What would you ask a potential partner?

[Banu_Hashim]

^^ Haha. In terms of workload, I guess...

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

Assalam Alaikum
find time and answer plz

lol ok here goes :exhausted

The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing. (Which
was hard to find)?

i honestly find it hard to believe that a man wants ONLY a religious practicing girl. would they they really exist:?

hearing this the young girl was outraged, she stormed off to her parents with fury, and said i do not want to marry this man he is insulting my beauty, and intelligence.

i think that questions a little...blunt...

seriously, would anyone sincere really admit that they Love and Allah and His Prophet (sallalahu aleyhi wa sallam). to me, this is soooo easy to come on the tongue. the reality of this love is only found in ones actions....i think (to me) if someone really did love Allah and His prophet, then such words would be near impossible to even utter...in fact if i asked a potential that and he said yes, id dump him like a tonne of bricks

If a woman loves Allah and the prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) more than anyone, she will love me and respect me, and stay faithful to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). and we can share this love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty.

but i find it really weird if a dude didnt marry a girl for her looks. i mean ofcourse that shouldn't be the sole reason to marry a girl. however, naturally as a man, it would be normal to incline to her physical appearance. that's the way men have been created. So to marry a person purely for their deen (to me) is quite unrealistic coming from a female, let alone a male...

The young man said, then i asked, you read allot of qur'an, can you tell me the meaning of any surah? and she said no. because I haven't had time yet. so i thought of that hadith "ALL humans, are dead except for those who have knowledge"

Its not about what you know though, its about what you put into practice...

she has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek knowledge, why would i marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and responsibilities, and what will she teach my children, except how to be negligent, because the woman the best of teachers.

i agree and he sounds a lil like my bro however, its only effective, only if this knowledge is at least tried to be put into practise...anyone can say anything... but the heart is truly the precursor of the actions...
to me, it would rather be better to marry a person (i would prefer myself to be like this too) who knows, memorizes and puts into practice something as small as Surat al-Faathah, than to have memozied/understood the quran and hadith and do next to nothing in implementing them *rollseyes*

And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her husband.

that comment was weird...it goes the other way too. i guess you have to balance. not be excessive in one and negligent in another...aaaall about balance...

The third question I asked her was, that a lot of girls, prettier than her, had approached me for marriage, why should I choose you? that is why she stormed off, getting angry.
The young man's parents said that is a horrible thing to say, why would you do such a thing, we are going back there to apologise.
The young man said i said this on purpose, to test whether she could control her anger.

well, instead of getting her to control her anger, why doesn't he look at what he asked. i mean some people are real sensitive about their looks.

and second what if she didnt react like that. i would personally find it weird that someone wouldn't react like that to a question like that. it just means (to me) that they would let them selves be degraded, or they don't think much of themselves, which is a little sad....

lol and thirdly, omg as if you ask that to a girl in front of her parents.

do you think she will be able to control it with her husband??

yes. because she knows him/his mentality, hence she maybe more patient with what he says to her. it'll make sense to react to an insult of a stranger then to your spouse, because with a stranger, you dont know their mentality and what they were thinking and their intentions behind their question. so yh i think his reasoning's a little flawed ...

knowledge, not looks,

nothing wrong with having both...i think they're both important in a marriage...

practice, not preaching,

speak for yourself

spiritual love, not lust.

again nothing wrong with there being both. but i would deffo say that spiritual love is way more virtuous...

Marriage is not what we usually think about it as.....It's beyond sweet talks, good gifts, romantic dinners...A successful marriage is based on love, understanding, compromise, trust etc but more on our correct understanding of Islam...Follow Islam's criteria for marriage and you all will have a blissful and happy marriage.....Islam has clearly stated the rights and duties of men and women ...Just follow it....GoodLuck to all my Muslim brothers & Sisters

!
agreed, and i would also add, responsibility :exhausted

I like you reasoning sis:coolious:.

barakallahu feeki

It is however going to be difficult finding something like that. :hmm:
lol...u can say tht again...

 

[S_87]

Would it be appropriate to ask about the person's past, for example Have u had a gf/bf before? have you ever tried drugs, or been clubbing, etc? This would apply only if the person was born muslim.

that is a good question thought maybe not on first meeting

8 twins subhanAllah. talk about a handful.:exhausted

 

[~Taalibah~]

Wow! Ummul, an interesting come back!

 

[Najm]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

lol ok here goes :exhausted



i honestly find it hard to believe that a man wants ONLY a religious practicing girl. would they they really exist:?




but i find it really weird if a dude didnt marry a girl for her looks. i mean ofcourse that shouldn't be the sole reason to marry a girl. however, naturally as a man, it would be normal to incline to her physical appearance. that's the way men have been created. So to marry a person purely for their deen (to me) is quite unrealistic coming from a female, let alone a male...

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

I think your comment was excellent. However a couple aspects to point out. I am sure there are brothers out there are are 1st and formost looking for the deen in a sister.

Theses people do exist, and being a practising brother/sister should not be underestimated.

Someone who is practices the deen, will naturally have a really good character, manners, personality and Taqwa etc. They are some who are on the right path, and would help all those people in his life to come towards the right path.

I dont see the problem in a man wanting "ONLY" a religious wife, because that means they will ultmately know each others rights, they would do as much to take care of each other, understand each other etc.

And if couples are match accordingly to their deen, then i am sure there would no marriage problems that cannot be solved!!! Marriage built around the deen will always be sucessful!! Al5hamdulillah!! :statisfie

Also is kool to have a good looking person, but its not as important as the deen. How will people be good looking for ? 20 years or 30 years? and then what marrya someone younger? imsad

P.s generally speaking and not implying you ofcourse

Check this out... http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-purification-soul/134277658-model-companion.html


FiAmaaniAllah

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam wa Rahmatullahi Wa barkatu

Also is kool to have a good looking person, but its not as important as the deen. How will people be good looking for ? 20 years or 30 years? and then what marrya someone younger?

i agree akhee with what you said. the deen is the most important. but also sometimes it may not be someones top priority (and with good reason). i guess it depends on what you prefer. but especially as a brother.

and @ the sisters, wouldn't you feel a little degraded if you married someone who thought you were unattractive. i mean as a girl you worry about what you look like. ...so to spend the rest of your life with someone that thinks your're not all that attractive...wouldn't that upset you...

Wow! Ummul, an interesting come back!

lol barakallahu feeki...see why i couldnt stand him :exhausted

 

[Faseeha]

and @ the sisters, wouldn't you feel a little degraded if you married someone who thought you were unattractive. i mean as a girl you worry about what you look like. hey, its only natural ...so to spend the rest of your life with someone that thinks your're not all that attractive...wouldn't that upset you...

Yes that would definitely be degrading, I wouldn't be able to spend my life with someone who doesn't find me attractive.

In my opinion a mutual attraction is vital. If you're not attracted to your partner, you'd be more likely to look at other women/men.

 

[Najm]

wa alaykum us-Salaam wa Rahmatullahi Wa barkatu

i agree akhee with what you said. the deen is the most important. but also sometimes it may not be someones top priority (and with good reason). i guess it depends on what you prefer. but especially as a brother.

and @ the sisters, wouldn't you feel a little degraded if you married someone who thought you were unattractive. i mean as a girl you worry about what you look like. hey, its only natural ...so to spend the rest of your life with someone that thinks your're not all that attractive...wouldn't that upset you...


lol barakallahu feeki...see why i couldnt stand him :exhausted

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Sorry, to ask but what is the "good reason" for deen not being top? :-[

Well of course they would feel degraded!! I'm sure brothers would feel the same imsad That would upset anyone.

Lets put it this way, having deen and looks is great, but if that not possible then.....it should be deen over looks, rather than looks over deen. :statisfie

If someone is so into their deen, then they would love what is good(spouse) for them, and stay away from what is bad(random person).

I'd go as far as saying.... if brother marries sister because of the deen, doesn't that mean he is attracted to her (because of her deen)? :-[

FiAmaaniAllah

 

[Umar001]

Bismillahir rahmanir raheem,

As-Salaamu 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullah,

I would have thought this thread now contains more than enough questions for meetings, even for a brother marrying four times! :statisfie

My advice would be ask just as many questions to her father/brothers etc.


Br.al-Habeshi

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu
Sorry, to ask but what is the "good reason" for deen not being top? :-[

what i mean by good reason, is based on the individaul and what they are looking for in a spouse. i don't know, it maybe their manners...it depends on the person and what they want in a spouse...

and btw, by "deen" i meant one who is a knowledge seeker, etc...not just the ordinarily practicing Muslim...

eg, wouldnt it be better for someone to be lacking in knowledge then manners. to me, it would be and thats because (imo) manners are the "foundation" of seeking knowledge. if you don't have manners, then your're not humble and perhaps to an extent arrogant when seeking knowledge. So, in that case, how will the deen being "at the top" be of any benefit?


One of the reasons why i didnt really like the article was because it just seemed to revolve around knowledge/deen. Knowledge/Deen is NOT the be all and end all in a person. Of course that's important, but when you marry someone, you have to take into consideration that that whole "knowledge factor" does NOT complete a person, (I repeat, does NOT complete a person) even if knowledge is your top priority in a spouse. what i mean by this is that people are imperfect, they have bad habits, etc, we're all human. so its stupid to marry someone, yet you aren't able to live and bare with their bad traits, simply because they are so knowledgeable. we're all human, and we all have our limits.

So, its better to have a balanced approach by taking into consideration all those good AND bad things that come with a prospect, and ask yourself if you are able to handle their bad traits. otherwise, all this stuff later will come up and will cause tensions in a marriage. and the last thing we want to do, is have tension/problems in a marriage that could have easily been avoided.


so, I guess knowledge/deen can be the most important (again, depending on the person)BUT at the same time, one has to take into account everything else of bad things that comes with a person.

Lets put it this way, having deen and looks is great, but if that not possible then.....it should be deen over looks, rather than looks over deen. :statisfie

agreed, but again I think it'll depend on ones priorities.
For some people, a person looks may make them inclined to a prospect, and if they like what they see of them, then because of that alone, they'll take it further.
Whereas for other people deen/knowledge (perhaps even character and personality) would most likely make them incline to that person, and looks would come later. as i said, It'll depend on the person...

i don't mean to start an argument or anything...just my two cents

I think your comment was excellent. However a couple aspects to point out. I am sure there are brothers out there are are 1st and formost looking for the deen in a sister.

@ one of your previous posts...1st and foremost yes (again, depending on the person). However, not the ONLY as mentioned in the little story. that's what im against.

 

[Najm]

what i mean by good reason, is based on the individaul and what they are looking for in a spouse. i don't know, it maybe their manners...it depends on the person and what they want in a spouse...

and btw, by "deen" i meant one who is a knowledge seeker, etc...not just the ordinarily practicing Muslim...

eg, wouldnt it be better for someone to be lacking in knowledge then manners. to me, it would be and thats because (imo) manners are the "foundation" of seeking knowledge. if you don't have manners, then your're not humble and perhaps to an extent arrogant when seeking knowledge. So, in that case, how will the deen being "at the top" be of any benefit?


One of the reasons why i didnt really like the article was because it just seemed to revolve around knowledge/deen. Knowledge/Deen is NOT the be all and end all in a person. Of course that's important, but when you marry someone, you have to take into consideration that that whole "knowledge factor" does NOT complete a person, (I repeat, does NOT complete a person) even if knowledge is your top priority in a spouse. what i mean by this is that people are imperfect, they have bad habits, etc, we're all human. so its stupid to marry someone, yet you aren't able to live and bare with their bad traits, simply because they are so knowledgeable. we're all human, and we all have our limits.

So, its better to have a balanced approach by taking into consideration all those good AND bad things that come with a prospect, and ask yourself if you are able to handle their bad traits. otherwise, all this stuff later will come up and will cause tensions in a marriage. and the last thing we want to do, is have tension/problems in a marriage that could have easily been avoided.


so, I guess knowledge/deen can be the most important (again, depending on the person)BUT at the same time, one has to take into account everything else of bad things that comes with a person.



agreed, but again I think it'll depend on ones priorities.
For some people, a person looks may make them inclined to a prospect, and if they like what they see of them, then because of that alone, they'll take it further.
Whereas for other people deen/knowledge (perhaps even character and personality) would most likely make them incline to that person, and looks would come later. as i said, It'll depend on the person...

i don't mean to start an argument or anything...just my two cents


@ one of your previous posts...1st and foremost yes (again, depending on the person). However, not the ONLY as mentioned in the little story. that's what im against.

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Wow!! SubhaanAllah!! Excellent post! I agree with everything you said, very logical.:statisfie

The only thing i would say is the word "deen". I took a different undrstanding........ If someone has strong deen, then i assume they have good religious traits, good manners, good personality, Taqwa, striver, patience, seeking knowledge etc. As they are trying their best to live life on the right path. Thats kinda what i meant by deen. :-[

Nevertheless you were completely right on the other post about the guy and the girl :statisfie

JazakiAllah Khair

FiAmaaniAllah

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

If by the end of meeting (s) I'm sure that I wanna marry her, I'll be like:

You've agreed to me, and I've agreed to you, what do you say we do the nikah right now?

 

[Umar001]

Bismillahir rahmanir Raheem,

Wa 'Alaykum Salam Wa Rahmatullah guys, just couldn't help but comment:

If by the end of meeting (s) I'm sure that I wanna marry her, I'll be like:

You've agreed to me, and I've agreed to you, what do you say we do the nikah right now?

Erm, ok. :blind: sounds so wierd.

That might scare her off. But, romantic nonetheless. :statisfie

Romantic? I must be missing some sarcasm. Are you two guys related, you make a great tag team on the forum ya know.

I think we need to move some of this into the brother's section, so I can speak my mind freely on you two both. :raging:

Br.al-Habeshi

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

If by the end of meeting (s) I'm sure that I wanna marry her, I'll be like:

You've agreed to me, and I've agreed to you, what do you say we do the nikah right now?

no! don't do that! unless you say it in a jokey way, then if she says no, you wont feel so...dumb :X. but seriously, people need to let these decisions sink in. i mean first your're not married, then you are married. its a huge thing to take in, i would imagine.

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Wow!! SubhaanAllah!! Excellent post! I agree with everything you said, very logical.:statisfie

The only thing i would say is the word "deen". I took a different undrstanding........ If someone has strong deen, then i assume they have good religious traits, good manners, good personality, Taqwa, striver, patience, seeking knowledge etc.

barakallahu feek...

fair enough. but do be warned that someone who is versed in knowledge, is NOT equated to someone who is religious. wallahi i have seen it with my own eyes. its like how alot of people think that because a brother has a beard, then he MUST be the kindest/pious person on earth, but them he turms out to be the most hideous person to wife/kids. again, ive seen it with my own eyes...

I saw a woman who was pregnant with only five children, her stomach kept moving about, I swear I saw a little foot or something. An imprint of some sort. ffended:

oh cool!...if my babies were to do that, id tickle their feet :statisfie

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Questions im going to ask, inshallah:
What is he looking for in a wife both deeni and Dunya wise
what would annoy/irritate you in a wife
what are your goals/purposes in a marriage
define luxury/comfort
what kind of people are your favorite/why?
do you like kids? why/why not?
what do people say/think about you, especially your family
whats your social life like...
if you saw some random guy eyeing out your sister in islam (or even your blood sister), what would you do?
what do you think about the current state of the Muslims in war torn countries. why does it bother you?
do you know how to bake bread...
do you like fishing


i think that'll be about it to be honest. seriously though, i wouldn't want to spend our whole meeting answering and asking questions. it'll be like an interrogation. The only questions id like to ask, are the ones that really bother me...such as the above...i think that if you get enough background info on the prospect, then when you meet them, it should be relaxed talk...



btw, do you people think it'll look really bad if you had like a list of these things in front of you (due to forgetfulness), and read them off the list...

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

no! don't do that! unless you say it in a jokey way, then if she says no, you wont feel so...dumb :X. but seriously, people need to let these decisions sink in. i mean first your're not married, then you are married. its a huge thing to take in, i would imagine.

Yeah..it's more of a joke. I'd say it to her making well sure that her dad doesn't hear me..lol.

 

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

:salamext:

I think brothers need to remember a lot of sisters don't joke with non-mahrams, haven't had any sort of relationship with men etc., so therefore are extremely shy before getting married. Therefore some jokes might make them feel uncomfortable, and they might not have the courage to joke back, especially considering the context of why they are speaking with this brother.

I know a lot of sisters would wish the ground opened up and swallowed them if someone said that to them in a muqaabalah (meeting).

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:salamext:

I think brothers need to remember a lot of sisters don't joke with non-mahrams, haven't had any sort of relationship with men etc., so therefore are extremely shy before getting married. Therefore some jokes might make them feel uncomfortable, and they might not have the courage to joke back, especially considering the context of why they are speaking with this brother.

I know a lot of sisters would wish the ground opened up and swallowed them if someone said that to them in a muqaabalah (meeting).

:wasalamex

Neither do us brothers, nor have we had any sort of relationship previously. At the same time, myself personally, it's quite important for me to know that my wife has a good sense of humor and can understand jokes, cultural references and interact with me in these things etc. It's not the most important thing obviously, but it's something that I definitely need in a wife and I intend to find this out before I marry her via the medium of these meetings. I don't plan on marrying an ultra-conservative sister, a good practicing conservative sister is fine; in terms of religion, I'm looking for balance and dynamic understanding (as opposed to someone that has a simplistic understanding and sees things in black and white) and following the religion whilst doing what is allowed. And Islamically, I've learned from my teachers that during these meetings your allowed to joke and show your sense of humor, so I'm going to take advantage of that because when I'm with a prospective spouse, I already know enough about her to know that she's relaxed enough to understand these jokes and act in accordance.

 

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

First of all, from my post I didn't intend that brothers tend to joke around with non-mahram women, or more likely to have had past relationships etc. So sorry if that's how it was perceived. But women are naturally more shy than men in these cases, hence the term, as shy as virgin girl.

I understand where you're coming from, as a sense of humour is a trait thats often desired by sisters too. But a sister may not be comfortable enough to joke back in the first muqaabalah. In fact, I often hear sisters saying that they were so shy they didn't get a chance to look at the brother. But of course, a brother should be able to see how comfortable a sister is, and therefore would probably be able to determine what the best way to break the ice would be.

Anyway, all the best to the single brothers and sisters. I hope you get what you're looking for.

:salamext:

 

[Yanal]

Asalam Alaykum Warakmatulah Wabarkatuh.
Here are a few questions:
How are you today?
Do you want to see my qualifications in studies?
Did you have any previous relationships with a man?
First I am going to say I'm poor, and ask you still want to marry me?
If yes then I'll go to my parents to ask her hand for marriage.


I have a question relating this factor,Are Muslims allowed to go on a honeymoon?
Walakum Asalam Warakmatulah Wabarkatuh.