forced to wear hijab

[being_forced]

:bism:(In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

Well, dearest sister, please don't be sad or feel bad.

It sounds to me like you really want this marriage. So, if that is true as I believe it is of you, then please swallow your ego and just do what is pleasing to your husband because in that you'll be pleasing Allah SWT too. I know it's sudden, and the truth is I'm uncomfortable with you being forced as well because I think that signifies potential issues down the line in your marriage, but I think you have to win your husband to your side before you can win him over in matters like this. And sister, it's not a healthy start to a marriage to have you both put your foot down; one of you has to compromise for the sake of peace-keeping, and if you want this to work, I'm afraid that it's going to have to be you until you teach him to be patient with you or agree to have him be patient.

For now, dearest sister, discard the idea of wrong and right out of your equation because I think the issue has more to do with hikmah (wisdom). Allah knows best, but from whatever you've revealed so far of your situation, I feel that your future husband is lacking in hikmah (wisdom) in dealing with you. If he was a wise man, he would have encouraged you, complimented you, persuaded you and not made demands and instead been patient with you. Since you're dealing with someone, however, that is not understanding, you'll have to teach him with your own sacrificing attitude that you are wise and patient and show him how best to deal with you as a human being and as his honored wife.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)



:wa:

He broke off our engagement last night because i tried convincing him about letting me take off the hijab for a few hours Just between us. He said he won't say no to his parents. If i want then I'll have to say no to my parents. And i can't say no to them they'll be disappointed and hurt. They are really lookong fwd to this marriage.

 

[Serinity]

It is simple - cover your hair. sunshine etc. will pass through, in shaa' Allah. As the scarf ain't blocking too much light, afaik.

 

[s.ali123]

He broke off our engagement last night because i tried convincing him about letting me take off the hijab for a few hours Just between us. He said he won't say no to his parents. If i want then I'll have to say no to my parents. And i can't say no to them they'll be disappointed and hurt. They are really lookong fwd to this marriage.

Hmm... do you feel he force you for other things as well ?
Can I ask you how much time till yoir wedding ?
Obviously he should not force you for anything, rather advise and guide you. But all of this also depends on how he sees husband and wife relation.

You know him better than anyone here. Remember there are many muslims for whom the religious outlook and identity is more important than the actual attributes of being a Muslim. Some muslim today don't want or don't practice the religion themselves and expect everything from the other. I am not saying that your fiancee is such a person, but if you are having some feelings that he is acting or behaving such way, then I would say to think twice. Because he may force you for other things as well.

What I would suggest personally, is that if you still have much time till wedding, then by him and yourself some Islamic book on marriage and discuss the issues in it and approaches first. It is not right to directly jump into marriage if you have not decided such topics. "Blissful Marriag" by Dr. Ekram is a good book.
If he is desi, like me then may be he is having somewhat different kind of understandijg that wife should follow him unconditionally etc. Discuss everything in detail.
Even this thing that asking you to ask parents to break engagement is alarming thing. If he cannot raise his voice in front of parents that he does not want marriage, do you expect him to speak for you later on in life ? Because from his understanding he is totally right, so according to him he should tell this to parents, not asking you to tell them.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

afaik.

What does this mean

 

[Hamza :)]

What does this mean

as far as i know

 

[Serinity]

What does this mean

As far as I know, it means as far as I know.'. Afaik, tho. LOL.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

:salamext:

you are not allowed to not listen to him after marriage - you have to do what he says unless it goes against Islam

pfft

 

[being_forced]

Hmm... do you feel he force you for other things as well ?
Can I ask you how much time till yoir wedding ?
Obviously he should not force you for anything, rather advise and guide you. But all of this also depends on how he sees husband and wife relation.

You know him better than anyone here. Remember there are many muslims for whom the religious outlook and identity is more important than the actual attributes of being a Muslim. Some muslim today don't want or don't practice the religion themselves and expect everything from the other. I am not saying that your fiancee is such a person, but if you are having some feelings that he is acting or behaving such way, then I would say to think twice. Because he may force you for other things as well.

What I would suggest personally, is that if you still have much time till wedding, then by him and yourself some Islamic book on marriage and discuss the issues in it and approaches first. It is not right to directly jump into marriage if you have not decided such topics. "Blissful Marriag" by Dr. Ekram is a good book.
If he is desi, like me then may be he is having somewhat different kind of understandijg that wife should follow him unconditionally etc. Discuss everything in detail.
Even this thing that asking you to ask parents to break engagement is alarming thing. If he cannot raise his voice in front of parents that he does not want marriage, do you expect him to speak for you later on in life ? Because from his understanding he is totally right, so according to him he should tell this to parents, not asking you to tell them.

No no. Just this. He is a very nice man. A very honourable man. It's only this he's forcing me for.

 

[Bhabha]

Maybe it is best to wait a little until you have willingly changed your disposition towards the hijab.

Also a question, you mentioned it was the hijab in the wedding but not the wedding ceremony. So when you sign your nikah? Or when you are celebrating, such as the walima?

 

[being_forced]

Maybe it is best to wait a little until you have willingly changed your disposition towards the hijab.

Also a question, you mentioned it was the hijab in the wedding but not the wedding ceremony. So when you sign your nikah? Or when you are celebrating, such as the walima?

Everything. The nikah ceremony. The rukhsati(rukhsati is when the bride leaves with the groom)(nikah and rukhsati will be separate, as i will live with my parents till 2 yrs after the nikah to complete my education). And he walima ceremony. There will be namehrams present in all occasions.

And yes i plan to stay quiet till i willingly change my disposition towards the hijab. I always wanted to do it myself. In my own time. Like i started praying myself. Nobody forced me or asked me to do it. And i do it with my heart. For the love of Allah.

I know islam is very clear on the importance of hijab. Just like namaz and alcohol etc. But like some muslims lack in praying. Some drink. Same way i'm not happy with hijab. The forcing is just making me hate it. All of us have flaws. If we were doing EVERYTHING perfectly, why would we be called humans then? Humans aren't perfect. Only Allah is perfect. Some ppl here are very quick to judge and insult others. No one is perfect here. No one can be perfect. We can only try our best to be better. We all should remember that what is easy for us, might be the most difficult thing for others. We all sin differently,but we all sin nonetheless.

I came here for support. That may be i'll find similar people here. But some ppl have insulted me and judged me over my sins. Makes me question is this what islam is? Where at one point islam stresses on namaz and zakat. On the other hand it stresses on how we should never hurt ppl around us. Whether with our hands or our tongue.

Innamal amal o binnayat. No use of the hijab if i'm doing it out of force but not out of love for Allah.

Thanku for ur supportive answer though. I really do appreciate it. Jazak'Allah

 

[being_forced]

YOUR thread? Do you own this forum? No. AND F.Y.I where did you get that saying from "no one but Allaah is allowed to judge us" - you will WEEP tears of blood when Allaah judges you - you will scream and cry and you will have no place to turn to, and you will say IF ONLY I HAS LISTENED TO MY FIANCE!

If cursing me makes u happy, then so be it

So why do you have to show your hair off then? If you love him so much that you go around to weddings with him without having your nikkah done, going against Allaah's rules, can you not at least do this much for him?! :-\

If cursing me makes u happy, then so be it

I don't own this forum. But this is my thread. I came here for sincere kind advice. to share how i'm feeling. Not for ur rude comments.

You are very quick to judge others. Allah knows that he is in another country. So we don't meet or go out.
Hence, why Allah is the best judge. And you as a human, have no right to judge me.
Take care.
May Allah bless you

 

[s.ali123]

YOUR thread? Do you own this forum? No. AND F.Y.I where did you get that saying from "no one but Allaah is allowed to judge us" - you will WEEP tears of blood when Allaah judges you - you will scream and cry and you will have no place to turn to, and you will say IF ONLY I HAS LISTENED TO MY FIANCE!

So why do you have to show your hair off then? If you love him so much that you go around to weddings with him without having your nikkah done, going against Allaah's rules, can you not at least do this much for him?! :-\

Probably its better to change your name from sabar ;D

 

[EgyptPrincess]

If cursing me makes u happy, then so be it

I don't own this forum. But this is my thread. I came here for sincere kind advice. to share how i'm feeling. Not for ur rude comments.

You are very quick to judge others. Allah knows that he is in another country. So we don't meet or go out.
Hence, why Allah is the best judge. And you as a human, have no right to judge me.
Take care.
May Allah bless you

I understand your frustration but honestly... it's just a head scarf lol. I mean I would understand if he was making you wear niqab or burka because that is incredibly restricting. You'll forget you're even wearing it after a couple weeks. He really is asking a basic thing from you and it's not like he is asking for anything which isn't even Islam.

You've reverted to Islam so you must have known what was involved... There is no point reverting to Islam if you're not prepared to fulfil even the basic of requirements.

 

[being_forced]

I understand your frustration but honestly... it's just a head scarf lol. I mean I would understand if he was making you wear niqab or burka because that is incredibly restricting. You'll forget you're even wearing it after a couple weeks. He really is asking a basic thing from you and it's not like he is asking for anything which isn't even Islam.

You've reverted to Islam so you must have known what was involved... There is no point reverting to Islam if you're not prepared to fulfil even the basic of requirements.

I am a born muslim. Not a revert.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

If cursing me makes u happy, then so be it

I don't own this forum. But this is my thread. I came here for sincere kind advice. to share how i'm feeling. Not for ur rude comments.

You are very quick to judge others. Allah knows that he is in another country. So we don't meet or go out.
Hence, why Allah is the best judge. And you as a human, have no right to judge me.
Take care.
May Allah bless you

If you don't want honest advice, don't ask, simple! Pata nahin kahan se aa jaate hain...weirdos

 

[Serinity]

I understand your frustration but honestly... it's just a head scarf lol. I mean I would understand if he was making you wear niqab or burka because that is incredibly restricting. You'll forget you're even wearing it after a couple weeks. He really is asking a basic thing from you and it's not like he is asking for anything which isn't even Islam.

You've reverted to Islam so you must have known what was involved... There is no point reverting to Islam if you're not prepared to fulfil even the basic of requirements.

So if Allah SWT commanded you something, which you couldn't compherehend why, or there is a command you couldn't comphrehend, you would disobey?

you may dislike a thing and it is good for you, and like a thing and it is bad for you, Allah SWT knows, you know not.

 

[Bhabha]

Ignore people who are making the rude comments. There's a block button. On that note I do remember going to a Pakistani wedding one time and I honestly thought they were Hindu because I was the only person dressed in hijab. My mother was also confused, she went with me and then thanks to the Pakistani wedding she got the wrong idea about marriages and hijab in Islam. She used the Pakistani marriage as an example "see you can take off the hijab during the wedding" of which I replied to her "what would be the point of even keeping it after I am married? Everyone would have seen me and I would no longer be the mysterious gem"

I like the concept of hijab because it makes you even more precious. Like certain things only special people are ever allowed to see, as opposed to the whole world. It's like you are a princess and you have to give permission for anyone who wishes to be more personal, something that can only happen when we maintain the hijab.

If I were you, I would also discuss this with my parents. If you cannot have a proper, segregated wedding so that you can fully enjoy it, what is the point if at the start you will either be depressed because you cannot enjoy it without the hijab. Or you will be sinning in the eyes of اللهُ by allowing people who are not your mahrams to see you.

Lay down the law. Either the marriage is whole Islamic or it doesn't happen at all. This means a segregated wedding where you can enjoy it without hijab. Khalas!

 

[being_forced]

Ignore people who are making the rude comments. There's a block button. On that note I do remember going to a Pakistani wedding one time and I honestly thought they were Hindu because I was the only person dressed in hijab. My mother was also confused, she went with me and then thanks to the Pakistani wedding she got the wrong idea about marriages and hijab in Islam. She used the Pakistani marriage as an example "see you can take off the hijab during the wedding" of which I replied to her "what would be the point of even keeping it after I am married? Everyone would have seen me and I would no longer be the mysterious gem"

I like the concept of hijab because it makes you even more precious. Like certain things only special people are ever allowed to see, as opposed to the whole world. It's like you are a princess and you have to give permission for anyone who wishes to be more personal, something that can only happen when we maintain the hijab.

If I were you, I would also discuss this with my parents. If you cannot have a proper, segregated wedding so that you can fully enjoy it, what is the point if at the start you will either be depressed because you cannot enjoy it without the hijab. Or you will be sinning in the eyes of اللهُ by allowing people who are not your mahrams to see you.

Lay down the law. Either the marriage is whole Islamic or it doesn't happen at all. This means a segregated wedding where you can enjoy it without hijab. Khalas!

Jazak'Allah. May Allah bless you for your kindness. You are right about this. I will think about this. I will try my best to implement this. Thanku so much for your kind words. I will always be grateful to u :')

 

[EgyptPrincess]

I am a born muslim. Not a revert.

It sounded like you were based on your sudden wearing of the hijab. Did you not wear it growing up?

I'm not exactly what to judge lol but if your husband is simply refusing to compromise and you are refusing to accept what he says then just cancel the marriage. Search for a more casual Muslim.

 

[s.ali123]

It sounded like you were based on your sudden wearing of the hijab. Did you not wear it growing up?

I'm not exactly what to judge lol but if your husband is simply refusing to compromise and you are refusing to accept what he says then just cancel the marriage. Search for a more casual Muslim.

"Casual Muslim". So many variety is available today
I think she is happy with him and wants to marry him as well. Like she said before that he is very nice person.
What bhabha said is really good advice. You should talk with your parents