AlbanianMuslim
Elite Member
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Honestly, and some of you can hate me for saying this I dont really care, some of you make marriage out to be so COMPLICATED. Its ridiculous some of the stuff said sometimes. "waaaaa why do I have to change the babies diaper all the time? waaaa why does she get to take hot showers while i shave, she fogs up the mirror! waaaaaaa why doesnt he buy me flowers? waaaaaaa why doesnt she cook like my mother!"
If you want perfection, you are in for a rude awakening, those of you who arent married. Marriage is compromise, compromise, compromise. Sometimes your husband is gonna tick you off, does that automatically mean you should get a divorce lawyer? No, but apparently thats what people resort to these days.
Maybe sometimes your wife is going to behave like a five year old little brat or a crazy banshee, should you run off and find a new one? No probably not, but it happens.
People need to RELAX and read up on WHY Allah swt intended us to be married. What a marriage in Islam stands for, what kind of marriage it should be. In this day and age its SHAMEFUL if you dont know because of the ability to get that information is at your fingertips.
So what if your husband wants you to cook and clean? Are you gonna wine about being independent and free and not his slave? Since when did cooking and cleaning for your own husband become slavery? Oh yes, yet another Western idea planted by the wonderful feminists who think being barefoot and pregnant is a bad thing. Well news flash, in Islam it isnt. In Islam, cooking a wonderful meal for your husband and him coming home to a clean comfortable home that you worked hard to make so is rewarding for you both and for your marriage.
Scenario: Bob comes home to Sally. Sally sat on the computer all day writing about how she feels trapped and how she wishes Bob would do the dishes. The house is messy, dishes are dirty, it smells bad and theres a baloney sandwich waiting for him. Bob has just come home from a day at work and this is what he finds. Bob is angry with Sally and ticked off in general so therefore even if he intended to help her with the dishes now he wont. Sally and Bob get into yet another argument. Marriage goes down the drain because people are so gosh darn stubborn these days and its all about ME ME ME ME ME, not US.
Heres another scenario so some of the ladies dont flip their lids:
Mary got the kids up and ready for school. Went to work herself, came home exhausted and still made dinner. While making dinner, little Bobby needs a diaper change. Tom, her husband, wont get up off the couch and either finish dinner or go change Bobby. Mary starts an argument rather than communicating her dissatisfaction with Toms behavior in a respectful way that doesnt demean him as a man and as her husband. Tom, who probably would have gotten up to help her, now is angry and starts yelling back at Mary. Marriage goes down the drain, and little Bobby still has a dirty diaper.
Is it clear yet? No? Ok Ill keep going on this tirade of aggravation.
If you go into a marriage thinking HE HAS TO DO THIS, or she HAS to do that, get real. Its not going to happen like that. You have to be willing to work TOGETHER. A married couple are like to pieces of a SINGLE PERSON. What do the body parts and organs do in a person? Work together to keep the body in working order! What happens if one kidney dies or gets so weak it cant do much? The other kidney works over time and eventually dies out too.
Same thing in a marriage, if one person is pulling all the weight eventually the marriage will fall apart.
You cant expect a MAN to listen to whining, nagging, yelling, insults, jabs, rants, raves, tirades, etc and expect him to change. He wont. Disrespect is a HUGE problem these days. People talk to their spouses like its their property, not their loved one and its disgusting. If you want something in your marriage to change, you have to do it with honey, not with vinegar. A man wants respect. There is nothing wrong with giving a man respect. If you respect him, he will feel confident and happy. When he feels confident and happy, you will be treated respectfully and you will be happy.
To the stubborn people who say "Oh why do I have to respect him first? waaaaaaaaa" (read with a 5 year old whiny voice) TAKE THE FIRST STEP if you have to. There is nothing wrong with being the first one to be respectful. Nothing at all. Pride is a major sin, get over yourself and do what you should be doing.
Ill end with the model marriage:
Syrian couple that lives in my neighborhood. Husband is a doctor who makes a huge effort to make it home by 5 p.m. They prepare dinner together if he makes it home on time, if he doesnt, she doesnt get upset. She prepares it herself. The children help her set the table or sometimes he does if he isnt too tired. They eat the meal and ask each other about their days. After dinner, depending on who decides they want to help the table is cleared either by the children, or by the parents together. Sometimes she does it herself, while the husband goes to clean up or sit with the children. They sometimes do the dishes together or one of them does it alone. Do they get fussy with eachother over it? No. Sometimes she is too tired and asks him if she can go lay down for a bit and if he minds, he is glad to let her rest and takes the reigns.
How do I know they are like this? Ive know them for years. Spent so many evenings at their house. My youngest brother has gone there so many times I cant even remember and says they are such a wonderful family. That is how things should be. Working together, but not getting upset over the silliest things.
avavav....im giving this thread a rest. Makes my blood boil when I read some of the ridiculous thins people complain about.
If you want perfection, you are in for a rude awakening, those of you who arent married. Marriage is compromise, compromise, compromise. Sometimes your husband is gonna tick you off, does that automatically mean you should get a divorce lawyer? No, but apparently thats what people resort to these days.
Maybe sometimes your wife is going to behave like a five year old little brat or a crazy banshee, should you run off and find a new one? No probably not, but it happens.
People need to RELAX and read up on WHY Allah swt intended us to be married. What a marriage in Islam stands for, what kind of marriage it should be. In this day and age its SHAMEFUL if you dont know because of the ability to get that information is at your fingertips.
So what if your husband wants you to cook and clean? Are you gonna wine about being independent and free and not his slave? Since when did cooking and cleaning for your own husband become slavery? Oh yes, yet another Western idea planted by the wonderful feminists who think being barefoot and pregnant is a bad thing. Well news flash, in Islam it isnt. In Islam, cooking a wonderful meal for your husband and him coming home to a clean comfortable home that you worked hard to make so is rewarding for you both and for your marriage.
Scenario: Bob comes home to Sally. Sally sat on the computer all day writing about how she feels trapped and how she wishes Bob would do the dishes. The house is messy, dishes are dirty, it smells bad and theres a baloney sandwich waiting for him. Bob has just come home from a day at work and this is what he finds. Bob is angry with Sally and ticked off in general so therefore even if he intended to help her with the dishes now he wont. Sally and Bob get into yet another argument. Marriage goes down the drain because people are so gosh darn stubborn these days and its all about ME ME ME ME ME, not US.
Heres another scenario so some of the ladies dont flip their lids:
Mary got the kids up and ready for school. Went to work herself, came home exhausted and still made dinner. While making dinner, little Bobby needs a diaper change. Tom, her husband, wont get up off the couch and either finish dinner or go change Bobby. Mary starts an argument rather than communicating her dissatisfaction with Toms behavior in a respectful way that doesnt demean him as a man and as her husband. Tom, who probably would have gotten up to help her, now is angry and starts yelling back at Mary. Marriage goes down the drain, and little Bobby still has a dirty diaper.
Is it clear yet? No? Ok Ill keep going on this tirade of aggravation.
If you go into a marriage thinking HE HAS TO DO THIS, or she HAS to do that, get real. Its not going to happen like that. You have to be willing to work TOGETHER. A married couple are like to pieces of a SINGLE PERSON. What do the body parts and organs do in a person? Work together to keep the body in working order! What happens if one kidney dies or gets so weak it cant do much? The other kidney works over time and eventually dies out too.
Same thing in a marriage, if one person is pulling all the weight eventually the marriage will fall apart.
You cant expect a MAN to listen to whining, nagging, yelling, insults, jabs, rants, raves, tirades, etc and expect him to change. He wont. Disrespect is a HUGE problem these days. People talk to their spouses like its their property, not their loved one and its disgusting. If you want something in your marriage to change, you have to do it with honey, not with vinegar. A man wants respect. There is nothing wrong with giving a man respect. If you respect him, he will feel confident and happy. When he feels confident and happy, you will be treated respectfully and you will be happy.
To the stubborn people who say "Oh why do I have to respect him first? waaaaaaaaa" (read with a 5 year old whiny voice) TAKE THE FIRST STEP if you have to. There is nothing wrong with being the first one to be respectful. Nothing at all. Pride is a major sin, get over yourself and do what you should be doing.
Ill end with the model marriage:
Syrian couple that lives in my neighborhood. Husband is a doctor who makes a huge effort to make it home by 5 p.m. They prepare dinner together if he makes it home on time, if he doesnt, she doesnt get upset. She prepares it herself. The children help her set the table or sometimes he does if he isnt too tired. They eat the meal and ask each other about their days. After dinner, depending on who decides they want to help the table is cleared either by the children, or by the parents together. Sometimes she does it herself, while the husband goes to clean up or sit with the children. They sometimes do the dishes together or one of them does it alone. Do they get fussy with eachother over it? No. Sometimes she is too tired and asks him if she can go lay down for a bit and if he minds, he is glad to let her rest and takes the reigns.
How do I know they are like this? Ive know them for years. Spent so many evenings at their house. My youngest brother has gone there so many times I cant even remember and says they are such a wonderful family. That is how things should be. Working together, but not getting upset over the silliest things.
avavav....im giving this thread a rest. Makes my blood boil when I read some of the ridiculous thins people complain about.
