I can appreciate your views. I imagine this is a very trying time for you. All I can say is to follow the will of Allah(swt) His plans for you will be seen, I am certain you have strong love for Allah(swt) and all you can do is let that love guide you.
I would like to address a few of your comments as how I see them.
You will probably disagree with me on this. but as a Muslim I feel very close to Isa(as) and I do hope I walk on the same path he walked. Isa(as) was very much of a guide to show us the path and truth to Allah(swt) His Adoration of Allah(swt) is beyond reproach and we would do well to follow his guidance.
Isa(as) was a man and as a man he has no power to come and tell you not to do that. However, while he walked the Earth He instructed people to worship Allah(swt). The worse thing that can happen is that you will be placing a man as an equal to Allah(swt) and not worshiping Allah(swt) It may not be a nice task on judgement day to tell Allah(swt) that you did not worship him, but you did worship a man.
BISMILLAH
Mrs Be Aql : Sign of Jonah is he lived throughout his ordeal
And here healer of all could not him self heal
The doctor died on the cross for patients sake
Father the Jesus you speak is the Jesus the fake
Jesus son of Merry
The divine light the Godly glory
He is the light positive that exposes every negative darkness
Say Jesus is RUHALLAH the soul of unequal greatness
He is the man without the father begotten by virgin woman
He is the messenger of ALLAH the guidance for every human
Mr Barzakh : Jesus is the sneeze of Adam what GOD kept in the jar
The unmutilated test tube baby in this mutant SANSAR
He is the organic element from original heavenly Adam
He is the divinity made in the earthly womb
He was all peace so detached him self for hidden jihadic training
The day he returns is the day of rage and reckoning
With the full of fury anger and fear
He will punish the wicked and comfort the sufferer
That will be the day you will witness miracles of Christ
The day every wrong doers will be robbed by the very righteous heist
Dr Humayun : Buddhist Sutra and christian enigma
Hidden years of Jesus life in the land of Brahma
Even then and there
He fought Indian evil cast in the holy war
In the fitting jihad he fought like Muslim
He fought the evil race therefore Brahman and Kshatriya tried to kill him
But the poor Sudra's and rich bikkoos
Rightly guided Brahmans and just Jews
All loved him apart from hated Satan
And most loving heart is heart of an Indian
They sheltered him in the birth place of mother Ganga
There he learned the way of sat chit Sanga
From fourteen up toward his forty
He admired Indian ugliness and Indian beauty
Poga Say's in a foolington maze
Mariam flower the immortal bud
Mariam flower is the botanical mud
Mariam flower that relives the labour pain
Mariam flower that forever remain
Mariam flower which begets the Jesus fruit
The earthly tree with heavenly root
Jesus tree the evergreen
Jesus tree the immortal unseen
Jesus tree the masiha Mahabot
Jesus tree the divinity from earthly Mariam pot
Jesus tree the longest living man
Mentioned in the AL QURAN the divine pen
As Jesus son of marry daughter of Imran
As Jesus prophet of ALLAH the guide for human
