What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?

[- Qatada -]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

Reject it Straightaway, and don't feel guilty for Doing that.



A person's likely to fall into the traps of society which have been happening since the beginning of mankind.


When you think about the people of the past, you probably think that they were all innocent; a guy riding on his donkey, look-aftering his farm and all that.. that's all his life is about. He might make mistakes, but yeah every person can fall into that, so you think he'll be forgiven for that.



You could never imagine though that people in the past would go night clubs, maybe even longer than thousands of years ago. They might not have had the disco lights, or the Techno, R n B.. but they had their stuff. They had alcohol, had their dope, the next level animals [nowadays their replaced with cars], had loads of guys/gyals after them..

You might think they had stuff which was 'old' - but you know what? They actually had longer lives than you so they stayed beautiful hundreds of years while you might just stay that way for 40years.. that's one of the reasons why most rejected islaam, Prophet Nuh [Noah] actually called people to islaam for 950yrs! but barely anyone responded.



We know that the disbelievers from Quraysh at the time of the Messenger of Allaah, Muhammad (peace be upon him) would have similar clubs like this, and they would actually have a flag outside so anyone who wanted to do something dodgy, could actually come in and not be stopped from doing that! One thousand four hundred years ago.. and you think things have just become that way today?



So maybe it wasn't totally like our times.. but yeah - they did have similar experiences to our times. They just never knew how to read and write so they couldn't preserve history like we do nowadays.




Did you know that the first murder was done because of a girl? Yeah, you got it - it was the two sons of Prophet Adam (the first man on earth!).. Qabil killed his bro Habil because he wanted to marry the gurl his bro Habil was about to marry. Why? She was more beautiful. [Mentioned in Qur'an 5: 27-32]





Alright, i understand that. What's that got to do with any of this anyway?


The thing is.. we simply going to fall into the same mistakes as all the people before us, if we don't have any form of security. We might think we're advanced now cuz we in the future, but time doesn't make a difference, we all have been humans and fall into similar mistakes. We just think that the people before us were simple people, when in reality they thought the same about the people before them..




hm.. i'm slow, what you tryna say?


It's simple, a guy falls for a gyal because she's good looking, and a gurl falls for a guy cuz he's good looking. It's like icing sugar because turns out, this persons popular too. So what do you do when they ask you out? You get embarrassed right? What do bad friends do? They make you feel funny inside and encourage you, so you get involved with it because they want to be popular because their 'your friend.'


What do you say when you got all this pressure? You got the chance to become popular too, and feel 'kool.' Do you say yeah? Is it easier to say that? What if family finds out? Remember that Allaah is the All-Seer, All Knower, but also remember that Allaah is sufficient for us, against everything, everyone and He is the source of Strength.




Let's see some examples of the Pious people before us, because if we can follow the way of bad people without guidance, why not try to take advantage of this guidance and see how the good people before us reacted to things like this, and the benefits which came out of that.



Story No.1 - Prophet Yusuf.


It's been narrated in Saheeh Muslim that Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him) was given half of all beauty. [For reference purposes, its in the hadith when the Messenger of Allaah, Muhammad (peace be upon him) met the Prophets in the night of Israa' wa-l Mi'raaj/The Night of Descent. He described the Prophets, and he met Prophet Yusuf in the third heaven/sky.] So imagine a block - that's a block of beauty. Now if that block was to be cut into half, one half of that beauty would be given to all of mankind, and guess who the other block of beauty is given to? Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him.)

Imagine how beautiful he would be...



This story happened way longer than two thousand years ago, and its mentioned in the Qur'an. (Chapter 12.)


Yusuf (peace be upon him) is brought up in a house where he's like a servant. The person who own's the house is like a prime minister, he lookafters all of the wealth of Egypt. So imagine, he's likely to have a reaaaaallly good looking wife right? Not just that though, but she's really popular/high social class, and she's got loads of cash/wealthy.


Now Yusuf (peace be upon him) grows up and is a man now. Top of the range, buff, fit, whatever you wna call it. Turns out, this woman starts to like him.. because he's in the same house, she starts to get emotions for him and loves him, he's still innocent because he's just working as a servant there, he has no choice. What do you think she does? Her husband isn't in the house now, but she's there alone with Yusuf...



She calls him over; [Qur'an 12:23-4]

And she, in whose house he was, sought to seduce him (to do an evil act), she closed the doors and said: "Come on, O you." He said: "I seek refuge in Allah (or Allah forbid)! Truly, he (your husband) is my master! He made my stay agreeable! (So I will never betray him). Verily, the Zalimun (wrong and evil-doers) will never be successful."


And indeed she did desire him and he would have inclined to her desire, had he not seen the evidence of his Lord. Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, guided slaves.


​

So from there we see that the woman tried to seduce him, calling him to herself. She's really beautiful and Yusuf is just newly a man, when his hormones are at a krazy high level. The moment was s0o0o heated that he was about to incline towards her, but Allaah gave him a sign. That sign was from Allaah, and remember that Allaah has forbidden this for us in the Qur'an so we got a sign too.

Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils). [Qur'an 17:32]


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He tries to run away.. she tries to pull him, so hard that his top tears.. he keeps running towards the door.

And they both raced to the door, and she tore his shirt from the back, and they found her husband at the door.

[Qur'an 12:25]


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Uh oh.. but wait, the verse hasn't finished yet..

..they found her husband at the door. She said, "What is the recompense of one who intended evil for your wife but that he be imprisoned or a painful punishment?" [12:25]


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That was well sly init! She accused Yusuf (peace be upon him) of pretending to call her to do that sin.. even though she was the one who really tried to seduce him.


She's saying that he's the one who did it, and that he should be punished for it by bein locked up or severely beaten.

[Yusuf] said, "It was she who sought to seduce me." And a witness from her family testified. "If his shirt is torn from the front, then she has told the truth, and he is of the liars.

But if his shirt is torn from the back, then she has lied, and he is of the truthful."


So when her husband saw his shirt torn from the back, he said, "Indeed, it is of the women's plan. Indeed, your plan is great.

Yusuf, ignore this. And, [my wife], ask forgiveness for your sin. Indeed, you were of the sinful."

[12: 26-29]


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Okay, now what happens after this is that the husband tells his wife to ask for forgiveness, probably from their God's, and he tells Yusuf that he should keep it quiet.



Now wait a second. You might think this is weird.. how can a person fall in love with their servant?


The thing is, you're not the only one who found that strange..

And women in the city said: "The wife of Al-'Aziz is seeking to seduce her (slave) young man, indeed she loves him violently; verily we see her in plain error."

[12:30]


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The wife finds out about the rumours that are spreadin about her.. kinda reminds you of what happens to gurlz when they gossip each other init?


So what does she do? She wants to show these gyalz why she's in love with him.. she loves him alot; because he's handsome/beautiful, shall i tell you another thing that she likes about him? It's because he's innocent, she knows that he doesn't like doing bad, you know like when a person doesn't want to cheat on someone.. alot of people like that, even players/pimpresses like it. Even though someone might cheat, they still don't want their partner to be like that..



So what does she do?!

So when she heard of their accusation, she sent for them and prepared a banquet for them; she gave each one of them a knife (to cut the foodstuff with), and she said [(to Yusuf (Joseph)]: "Come out before them." Then, when they saw him, they exalted him (at his beauty) and (in their astonishment) cut their hands. They said: "How perfect is Allah (or Allah forbid)! No man is this! This is none other than a noble angel!" [12:31]


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He's so beautiful/handsome that they comparing him to an angel! Not just that, but because they were so busy staring at his beauty, they cut their own hands instead of the fruits with the knives, because their too busy staring at his beauty..

She said: "This is he (the young man) about whom you did blame me (for his love), and I did seek to seduce him, but he refused. And now if he refuses to obey my order, he shall certainly be cast into prison, and will be one of those who are disgraced." [12:32]



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She's threatening him now, that if he doesn't listen to her, in the sin she's trying to push him into - then she's going to order him to be locked up in prison..



How does Yusuf (peace be upon him) respond?

He said:"O my Lord! Prison is more to my liking than that to which they invite me. Unless You turn away their plot from me, I will feel inclined towards them and be one (of those who commit sin and deserve blame or those who do deeds) of the ignorants." [12:33]



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So his Lord answered his invocation and turned away from him their plot. Verily, He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower. [12:34]

Then it appeared to them, after they had seen the proofs (of his innocence) to imprison him for a time. [12:35]


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You see how messed up society is? If you don't do something bad, they turn their back on you.. we as muslims know that this life is a test anyway, and even if the whole world turns its back on you, Allaah is still on your side.


Prophet Yusuf prayed to Allaah that prison was better to him than to do the sin because he knew Allaah's punishment was severe. Yeah, he could have been more popular if he did accept the 'offer', but he knew that if you obey Allaah, Allaah will give you more good in this world and the next.. so why not be patient for a little bit and you'll see the good come out of it?

(Allah the Exalted said,

`If my slave intends to perform a good deed, then record it for him as one good deed; if he performs it, then record it for him multiplied ten folds. If he intends to commit an evil act but did not commit it, then record it for him as one good deed, if he left it for My sake. But if he commits it, then write it as one evil deed.')

[recorded in Bukhari & Muslim]


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So from the hadith above - we can say this:


intention of a good deed = 1 good deed recorded.

intention + act of doing good = 10 to 700 (or many times over) good deeds recorded.

intention to do bad, but doesn't do it = 1 good deed.

intention to do bad, and does it = 1 bad deed.


Remember - the greater the trial - the greater the reward!




So what happened to Prophet Yusuf? He was put in prison for a while, even though he was innocent.. but he knew that it was better for him than to go to what they were calling him to. He knew that if he stayed there longer, he would actually get the desire to do that.


Anyway anyone who feels that their beautiful, remember this true story. If a good looking/popular/wealthy guy or gurl comes upto you, asking you out on a date, or something even worse. Say No - I fear Allaah, and don't feel regretful - because you're doing it to please Allaah. If you give up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will replace you with something better.

If your friend asks you to do it, don't listen either.. because it's actually putting you into a worser situation, probably a trap of shaytaan, and you know this is true because you've probably got a friend who's fallen into this pain of heart-break (which started off as fun too), or maybe you've experienced it yourself?



I'm sure the person's not going to lock you up insha'Allaah, they might laugh or take the mick - but in the end, you're doing it for Allaah's sake and anything that happens - happens only by the will of Allaah, so Allaah will protect you. And if you get locked up, remember that the most beautiful of people was locked up, for a loooooong time.. so he never went out in the streets to show off his beauty, he just stayed in prison, till he got older.. maybe you can try to find out what happens next by opening the Qur'an and reading Chapter 12 - Surah Yusuf?

The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:


(Allah will give shade to seven, on the Day when there will be no shade but His:


- A just ruler,

- a youth who has been brought up in the worship of Allah,

- a man whose heart is attached to the Masjid, from the time he goes out of the Masjid until he gets back to it,

- two persons who love each other only for Allah's sake and they meet and part in Allah's cause only,

- a man [or woman] who gives charitable gifts so secretly that his left hand does not know what his right hand has given,

- a man [or woman] who refuses the call of a charming woman [or man] of noble birth for illicit intercourse with her [or him] and says: 'I am afraid of Allah' and

- a person who remembers Allah in seclusion and his eyes are then flooded with tears.'')


[Recorded in Sahih Al-Bukhari]


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[------]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?



SUBHAN'ALLAH!!!

If you wrote this bro Fi Sab....u rock! Seriously tho its well good, Masha'Allah!

 

[unknown_JJ]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

interstin thread bro

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

mashaAllaah, priceless fi-sab, just priceless

 

[Tania]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

mashaAllaah, priceless fi-sab, just priceless

He is very good writer , agreed with you, looking forward to read the next story.

 

[Al-Zaara]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:salamext:

Subhan Allah... I'm gonna save these posts of yours.
They are incredible! Masha'Allah!!

JazakAllah khair brother!

 

[- Qatada -]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

'Stories of Old' ?


There are loads of other stories in history, one of a man who was in a similar situation to Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him.) The woman locked all the doors, and he couldn't escape.

The man at the end had to agree.. he said; let me go to the bathroom to change - when he goes there, he puts his hand in the toilet, and his hands are filled with human waste (what someone might find in the toilet if they don't flush it properly.)


The woman get's shocked, she doesn't know what to do so what else can she do apart from asking him to leave?


Another story is of a man who's really beautiful. Loads of girls in the town like him.. but they too embarrased to ask 'him out.' One of them is really beautiful, she's proper confident - so she goes upto the guy and asks him if he would be prepared to do whatever she wants to do.

Suddenly the guy starts crying - out of fear of Allaah.. everyone starts staring at them, not knowing what's happening.. but think about it - a guy crying infront of a good looking gurl while everyones watching!? Isn't that embarrassing?


Yeah, we might think that.. but this guy knows that Allaah is watching, he knows that Allaah is severe in punishment if we disobey Him, yet He is the Most Loving if we obey Him. Because all Allaah wants us to do is that we don't do evil right? So it's for our own good.. may Allaah make us as strong in faith like the righteous, ameen.


Just look how much these people feared Allaah's punishment. Don't you see, their so good looking and they can be 'playaz' anyday. It's easier to accept the offer than to say no, someone has to be alot more braver to do that.. but they sincere in obeying Allaah, even if they desires tell them to do it - Allaah comes first. Respect.. seriosly these people are worthy of being followed. Praise be to Allaah He has given us examples, because you know its just too hard to believe anything like that these days.




Okay, now you probably thinking that i've done soooo wrong to explain all this to you init? Probably because you're a sister reading this and you think that i'm saying that there's loads of females like this.


Don't worry, females aren't the only ones who do sins, guys do it too:

ONE SIN LED TO HIS REPENTANCE

A righteous man was once asked to tell the story of the pivotal moment of his life, the moment in which he first began to apply the teachings of Islam, and the following was his answer:

When I was a young man, I would not hesitate to perpetrate any sin that was made available to me. Then, one day, I saw a young woman who was perhaps the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Much tempted by her, I indicated to her that I wanted her to approach me. She seemed nervous, but I thought that she would probably agree to satisfy my sexual desires for money. She approached me with what seemed to be a great deal of trepidation, and when she actually stood before me, she looked extremely terrified.

Feeling sorry for her, I said, ‘Do not fear, for I will not harm you.’

But my words did not lessen her terrible fright in the least; in fact, her situation worsened. She began to tremble like a palm tree leaf trembles with the wind.

I said, ‘Tell me your story.’

She said, ‘By Allah, o my brother, never before this day have I offered my body in this way. Dire need is what has driven me to this, for I have three daughters who have not eaten a single morsel of food for three days now. It was pity for them that brought me to this low point in my life.’

For the first time in my life, I felt pity; her story moved me, and I no longer entertained the intention of taking advantage of her. After she told me where she lived, I took a great deal of money, clothing and food to her house. When I returned to my house, I told my mother what had happened.

My mother knew that I had a book in which I would record all of my evil deeds, and so she said to me, ‘My son, you are a man who has never performed a good deed except for the good deed that you performed today. I know that you have a book in which you record your evil exploits, go now and write in it your good deed.’

I stood up, went to my book, opened it, and found that all of its pages were blank- except for the first page on which was written a single line.


Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e. small sins)

[Hud : 114]


At that very moment, I raised my hands to the sky and said, ‘By your Might and Majesty, never again will I disobey You.’

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DEATH IS BETTER THAN ALLAH'S PUNISHMENT


A very rich businessman was once relaxing in his home when he heard someone knock on his door. When he opened the door, there standing before him was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his entire life. He yearned for her and invited her to come inside. But it was not to fulfill his desires that she came; rather, she came because she was extremely poor and was forced to go around begging for money. He ignored her plea for help and instead insisted that she come inside. She answered him in a clear and dignified tone, "Death is better than disobeying my Lord."

She left but then returned after a number of days. Her situation had become more desperate and again she asked him to help her. The businessman answered her as he did the first time.

With tears flowing down her cheeks, the girl entered his house. Again she pleaded, "Please! Feed me for the Countenance of Allah!"

"Not unless you allow me to satisfy my desires with you," said the man, both coldly and hungrily.

"Death is better than the punishment of Allah," proclaimed the girl.

As she was leaving, her sincere words echoed in the mind of the businessman, and after a long life of sinning, sincere tears of remorse flowed from his eyes for the very first time. He repented to Allah and then fed the girl. He later married her and they enjoyed a happy marriage together.


[So, in the end, he got what he wanted, except that he got it in a lawful manner. And that is what made all the difference].

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We also know the famous story of Al-Fudayl, the thug/badboy/gangsta who had a gurl but gave her up when he recieved a sign from Allaah:

HE BROUGHT ME TO THEM SO THAT I CAN REFORM MY CHARACTER..


Al-Fudayl bin Iyaad was famous for his piety and worship, but he was not always a practicing Muslim. In his early years, al-Fudayl was an infamous highway robber; he would prowl in the night for victims on the road from Abiward to Sarakhs. Between these two cities was a small village in which lived a girl that al-Fudayl was in love with. One night, out of desperation to be with her, al-Fudayl climbed the wall of her home. As he was climbing over it, he heard a voice recite:




Has not the time come for the hearts of those who believe to be affected by Allah's Reminder?

[al-Hadeed : 16]


At that moment, al-Fudayl answered, "O my Lord, the time has indeed come." He returned from where he came and sought refuge near a traveling party on the main road. They were busy engaging in a serious discussion. al-Fudayl heard one of them say, "Let us continue our journey now." Another answered, "No, not until the morning, for al-Fudayl is lurking on the road somewhere out there, just waiting to rob us."

Having heard the entire conversation, al-Fudayl thought to himself, "I go around in the night to sin, while a group of Muslims remain here because they fear me. Indeed i feel that Allah has brought me here to them only so that I can reform my character. O Allah, I indeed repent to you.."
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Another story:

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THE RANKING OF A PERSON WHO REPENTS


Bakr ibn Abdullah al-Muzani is the narrator of this story:

There was once a butcher who fell in love with the daughter of his neighbors. One day, the girl's parents sent her on an errand to the neighboring town. Seeing that she was alone, the butcher follwed her until she reached a seculeded place, where he made his presence known to her. When he tried to seduce her, the girl said, "Do not do so! Indeed, I love you even more than you love me, but I fear Allah."

The butcher's jaws dropped and he said in self-reproach, "You fear Allah and I don't!" He left her alone and repented for his intentions.

On his way back, he became extremely thirsty. He soon came across a Prophet from the Prophets of the Children of Israel. Noticing the expression on the butcher's face, the Prophet asked, "What is the matter with you?"

"Extreme thirst," said the butcher.

"Let us go supplicate to Allah for rain."

"I have no good deed that makes my supplication worthy of being answered," said the butcher.

"Then let me invoke Allah while you say 'Ameen' to my invocations," said the Prophet.

He then began to supplicate, and the butcher said, 'Ameen,' after each of the supplications.

Suddenly, a cloud appeared, rain fell from it into the nearby town, after which it approached the two men. Wherever the butcher walked, the cloud followed after him, instead of hovering over the Prophet.

"You claim that you have no good deeds," said the Prophet. "Yet despite the fact that it was I who suplicated while you said 'ameen' the cloud shaded the city and then it followed you. What is your story?"

The butcher the told him what happened with his neighbor's daughter.

"One who repents to Allah has a ranking that no other person can achieve," said the Prophet.

Don't worry, praise be to Allaah there are also stories of women repenting for sins:

True Speech


Perhaps it was because he was righteous and they were not; perhaps they were jealous of him; whatever the reason, a group of people resented Rabi' bin Khuthaim, and so they decided to put him to trial.

They chose the most beautiful woman they could find, and they offered her a reward of 1000 dirhams [silver coins] if she could successfully seduce him. After she agreed to take on the challenge, she attired herself in her most beautiful clothing and she put on the best perfume she could find.

Then she went to Rabi' and presented herself before him. They were all alone, and Rabi' seemed to be cornered; worse, her beautiful figure and face presented what seemed to be an inescapable temptation.

Approaching him she moved her body enticingly and she spoke sweet, melodious words. What was Rabi' to do? He had no where to escape; her beauty had practically taken him as captive; and he had no weapon with which he could ward her off.

But wait, he did have a weapon: the truth.

Adressing her with a resolute tone, Rabi' said, "what will you do if you are afflicted with disease and your body and beauty take a turn for the worse?

What will you do when the angel of death comes to take your soul? Or what will you do when Munkar and Nakir test you in your grave?"

He continued in this manner until the woman let out a shrill scream and fainted. When she regained consciousness, she repented for her past sins, and until the very end of her life, dedicated her days and nights to the worship of Allah.

What similarities do you see in all of those stories? Alot of them became good muslims right? But why/how did that happen?


It's because they realised that their low desires are just temporary, that these blessings that Allaah has given them will die out soon enough.. they've experienced the other side of the story.. have you not noticed that those who are innocent at the beginning - when they turn bad - people start gossiping about them?

The person's personality changes, they become more harsh and they not that innocent as you thought them to be before? If they don't turn back their life just goes worse, but if they turn back to Allaah they will see that Allaah will make their life easier for them.




The people who turned back to Allaah told themselves that they would change for the better, they were sincere to turn back to Allaah and be good. That's why they were successful. Allaah will only guide us if we have a sincere intention to turn back to Him, not if we want to take a pick n mix of islaam - instead we take the whole package. Yes it can be a gradual change, but you should be prepared to change the bad ways that you're in.


Islaam doesn't make everything haraam [forbidden], but instead whenever there is something haraam - Allaah always makes an alternative for us. So if we can't have a girlfriend/boyfriend, we are given the chance to marry etc. and yeh - we have a choice in that. Forced marriages aren't a part of islaam.



When we repent to Allaah; we should feel regret for what we did, we should intend that we won't do that sin again. Just give it a go, you'll see the benefits come out of it. If you've wronged someone, say good about them instead of gossiping about them.



So remember that Allaah will only guide you if you are sincere in wanting to come closer to Him, which will take sacrifices. If we don't sacrifice anything for Allaah's sake, then does our faith really have any value?



These people you see in the stories, they might have been alive over thousands of years ago. Yet their stories still live on today, because Allaah loved what they did.. so Allaah raised their status in this world, and the world to come, where Allaah has kept hidden for His servants which no eye has ever seen, no ear has ever heard and no heart has ever felt.

Allah will admit those who believe and work righteous deeds, to Gardens beneath which rivers flow: they shall be adorned therein with bracelets of gold and pearls; and their garments there will be of silk.

[Qur'an Al Hajj - 22:23]
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What you waiting for..?

"O My slaves who have transgressed agaisnt themselves! Despair not for the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." »

[Qur'an, Chapter 39: Verse 53]
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If you give up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will give you something better in return. And Allaah never overburdens a soul with more than it can bear.


Remember - Allaah is the source of Strength. He is the Protecting Friend & Supporter, and He is the Most Loving to those who turn to Him.
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[Tania]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

The person's personality changes, they become more harsh and they not that innocent as you thought them to be before? If they don't turn back their life just goes worse, but if they turn back to Allaah they will see that Allaah will make their life easier for them.

I think the personality changes because life is harsh, step by step we are forced to change ourselfs. If every people would be good we would always keep our 'innocent' behaviour.

 

[- Qatada -]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

I think the personality changes because life is harsh, step by step we are forced to change ourselfs. If every people would be good we would always keep our 'innocent' behaviour.

Yeah, but if we follow islaam we know that we have to be good and even if people think we're 'soft' - we doing it to please Allaah anyway so our reward is with Him. If we become harsh, Allaah removes that mercy from our hearts which might seem like a good thing in society, but Allaah shows mercy to those who show mercy to others.. so we should work hard to please Allaah.

The Messenger's of Allaah came to people who were harsh hearted, but these messengers still remained merciful. If we doing it to please Allaah then we need to stay this way, otherwise people will hate us. Allaah says in the Qur'an:

And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh*hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allah's) Forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affairs. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).

[3:159]
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And our best example is the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him.)



Peace.

 

[- Qatada -]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

Love - Can it happen Again?



This is a question alot of people ask, and they're unsure of the answer.


When a person loses the person they love for the first time, they feel that they'll never be able to get over it. They feel sad, stressed out and helpless.. unable to move on.


I was just thinking about this a while back, i wasn't sure of the answer but i remembered the life of the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him.) I remembered that he loved Khadija (his first wife) alot, he loved her because when the whole world was against him, he turned to her for help and she was on his side. He had never had a relationship with anyone like this before.. He never even got married to anyone else when he was married to her.




When Aa'isha asked the Messenger of Allaah why he loved Khadija so much, he said this. He said that she was with him when no-one else was on his side, she was the second muslim from this ummah [nation.] Whenever he felt sad, she reassured him and made him feel calm, she would help him through the good and bad. She was his best friend.

Just to note, she was good looking too and also rich. (Kind of hard to find nowadays huh?)


Now that's exactly what you want in the person you love.




The thing is though, she died. She died in a really critical time in the life of the Messenger of Allaah. He was really sad, because she never just died.. but it was his uncle too. His protecting friend. So it's like losing your guy/gurl, and your homie/best friend in the same year.




The Messenger of Allaah never gave up though, at this really sad time in his life.. he left Makkah and went to the people of Al-Taa'if. These people insulted him, just because he was calling them to Allaah's obedience, and Paradise. They threw stones at him, till he was bleeding soo bad all over his body.

Aa'isha (his wife) asked if there was any day worser than the battle of uhud for the Messenger of Allaah in his life. He (peace be upon him) said that this [the day he got stoned] was of the worst days in his life. [Authentically recorded in Bukhari & Muslim, narrated by Aa'isha herself.]




Now look how the Messenger of Allaah strived continously, even though he's going through a really tough time in his life.. he's just lost his true love, and also one of his best friends. Now he's being harmed by others physically. This should be a good example to us about dedicating ourselves to Allaah, because after hardship Allaah will bring ease.. we just gota have that patience and trust in Allaah. This is exactly what happens later on in the life of the Messenger of Allaah, because 1) He is taken to Allaah in the Israa' wal Mi'raaj journey (to the heavens), 2) He is able to make hijrah to Medina and have authority there after a long state of weakness.





Anyway we're discussing love. So let's look at what happens later on when the Messenger of Allaah is in Medina.


Amr ibn Al-'Aas, a famous companion, asked the Messenger of Allaah:

“Who is the most beloved person to you?' He said: “Aa'isha” I asked “Amongst men?” He said: “Her father (Abu Bakr)...” [Authentic - Bukhari.]

From there we see that the Messenger of Allaah loved Aa'isha (his wife) even though he used to love Khadija (may Allaah be pleased with her.)


Aa'isha (may Allaah be pleased with her) said:

“I never felt so jealous of any woman as I did of Khadija, though she had died three years before the Prophet married me, and that was because I heard him mentioning her too often, and because his Lord had ordered him to give her the glad tidings that she would have a palace in Paradise, made of pearl, and because he used to slaughter a sheep and distribute its meat among her friends” (Bukhari).




So you see that the Messenger of Allaah loved Khadija before he married anyone else, and he still loved her after he married Aa'isha. That's why he used to mention her so much. That's true love.. because he never forgot about her after she had passed away.


We also know that the Messenger of Allaah loved Aa'isha aswell, thats whats been mentioned in the earlier hadith.

“Who is the most beloved person to you?' He said: “Aa'isha.”



He wasn't ashamed to say that either.. Okay, but what am i trying to say?



What i'm trying to say is this; a person can love someone, yet they can have emotions for someone else in the future too.


That's why, if you've felt love. You'll understand that you can move on as time passes by, you can even have another relationship and love this new person. But the person you first loved is likely to stay in your heart, because obviously this was the first time you ever experienced love. And because it was so special and unique, it's probably likely that you won't forget it. Even if you tried.



When you lose that earlier love, you'll need some recovery time. If you can break up, move on easily, without thinking twice - then that mean's its not probably love. But if it was love - when you do move on, you might be hesitant and insecure to fall into it again.. because you're scared of being hurt.




It can Happen.


But it can happen. You can experience it again, and it doesn't have to have that same taste/feeling like the first time. Alot of people think this, and they don't truely understand because their too scared to take that step forward.


So because you'll have different experiences with this new person, you'll do different things, go different places, and as time passes.. that love will increase, or go the the opposite way and it won't work for you. But if it's successful, you will love this person - you'll even find it exciting again, and it will be a new experience because many things are different.


It's like mixing water with those drinks which you can dilute, the water can be you. The drink can be raspberry, strawberry, or whatever flavour. So you're the same, but everyone else is different. Which mean's your relationship is likely to be different so you will have different results and different experiences, different tastes/flavours etc.



Don't get me wrong, if you remember your first love. You might miss those moments in a way.. but usually if you got another relationship - your mind is already occupied with this relationship. The exception might be if you havn't recovered from the earlier relationship.



The same can happen if this new relationship was to break. If you loved this person, you can also feel hurt.. miss the good memories. Maybe you'll be more stronger? Or maybe equally sad.. it depends on whether you entered into the relationship whole-heartedly, or not.

​

 

[------]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

What you waiting for..?


"O My slaves who have transgressed agaisnt themselves! Despair not for the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." »

[Qur'an, Chapter 39: Verse 53]

Indeed...What is mankind waiting for?!

Wicked posts brother Fi-Sabilillah...keep it up! :thumbs_up

May Allah give you the best in this world and the Aakhirah. Ameen.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:salamext:

Ameen thumma Ameen, and may he raise you to the highest ranks of jannah and give you sabr and sakeena in this dunya!

:wasalamex

 

[- Qatada -]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:wasalamex


And the ummah. ameen. jazak Allaah khayrun.


:salamext:

 

[Samira_01]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

Mashallah .. Jzk'Allahu qayran akhi ameen 2 the duaz

 

[khushnood]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

subhanallah!if u have written it urself,then u r one of the best intellectual i've known.your posts kinda make one think deep.keep writing such nice posts,all the best.

 

[Tania]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

But it can happen. You can experience it again, and it doesn't have to have that same taste/feeling like the first time. Alot of people think this, and they don't truely understand because their too scared to take that step forward.

I found this so profound. Its like bringing hope for those who have none. Because i think in the same way with the beginning of the post: once you have your first love, i don't think thats can be replaced. Many prefers to remain single than to experience another failure.

 

[------]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

Because i think in the same way with the beginning of the post: once you have your first love, i don\'t think thats can be replaced.

Sister I understand what you are saying completely, and u can probably never forget the moments you shared with your first love, but people can move on sis, as much as it is hard to believe they can.

 

[Al-Zaara]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

subhanallah!if u have written it urself,then u r one of the best intellectual i've known.your posts kinda make one think deep.keep writing such nice posts,all the best.

SubhanAllah, yes indeed. I must say, your work is truly amazing brother Fi_Sabilillah.

May Allah continue to increase your intellect, knowledge, wisdom and sabr. Ameen.

JazakAllah khair for this thread.

 

[- Qatada -]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

The Ending..


Pass me the plate please.


Okay, here you go.


Jazaak Allaah khayr.


lol, masha'Allaah i'm really happy that you get involved with family now.


Yeah, you're not a bully no more! said your little bro/sis.



Phone's ringing. "It's my friend."






Asalaamu 'alykum. [Peace be upon you.]


wa alykum as-Salaam [and peace be upon you too.]


Ayt, what's up?


Lol, you still into the slang?


Nah, lol anyway what you calling for?


Just asking how things are init.


Yeh, alhamdulillah they goin well..



erm.. so what els?


i was thinking you could come over? is that okay with your parents?


yeah, alhamdulillah they trust me now.. Allaah put my trust in their heart now lol.


thats good masha'Allaah.


yeh, alhamdulillah.. listen, i'll be over in a little while insha'Allaah, gota eat init.


ayt, safe.. inabit. wasalaamu 'alykum.


wa alykum as-Salaam.




What's up? what did they say?


nothin really, just called me over.. is that okay?


Ok insha'Allaah. Come back soon though, okay?


Insha'Allaah sure.



*silence*


Can I come?


No, you're too small.


Nah, i'm big now. Look, i can even talk slang like you. I'm well buff [good looking.]


Huh!? shurup before you get in trouble.


lol, shall i tell what else u used to.... -

"Okay i'm going now!"


ok, you got your phone with you?


Yeah alhamdulillah. Wasalaamu 'alykum everyone.




It was alot warmer today..


Your mobile phone rang.


Must be a miscall so i get there quicker.


You checked the phone:

1 Missed Call - Caller: Withheld their number.


​

hm.. that's weird.



It started ringing again - this time the number showed; you picked it up.


Hello?


I was just checking to see if you're coming over or not?


Yeah i'm on my way.


Okay, safe. I thought you were still eatin.


Nah, i'm comin insha'Allaah.



A cold wind hit your face.. "hm.. my memories are stupid."




*Knock Knock.*


"Come in. Their upstairs."


It was warmer here. You rubbed your hands, they hurt abit.. and ran upstairs.




Asalaamu 'alykum.


wa alykum asalaam.


So what's up?


Er.. ok. I need to go masjid init?


And...?


Just come with me..



Okay insha'Allaah. Now?


Yeah now.


-----


Is there a class going on or something?


Nah, we're going to work on a project with my mates in the masjid init.


Oh ok, kool.


What's it on?


erm..


Wait up, i got a call.



Why's this happenin!? i keep gettin miscalls man. I thought it was you before?


hm.. i dno.


Ok let's go then.



-------


Since when you been getting the miscalls?


Earlier today init.


Safe.. anyway we're here now alhamdulillah.



Have you got your bag with you?


Yeah, lets go.


hm.. i think i just got another miscall.


Forget that now.



Are we allowed to go through those doors? Or are they just for the opposite gender?


Yeah, we can't go through them. Theres another door past that.


Ok.. let's go then.



Lower your gaze ok? Remember Allaah says:

Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze... And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze [Qur'an 24:30-31]


lol obviously. lets go past quick.



you walked past the door trying to walk as fast as you could.. was it a miscall again?? you took your phone out to check.... it ss-s-lipped.. out of your hand. You watched as it fell down, in slow motion.. all you could do was wait till it.. it crashed to the ground.. the battery fell.. the screen had cracked.


uh oh..


you went down to pick the phone.. the pieces were everywhere.

you looked all over the floor, looking for the spare pieces when something caught your eye..


Someone was staring at you.


..they were standing next to the door.



*sigh*

"to Allaah we belong and to Him is our return" [Qur'an 2:156], you remembered to say that at times of calamity.


The person went down and picked something up, was it your phone battery?



the wind blew past your face..


"here you go.." the person said quietly.



*Remember to lower your gaze.* you remembered what your friend said earlier.


you stayed quiet for abit.. where's my friend gone?! this is weird.. your face start heating up, this was embarrasing.



You quickly picked the pieces and got up.


The person still had the battery in their hand.


"Jazaak Allaah khayr" (May Allaah reward you.)


"wa anta" (and you.)


you never wanted to look up, your face was glowing out of embarrasment.. you quickly gripped the battery and turned around, ready to walk away.



"...Wait."



You stopped. Something was wrong.


"Please listen to me.."



This wasn't the right thing to do.. whenever two non mahrams (people you can get married to) are together alone, the third is shaytaan.. you remembered the prophectic saying.


...The voice seemed familiar, you had the urge to find out who it was.



You looked up and froze.. memories flashed through your mind.



W-was..s it r-really..?



They had changed now.. were they practising islaam? Who could have thought...


The face was staring back at you.. then it looked down.


"Do you remember that day? the day when you saw me with someone else...?"


You felt shocked, confused.. nothing came out of your mouth.


"..I really thought about what you said, it hit me deep. I saw your courage that day, and i saw something change in you..

I don't know.. i felt that i needed to change my life. Things were just getting worse.. so i met with some people in the masjid and they helped me become a better person, praise be to Allaah.

I used to try to get enjoyment by hurting people, and i kept having to do worser things to get the same thrill again.. but now i that i look at it, it all seemed cheap. I've only felt proper happiness since i turned to Allaah, because He makes life easy for those who turn to Him, in this world and the one to come..."



You closed your eyes.. I have to turn away before things get worse.




"I'll be leaving today.. my families moving away. After praying now in the masjid we're setting off.


I think i still care for you. And i remember hearing a hadith of the Messenger of Allaah, who said:

“There is nothing better for two who love each other than marriage.” (Sahih Al-Jami`, 5200)"



I weren't ready for this.. you told yourself. Memories flashed through your mind, why was everything changing so quick?


"So what do you say.."


"I.. i don't know.."


"Okay.."



You felt as if you were in the same situation, just like a few months ago.. but now everything was the total opposite...

A warm wind blew past your face.. again.



The door creaked open; "What are you two doing here? Aren't you getting ready for prayer?"


"Yeah.. sorry about that uncle, i'm coming insha'Allaah."



You looked down, embarrassed.


"Okay, i'll be going now.. i pray that you have a good life.."


"..you to..."


"I'm really sorry about the past.."


"It's ok-k.. me to.."


The door shut.


You were still staring at the floor.. you shook your head and looked up.. almost as if you were dreaming. The sun was shining in the light blue sky, the end was the start to a new beginning...


You looked down at what was in your hands. You realised your phone sim/chip had broken.


*sigh*


That's life i guess...



"Allaahu akbar Allaahu akbar!"


The prayer had just started..


"To Allaah we belong, and to Him is our return."
​

 

[- Qatada -]

Re: What to do if your friend becomes 'heart-broken'?

:salamext:


i dno why i keep doin it, buh uncle keeps popping up in all the stories init