn to Him sincerely in order to earn His forgiveness and reward. To Him we shall be brought back and be judged on all that we did.




May Allaah protect us from falling into evil, and may we all die in the state of Islaam. Ameen.
​
 
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