What would you ask a potential partner?

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sevgi said:
Well, If I am going to have to call a handy man or my dad or my older brother every time something small needs fixing in the house (the lightbulb was a cliche example), then I'm sure I will start fighting with him about it one day...It'd be cute at first...but as time passes:

1. I'll feel like crap calling my dad to help with the broken stuff.

2. I'll get sick of waiting around for handy men to come to the house.

3. I dont want handy men in the house

4. I'll start picking on his inability to do stuff around the house and that will slowly start to annoy him...I'll start calling him lazy coz "I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND THE HOUSE" (i dno if i will ever say that...i doubt it now..but please not that I am writing in regards to the future and years and years of spending time with him) coz men really dont do much around the house anyway.

5. We may not always have the financial stability to call handy men and replace broken furniture


I dno..it makes sense in my head. :)

ps: dnt think abt my questions too much. i know that i wont care about hardly any of them when Allah makes me feel the right way about the person that I meet. but i care about them now! Lucky i didnt go into the religious stuff...or the kids stuff, or the study/work stuff!!!
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Ah interesting logic and it makes sense too. Jazakallah for explaining. All in all, quite some interesting and original questions.
 
Abu Sayyad said:
Ah interesting logic and it makes sense too. Jazakallah for explaining. All in all, quite some interesting and original questions.
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:) Thanks.

Not so original aparently. The previous sister claims I am her alter ego and she has asked these questions to her current husband.

Oh well.

ws
 
sevgi said:
I have no idea what I would ask exactly. But I know that it wont be easy for him to answer any of my questions. I'm gna ignore the more religious based questions. Marriage is about practicality for me.

I will definitely ask him if he reads. Not if he likes it or watever...but if it is a part of his life to read.

If he likes Twilight or Harry Potter...he's gone.

If he is a huge gamer (not the hobby type of gamer, but the 'I NEED THIS TO UNWIND' gamer)...he's gone.

I'll ask him what car he drives. I love stereotypes. If it's a Subaru of any sort...he's gone.

I'll ask him if he is lazy and/ or messy.

I'll ask him if he brushes his teeth every morning and night.

I'll ask him how much money he makes and how much charity he gives. If he is too wealthy...he's gone.

I'll ask him if he does youth work/ student mentoring or takes on a role in any dawah organisation. Very very picky with that stuff I am...

If he smokes...

If he prays when he goes out...

If touching me will break his wudu (according to some sha'fai's)

If he will mind if I support my dad financially.

If he will mind my dad, lil bro, lil sis staying at our place every now and then.

If he can screw on a light bulb without getting electricuted.

If he wants to buy or rent a house.

If he minds going out in mixed (male and female) crowds.

If he minds the way I dress.

And...I'd crack a joke..if he doesn't get my sense of humour...my gawwddd is he gone..

If he cracks a joke...and I'm like.."aha..ha..ha?" ...he is so gone...

And, I have to eat something with him. If he eats in a ugly way...I just...can't..live with that. Only I know what ugly eating is...i cant explain it...its just something that four people ive met have...its just..yeah.

ANYWHOO..you catch my drift.
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You know that most of those questions, you need to rely on him giving an honest answer.
 
Pomak said:
You know that most of those questions, you need to rely on him giving an honest answer.
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I rely on Allah to make me believe him. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't meet him anyway.

And besides...he wont know which answer is right or wrong...my mind works in crazy ways.
 
sevgi said:
I rely on Allah to make me believe him. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't meet him anyway.

And besides...he wont know which answer is right or wrong...my mind works in crazy ways.
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Wouldn't "tying your camel" in this case be asking questions that have both 'right' answers? Since if you ask "do you pray 5x" everyone is going to answer yes.
 
Pomak said:
Wouldn't "tying your camel" in this case be asking questions that have both 'right' answers? Since if you ask "do you pray 5x" everyone is going to answer yes.
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No. I am not trying to trick or deceive him. I just have my personal preferances and I'd like to know if he is on the same page as me.
 
:sl:
I'll ask him if he is lazy and/ or messy.
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hmm thats a good one. i have to somehow come up with something clever to ask if he does housework, etc because i am NOT going to marry a sloby couch potato +o( :uuh:

i'll also ask if he plays sports or something...a good way of detecting whether he's a couch potato or not

@ the sisters i reckon it'll be cool to ask if he can do the waltz :p lol cos if he can, it means he's good on his feet, and if he's good on his feet, image the pile of washing/iron/dishes, feeding the kids, vacuuming, he could do all at once!!! :p ;D it'll be like super man, only super husband :p :skeleton:


If he will mind if I support my dad financially.
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why would he mind that :?

sevgi said:
Haha..thanks..

Yeah, my bestfriend was inquired for by a brother. We went to meet him in an appropriate setting etc.

He cracked a "I'll be back" Arnold joke.....he was cracking up and my bestfriend and I just stared at eachother...at which point I said "aha ha...ha...God bless your humour" and my friend and I started cracking up.

It never worked between them. tsk.
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and at that...oh i hate awkward moments like that...its like have i missed something :p


btw this thread should be a sticky...
 
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-Can you cook? If so, what are you favourite dishes? (PB and J and/or scrambled eggs need not apply)

-Do you have a good sense of humour? If so, would you mind if a sister laughed a lot, perhaps a bit too much if (if thats even possible)? Would it annoy you?

-Would like your wife to be more serious, or easy going? (ie. Someone you can have a laugh with)

-What is your relationship with your mother like? Are you very close with her? Do you live with her? If not, how often do you see her? (I believe a man's relationship with his mum is a direct reflection of his, future or possible, relationship with his wife)

-Do you believe in harming anyone psychically (if push comes to shove; defending yourself)?

-Have you ever witnessed, or heard of domestic violence to someone close to you?

-Name your favourite ayats in the Quran and how they reflect your life (if at all). Explain your reasoning.
 
I'd ask his opinion about niqaab.
Would he ever force me to wear it?
Would he ever forbid me from wearing it?
 
-What is your relationship with your mother like? Are you very close with her? Do you live with her? If not, how often do you see her? (I believe a man's relationship with his mum is a direct reflection of his, future or possible, relationship with his wife)
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Yeah, and also his sister(s), if he has any.
 
Ameena* said:
-What is your relationship with your mother like? Are you very close with her? Do you live with her? If not, how often do you see her? (I believe a man's relationship with his mum is a direct reflection of his, future or possible, relationship with his wife)
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Zomg I so don't agree.

With mums and sisters it is unconditional. With children, it is unconditional. I would never expect my husband to love me more or equal to the way he loves his mum or his children. His love for me will come to life (his attitude towards me etc etc) in a totally different way.
 
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^^Aye. The relationship of husband and wife is completely different to that of one with parents and children.
 
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sevgi said:
Zomg I so don't agree.

With mums and sisters it is unconditional. With children, it is unconditional. I would never expect my husband to love me more or equal to the way he loves his mum or his children. His love for me will come to life (his attitude towards me etc etc) in a totally different way.
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Yes, the type of love is very different. But I think she meant it like, how soft he is towards women. I've noticed that men that are very kind and understanding with their female relatives, are usually that way with their wives too. For example, my sister-in-law told me how her brother (and my husband) was always very kind, thoughtful and understanding with her, and she gave me examples. And I found that after I got married, he acted in much the same with me. It may not apply to everyone, though.
 
sevgi said:
Zomg I so don't agree.

With mums and sisters it is unconditional. With children, it is unconditional. I would never expect my husband to love me more or equal to the way he loves his mum or his children. His love for me will come to life (his attitude towards me etc etc) in a totally different way.
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:sl: Sorry if you misunderstood sis, I meant the way that he treats his mother is a reflection of the way he will treat his wife. For example, my brother grew up with 3 other sisters (he's the oldest) and as a result he has a deep respect for women. I would like my (future) husband to be the same way insha'Allaah.
 
I read in some previous threads that a woman should in no way talk to her future to be hubby. Man, if I followed this advice I would have never seen the look on my husband when I asked him all those funny Q's. If he didn't get my dry humor, I'd never give it a try. Pffffffeeeeewwwww, he did :statisfie
 
^^ Really?? I thought it was just a cultural thing where people don't like the idea of the girl talking when they have a meeting.
 
Faizah said:
Yes, the type of love is very different. But I think she meant it like, how soft he is towards women. I've noticed that men that are very kind and understanding with their female relatives, are usually that way with their wives too. For example, my sister-in-law told me how her brother (and my husband) was always very kind, thoughtful and understanding with her, and she gave me examples. And I found that after I got married, he acted in much the same with me. It may not apply to everyone, though.
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Definitely not foolproof. (eg. plenty of cave dwellers who were nice to their mums)

Anyways, what happens if the bloke doesn't get along with his mum but gets along with his sister? :P
 
Faizah said:
Yes, the type of love is very different. But I think she meant it like, how soft he is towards women. I've noticed that men that are very kind and understanding with their female relatives, are usually that way with their wives too. For example, my sister-in-law told me how her brother (and my husband) was always very kind, thoughtful and understanding with her, and she gave me examples. And I found that after I got married, he acted in much the same with me. It may not apply to everyone, though.
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i agree, but only to an extent :p
i agree with the bit where if he knows how to treat his mum/sisters, then he'll know how to treat his wife...but also I've noticed that some men that are like that, also expect their wives to love their mothers and sisters as much as their own, and his family are her family,etc and basically she barely hears and sees of her family :rollseyes
i know someone who was married to someone like that lol, alhamdulillah it ended where it did :skeleton:
 

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