Would You marry a muslimah such as.....

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Alhamdulillah that you found out the truth about that guy. Imagine how bad it had been if you had actually married him.
I do not know what exactly happened to that man. But I know, someone had broken his heart. that's what made him try to re-approach sister flowergarden because he actually expect pity.

He does the same with many other men in the world. That is why women often say "all men in the world just the same."

But I believe sisters flowergarden will not repeat the same mistakes. She will and can definitely resist that, because I believe sister flowergarden is a strong and brave woman.
You have avoided a bad match, but will get a better one.
May Allah give sister flowergarden a good and pious man as her husband in the future.
You're still young, many good men would love to marry you.
Agree, agree, agree.
Several forum members even, I think I spotted at least one implicit marriage proposal in this thread
Since when Islamicboard turn into matrimonial site. :hmm:
(not me, I'm already courting another girl, but if I wouldn't be, who knows?)
You are already courting with a girl but you still open your heart for another girl. Not a good man as a husband. ;D
 
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am sitting here and watching my sister in Islam who is now in the struggle to forget the rest of her love to someone who wants to take her back to the past.

I know this must be hard for her. But I know she can and she able certainly, because she is a strong brave girl.

JazakAllah Khair. This is so hard. I don't know why it is hurting so much. To know I gave my pure love for good intentions and to see he remembers me, but I feel like he doesn't care about me and how much I have done, like I did nothing for him. It hurts so much because it was so easy for him to get over me while I still cry over it! It hurts so much, and I am so ashamed! imsad:cry:



Those are the reasons a wali is better. Nice guys are difficult to find on own. Nice guys are normally too shy to approach a woman.
Alhmadullah I know better now! I was naive and uneducated in the process than!


Alhamdulillah that you found out the truth about that guy. Imagine how bad it had been if you had actually married him. You have avoided a bad match, but will get a better one. You're still young, many good men would love to marry you. Several forum members even, I think I spotted at least one implicit marriage proposal in this thread (not me, I'm already courting another girl, but if I wouldn't be, who knows?)
Alhamdulillah, but it is hard for me; especially knowing I put my trust in him and was so stupid not to have educated my see. I am in a lot of pain, and I really wish it would just go away. I feel like marriage will never happen with me!
I hate how manipulative this guy is to the point were I think maybe I should work it out... or talk. I struggle and push hard to prevent myself from doing so! I was the one to lead him back in the path of Islam, and he always pushes me away. I pity him and feel sorry! I wish he was different. But I am glad I am back on the right path. Alhamdulillah!

Anyway, this guy is no good. He keeps bugging you to send him a picture when he himself knows that it is not appropriate behavior to do so. First of all, once you said no, that should be the end of it. Second, he never should have asked you to do that in the first place.

Look at it this way, sister. At least you're not married to him and have him do this with other women. At least you know what kind of guy he is now.
He has played his hand, and now you see him for what he is.
Everyone is right, and may Allah bless you all for your kindness!
Its just hard, how can someone be so cruel to someone who cares about you, how can someone be so disrespectful to someone who showed you the better days? Its mindbogglingly, makes me feel like I was the bad person! Especially when he says "get over it, it's been 2 years" its hard when that person hurt you!imsad
Allah knows best, and I put my trust in Him!



But I know, someone had broken his heart. that's what made him try to re-approach sister flowergarden because he actually expect pity.
I do know he was hurt by a girl once, but I never would have hurt him... I guess it was his way of gaining his ego again! except he keeps it up!

But I believe sisters flowergarden will not repeat the same mistakes. She will and can definitely resist that, because I believe sister flowergarden is a strong and brave woman.


JazakAllah Khair for your kind words and dua'a I really appreciate it. To every brother and sister being patientwith me, when I need help. I means the world to me. Truly.

Allah bless you all!
 
Since when Islamicboard turn into matrimonial site.

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I hereby propose that this forum forthwith setup or cause to be setup a new board devoted exclusively and inclusively to all matters pertaining to and deriving from matrons, matrimony and alimony. Any seconders?
 
Salam sister,

You don't need to cook regularly, but you can make certain days as special days when you cook special food for your husband. Make this cooking as your fun activity. You can get an idea about food and cook from recipes in woman's magazines.

Husbands do not expect their wives become chef. But they very appreciate if their wives cook for them although only once in a week, or even once in a month.

My mommy did not always cook for the family because we always had maids. But she cooked as her fun activity, and she was very happy if we loved what she cooked. However, since a year ago I never ate foods that cooked by my mommy again. She has gone, back to rahmatullah.

SALAM Alaikkum

Very nice advise Brother Ardianto and I am saving it. May Allah reward you


Brother Kingkong please do not attached your culture to religion, women is not obliged to cook. Maybe this cousin of yours who cant cook is much better than those who can cook, she may have the rest of amazing skills,,, dont you believe in fate? If she will have a Husband and kid, she will... nomatter how good or bad she is in cooking.

"It is the responsibility of the husband to provide his wife with cooked food."The wife cannot be forced to cook food neither by force, nor by the law, because the Holy Prophet [sallallaahu alyhi wasallam] has said in clear words:

Now it SEEMS it is your duty to cook brother Kingkong :D


However, women are encouraged to cook & clean the house etc to please her husband, because it is next to Pleasing Allah (swt)
The responsibility falls on her only morally. If she refuses to cook food for her husband and the children, no one can force her to do it & she is not IN SIN. This problem has been explained at great length.

Sister Flowergarden,

Many people gave you good advise, Masha Allah you are brave woman. Salam
 
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OK, so this guy was hurt by a woman and he can't explain why. For some reason, it all went horribly wrong. Big deal. Guess what? It's only him and every other guy in the universe that's ever known women. Go cry about it, you big baby.

Still no excuse for him to take it out on you, and it shows what a low-down character the guy is. Just do what any normal guy would do. Go play video games until she's off your mind. ;D

At least you know before you married him what he's really like. Allah knows best, as you said.
 
I'll put it this way, if the woman is not obliged to cook or clean or do any chores, which is what peope are saying. Then what is the woman obliged to do?

Look after the kids? Well for at least 9 months and maybe more, she will not have a kid, so she is obliged to do nothing?

Use a bit of common sense, whilst the man is at work, and the woman is at home, if she's not doing chores, what should she be doing?

It might be cultural, but if my wife refuses to cook and do the chores then I will simply move back to live with my mother and send my wife to my parents because I see very little contribution from a wife otherwise.

Please think about it, if the wife doesn't do chores at home, what should she do for the 10 hours of the day he's at work? Sit and watch TV gossip on the phone with her friends?

It's not like most men these days don't do the bulk of their chores. I iron my own clothes, clean my room, fix my bed, clean the bath after a shower, do a lot of the DIY etc, so to expect food to be on the table when is asking too much? If it's asking too much, then I am better off as a single man, cause then I can do all my own chores, not have to finance anyone and worry about my own food.
 
Well for at least 9 months and maybe more
And MAYBE more???? Its the mother that cares for the children 90 percent and more of the time.

Use a bit of common sense, whilst the man is at work, and the woman is at home, if she's not doing chores, what should she be doing?
Stop living in the old age, NOT ALL WOMEN STAY AT HOME!!! I am a independent WORKING WOMEN, just like many more muslim women! So while the husband is at work, SO AM I! So how about a man also care for a women, just as much as she will. And I will tell you, sometimes it is the women who bring the checks in, and not only that they also have to cook all the time. How about the spouse talk and understand each others needs, if a man is home more than a women he cooks, if she is home more than she cook. And BOTH keep the home clean! It is not, oh I will eat and you cook, clean the dishes and clean the dinning area and the rest of the home while I lay and bum out for the rest of the day, because let me give you a reality check, a house wife is a job too- caring for a child is hard so how about giving us women some space to breath and help us out!!


It might be cultural, but if my wife refuses to cook and do the chores then I will simply move back to live with my mother and send my wife to my parents because I see very little contribution from a wife otherwise

Well sir there is something call communication. Ask her why she will not help in the house, and very rarely will a women not care for her husband. But if a man works her with all the cooking and chores and never helps her one bit, than she has ever right to walk to her fathers hands for comfort!!!


Please think about it, if the wife doesn't do chores at home, what should she do for the 10 hours of the day he's at work? Sit and watch TV gossip on the phone with her friends?
May be she is at work as well. If she is at home and with child, maybe she is caring for a the kids. or maybe she just needed a break! Stop making all women out to being lazy, and saying what if what if.


Okay the idea of SOME men are cooking cleaning and that is it (Alhamdullah there are great men who love equal house work for both). But I encourage women to get your education so you will never have to deal with controlling non-helpful man, so they can rub it in your face that they are paying for the food! And if (God forbid) a women does she can walk out the home and have her education in hand with a job! But all women should remember, the hands of your parents will always keep you safe and not have plans of how you should be!

It's not like most men these days don't do the bulk of their chores. I iron my own clothes, clean my room, fix my bed, clean the bath after a shower, do a lot of the DIY etc

well brother, carry a baby in your body for 9 months, bleed for 5-7 days every month (168 hours of bleeding), and have cramps and bad back aches, with headaches, nauseous and have the "obligation" to cater to a man, when a women is sad going through a lot she cries when she is alone but gives back up strong and does what she needs to. Doing a little bit of your obligation while a women just keeps her self strong.
I once told you to please refrain from commenting on my post because when ever you do, it ALL about you. Humble your self and please stop ! Allah be with you! Ma'Salaam!

Brother KingKong, I don't mean to sound like a mean person, think about what you say before you speak *write* it. I know your not directing anything to a specific person, but be wise in your comments because a lot of times it is and seems degrading/lowing women, when in all honesty men would be nothing without them... you wouldn't be alive had it not been for a women so how about you be easy with us and respect, because women are stronger than any man will ever know. we need our time too. Women don't need a man to live, but we are complete when we find our soul mate.
 
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Salaam Alakium brothers and sisters,
I love this thread and it is really helping me. I want to make a Islamic broad record for most pages lol, anyone in? ;D But if you have an opinion that you feel wlll be offensive to a brother or sister please refrain from replying. 99 percent of you brothers and sisters have been so nice, but their is always someone always bring down the spirt. But I am still smiling because so many of you have such lovely and beautiful advice MashAllah! I thank you always and pray the best for you all!

This thread is to help me, not hurt or offend anyone... It is to help others, and it is to bring about advice and help me and others to heal!! That is it, there is no auguring or anything on my thread! Jazak Allah Khair for everyone.

Now back to the subject,
OK, so this guy was hurt by a woman and he can't explain why. For some reason, it all went horribly wrong. Big deal. Guess what? It's only him and every other guy in the universe that's ever known women. Go cry about it, you big baby.

Still no excuse for him to take it out on you, and it shows what a low-down character the guy is. Just do what any normal guy would do. Go play video games until she's off your mind.

At least you know before you married him what he's really like. Allah knows best, as you said.
Yes you are right, this morning I woke up, and I felt happy! I felt good because Alhamdullah I help people in hard situations and give all I can to help and get them back on their feet so I would say I am at least worth a man who is like me, compassionate, hard working, equal, and educated. I thank Allah that it didn't work, because I wouldn't be happy at all! But sometimes of course I get sad, which is normal. Sometimes I feel like a bad person because of the past, and that is when I go to Allah, and feel that I am getting closer to Him.
Sometimes I don't feel worth it, sometimes I need to cry, but InshAllah Allah will me to get better. I just love coming on here and seeing a new beautiful post. It makes my week! JazakAllahu Khiran!

I do say, I kind of feel like I may have post tramatic stress, and I feel that the injustice I had in my life was just so much, I became vulnerable and I feel maybe Allah tested if repentance is what I would do! What do you guys think?
 
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I'll put it this way, if the woman is not obliged to cook or clean or do any chores, which is what peope are saying. Then what is the woman obliged to do?

Look after the kids? Well for at least 9 months and maybe more, she will not have a kid, so she is obliged to do nothing?

Use a bit of common sense, whilst the man is at work, and the woman is at home, if she's not doing chores, what should she be doing?

It might be cultural, but if my wife refuses to cook and do the chores then I will simply move back to live with my mother and send my wife to my parents because I see very little contribution from a wife otherwise.

Please think about it, if the wife doesn't do chores at home, what should she do for the 10 hours of the day he's at work? Sit and watch TV gossip on the phone with her friends?

It's not like most men these days don't do the bulk of their chores. I iron my own clothes, clean my room, fix my bed, clean the bath after a shower, do a lot of the DIY etc, so to expect food to be on the table when is asking too much? If it's asking too much, then I am better off as a single man, cause then I can do all my own chores, not have to finance anyone and worry about my own food.

Salam Alaikkum

Istigfurallah, you talk like you are better than the Prophet. It's not her job (whether she is housewife or working) and if you insist that to your wife, then there's no problem, its an agreement, if your wife does not follow you when you request her to do all these in good manner, then Allah is not pleased to her too. We follow the Sunnah not you
dear Kingkong

This is why ISLAM appeals to many women, because women are given such importance, do you think if Prophet said: "O women you are obliged to clean the house, cook, wash clothes, iron etc" do you think there will be no great debate in this? Islam is not about controlling, in this case it's like questioning the MORAL of women, if she is staying at home, yes its nice that she prepares food for her husband but what if she does not know cooking even after many attemps?? cooking is an art, its a gift.

I am sorry but I would be frank to tell you that if you are a controlling type of a person, and believe me if you are like that in real life, your wife even if she dont say anything, she isnt happy with it, I am a woman I know,,, this is the worst thing after being proud.

I am a married person and if man highly appreciates the PEACE (v.less nagging, not demanding, not materialistic & the like) he is getting from HIS WIFE, wife appreciates an uncontrolling husband too, excuse meee we have rights and we have lives & own decision, you dont marry to own us. We keep our identity even after marriage.

IF COOKING is big thing to you & dont attach ISLAM to it. Because Quran & Sunnah never put this in the head of the wife.

SALAM
 
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Istigfurallah, you talk like you are better than the Prophet. It's not her job (whether she is housewife or working) and if you insist that to your wife, then there's no problem, its an agreement, if your wife does not follow you when you request her to do all these in good manner, then Allah is not pleased to her too. We follow the Sunnah not you dear Kingkong

Thank you dear sister for seeing that was offensive too!!
And let us not forget that women are on another level than men, in islam we are of higer standing... "heaven lies Under The Feet Of The Mother." so it is a women who need to be cared for and understood.
Marriage is equal work, and if it is so hard/asking too much to pick up after yourself, iron your clothes and make a sandwich after work because your wife if tired than Allah help you brother!

Show us in the Qur'an of it being a womens obligation to cook for a man. Riana is right, some women try hard but is hard for them to cook, so what if your wife doesn't know how, you will divorce her? Haraam for your harsh way of life for women for you have no clue what women do, and go through.
Shallow your pride. And you will see Marriage is about a man and women raising a family together!! not just the wife caring for kids and doing the house work, that is not islamic at all!

Please do me a favor and DO NOT REPLY! even if you must shallow your pride and please no more arguing or unnecessary rude comments!
 
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Stop living in the old age, NOT ALL WOMEN STAY AT HOME!!! I am a independent WORKING WOMEN, just like many more muslim women! So while the husband is at work, SO AM I! So how about a man also care for a women, just as much as she will. And I will tell you, sometimes it is the women who bring the checks in, and not only that they also have to cook all the time. How about the spouse talk and understand each others needs, if a man is home more than a women he cooks, if she is home more than she cook. And BOTH keep the home clean! It is not, oh I will eat and you cook, clean the dishes and clean the dinning area and the rest of the home while I lay and bum out for the rest of the day, because let me give you a reality check, a house wife is a job too- caring for a child is hard so how about giving us women some space to breath and help us out!!

Well done to you on being an 'independent WORKING WOMEN', do you want a medal?

Both the man and woman have their own respective duties, no woman should have to work and do all the household chores


Okay the idea of SOME men are cooking cleaning and that is it (Alhamdullah there are great men who love equal house work for both). But I encourage women to get your education so you will never have to deal with controlling non-helpful man, so they can rub it in your face that they are paying for the food! And if (God forbid) a women does she can walk out the home and have her education in hand with a job! But all women should remember, the hands of your parents will always keep you safe and not have plans of how you should be!

No man should pull their weight around just because they're earning the money - its insulting and degrading, but neither should a 'independent WORKING WOMEN'.
 
Bro. Aadil77. I didn't only say myself, I am talking about all working women! Do I want a medal just show how much of a childish person you are! Do not reply to this thread if it is not advice for me. You as well shallow your pride and your comments and leave this thread alone!
Salaam!
 
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Please no one reply to any one being childish, nor get mad at rude people... I don't want any arguing or back and fourth!
Back to the subject! How about some inputs on my question of....

I do say, I kind of feel like I may have post traumatic stress, and I feel that the injustice I had in my life was just so much, I became vulnerable and I feel maybe Allah tested if repentance is what I would do! What do you guys think?
 
Well done to you on being an 'independent WORKING WOMEN', do you want a medal?

Both the man and woman have their own respective duties, no woman should have to work and do all the household chores




No man should pull their weight around just because they're earning the money - its insulting and degrading, but neither should a 'independent WORKING WOMEN'.

Salam Alaikkum

That's really rude reply, where is the insult coming from?

It just started from cooking, it is clear it is not women's duty. Period. Unless you give us verse from the Holy Quran or Sunnah.

About household duties, it varies from couple's agreement and if the man is wealthy, it is advisable to hire a housemaid if required.

My husband loves homecook food but he never complains I can't cook and If I cook even if it doesnt taste nice at all, he would finish it to pieces... now that's what I'm talking about, an uncontrolling MAN. May Allah reward him and grant me some talent in cooking. Amen
 
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Please no one reply to any one being childish, nor get mad at rude people... I don't want any arguing or back and fourth!
Back to the subject! How about some inputs on my question of....

SALAM Alaikkum Sister

Do not worry we will back you up as long as you are right, we should stand with the right and be glad to know our rights & duties.

About your question, its all about moving on, just imagine how lucky you are to be a Muslimah, ask yourself, what else do you need when Allah has guided you to the right path. I suggest you read Muslim stories, converts and increase your Iman inshallah

"Acquire knowledge, it enables its professor to distinguish right from wrong; it lights the way to heaven. It is our friend in the desert, our company in solitude and companion when friendless. It guides us to happiness, it sustains us in misery, it is an ornament amongst friends and an armour against enemies." (widely attributed to the Prophet Mohammed (pbuh)

I have many bad experience too from members of my family & others, but I just learn to let go and forgive, I always think that If I cant forgive, how can I expect Allah to cover my sins?

Women are complicated I know, sometimes we hunt troubles, sometimes we are depress for nothing, it is our nature. However we have to move on inshallah.
 
I'm not going to bother replying to any of you, its clear you're both suffering from feminist mentality
 
Ermm why are we having domestics in this thread?

We all know the obligations and rights of both men and women in a marriage. Quite simply the hadith in bukhari:

Ibn 'Umar reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, "All of you are shepherds and each of you is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of the people of his house and he is responsible. A woman is the shepherd of the house of her husband and she is responsible. Each of you is a shepherd and each is responsible for his flock."

Ofcourse no woman is to be eternally tied to the kitchen after marriage but we still have responsibilities. How are we to be the comfort and coolness in our partners eyes if we abandon these duties? We are equal to our partners although our roles may be complimentary. Although she is not obliged to do so, it is no insult to a woman if she is to do the housekeeping, infact with the right intentions there is immense reward in it for her.

But why do we reiterate the responsibilites of the other gender when we should always look within our selves first and work on our shortcomings before expecting others to do so.
 
well brother, carry a baby in your body for 9 months, bleed for 5-7 days every month (168 hours of bleeding), and have cramps and bad back aches, with headaches, nauseous and have the "obligation" to cater to a man, when a women is sad going through a lot she cries when she is alone but gives back up strong and does what she needs to. Doing a little bit of your obligation while a women just keeps her self strong.

I once told you to please refrain from commenting on my post because when ever you do, it ALL about you. Humble your self and please stop ! Allah be with you! Ma'Salaam!

Brother KingKong, I don't mean to sound like a mean person, think about what you say before you speak *write* it. I know your not directing anything to a specific person, but be wise in your comments because a lot of times it is and seems degrading/lowing women, when in all honesty men would be nothing without them... you wouldn't be alive had it not been for a women so how about you be easy with us and respect, because women are stronger than any man will ever know. we need our time too. Women don't need a man to live, but we are complete when we find our soul mate.

So you're saying because of 5-7 days a month and possibly 9 months every couple of years, you should not have to do anything around the home?

Men might not be much without women, who mentioned anything along those lines? What exactly is degrading of women about my posts? I said and you can read over and over, if men are obliged to work to finance the woman, something which is in Islam fact, then what are women obliged to do? You've missed that whole point and gone on to ramble about the difficulties of being a woman blah blah blah.

Thankfully I don't know any women who ramble on about their struggles, else I'd just end up blowing my brains out.

You've also mentioned about the emotional struggles of women, her crying etc, what's that got to do with the obligations for Muslims?

My older friend who's been married for 20 yrs, said to me, don't worry about women and their crying, one time I saw my wife crying in the bedroom, for days I couldn't sleep and kept asking what was wrong what is the matter. For 3 weeks my health deteriorated because my wife was crying and at the end of 3 weeks of emotional trauma for me, she just says, I wasn't upset, I'm a woman, I need to cry occassionally. My initial reaction was WTH? Later, I hated her a bit because she saw me worry for 3 weeks, but then at the end what it meant was I just accepted women just cry and the consequences are now that it doesn't catch my attention anymore if she cries. So Flowergarden, I'm fully aware of women and their crying, often there is no reason for it.

One other thing which you said which caught my attention, you encourage women to get an education and work so they can pay for the food and "rub it the man's face". How the heck can you complain about sexism after right a pretty pathetic comment like that?

Any woman who speaks down to man like that, will be first, sinning on an unimagenable scale, for heaven lies with a husband's happiness for a woman and secondly she won't last very long married.
 
Your mouth is rubbish actually, wow what a proud we have here??? Poor thing , seems you are misguided

I do not like to loss my patience because I am not good at it and I am fasting, but you are just showing how thin is your mind.

Go back to your culture then alright, you know better than our DEEN huh, if you are truthful then give us atleast one verse confirming your claim that women has to clean, cook & all your demands? you aint fit in here.

Could you address the points I made?

Once again you are NOT READING PROPERLY.

There is nothing in Islam which says she has to cook or clean, that's the whole point I'm making.

So if she is not obliged to cook and clean what is should she do?

Please read the posts properly before making a comment.

As for my mouth being rubbish, very original comeback line that is, how long did it take you to think of that?
 
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