forced to wear hijab

[Kiro]

If only i could do that

just have a segregated wedding

problem solved

remember, Allah always comes first

 

[being_forced]

Oh gosh, Pakistani and Afghani weddings....astaghfirullah. To make them halal is a struggle, smh.

Pray for me

 

[noraina]

Pray for me

Sis, may Allah SWT relieve you of any hardship and give you ease, it is always good to read istikhara before such big decisions in life .

I understand how you might have not much control over the actual wedding arrangements, but usually the bride has a say in what she wears. InshaAllah, if you requested for slightly loose-fitting, full-sleeved clothing I'm sure they would listen. And yes the man you are engaged to should not be forcing Islam upon you, but continue to try to wear the hijab and read up on the reasons why it is mandated, not because he says so but for yourself.

 

[Serinity]

:salams

A halal wedding is blessed, compared to a wedding where there is disobedience to Allah SWT. Afaik. Allahu alam.

 

[piXie]

It is clear that you and your fiancé are both at different levels in your religious commitment and this is already causing conflict. If you are not ready and are unhappy, he is not obliged to wait for you or force you, he should find someone else.

 

[Search]

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

Hey, sweetie, welcome to IB! Hope you have a great stay here and benefit others and are also benefited!

I understand your situation and sympathize. Typically, women like being persuaded to accept any potential concerns from a future marital partner if they are framed as requests and not demands.

Personally, I think hijabs and niqabs are beautiful, and they are a women's personal communication of "I love you Allah" to God each and everyday; that said, I understand completely that not all women are ready for that type of commitment. To be honest, I think it is at least partially both your faults because he seems to want to change you as he's thinking to marry the potential in you to become the marital partner he would love to have and not the person you are, and if you accept to go forward with this marriage you're sending the message that you're acquiescing to him marrying your potential and not who you are right now. So, really, both of you need to have open and healthy dialogue about each of your expectations in marriage and recognize that your issue with hijab is a manifestation of the real problem that needs tackling before marriage, which is two different levels of religious commitment and different outlooks on how the other should behave inside and outside of marriage. While I accept hijab to be a beautiful mandate in Islam, I personally believe forcing a woman to adopt hijab when she has not been raised to adopt so on her own defeats the spiritual purpose of hijab which is to signify willing submission and love and respect to an All-Merciful God.

That said, dearest sister, please do not use what I've said as a get-out-of-wearing hijab freebie because I want you to know that you have a beautiful duty to the One who nurtured and loved you from before you were born and to Whom you will return one day to do what is utmost pleasing to Him SWT. Even if you decide to not wear the hijab right now, please at least make the beautiful intention to do so in the future for the sake of Allah SWT and ask Allah SWT to guide you and make it easy for you the hijab as we're all struggling servants of God and it is only with the grace of Allah that we're able to make a better change in ourselves and turn ourselves towards a better spiritual direction on the Straight Path. So, make fervent duas (supplications).

Wishing you all the happiness and awesomeness,

:wa: (And peace be upon you)

My fiance is forcing me to wear the hijab. His forcefulness is making me hate it. He wants me to wear the hijab everywhere. Even at our wedding ceremonies. He is a very nice man. But this forcefulness is making me very frustrated. I have started answering him back because i'm not happy from the inside. I'm ready to wear it in my daily routine. Just want to take it off occasionally. I know it's wrong. But i want to. I'm not happy this way. I keep fighting with him. It's really impacting out relationship. I don't know what to do. imsad:Emoji10:

 

[Search]

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

Dearest sister, welcome to IB!

Ah yes, obedience. We women are slaves to our husbands... I forgot.

This is what I absolutely loath about the thought of getting a Muslim husband

Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Among the Muslims the most perfect, as regards his faith, is the one whose character is excellent, and the best among you are those who treat their wives well." Some men, Muslim or non-Muslim, may treat their marital partners dishonorably, but that does not mean that is what Islam teaches humankind. Islam endorses women's rights and for a woman's dignity and self-respect to be maintained as that woman is a slave of God before being a wife to a human being. Please, dearest sister, learn to make a distinction between what some bad Muslim men do as husbands and what good Muslim men do as husbands. Islam teaches ihsan (excellence), and this excellence encompasses thoughts, intentions, actions, and character, and that excellence extends to how we think about and treat our family and friends and neighbors and non-Muslims.

You act like women are not capable of feeding or clothing themselves. Let me tell you something, long gone are the days when women was as the man's mercy and just cleaning and cooking and being a housewife.

Women now are going out and getting educations and careers, becoming independent and so don't need to rely on men as much and men hate that... They're so scared that women are becoming less dependant on them.

Obviously things change when we have children because now we must give up our careers to raise the children and in return the husband now provides financially. Men just assume that when you're married they have control over you like a robot lol, no chance mate.

I'm an educated, independent woman myself. That said, dearest sister, I don't use this position or this privilege into believing that I'm superior than men or even that men are scared of me becoming less dependent on them. Rather, I place my worth and value in knowing that my education and independence allows me to be in a position of helping and benefiting others and I see service to plants, animals, jinn, and mankind as service to Allah because Allah likes service to His creation as service to Him. Islam does not envision a gender war or competition; rather, Islam envisions all human beings working together for the mutual benefit of one another and male and female are supposed to aid one another in a marriage in becoming their best selves in the material and spiritual planes to be benefited here and hereafter. If we make everything a competition, we'll be incapable of seeing the unique beauty and strengths and weaknesses gifted to each gender to complement one another. Both the female and male should feel as if they're winning in a marriage, otherwise they both lose, and such marriages usually then end up in divorce with only regrets and recriminations left.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)

 

[being_forced]

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

Hey, sweetie, welcome to IB! Hope you have a great stay here and benefit others and are also benefited!

I understand your situation and sympathize. Typically, women like being persuaded to accept any potential concerns from a future marital partner if they are framed as requests and not demands.

Personally, I think hijabs and niqabs are beautiful, and they are a women's personal communication of "I love you Allah" to God each and everyday; that said, I understand completely that not all women are ready for that type of commitment. To be honest, I think it is at least partially both your faults because he seems to want to change you as he's thinking to marry the potential in you to become the marital partner he would love to have and not the person you are, and if you accept to go forward with this marriage you're sending the message that you're acquiescing to him marrying your potential and not who you are right now. So, really, both of you need to have open and healthy dialogue about each of your expectations in marriage and recognize that your issue with hijab is a manifestation of the real problem that needs tackling before marriage, which is two different levels of religious commitment and different outlooks on how the other should behave inside and outside of marriage. While I accept hijab to be a beautiful mandate in Islam, I personally believe forcing a woman to adopt hijab when she has not been raised to adopt so on her own defeats the spiritual purpose of hijab which is to signify willing submission and love and respect to an All-Merciful God.

That said, dearest sister, please do not use what I've said as a get-out-of-wearing hijab freebie because I want you to know that you have a beautiful duty to the One who nurtured and loved you from before you were born and to Whom you will return one day to do what is utmost pleasing to Him SWT. Even if you decide to not wear the hijab right now, please at least make the beautiful intention to do so in the future for the sake of Allah SWT and ask Allah SWT to guide you and make it easy for you the hijab as we're all struggling servants of God and it is only with the grace of Allah that we're able to make a better change in ourselves and turn ourselves towards a better spiritual direction on the Straight Path. So, make fervent duas (supplications).

Wishing you all the happiness and awesomeness,

:wa: (And peace be upon you)

Thanku for ur detailed reply. I have started wearing the hijab. Whenever I'm outside my home. Whether work or classes. Its just that i want to take it off for my wedding ceremonies and for family occasions like eid and my cousins' weddings etc. I know its wrong but i want to. Cuz this change is very sudden for me. I never covered my head except for namaz. And now I've started the hijab. Every day. Whether I'm out for work or my classes.imsad

 

[EgyptPrincess]

Thanku for ur detailed reply. I have started wearing the hijab. Whenever I'm outside my home. Whether work or classes. Its just that i want to take it off for my wedding ceremonies and for family occasions like eid and my cousins' weddings etc. I know its wrong but i want to. Cuz this change is very sudden for me. I never covered my head except for namaz. And now I've started the hijab. Every day. Whether I'm out for work or my classes.imsad

It sounds like you're a bit embarrassed from it actually... It's not so much that your husband is forcing you to wear it because you wear it outside, at work, at your classes without problems but when you go to see your family who are not Muslims? You don't want to wear it. You are worried about what they will think about it?

It's only a head scarf... not like he's asking you to wear burka or niqab lol. I wear it when I leave the house then take it off when I am outside I like my beautiful hair to get some sunlight.

Sister I don't know what to suggest, he really is asking a very basic requirement from you. Try to wear it casually.

 

[Search]

:bism:(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

Well, dearest sister, please don't be sad or feel bad.

It sounds to me like you really want this marriage. So, if that is true as I believe it is of you, then please swallow your ego and just do what is pleasing to your husband because in that you'll be pleasing Allah SWT too. I know it's sudden, and the truth is I'm uncomfortable with you being forced as well because I think that signifies potential issues down the line in your marriage, but I think you have to win your husband to your side before you can win him over in matters like this. And sister, it's not a healthy start to a marriage to have you both put your foot down; one of you has to compromise for the sake of peace-keeping, and if you want this to work, I'm afraid that it's going to have to be you until you teach him to be patient with you or agree to have him be patient.

For now, dearest sister, discard the idea of wrong and right out of your equation because I think the issue has more to do with hikmah (wisdom). Allah knows best, but from whatever you've revealed so far of your situation, I feel that your future husband is lacking in hikmah (wisdom) in dealing with you. If he was a wise man, he would have encouraged you, complimented you, persuaded you and not made demands and instead been patient with you. Since you're dealing with someone, however, that is not understanding, you'll have to teach him with your own sacrificing attitude that you are wise and patient and show him how best to deal with you as a human being and as his honored wife.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)

Thanku for ur detailed reply. I have started wearing the hijab. Whenever I'm outside my home. Whether work or classes. Its just that i want to take it off for my wedding ceremonies and for family occasions like eid and my cousins' weddings etc. I know its wrong but i want to. Cuz this change is very sudden for me. I never covered my head except for namaz. And now I've started the hijab. Every day. Whether I'm out for work or my classes.imsad

:wa:

 

[Serinity]

What is soo hard in wearing a hijab?

you can take it off before mahrams, but before non mahrams, you have to have them on.

 

[Misbah0411]

Depends how religious you are etc. Some people will have absolutely NO mingling of men and women. Some will have some mingling. Some will have an all out party including dancers and drummers.

If it's your wedding, you put the rules down!

No, its Islam that puts down the rules. Throw the Jahaliyah traditions out the window.

 

[being_forced]

:bism:(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

Well, dearest sister, please don't be sad or feel bad.

It sounds to me like you really want this marriage. So, if that is true as I believe it is of you, then please swallow your ego and just do what is pleasing to your husband because in that you'll be pleasing Allah SWT too. I know it's sudden, and the truth is I'm uncomfortable with you being forced as well because I think that signifies potential issues down the line in your marriage, but I think you have to win your husband to your side before you can win him over in matters like this. And sister, it's not a healthy start to a marriage to have you both put your foot down; one of you has to compromise for the sake of peace-keeping, and if you want this to work, I'm afraid that it's going to have to be you until you teach him to be patient with you or agree to have him be patient.

For now, dearest sister, discard the idea of wrong and right out of your equation because I think the issue has more to do with hikmah (wisdom). Allah knows best, but from whatever you've revealed so far of your situation, I feel that your future husband is lacking in hikmah (wisdom) in dealing with you. If he was a wise man, he would have encouraged you, complimented you, persuaded you and not made demands and instead been patient with you. Since you're dealing with someone, however, that is not understanding, you'll have to teach him with your own sacrificing attitude that you are wise and patient and show him how best to deal with you as a human being and as his honored wife.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)



:wa:

Thanku

 

[being_forced]

:bism:(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

Well, dearest sister, please don't be sad or feel bad.

It sounds to me like you really want this marriage. So, if that is true as I believe it is of you, then please swallow your ego and just do what is pleasing to your husband because in that you'll be pleasing Allah SWT too. I know it's sudden, and the truth is I'm uncomfortable with you being forced as well because I think that signifies potential issues down the line in your marriage, but I think you have to win your husband to your side before you can win him over in matters like this. And sister, it's not a healthy start to a marriage to have you both put your foot down; one of you has to compromise for the sake of peace-keeping, and if you want this to work, I'm afraid that it's going to have to be you until you teach him to be patient with you or agree to have him be patient.

For now, dearest sister, discard the idea of wrong and right out of your equation because I think the issue has more to do with hikmah (wisdom). Allah knows best, but from whatever you've revealed so far of your situation, I feel that your future husband is lacking in hikmah (wisdom) in dealing with you. If he was a wise man, he would have encouraged you, complimented you, persuaded you and not made demands and instead been patient with you. Since you're dealing with someone, however, that is not understanding, you'll have to teach him with your own sacrificing attitude that you are wise and patient and show him how best to deal with you as a human being and as his honored wife.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)



:wa:

Thanku

 

[Kiro]

I don't fully understand but soster, just wear the headscarf

you don't need to show off your beauty because Allah knows you are beautiful. I think that's enough for the one that loves you many times than a loving mother. And if you knew how much Allah loved you, your heart would boil and melt.

 

[Umm Abed]

Thanku

Dont be sad, sister

 

[being_forced]

:bism:(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

Well, dearest sister, please don't be sad or feel bad.

It sounds to me like you really want this marriage. So, if that is true as I believe it is of you, then please swallow your ego and just do what is pleasing to your husband because in that you'll be pleasing Allah SWT too. I know it's sudden, and the truth is I'm uncomfortable with you being forced as well because I think that signifies potential issues down the line in your marriage, but I think you have to win your husband to your side before you can win him over in matters like this. And sister, it's not a healthy start to a marriage to have you both put your foot down; one of you has to compromise for the sake of peace-keeping, and if you want this to work, I'm afraid that it's going to have to be you until you teach him to be patient with you or agree to have him be patient.

For now, dearest sister, discard the idea of wrong and right out of your equation because I think the issue has more to do with hikmah (wisdom). Allah knows best, but from whatever you've revealed so far of your situation, I feel that your future husband is lacking in hikmah (wisdom) in dealing with you. If he was a wise man, he would have encouraged you, complimented you, persuaded you and not made demands and instead been patient with you. Since you're dealing with someone, however, that is not understanding, you'll have to teach him with your own sacrificing attitude that you are wise and patient and show him how best to deal with you as a human being and as his honored wife.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)



:wa:

He broke off our engagement last night because i tried convincing him about letting me take off the hijab for a few hours Just between us. He said he won't say no to his parents. If i want then I'll have to say no to my parents. And i can't say no to them they'll be disappointed and hurt. They are really lookong fwd to this marriage.

 

[Umm Abed]

He broke off our engagement last night because i tried convincing him about letting me take off the hijab for a few hours Just between us. He said he won't say no to his parents. If i want then I'll have to say no to my parents. And i can't say no to them they'll be disappointed and hurt. They are really lookong fwd to this marriage.

When you say take off the hijab for a few hours, will there be men around? If not then its fine.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

:salamext:

Your husband-to-be wants what is best for you - remember, you are not allowed to not listen to him after marriage - you have to do what he says unless it goes against Islam. Anyway, Hijaab is not a bad thing to do - be grateful you have someone who is trying to make you religious!

 

[~ Sabr ~]

He broke off our engagement last night because i tried convincing him about letting me take off the hijab for a few hours Just between us. He said he won't say no to his parents. If i want then I'll have to say no to my parents. And i can't say no to them they'll be disappointed and hurt. They are really lookong fwd to this marriage.

Why is it difficult to cover your hair?!?!